Oh honey, I sooo feel for you. My MIL is the QUEEN of CR*P. She brings me the most awful things. I happen to have cats. I love cats. I have a few cat themed items (artwork and a few figurines). She just brought me one of those signs...the saying is cute, the sign is fugly and painted a mustardy yellow. For my office, she says. Sigh. It quietly made it's way to Goodwill.

I also collect roosters, but only sparingly. So I don't want rooster towels, coffee cups, cannisters, S&P shakers, napkins, table cloths or signs. All those have been gifted to me by MIL. I finally told her that I just don't have the room and while I appreciate her getting me these things, and I know how much she loves buying them for me, I just can't manage any more things in my house. It works sometimes, most of the time she'll forget that and buy me more junk. When she does, I just set it aside and eventually she forgets about it. It often goes to the thrift shop she doesn't shop at anyway.

Making me sad. I so wish my mother could still buy me stuff I didn't want, just for another perspective. Look at it for what it means. How wonderful it is that she thinks of you when she's out and about. It's special when someone does that, really. That's the real gift. And you could gift her back the joy she feels when giving you things. You might actually love that old chicken sign some day, for it's sentimental value rather than what it is.

But, yeah, it is hard when you really don't like something that's been given to you, and you don't want to hurt their feelings by not using it. Instead of stressing over some chicken maybe you could just say that it isn't quite what you're looking for and would it be alright if you exchanged it for something else. That might clue her in that your taste for your home is very specific and personal. You could catch some lunch together and pick something else out that you both enjoy.

My mom and I used to love to shop together, similar tastes in many things but not always quite the same. She'd see things I liked and might either end up getting an item for me then (which she really enjoyed doing) or would go back and get it as a surprise later for my birthday or something. Vice versa, it was fun to surprise her with something that she was oggling over on one of our excursions but didn't buy for herself. That might be a way for her to still be able to give you things, but together on a day out when she sees things you like. Much more fun than having someone else dress you or decorate your house!

Nope, choosing decor items or clothing for others isn't always the best of ideas!

I'm in spring-meadows shoes - wish I still had my mom buying me things.

However, my MIL has purchased a lot of things over the years like your rooster. I appreciate the thought but have never felt an obligation to use things I really don't like - maybe because it's my MIL!!! If I can't exchange for something more suitable, I will donate or stash it for the next garage sale.

My mom was tuned in to me and knew I would not appreciate her buying things for me except the occasional item where she 'just knew' I'd like it. What was much better was that we would shop together & sometimes she'd buy an item I was drawn to as a gift for me. But the real present was her presence and genuine interest in seeing what I liked. Maybe suggest that to your mom - that it would be fun to shop together. Maybe she'll get a better idea of your decorating taste that way.

"But the real present was her presence"

That's the thing, dlm. When I see those things my mother has given to me over the years, what I really see is my Mom and feel her presence in my life. Brings back memories of that day we spent together or a great trip we took. Or just something she happily bought for me one day cause she was thinking of me. I guess she knew that, too ;) The gift of her presence. Always.

Could you just smile sweetly and softly & apologetically say, "Oh Mom, that's nice of you, but to be honest, I don't really care for it. Do you still have the receipt so you can return it? I'm sorry." She might squawk at first, but at least you put your foot down without stomping too hard on hers.

I used to own an art moderne house from the late 30s, and being a young married gal, decorated it in a youthful, spare, modern style. My MIL kept buying garage sale stuff, mostly pseudo-victorian flowery cwap, to "soften" the house's style. It was a battle, but I stuck to my soft-spoken guns, and eventually she stopped trying to decorate my house to her tastes.

I'm another who wishes Mom was around to buy me things I didn't want. It was awkward at times and sometimes I got quite frustrated but it seems like a nothing thing now.

I put the things I didn't like in obscure places- thankfully my mother had good taste -traditional Ross Simon crystal bowl look- but I was into Pier One.

