My first instinct is to let the girls duke this out on their own. Give your DD a budget but not so much that she is getting a lot more than the other girl.
It should not start out on unequal grounds.
You should not sign the lease, both these girls are of age and need to learn their own limits.

Just IMO, but have seen too many of these disasters in my own life with my own kids.

Trin

The other girl's name should definitely be on the lease or you may be stuck with paying the whole thing if she moves out. Most apartments in college towns insist on this anyway.

As for who gets the better bedroom, that's a bit touchy. First the girls need to determine how much extra they think that room is worth. If one is willing to pay more than the other, then that girl should have the room.

Good luck with this one--don't suppose your daughter would find a new roomie, do 'ya?

You could always flip a coin.

I think the girls should work it out on their own. Maybe one could have the larger bedroom one semester and then they could switch for the second semester. Whoever has the largest room should be paying more while she occupies that room.

The bossy gal's on a budget ... can't consider fancier places ... but can spring for the best in show at this place??

How much experIence has your daughter had at standing up for herself??

At not letting herself be ... deposited upon ... by folks who like to get their own way (I first wrote something rude, but thought better of it: sometimes editing is a wise choice for writers).

ole joyful

Really? Have them draw straws, roll dice or pick high card to see who gets the room. Then the winner can pay a bit more. The bigger issue of this coming term is.......If they really can't decide who gets which room they are in for a lot more problems as roommates. It may even be wiser for your daughters education and peace to get the studio or 1 bedroom apt for herself. My sister nearly flunked out during her second term at University because her bossy (to say the least) roommate made incredibly crazy issues of everything from how the towels were folded to who could visit and when. Her frequent tirades about her BF and/or Teachers being unfair and on and on were upsetting my Sis enough for her grades to drop. The roommate would keep bothering Sis at all hrs, she had no study time at home and sleep was nearly impossible. This type of situation is just not conducive to a harmonious home where you can be yourself and take care of your own needs first and foremost.

Lil

Make sure both girls sign for cable heat etc because my daughter did this and everybody left her with a mess,bills.I would even go as far as to geta promisary note stating what her role is and have her sign and date it.

I don't know how your US property rental rules work, but here both girls would be on the lease if they are over 19. It is imperative that they put down in writing how the utilities will be divided, how the groceries will work etc.
Again here, if two people sign a lease and one decides to leave, the lease ends for everyone and everyone must vacate.
Is there an online agency that deals with tenancy law in your area that you could look at for some help and advice?
Suzan J

The other girl's name should definitely be on the lease or you may be stuck with paying the whole thing if she moves out. Most apartments in college towns insist on this anyway.
I'm hoping this is the case.
Maybe one could have the larger bedroom one semester and then they could switch for the second semester.
That is an idea.
The bossy gal's on a budget ... can't consider fancier places ... but can spring for the best in show at this place??
EXACTLY my thoughts OJ!!
It may even be wiser for your daughters education and peace to get the studio or 1 bedroom apt for herself.
That would make me happy! DD wants a room mate though. :-(
Make sure both girls sign for cable heat etc...
All utilities are included in the rent with this one.
Is there an online agency that deals with tenancy law in your area that you could look at for some help and advice?
I don't know. I'll have to do some research.

Thanks for all the advice so far... anyone else?

They are adults. They both need to be on the lease. All the other stuff should be worked out between them without parental interference.

What you need is to get past the idea that you are renting the place. Your DD is renting the place. You are giving her the funds to do so. There are too many Is and WEs in your post. So she needs to work out the details on her own with her friend. She needs to decide if this housemate relationship will work or not. If she makes a mistake then she will learn from it.

Advise your DD that they both sign up for utilities. Tell her to be sure to buy renter's insurance.

Wouldn't hurt to run some of the contractual things past your lawyer--getting his advice BEFORE they sign could save you huge $$$ later on. Mainly, I think you need for your daughter to speak with your lawyer so she understands the kinds of commitments she's making.

As to how things are divided, who gets which room? Please, let these young adults spread their wings and work these things out for themselves. Just make sure your daughter understands the legalities of putting her name on contracts BEFORE she signs them.

Do you think your DD and this young woman will get along? Here we have trouble from the "get go." Are you confident of her ability to come up with her part of the rent? And additional money if she takes the big room?

