Dave, Hehe...I hope its that easy with my toms this year. I've had BER in the past with a few types of tomatoes in containers, but ever since I started adding domolite to my mixes, it seems to have been alleviated. This is also the first time I've had it when using SWCs. Its funny that you mention how you've seen it disappear as plants mature. In my current situation I've seen two patterns to it's appearance. The first was with the Olpaka which has been about 75% of the fruits having BER since the first ones set last month. The other pattern with the Cherokee Purple, Kellogs, and as of today Arkansas Traveler is one where a month of good fruit set and growth is followed by new fruit developing BER. The older fruit is still healthy. I know that temps, water conditions, etc. play a major role in the plants' ability to uptake calcium. Aside from the normal, seasonal warm up we are experiencing, there hasn't been any appreciable change in the weather or other conditions. So far, the only variable that seems to be different this year than previous ones is the absence of the domolite. I'll try a little of everything in attempting to eliminate the BER on new fruit. If anything works or if the plants just decide to "grow up" and act like adults, so long as the BER disappears, I'll be happy. Steven

I'm just tossing this in in case someone might benefit. My dear MIL was a complainer. She would visit us (from the east coast) for several weeks at a time occasionally & I would go in the bedroom & cry with the stress. I would never have thought it right to correct her in any way. But after I took a course in behavior modification I decided to give it a try. We would sit at the table together & I would just look out the window saying essentially nothing more than "mmm" as she told me about inconsequential hurts from 40 years before & everything since. If she made a comment about the variety of the pansies outside, or the tenderest cuts of meat or the colors my husband should wear or the weather, I would respond with my full attention and pleasantness & go with the subject. If it went into a complaint, I would resume looking out the window. It took about a week for us to enjoy nice conversation most of the time. Of course I'd have to repeat the process each time we got together but it was good to know that it could be changed. I was always sorry we didn't get her to move out to CA with us because she would have been a wonderful grandmother for our daughter to have around. We ended up having lots to talk about, and I felt grateful for her teaching me this lesson.

Yes BM went the other direction and now lives/sleeps/whatever else.....with this woman in the same household as SD. I do think it has a little to do with this behavior but I think it is mostly her father with me that is bring this behavior out. I did have a talk with SD over the weekend but DH did NOT as he promised he would do.....Go figure? anyways, I told her that it was not considered cute anymore taking pictures of herself in or out of the bath.....and that "what if someone else got a hold of those pictures?" she seemed to understand and I have a whole new twist to this whole story since it was just SD,DH and I this weekend and DH took my advice and distanced himself from her........Another post tomorrow about this interesting episode (Which, by the way, 9 year old females CAN be manipulative)......Oh by the way my SD does wear training bras and also has 5 boyfriends in the third/fourth grades which 2 of them she has already kissed! (She told me so) So the whole maturity/puberty thing is different for all of them! Depends on upbringing I guess?

Ok so I agree it's a bit of an unclear story that is posted by OP. Just some things don't make sense. BM sounds like a piece of work, and I can relate to that because the BM in our situation is of a similar kind. You wonder why BM is so angry with you and if you are in danger. You probably think that she has no reason to be so angry with you, after all you look after these kids much better than she does and BM should be happy that you are a nice person etc etc. But that is not going to happen, EVER. It's how Iamom said it: "BM probably seriously resents the level of your involvement and it may be driving some of her behavior." The more you get involved, the worse it will get I reckon. It doesn't sound like BM is planning to actually physically harm you, even though her behaviour is erratic. As for not getting custody even though BM drinks, neglects kids, takes drugs etc.. I would like to just share something of our own situation. Of course I don't know the whole story by OP, but I do know this: sometimes the whole system just DOES NOT WORK. In our case BM is an alcoholic,not drunk out of her mind every night but on a regular basis let's say. On those nights she either promises the kids ponies and plasma tv's for their rooms, or she has a bad one and gets abusive. Mainly verbally abusive (screaming and carrying on into the early hours) but there have been incidents where she got physical, although that's usually with the partner, not the kids. When BM and FDH had just split up she attacked him in his sleep once. he went to the police the next day and filed a report. The after effects from drinking are that BM stays in bed all day next day and kids don't go to school. They have to look after themselves and in our book that is neglect; not feeding kids breakfast, lunch or tea. SD12 burned her hand two years ago when she was cooking dinner because BM was still in bed. Anyway, drifting... Back to the system; FDH has kept a diary for 3 years There are police reports on BM's outbursts FDH involved CPS, but they assessed kids as being not in danger after they gave BM a phonecall..?? School has been involved (but principal sticks head in the sand) So then FDH contacted the school inspectors, who said to have faith in the school and to leave it to the principal; passing the buck back.. and finally we did try to get shared care in the courts after BM kept breaching the court order (by keeping the kids away from FDH when it was his time to have them) No shared care for us and the stuffing around by BM is only getting worse now. So there we are, back to square one. And yes; it is strange to me too that the courts will not acknowledge BM's alcohol related problems. They just did not want to have a bar of it. Of course we did not have backup from CPS which could've helped the case. You might think that I'm not telling the whole story because it sounds ridiculous, but that is exactly what it is. RIDICULOUS. FDH and myself are in a long term relationship; we own our own home, FDH changed jobs to suit the school hours for the kids so he could look after them (no new girlfriend here pushing the FDH for custody, only a willig and loving dad trying to look after his girls himself) We did not even try to get full custody, we did not want to take drastic actions and take the kids away from their mum. A psychologist advised us to consider shared care, so the kids get the brake from the chaotic lifestyle at BM and have a bit more time with their dad. But noooo, no shared care for FDH, not going to happen!! The only thing we get out of this; is knowing that we have tried to help these girls, as much as we can, so now we focus on the time when they are with us. And that would be my advice to OP; don't take over the mum-role in your household it is not going to work. In a perfect step-world you could be that and it would be an extra for the girls; but in this emotional roller coaster you do better to back off. I mean also when it comes to the parent meetings etc at the school. I wanted to do all those things too when I got together with my FDH, and the girls liked my involvement and even asked for it. For them it was exciting to have a 'mother-figure' interested in their activities, but I tell you I still learned that it is better to back off a bit. Show an interest in the things they do when they are with you, spend time with them etc etc, but the parental responsibilities stay with the parents, not you. It's ahard thing to do, but it is better for your skids. If BM feels that threatened by you she will keep fighting like a lion and that is what hurts the kids. It might feel annoying that you have to back off while you want to do the right thing by the kids; but try it. The kids will see you for who you are anyway, as a loving and caring person who is there for them. They really will. And don't see it as a defeat, you are really taking control here, making this decision and hopefully affecting BM's behaviour in a positive way. The bigger picture!!