I would take it back. If it no longer suits her I would rather have the quilt back than to see it go to Good Will and used as who knows what.

Vicky

I would take it back, too. Did you have a chance to tell her that during the conversation? If not, she might think your answer was No. But if you did tell her you wanted it, it seems a bit strange that she didn't get in touch with you again. Maybe you can expect to be receiving a package with the quilt in it soon.

I would be deeply offended at the the request!

You made her a quilt, you lost touch for many years, and it seems she wants you to "take it off her hands"? I do kind of get that it was a "wedding quilt", but, still! 17 YEARS?

That is so beyond rude behavior, I'm not sure how I would respond. It's not your marriage - and what the hell would you do with the quilt?? She is pushing the storage of her bad memories on you, because she doesn't want to deal with them.

You may have some work invested in this quilt - but does that require you to carry all it's baggage forever? You made the quilt. They made the baggage - that's no part of you.

I would refuse to accept the quilt.

Mary

I think your friend felt she was offering you something she thought you put a lot of work in and she no longer needed. I have quilts made for me and nothing could make me offer them back to the maker-not possible in some cases because they are deceased.
I was offered a baby quilt I helped an almost non-sewing friend make for her grandson when he out grew it. I certainly was not offended but told her I'd prefer to see him save it as a keepsake and she was glad too but because of the amount of work she thought I might want to give it to someone else who could use it. I assured her it was meant for them.
People who don't quilt don't sometimes appreciate what goes into making a quilt. I think your friend was trying to do the right thing. Like Vicky said I would not want to see it tossed away. She could have done that and you would not have ever known.

JMO
Sally

Maybe the marriage didn't last... She figured you put a lot of time and effort into the quilt and might like it back. It's simple, if you like the quilt take it back, and for what ever the reason might be I'd be glad to have it, rather than it go else where.

Janice

My first thought was also divorce...

I would request to have the quilt back. One one hand I can see what Mary C is saying about it being rude -- but on the other hand, the very fact that she offered it back after 17 years tells me she understands and appreciates the great time, effort, energy, thought, caring, etc. that went into making it, and yes, the VALUE of the quilt. I am 100% certain that if you'd bought her some candlesticks, she would not be offering them back after 17 years!

For whatever reason she no longer wants the quilt, but even if it's just a stupid reason -- like she redecorated and lost her mind -- if she didn't value it she she would have not offered it back, she would have just passed it on or tossed it out.

I assume you still have her number? If you got to talking enough that her cell phone konked out I'd call her up to finish catching up. And focus your imaginative energies on the compliment of her offering to return it, not the insult that she no longer wants it.

And find out WHY and then let US know, 'cause this is making me curious now!

Yah, my first thought was the marriage was over and she was getting rid of everything connected to it. I bet it is a beautiful quilt and I would certainly accept it back and keep it on a guest bed or somewhere, as a 'quilt I made years ago' with no specific history attached. JMO

Faye

I don't know what I'd do but you've made me very curious. I hope you find out why she wanted to give it back. If you ever do find out, I'd love to know the answer to this riddle.
~Geraldine

If I had received a quilt as a gift and no longer wanted it around (I think the divorce idea is the right one here) then I would pass it on as a gift to someone who would enjoy it without the bad marriage memories. I would NEVER try to give it back to the quilter who made it. It does seem terribly rude to me.

But if someone offered to return a quilt to me, although I would be shocked, I would agree to take it back.

This is a strange situation and it's generated a lot of discussion around the house! Thanks for posting about it.

I quit trying to understand peoples motives a long time ago.
I have reduced my quilt gift list to babies, small children & charity. I hope that they never last as long as "the Wedding Quilt".
I know, I'm synical & sarcastic! I truley don't think anyone other than another quilter can appreciate the time & love that goes into a project.
I guess I wouldn't want it back, I'd just pull the knife out myself! :) JIll

When you made the quilt, I'm guessing it was intended to make your friend happy. For one reason or another, she no longer wants it. Whether it brings back painful memories of a broken marriage, or no longer goes with her tastes in interior design tastes, or worse possible of situations, she may be very ill and is wanting to put her house in order, so to speak--whatever the case is, if you still care about her happiness, I'd either take the the quilt back, thank her, and go as far as to offer it back if I time comes when she may want it. OR, give her permission to give it to someone else who she thinks would want it.

Being a quilt lover, it's hard to imagine wanting to give a quilt back--still I wouldn't guess she had rude intentions. She may be in a time in her life, when she needs warmth from your friendship and understanding.

It's funny how people have different paradigms. There are usually two ways of looking at situations, and unless you have been told otherwise, you may want to cut her a little slack in the reason she wished to return it.

I just made an 84 year old friend a quilt and sent it to her last month. I am a very busy woman, and to me the month and a half of sneaking up for hours stolen out of my sleep time was a gift of love for her. She has battled cancer and survived and is the type of person who has always been a 'giver' and never had it reciprocated in an equal manner.

