We have a friend, yes he is a friend, whose glass is perpetually half empty. If he comes up with a positive statement, it will be the first time! The constant down-side really bothered us, until we started playing a game.
Every time he says something negative, we try to top it. For example, "I'm surprised that the coyotes haven't eaten your chickens." Reply: "Oh, they did. This is the seventh flock we've had in six months." "
"If you don't scare off the ducks, there won't be any fish in your pond." Reply: "Yes, and even the turtles are gone. We call our pond the Dead Sea."
You're not going to change negative people, so you might as well get some entertainment out of them!

Marlingardener what a wonderful idea. I just love that!!
Have a great day :)
Lexi

Tell them to quit complaining and do something about it. Give them suggestions of what they can do, change jobs, move, etc. and really push them to start the process. That usually helps them from bringing it up, at least to you.
People just want to complain without making any changes. When they feel responsible for the issue they will shut up.
Donna

I know someone like that, and I thought I had helped when I sent him an article by Martha Beck about venting. She said only a certain amount of venting is useful, because when you vent too much you destroy the energy needed to change the situation and eliminate the problem. He thought it was a great article, and he stopped the long rants . . . for about a week. :-)

Years ago I had a friend who was totally negative and an alarmist. When I told her I was pregnant she said, "You could still have a miscarriage." It really got to be too much, and I ended up avoiding her completely. If we run into each other at the store, we have a pleasant chat. But no more visits, and no more phone calls.

Smile and change the subject. My late MIL was a big complainer, her health was bad for years before she passed away, yet she always found something to gripe about. If we took her out for dinner, the table wasn't balanced properly, the gravy didn't taste right, etc. etc. Just grin and bear it. You'll be glad you did. I truly believe it is not our right to be happy all the time, but it is our duty to be cheerful to others all the time. Now down off my pedestal!

Hey Vannie,

Send this article that I found on the news this morning:

"Women who look on the bright side of life have longer and healthier lives than their pessimistic peers, while women who tend not to trust other people die sooner than their less cynical counterparts, a large study of attitudes and health found.

After eight years, optimistic women had a 14 percent lower risk of dying from any cause than their pessimistic counterparts, according to research Tindle presented last week. Women who scored high on cynical hostility had a 16 percent higher risk of death than their counterparts.

BOTTOM LINE: Optimistic women were healthier and lived longer lives than pessimists, while cynical hostility was independently associated with higher death rates. "

Seriously, I try not to spend much time around negative people. The energy they put into being miserable is draining. I'm not sure what advice to give you except to just tell them you don't want the negative energy and change the subject. I'm not sure being tactful will get the point across, because people like this are too consumed to "get it".

Here is a link that might be useful: The Glass is Half Full

I try to avoid negative people. My XH was one of those people. He recently e-mailed me that his DD is pregnant on second IVF try but she could still have a miscarriage!
I don't think all the articles in the world will change a negative person's outlook on life. They only change if they want to change.

I too have a friend like that, Vannie. It's exhausting trying to cheer her up! I'll watch these posts for suggestions.

I have been married to one for almost 32 years. An old friend from over 28 years ago nicknamed him, "Mr. Gloom & Doom". He wasn't that bad all the time and when he was I would make a joke out of it like marlingardener, but I didn't have it 24/7. I have found out having him home ALL the time after his layoff, when he is even more negative because of the current situation, is getting to me. Or I am getting old and cranky and just don't want to put up with it anymore.
Clare

Jannie, I am in your ballpark. My late MIL was so negative all the time. I put up with it because I love my hubby. It was hard for him sometimes, too. Nothing was right, everyone was jealous of what she had and on and on.... She would throw something away that she no longer had use for rather then give it to someone that needed it. So sad... She really lived a sad lonely life... Hubby's sister is a little like her but not near as bad..

I've decided that some people love being miserable. It is their identity, and they wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they weren't miserable and complaining and feeling sorry for themselves all the time. I don't think there is anything to do about it, you could try and point it out, but chances are, they won't "get it". What would they possibly have to talk about it they weren't talking about how horrible things are for them all time? Now, I'm not talking about people who are usually happy but are going through a rough time, I'm talking about people who are ALWAYS going through a rough time.

I used to work with an older man that complained about EVERYTHING! If it was sunny, it was too hot, if it was rainy, it was too cold and gloomy! You couldn't win. We eventually kind of made a joke of it and just let him be. He wasn't going to change, but I tried to ignore or avoid him when I could!

