Hey Sheila, I've wanted to reply to your post for a while now, but I truly haven't come up with anything I think could possibly be comforting. We are now in the midst of our first season of culling, and also grappling with the same feelings. I have really had to wrestle with the logic of it all. Am I coldhearted? No, more so than when we bought meat exclusively from the grocer. Was I MORE cold hearted before, being ignorant and likely contributing to a meat industry and their sometimes reprehensible practices? Argueable. If i disassemble the process, which part(s) strikes a nerve? THe killing? The dressing? The eating? And why should I feel differently about meat i never "knew" from the grocer? Hardest for me is the feeling of betrayal. I'm amused at the human behaviors we engage in to comfort ourselves....how we are frozen with our kill, stroking it until the inevitable nerve twitching subsides because we can't bear that it should 'die alone', or how everyone gets extra grain after a a comrade goes to "freezer camp". These silly things are however, signals that we are different than say, the coyotes, which are far less benevolent. However idiotic, I am grateful for all the inner turmoil. Would I rather be like the coyote? and to that end, aren't I much more like the coyote in my attitude toward the meat I bring home from the store? A week or so ago, my co-worker asked if I didn't wish I could wiggle my nose and voila! All the birds would be dressed and cut and packaged and done! I think he was surprised when I very quietly and solemnly replied...'no'. It's hard, very hard, and I don't like it, but there's something very valuable about going through it too. I take from the experience a commitment to give our remaining animals the very best I'm capable of, a feeling of responsibilty I may not otherwise feel so deeply. And for the sacrificed lamb, this is the greatest lesson it can give to me, and the most important legacy it can leave for its fellow creatures in my care. All creatures must come, and must pass. When we take them without their permission, we are humbled. We pray they move to an elevated state after this life, (if they wish), and shine our gratefulness upon those that remain. I think the greatest means by which we can insult them is to waste their bodies and/or ignore their teachings. In the greater scheme of things, I think they would be content with that philosophy. I hope they are. In nature, they would still likely be eaten. Being a creature of higher consciousness (unlike the coyote) I can honor them with appreciation, or I can not. To me, coldheartedness is about THAT choice. I have no idea if this rant helps or not, but i definitely know what you're going through. Hang in there and keep trying to sort it out. It takes courage for the thinking person. Congraulate yourself as being part of the inspired. LFRJ

I think that small houses can benefit from boundary definition to a greater extent than larger houses can, sometimes. (think of Sarah Susanka) Many people here take out the small vestibules here in their 12-15 foot wide houses, for example, thinking it will make the front room larger. It doesn't, because with a wall there you can back any sort of furniture right up to the wall, where it is technically inches away from the front door, but with the wall gone, people will not put something that close to the front door, and Never something large that would seem to block or crowd it. In a large house it doesn't matter as much. You can leave a 3 foot gap for visual separation and float pieces away from the walls. In this situation I would easily place an end table or the arm of a sofa close to a small wall there, because the wall would indicate that it was "in another room/space". Without the wall there, I would not put it so close because it might visually look like it is straddling between rooms.

I love your house...especially the den and sunroom. What a wonderful quilting studio I could have in the den! May you and Wayne have many, many years of happiness in that beautiful home. I love seeing the flag there (I assume that was from your father's coffin), and I hope you will get a case for it so you can keep it displayed permanently in that beautiful room. Thanks for sharing--I love seeing your pictures.

It does look nice, Len. As you say, you'd never know it's been as dry as the proverbial whatever. We didn't score so much and the "grass" is beyond reconstruction where it counts, but the same as you describe elsewhere. Some folks with a bit of grass whether friend or foe type, now have something to mow. Let's hope we can wring a bit more out of those clouds before they all blow away.