I thought when I sent it how much I like that quilt, and it was very tempting to keep it. LOL. But, then the thought entered my mind what if she got very little use out of it. I know her daughter likes it and was hoping it would be passed along to her, or if she didn't want it......then it would be appreciated if they returned it to me. It would not offend me at all.

I guess since it has been seven years since the offer was made, the quilt has long since been disposed of in another manner. I think it was kind of her to offer to return it to you, actually and shows she knew the effort you put into it. It puts it in the same catagory as an expensive piece of jewelry or artwork. IOW, she knows it's valuable and was trying to do the right thing.

I would rather have the quilt back than to see it go to Good Will and used as who knows what.

I just have to say here that the folks who shop at Goodwill range from the very wealthy looking for great bargains, to the very needy looking for things they need at a price they can afford. I have seen quilts - mostly old and worn - sold at Goodwill and I believe they were going to be put to good use, not abused. And in case you didn't know: the money generated by sales at Goodwills goes into their job training and job placement programs. Thousands of people are moved from welfare & poverty every year and started on the path of real jobs because of what this organization does. It's all funded by clothing sales and some of their other projects; almost none of it comes from financial donations. So, please, keep dropping off clothing and household goods you no longer use!

Somewhere in the discussion, the details got twisted. I made the quilt in the 70's. She is and has been happily married all this time--at least she was when I got the call seven years ago. She and her husband had just finished a lifelong dream project of restoring an 200 year old house.

I would think that a quilt would fit in that decor, but I don't know. I made this quilt early in my quilting career and it may not have been that good. I don't actually remember the quilt at all and I don't have any sketches unaccounted for.

You are right. We quilters do think a little differently. I would keep a quilt even if it was in a cedar chest. However, that said, she was a loving and caring person, so I must assume that she wanted to give me first refusal as I had put a lot of hand work into it.

I don't recall saying yes, but I also don't believe that I would have said no. Personally, I don't think I would return a gift to the giver unless they indicated they would like it back.

Getting on this forum has brought up a lot of memories of quilting and I remembered the call. I did not get her address or number and all my attempts to locate her have failed. I would love to renew our friendship. I'm not really bothered by the offer now, but I still wonder why she never called back. Perhaps, as one of you suggested, she thought I said no.

Now, I'm curious about what the quilt looked like.

Both the comments on Good Will are correct. I've seen old coverlets piled in a box to be sold as dog blankets, but I am a long time shopper in and donater to Good Will. It supplied my professional work wardrobe for years and I still have fine pieces of clothing from there. Frugal is my middle name.

Solstice, you would be very pleased with my DH and me then because we just donated a garage full of stuff. I am calling it "the great purge of 2008. (If DH isn't buying stuff -- he's purging it.) ANYHOW, I get a lot of Wool at goodwill -- ironically, I will go buy a nice wool suit and take it home and cut it up for crafts -- but I don't have the heart to cut into my old wool clothes -- I donate them instead, LOL.

Carolek, if they were remodeling she probably felt it didn't go with her decor, but thought you might want it back yourself for sentimental reasons -- I know the quilts I've given away I'd want back before they were given to a stranger.

But I find that whole idea that a quilt needs to match your decor a little odd. Because a quilt can be used like a blanket -- a delightful surprise beneath another cover -- it doesn't have to be ON TOP of the bed or out in plain view. When I started quilting my mom said she did not want a quilt because they just got a new bedspread. I've made a couple wall hangings for her instead, but I thought it odd that she would not want a quilt at all.

Like Easystitches, I'm at a point where I'd rather make quilts for children or charity because people's tastes can be so specific, I know mine are, and I don't want to put so much work into something they may not want -- and I have learned my lesson re taking "quilt orders."

Actually, as they were restoring--not remodeling--the decor should be appropriate to the 1870's (I said 200, but maybe it was only 100 years old). Maybe the colors were all wrong. But like you, I wouldn't have to display a quilt to have an occasional use for it.

In fact, all my better quilts have been stored in my grandmother's cedar chest until we built our present home where the style of the quilt matches the Pueblo style of our house and I finally have wall space that is big enough
for it. A quilt, especially a pictorial quilt, is like a huge painting and you need a lot of negative space to offset its visual impact.

aahhh... Maybe after your conversation, she had a change of heart and kept it :)

Carolek - I have seen your quilts and am so impressed with your artistry. I have found that not everyone appreciates the art of a quilt, and even those who do have very specific 'tastes' in quilts. It may just be that she didn't share your same taste and recognized the time/thought that went into it so she wanted to give you the opportunity to have it back and pass it on to someone who would appreciate the style/color more. I have given quilts as wedding gifts and with one I remember wondering if I had picked the right colors/style to meet the bride's likes. I was working away on it and questioning every step - then one night I had a dream that the bride and her mother came to me with the quilt and wanted to 'trade it in' on a prettier one. I was so upset thinking "Didn't they know how much time, thought, effort I put into this - I don't just whip these things out so that I have a stash to pick from!" I really had myself worked up even after I was fully awake, until I reasoned with myself that I couldn't get mad at a dream! I do wish I was prolific enough as a quilter to have a selection for someone to choose from, but until then, I do my best to make something according to their liking - and reason that even if it isn't their taste, everyone can use a picnic blanket!