I tell them by sending out all that negative energy just draws in more negativity.
I feel by sending out positive energy I receive more.
I recently visited a friend for a week....she is very negative. I told her she was hurting my heart so at least she didn't voice as much negativity the rest if my stay.

If it bothered me too much, I'd either ignore the person or tell him/her to fix the problem.

I find negativity to be in the eye of the beholder. Everyone annoys someone. Being around self-proclaimed "positive" people who are constantly "positive" wears on me because often those people ignore reality and then someone else has to deal with the results. There has to be balance.

My Mama is one of them. Everything is negative. She used to complain about her neighbor being the most negative person she'd ever met. HELLLLLOOOOO! Look in the mirror. Mama one of those people like teresava was talking about. Nothing is ever right. Too hot, too cold, too early, too late. Now we just say "it's too". I make a concentrated effort to NOT be like my Mama! Fortunately, I take after my Daddy except in looks.

How do I deal with her? When it's gets bad I stay away from her for awhile.

Linda

I don't deal with negative people - they have to deal with themselves. When things get too negative without just cause, I distance myself from it.

However, I have been known to retort: "Are you bragging or complaining?"

I'm just tossing this in in case someone might benefit.

My dear MIL was a complainer. She would visit us (from the east coast) for several weeks at a time occasionally & I would go in the bedroom & cry with the stress. I would never have thought it right to correct her in any way.

But after I took a course in behavior modification I decided to give it a try. We would sit at the table together & I would just look out the window saying essentially nothing more than "mmm" as she told me about inconsequential hurts from 40 years before & everything since.

If she made a comment about the variety of the pansies outside, or the tenderest cuts of meat or the colors my husband should wear or the weather, I would respond with my full attention and pleasantness & go with the subject. If it went into a complaint, I would resume looking out the window. It took about a week for us to enjoy nice conversation most of the time.

Of course I'd have to repeat the process each time we got together but it was good to know that it could be changed. I was always sorry we didn't get her to move out to CA with us because she would have been a wonderful grandmother for our daughter to have around. We ended up having lots to talk about, and I felt grateful for her teaching me this lesson.

Some people just aren't happy unless they're complaining about something.
My Mom had an expression, "So and so would still complain even if they were hung with a new rope."
I try to limit my exposure to negative people.

Ron

I just like to make them cry. *snark*

ronf - Sounds like DH - You made my day :-)

My MIL was like that, nothing was ever good- the weather hated her, the state hated her, she hated the weather and the state, she wanted to be in a different state with different weather so she could hate it there. She wouldn't travel or get housekeeping help because no one could be trusted to not attack her or steal from her. She had a very high opinion of herself and very low opinions about everyone else, including me. She tried to break up our marriage for at least 18 years.

Her constant negativity wore me out and annoyed all of us and rather than become like her, I became Pollyanna and bombarded her with happy things. It didn't change her much, but in her quest to "out-do" everything that happened to anyone, she would have to actually come up with a positive occasionally. I was so afraid that I would become like her if I hung around her enough. I worked for a really negative lady once and when I found myself succumbing to it, I had to quit.

One thing that did help was to say something like "tell me one good thing that happened to you today." That would force her to think and lo and behold, she could actually think of a few.

I cut them out of my life quicker than you can say "Don't!"

aliceinsocal--that is fascinating! Good for you for hanging in there long enough for it to work. Did your m-i-l ever realize what you were doing or was her eventual change in behavior purely subconscious?

My dh and one of my dds tend toward the negative, and I know the right thing to do is ignore those comments. But I can't always keep quiet, though I have gotten much better at doing this. With people who like to complain, I try to lighten the mood or point out the positive when possible. Humor goes a long way too.

I often try to jolly them along some, and, without being confrontational, use some humour to try to lift their spirits a bit.

Dad used to say that sometimes it's a good idea to let some stuff roll off ... like water off of a duck's back.

ole joyful

I'm usually not around too many of this type since we don't get along. Then again I don't generally get along too well with people who won't acknowledge problems either. They're worse in my opinion.

But when faced with it I'll joke about something or I often sort of "challenge" them indirectly. When the comments come up about:

-Crime is so high. If people would participate in crime prevention it would help. If they'd call 911 when there's suspicious activity it could eliminate it. etc.

-It's so cold! Put on a jacket and quit letting the hot air out of your mouth! (ok, so that's not exactly indirect...)

-Most anything about the weather. In my worst Marty Feldman impression "Could be worse.... could be raining" with a thunder noise.

-Politics. If people would get off their butts and VOTE, maybe we wouldn't have that problem. But when you're too lazy to vote you have no privilege to complain