Another poster said to figure out how much the larger room would cost, then decide who is in there. I agree with this, then flip a coin. Switching at the semester is a good idea as well.

I know it would seem fair for your DD to have the room since you found a place at her rent level and you are providing furnishings. Sometimes we have to bend a little to make things work, but I'm concerned this young lady is going to be a problem.

My son has been in this situation for the last 3 years with 2 different room mates in 2 different apartments. Currently his rent is $1800 a month. He pays $1000 and has the master bedroom and bath. His room mate who is on a tighter budget pays $800 and has the smaller room and uses the hall bath. It's worked out well for them.

My other son tried the switching rooms at the end of the semester option but unfortunately he started in the smaller room and at the end of the semester his room mate kept making excuses about changing rooms. So my son let him keep it but they had negotiate the other fellow paying extra rent.

If at all possible get both names on the lease and make sure they have renter's insurance.

Give your daughter all of these options but I agree with everyone who suggested that you let the two of them work it out. There's going to be many more opportunities when they'll have to learn to compromise they might as well see if they can do it now.

If both girls want the larger room and both are willing to pay extra for it, it would be a good idea to switch up the rooms and I feel like the other girl should get the master bedroom first, since she is moving in first. I don't think it gives your DD more right to the larger room simply because she can afford a more expensive apartment. It's her choice to have that roommate.

Hope these girls will get along well and build a lifelong relationship. My sister, who is 60 y/o still sees her 3 college friends on at least a monthly basis. They do sunday brunches and even make trips together.

I see a lot of problems here. I think you're being far too unfair to the roommate.

"My attitude is that we have been willing to pay extra all along but have stuck to the other girl's budget, so DD should get the room."
Tells me that because you have more money you think you're better. Not a good attitude IMO. Just because you're willing to compromise on one thing doesn't entitle you to unfair benefits.

You're providing half the furniture. So what? Your daughter SHOULD be providing half the furniture! Why should the roommate provide it all? Not fair.

Moving back and forth between rooms isn't a good solution. When they put holes in the walls or some other damage, who's responsible? Flip a coin or something is a possibility but still not fair. What's more fair, since they both are willing to pay more for it is auction it off! Who will pay the MOST for it? Then the other person is compensated for taking less. It sounds like money is no object to you so I'm sure your daughter will get the room anyway but at least the roommate will get compensation for the lesser benefit. That would be fair. That brings up the point of why does she want a roommate anyway? Apparently you can afford to give her a single, deluxe apt, and get it without paying rent for months she won't use it so why not go that route? Cost could even net out to be the same or close.

And if you're willing to pay more for a better place what's stopping you? Pay the difference. Then maybe it'll have equal size rooms and no bickering over who has the bigger room.

Oh, and the lease should specify who pays what. If one pays 60% of the rent for getting that room, it should be in the lease. When I had a roommate at my apartment that's how it was set up, that we were both responsible for our share of the rent so if my roommate didn't pay his rent on time, it didn't affect my situation with them except that it was still due. That proved to be very valuable.

I sense trouble brewing if you get too involved and the roommate doesn't like it. Maybe the kids have things under control better than it sounds here but frankly you need to back off a bit for your daughter's sake. She has to learn to deal with people and deal with problems.

I have to say if my roommate's parents got this involved in how *my* living arrangement was going to be, I wouldn't be rooming with the person. Remember, she's living with your daughter, not you. I'm sure you won't like this but I think there's too much parental involvement here. Well meant, I'm sure, but too much mother-hen is a bad thing for everyone. Let's be honest here, that girl isn't the only one who's a bit bossy, right?

What you need is to get past the idea that you are renting the place. You are right of course Wildchild. Take into consideration though that I've signed all the papers for the dorms that DD has lived in the past 3 years. It's kind of hard to believe that she will be able to rent a place by herself when she doesn't even have a job there. lol I guess I've got a lot to learn.

I see a lot of problems here. I think you're being far too unfair to the roommate.
Just to clarify.
The roommate has dictated the month that they move in (although it is a entire month earlier than my DD will be able to move).
The roommate has dictated the price that they will pay for the housing.
What has my DD asked for?? Nothing, except for the larger room.

I only mentioned the furniture thing cause if I didn't someone here would ask or assume the other girl was furnishing the apartment. I didn't say it was unfair for us to furnish half of the place... just putting all the facts out there.