FIrst let me just say I'm sorry for your loss dlm and springmeadows. This thread was not intended to make anyone sad. I know how short life is, I don't take anything for granted, trust me.

It was intended to be a light and humorous thread on how my mom (and my mother in law is guilty of this as well) are addicted to buying chatchkes and what in the world I'm supposed to do with them. For example dear MIL saw I decorated DS' nursery in a nautical theme. So when she was shopping in an "antique" store, she found a little boat and purchased it, it was made from real tusks- eww. She saw his nautical room had flags, so she went home and dug up an old plastic Italian flag from the motherland and gave it to me to hang in his room b/c to her eye it was similar. Every time she goes in a dollar store she buys my daughters those little cheap porcelain dolls, I don't even collect them, and I'm not sure what to do with all of them.
My dear mom, she means well, but doesn't have a decorating bone in her body. Every inch of our home at Christmas time was covered in nutcrackers....small ones, big ones, sparkly ones, ones that really crack nuts, everywhere!! I suppose thats why I do the opposite, I hate stuff everywhere like that. ( Although as a mom of 3 small kids, right now my house looks a bit like toys r us)

My mom and mother in law are not the only ones that do this, for some reason, a lot of people in my family do.

I love my mom, and really its just a little sign, I'll hang it if it makes her happy that I put it up, and after a while the 3M thing holding it up will fall off the wall. I'm not really stressing over it at all, just wondering if anyone else had family members that did this. And after reading Pesky's post, I see I'm not alone.

((and yes, the boat made of tusks is on a shelf in DS' room, but NOT the flag)

I miss my mom too, but not the decorative gifts she used to give. Over the years I only kept a few things and never had them on display.

I enjoy memories that go beyond silly gifts. Like feeling that she's with me in the kitchen when I'm using her old pots and pans or serving food on some of her dishes. That means so much more!

The gifts that are important to me are the ones that have memories attached to them: the vase Mom bought me one day when we went shopping together and had a great time/lunch. That kind of thing.

My Mom didn't give silly gifts. Many came from trips or things we did or enjoyed together. They were always thoughtful and given from the heart.

Polly, I know what you're saying, it just struck a sad dissonant chord. A counterpoint. We're in different places. Even when someone gives odd ugly useless stuff, it *is a part of who they are. It means something to her to bring you something. Maybe things that make her laugh. When she's gone, you might just miss getting a dumb chicken once in a while. And seeing her face light up again as she hands the silly thing to you hoping you'll enjoy it too. All things hold memories.

Was good to see others can relate. It's not about the stuff.

Carry on with the chatzkes.

I've learned to take it all in stride, and be thankful I have friends/family that care enough to remember me with a gift. Like spring-meadow has said, it's not about the stuff. ;o)

Yep, Polly, you've got to grin and bear it. No use in talking it over, since feelings will be hurt. Just put the stuff up for a bit and then quietly Goodwill it. I've got the most wonderful mom in the world but our tastes are different. She can't walk past a clearance table without buying something and I usually receive the items once she realizes she doesn't even need them. Grin and bear it!

I wish I could get a birthday card from my mother in law but once again she didn't send one; nor did she call or anything. Hard to forget my birthday; 4 days after hers. She got flowers delivered from us.

Having said that; one November when she came she brought 2 Christmas couch pillows that don't match my taste or colors but I keep them & put them out at Christmas because it's the only thing she's given us. If she comes for Christmas one year I'll have them.

People like giving me things that are red; a color I've never liked. There is no red in my house; I'm more of a pink/earth toned person. As my name suggests; you can't go wrong buying me florals; especially something with roses lol

Most people know me & what I like. Even when the kids were small everyone asked what they wanted/needed; so it's been rare that we get stuff we don't like/use. I don't have a problem with asking nicely if we can exchange it depending on who it is.

Not sure how old you are but there comes a time when we all have too much stuff. If you are in this bracket, I'd just tell her you have too much stuff and don't need one more of anything.