I WISH people would offer to me things I've made, if they're getting rid of them. I made a wonderful stuffed polar bear for a niece, made from an jacket that had been my mother's when she was young. When my niece outgrew stuffed animals, they sold it at a garage sale.

I'd love to have quilts that I've given away, as long as the person with it doesn't want it any longer--for whatever reason.

I was finally able to find my friend and we had a great long talk.

I appreciate all your views. It shows how emotionally attached we get to our work. I am reading Chiaverini's book The Winding Ways Quilt. All the main characters go back in their past and explore their introduction to quilting--a lot of emotional issues are revealed. So I got to thinking--when I got that call, it was shortly before I began chemo. I'm beginning to wonder if I heard what she said correctly.

I do know why she didn't call back. I started chemo on 9/11. She and her husband missed being in the Twin Towers that day because of a medical appointment (and God's grace).

Thanks for letting us know the followup story.

I have to say that after reading all the comments here, I think I've changed my mind. Initially I thought it would be rude to give back a quilt - or anything handmade - but I see the emotion and the logic involved in the offer. I don't see it as rude or insensitive anymore. I can't say I wouldn't be a little hurt if I thought they just didn't like it or it didn't go with their decor (isn't that why God made guest rooms?!?), but the offer does show that they understand the amount of work and skill that went into it. Then I would probably donate it to a local women's shelter or something.

I am of the mind that ...I made you a quilt and gave it to you as as gift. it is yours to do what you like with it. If you no longer want it. give it away, use it to line the dog bed whatever.
Like any other no longer wanted gift (i am thinking of the very very vile candle holders my mother in law gave me for Christmas) if it is no use to you, send it somewhere it may be useful or wanted.

You are right Sloth, I gift should be a total gift. I think the emotional trap catches us because unlike something we buy, even a quilt, the quilt we make, we pour ourselves into. That makes it a little harder to truly let go. Having examined this experience with all your perspective, I'm just fine. Thanks all. Carole

Carole said:

"I do know why she didn't call back. I started chemo on 9/11. She and her husband missed being in the Twin Towers that day because of a medical appointment (and God's grace)."

WOW this gave me chills. I'm so glad your friend and husband are alive and well -- and it sounds like you're doing well yourself. I'm glad you are back in touch with your friend!

I have a mildly amusing (IMO) story of returning a gift. Not a quilt though, but very speical to the giver, I'm sure... My clients are all law firms and there was this one lawyer at one firm who had a reputation of being a real difficult, Pain in the ....

Anyhow, I was there giving tech support and helped him with something and he was so nice and gave me 2 tickets to a major baseball game.

OH, did I mention he had a injured his shoulder and was on pain pills? So I left his office and realized that was the weekend my now-DH and I were going to vegas to get married. I showed the tickets to DH and he said "He GAVE these to you? These are box office seats!" I said Well, should we give them to someone? DH said "NO, You MUST offer these back so HE can give them to someone else."

SO, the next day at work I went into his office and started to explain -- he snatched those tickets back so fast I nearly ended up with MY arm in a sling, LOL! Just kidding a little, but I think he was in an opiate induced haze when he gave his expensive tickets to the nice little computer girl and was more than happy to have that gift returned! ;-)

That particular lawyer is pretty high profile in town and now when someone mentions how "difficult" he can be I like to tell how he gave ME baseball tickets! LOL.

This has been a fun thread to follow. It was interesting to see how different the reactions were. When I make a quilt to give away, I USUALLY manage to keep my self emotionally divorced from the quilt. I think a lot about the recipients while I work on it--it's a great time to pray for them, if it's a "hugs" quilt for instance, I try to design a quilt that will appeal to them, I do my very best work on it, but I treat it like any other job--something that never was, and never will be, mine.

My own quilts are a far different thing, I pour my soul into them and they are very, very precious to me and I would only give them to special recipients and then only if I had to reduce their number for some reason. One of these days, I need pull them all out and sew on labels indicating exactly who they should go to in such an instance. Some will go to family, some to friends.

Annie

I think she was just being nice. She probably wanted to let you know that she remembered that you'd made her a quilt. I think she was happy that you didn't want it back.

Here is a link that might be useful: I need to get rid of these extra Quilting Squares so theyre yours for the taking