I'm sure you won't like this but I think there's too much parental involvement here. I don't think so. I haven't looked at any of the places they are considering (I am 3 hours away). They have been doing the 'shopping' on their own and will make the final decision on where they are living. For all I know they may move in next to a crack house. I was just trying to give my DD some leverage on getting the larger room IF they even go with that apartment. Don't we all try to give our kids advice?

My gut instinct would be to let the girls work it out themselves. You said the other girl is "bossy". Well, the world is full of people like that and your daughter will have to learn to cope on her own. Treat her like the grown-up she is and stay out.

A bigger bedroom and private bath should be a lot more than a "bit more". In addition to a smaller bedroom and bathroom, the person with that room basically has to share her bathroom with whomever visits them (guests of either girl). If both are fighting over the room then the difference in price needs to be increased until it is worth it to someone to take the smaller room. How much is the rent? ...or they can swap halfway through the lease and pay the same.

I have a question. You say your DD doesn't have a job and you will be paying her rent for her. Correct? Well what about the other girl? Does she work and will she be qualifying for the apartment on her own or is she being fully supported by her parents also?

Because if she is self-supporting and your DD is not then I can see how she (at least feels) that she is the more independent of the two. That might seem to put the desire of having the master bedroom more in her camp.

So is she really bossy or is she just more experienced?

My DD lived in dorms her four years. Actually for 2 of those year she was a RA so her housing was free. She also worked. When she graduated she immediately bought a new car to build up her credit rating. After college she moved back home for 3 months while looking for a place. Her friend had no credit rating,no history of living independently and didn't even own a car. So it was my DD's background that qualified them. That sort of made her housemate the one who
took a secondary role in who slept where etc. DD is very caring and sharing but she had to take the responsibility for getting utilities lined up etc. So even though we like to think things should be equal they can't always be. They're always an alpha and independence has a lot to do with it.

Frankly the way I see it, one of the two girls is going to be unhappy unless the smaller room was a whole lot cheaper. The girls are old enough to work it out themselves without parental involvement and will have to accept the consequences of their own decisions. If they both want the larger room, then they should look elsewhere or live alone. I can't see this arrangement working successfully.

Wildchild, I don't really know about the other girl. I don't think she works... not sure if her parents are helping her or if she has a student loan.

I've met her once and she didn't make a good impression on me.

My DD has worked since she was 13 and pretty much kept a job all throughout her teen years. The first 2 years of college she lived in dorm apartments which had a kitchen and those 2 years she worked and paid for her own groceries and things like that. This is the first year of college that she hasn't worked and that is only because the classes were tougher and we wanted her to keep her scholarship (which she has done so far).

I can't say who is more or less experienced with life... but I'll stand my my original statement that the girl is bossy. :-)

Heather I agree. If they both want the larger room, then they should look elsewhere or live alone. I don't think either is going to agree to the smaller room.. so they will probably end up elsewhere.

Frankly I think that is opening a can of worms. I'd just look for another apt.

It does seem that everyone would be happier with their own place.

I don't have an opinion on who gets the bigger bedroom, but just wanted to mention that even when the names of all tenants are on the lease, one of them could get stuck holding the bag anyway. Many (maybe most?) leases provide for "joint and several" liability, which means that each tenant is responsible for the entire amount of the lease. If one tenant doesn't pay, the other tenant(s) will have to. (That tenant can then sue the tenant who didn't pay for the money, but that doesn't usually work out.)

The landlord (rightly) doesn't care who pays, just that s/he gets the money.

it's really redunent in the long run..it's not they'll BE in those rooms other than sleeping or storing stuff...

i havn't a clue what my kids did or how they gor their apts in college...they did the seach and worked or school lonas for the rent...they wern't always happy with the room-mates and ended cahnging then more than once...

I haven't read through all the posts but wanted to tell you my dd was in a similar situation. She and the roommate decided to switch rooms halfway through the year, and it worked great. Good luck!

If the other girl is willing to pay more for the larger room, maybe it's time to sit down and ask what her budget *really* is and look for another place that has similarly situated rooms.

Alternatively, since you're willing to spend more, spring for a 1 BR/studio appt for your daughter and forget about a roomie.