If you aren't in the age bracket where you have accumulated too much stuff, then just grin and bear it with grace. You could send her in another direction with her gift giving... "If you ever see (such and such) on sale and have $$ burning a hole in your pocket, please think of me. That is all I am in the market for these days."

Christmas gifts from DHs mom is always interesting. She has given me a (free) umbrella with her bank Logo on it. She gave Max a coffee mug with the name "Don" on it. (That has become a great family joke. Sometimes we even call him Don.)

This year for Christmas, MIL gave all of us dishtowels I had given her. I gave her a nice set to replace her 30 year old, smelly and stained ones. They matched her new kitchen. For Christmas, she broke up the set, dividing them between four families. They came pre-washed and used. Oye!

That said, she is in her late 80s. She has always been this way and she isn't going to change now. I just act gracious. Someday I'm going to miss her 'gifts'.

Golddust, your MIL gave Max a mug with the name "Don" on it? Oh. My. God! Truly a priceless gift! That mug can NEVER go to Goodwill!

Yep. A coffee mug with the name 'Don' on it. Given to him the year he turned 18, that coffee cup is a priceless part of our family. LOL! 'Don' is not even close to his middle name. In fact, there is no one in our family named 'Don'. We have had so many laughs about that gift. (Max accepted it with gratitude and a straight face.)

golddust that's hysterical - the stuff of family legend! My MIL will buy clothes at xmas for my DH - KNOWING they are the wrong size........ but they were on sale so she couldn't resist :-/

Gold; next time you give her something; make sure it's something you like or matches your house LMAO!

I won't buy a gift for someone if I can't 'associate' the gift with them in some way. If I know a friend only wears gold earrings, i'm certainly not going to get her silver. I don't understand WHY people buy a gift as well as waste *their* money in buying something they MUST know the 'gifter' is not going to like or relate to. Are they really that stupid or just don't give a darn? ;o)

The coffee mug with the name "Don" on it!!!
I have a similar one from my FIL, he gave everyone coffee mugs for Christmas last year from dollar tree. Mine was cracked inside the box, and my husband's read "Marry Christmas." I was laughing so hard when he opened it, there were tears streaming down my face, my husband kept jabbing me to stop, and I couldn't control myself. It is now a prominent part of my Christmas decor.

Well, then, Polly! Let me be the first to wish you a very Marry Christmas!

RE: How do you deal with family members buying you decor items...that you don't like....

Just like I do with any gifts that I don't like. I thank the giver, take the gift home, put it aside and eventually donate it to charity/another user or sell it on ebay/craigslist/freecycle or return it if I can.

Shirt, soaps, knick knacks, home decor...all dislikes are treated the same. Once it's gifted to me, it's mine to do with as I like.

I always act gracious. They want to think I like it and I want THEM to be happy. :0) I was once asked if the item arrived in tact. I told the truth and said the fishes tail on the wooden statue was broken off and I just glued it back on. :0) I didn't say it was in a box in the closet.

Thank G@D our relatives don't give "crappy-decor" pieces for gifts!!
DD's 91 y/o Gramma knows how much she loves the Swarovski-collection that's been building over the years (nearing 5-figures now..??..). So, on special occasions, it's always a Swarovski!
My Mom doesn't do the decor-stuff either!
(It's usually still sox & underwear...;-))

The really crappy stuff occasionally comes from DW's female co-workers at Christmas! ;-)

Faron

I usually give gifts with the receipt in the box. Like someone else said, I don't want to waste my money giving a gift the receiver doesn't like or can't use. I want THEM to be happy so if I guessed wrong, let them get something they like.

Natal: I loved your thought. We have a green pyrex mixing bowl we always use on holidays because it was my MIL's. It's like she's enjoying the holiday with us.

Oh, and my DIL's mother just buys stuff at the outlet, then figures out who to give it to later. Mostly clothes, so size is optional.

Dee