Hosting Christmas Eve dinner -- how soon do you like to know?

18 years ago

We may, or may not, be hosting Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow night. One of our guests said she would let us know early last week (the choices are either our house our hers), but yesterday she was still uncertain and said we can talk about it again tonight when we get together for an unrelated event.

I really don't want to wait until the morning of Christmas Eve to shop for the meal. I'd like to begin preparation tonight to fix the meal I have in mind. I'm tempted to call this morning and ask if they can give me a decision today rather than tonight.

I don't mind impromptu or last-minute planning of some things, but I'd prefer to know a few days in advance if I will be cooking a special meal such as one for Christmas Eve. This will be a very small group and she and her family are the only guests.

Is it just me?

Is it just me? Hubby said "it's not a big deal". Yes, in the big scheme of things, there are many things more important.

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Comments (14)

rosecmd
18 years ago
That's ridiculous! Call them this morning and make a decision. If they won't decide, then tell them you can't wait until the day of to shop and prepare, but if they are comfortable with that, then they can take on the hosting role. Good grief....it is not just you. Hosting a holiday meal, even a small one, is a lot of planning, a lot of work and a lot of clean up and a lot of fun. But last minute on xmas eve? That would drive me absolutely nuts. Do they all think you can just pull together some sandwiches or something?
I've just finished my list of things to do and get at the store for tomorrow nights "low key" dinner with just one other family. Hope you get it worked out today...
wizardnm
18 years ago
Very inconsiderate as far as I'm concerned. But I'd give her another call and tell her you would like to get started now, "...so let's just plan on doing it at my house." Since you refer to her as the guest, I assume that you were the one to initiate the idea in the first place. She can initiate another dinner invitation at another time.

Nancy
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gardenguru1950
18 years ago
All invitations should be delivered with an RSVP date.

With that moot point out of the way, my practical thinking is this:

I'm assuming, since you said "one of our guests", that the other invited guests (her family) have already said yes.

Plan on dinner for the remaining guests and add an extra serving of everything to the grocery list. If she shows up, you have enough; if she doesn't, you have some nice leftovers.

I suppose "uncertainty" can be caused by any number of things. At this time of year, though, there are plenty of people who are waiting to the last moment for their "best invitation".

Maybe a couple of bigger questions: if she isn't coming, is her family coming? Who's idea was this dinner?

I wouldn't call her at any time to remind her or push the issue. If she calls tonight, honestly thinking that you can put a special dinner together at the last minute, tell her you'd be happy to "throw something together" and plan on something that's easy on your mind, spirit and body.

Joe
jenn
Original Author
18 years ago
OK, here's the thing. She is my step-daughter, married with two kids. I asked her last weekend if they'd like to come here, or if they want us to go over there, and which day is best. She said she'd let me know the next day. I didn't hear from her until yesterday. She said they wouldn't mind coming here, but we can talk about it more when we meet tonight (partly my mistake for asking her if she wants to think about it longer -- sigh... when will I learn???). It's just her, her husband, and their two kids. I can make an easy meal but either way, I'd like to shop for the ingredients before Christmas Eve day.
gardenguru1950
18 years ago
This becomes your choice.

1. Call her NOW and plan on the nicest, sweetest yet clearest way of asking her for a decision now. You need to go grocery shopping. I'm not sure what her mood is, but if forcing her to decide could end up in a no answer, don't be surprised.

2. Wait for tonight and for her to call you. Then do the best you can.

There are plenty of pressures and stresses this time of year. Don't put any additional undue pressue and stress on yourself.

If nothing else, plan on a very nice -- and maybe romantic -- dinner for you and your husband on Christmas Eve.

Joe
fenworth
18 years ago
I'd just ask your husband to cook the meal. Afterall, it's his daughter and he's the one that says it's no big deal!

;)

Hope you get it straightened out - I'd be flipping. Merry Christmas!
jenn
Original Author
18 years ago
OK, I've made a decision. I've already planned the menu, so I'll shop for the ingredients today. If we go to their house instead, then I'll fix it later in the week for Hubby and me. No loss, no pressure (on her or me), less stress.

Thanks everyone. :-)

Jen
beanthere_dunthat
18 years ago
I'd be making reservations and saying "Well, we didn't hear from you so we decided to take ourselves out for a nice romantic dinner."

But that didn't answer your original question. Rule of thumb around here is that if we're cooking for more than 6 other people, for a special event/holiday or for overnight guests, I want to know no less than a week in advance. If it's family/good friends and more causal, I'm good with three days notice. Getting to the grocery is an issue for me, so I can't just "run to to the store for something". If I could, I'd say one day on the family/friends one.

And if they don't mind eating soup and sandwiches, an hour works. LOL!
woodie
18 years ago
You need to call her right now and say 'hi sweetie, I really need to do my grocery shopping today, I hope you can all come for dinner but I need to know, I'm sure you understand". The end. (Well, maybe not 'the end' cause if she still says that she doesn't know yet, I would say well we'll plan on the 4 of you coming, I'll make sure I have enough food. If the idea of someone preparing food for 4 extra people who may or may not show up doesn't spur her on to make her decision, I don't know what would. She's really pretty rude, IMHO.)

You'll be better prepared for her next year, LOL.
TACHE
18 years ago
I think you need to decide. Just call and say OK it's going to be here we'll see you at six. It's not very polite or considerate but it's defintely not worth a big family blow up especially at this time of year.
teresa_nc7
18 years ago
What's she waiting for anyway? In my family and with most other families that I know the place, time, and menu for a Christmas Eve or Christmas Day dinner is planned weeks ahead. That is so that everyone is notified/invited and all cooks know what the game plan is and what they are to provide. Also, so the hosts can set their tables for the number coming or get in extra chairs, ice, china, etc. This meal requires a little more than just throwing some extra burgers or hot dogs on the grill like you would for a casual outdoor cookout in the summer.

Even if you don't do "formal" dinners, you still need to be able to plan this meal so you are not rushed and harried. Is she subtly playing a control card with this?
shaun
18 years ago
Oh that's a HUGE deal to me! You need to know. Like yesterday or the day before as far as I'm concerned.
Terri_PacNW
18 years ago
Jenn, great call. Plan the meal..and if not needed use it later.
However I'd have just made the decision.."we are having it here"..are you coming or not?..
LOL
User
18 years ago
Good call. Today is not the day to press the point or press a nerve. I suspect there may be some stress going on in your stepdaughters life...like how tough a call can it be.

Hosting Christmas Eve dinner -- how soon do you like to know?

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rosecmd

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