It may work to switch rooms, but it may not. It did not for one of my kids. As another poster wrote, the first one in may not leave without a fuss, or may make a mess the second one doesn't want to accept, or put holes in the walls, etc. Besides, it's hard work to move furniture and all the stuff they accumulate.

They are 21. They should be the only two on the lease. Let them work it out for themselves, even if you disapprove.

Alternatively, since you're willing to spend more, spring for a 1 BR/studio appt for your daughter and forget about a roomie. DD is insistent about having a roommate, she doesn't want to live alone. She knows she has that option though.

I think they have found a place where the bedrooms are the same size. It's very cheap... but about 2 miles to school. They wanted a place within blocks of school, so I'm not sure they will be happy there. I'm sure they'll survive anyhow. I think my DD may learn a lot from this experience.

I don't think your daughter is entitled to the biggest room because the roommate is on a budget, unless the roommate wanted to pay less than your daughter.

Everyone I know who has been in this situation just swapped rooms half way through the lease and it worked well for them. It's the only fair way to do it, unless one person wants to pay less to live in the smaller room.

The roommate has "dictated" the month? And has "dictated" the price they'll pay? Oh come on! LOL We're talking about a girl on a budget! You've already stated your position on this. No sense to repeat.

I think it's time to give some praise to a girl who is sticking to a budget. That shows responsibility and maturity. Rare these days. I give credit to her for that. You don't know her situation but you don't like her. OK, I can accept that. Your daughter likes her, wants to live with her.... kind of says a lot.

Lydia, can't go with this one. You admit you don't know her, but you say you're trying to give her "leverage" to get the larger room. You use the term "fair" but sounds to me like you are getting a little selfish under the pretense of "helping".

If you TRULY want advice, back off. I sense your daughter is going to be just fine. She doesn't seem to be the be the one causing trouble here and I also sense that you will make things miserable for her if you go too far and hopefully that's not what you want.

And let's clarify:
"Dictated" (obviously states your position clearly!) the month they'll move in. She's on a budget and made her needs clear. I commend her for that.

"Dictated" the price they'll pay. No, you're wrong there. She specified that she's on a budget and doesnt' have unlimited funds. She specified what SHE could pay. Obviously she's not with unlimited funds and is staying within a budget. Kudos to her for that. Shows maturity and responsibility.

There's certainly an arrogance here. I stand by my position that you should back off. And yes, of course we want the best for our kids and want to give them GOOD advice. Crack house? Leverage to get something more??? 'Nuff said.

I wish your daughter luck. Methinks she's gonna need it.

There's certainly an arrogance here. Methinks a lot of it is coming from you!

Geeze... all I asked was if everyone thought my DD should get the larger room. OJ summed it up nicely when he said The bossy gal's on a budget ... can't consider fancier places ... but can spring for the best in show at this place?? .

It doesn't matter anymore anyhow. They chose another place with equal sized bedrooms. So... go find someone else to judge instead of me.

And I guess you can't judge now either, eh? :)

I'd rather have been judged as 'bossy', than all of the things you said (or insinuated) about me. At least I have met her... you haven't met me.

Time for a cold beer. Want one?

"They chose another place with equal sized bedrooms."

I think that is good. Even if they not on equal footing financially it is better if there is the appearance of things being even. Psychologically it will reduce the potential for issues between them.

I agree its none of your business and also you don't go by that the other gal has a strict budget but you are preparing to help your daughter out.

That is their living arrangements and life there without parents and that is the way it should be. Stay away and out of it, this is a problem any where who gets the largest room. They will figure it all out.

They are adults and need to work things out like that on their own.

((Lydia)) so much for asking for advice here lately without getting your head chopped off!!

Patti,In the far past the advice here often came more like Dr. Marcus Welby. Now it's arrives more like Dr. House. Right or wrong, it's crabby. That's why I rarely ask for advice, not because I don't want to hear the answers but because it's too easy for people to hide behind a screen, unconcerned about being kind or respectful. The kt has surely changed in the past few years.

Lydia, I'm glad your dd and her roommate have come to this solution. Hopefully it's a winner.
My son is at the end of his freshman year. I'm trying hard to let go and yet so happy he is coming home this Friday for summer break. Not to long from now he will be on his own. Amazing.

Lydia, I'm gonna join you with a cold beer!!

Donna (^_^)