meeting my biological son for the first time.

Everett_OR

Next saterday I will meet my son for the fist time sice he was born. He is 14, his mother called me and said he is asking about me and will like to meet me.I talked to her a few times in the preveus years and told her I would like to meet him but I never herd from her. I'm looking forward to meeting micheale. But my question is. Have any of you met your bio. parent when you were a teen, and how did you feel? I dont know if he is mad, curious,feels abandend or what I,m hopping to have a life long relationship with him. I was told he is shy and quiet like I was at his age so I just would like some input on how you felt and what was mising. I don't wont to blow this. thanks for your help

SaveComment13Like
Comments (13)
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Runninghorse

I think it's great Everett, neither of you will know what to expect at first, but personally I think you have a lot of catching up to do. You may find even though he's been away from you for so long, that you have similar interests.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sheilajoyce_gw

Let him get to know you slowly and comfortably. How exciting. I imagine he would like to know that you have been ready to meet him for some time and were waiting for him to indicate an interest, so he will not feel that you have rejected him. Saying all that, remember you are strangers basically, so do not rush him.

I have never been in your situation, just some insight from this mom.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
bulldinkie

Hey This is fANTASTIC, probably a little awkward but you two will get over that. Dont let it end . Dont do like my father, He left my mother for another woman my mom died he left town. I have not seen my father in 32 years.... Theres not a day I dont ask myself WHY? he disowned 4 of 5 kids. He has 9 grandchildren he has never seen.the oldest 31.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Bugs

Not a great story but helpful maybe. I met my Dad when I was 16 for the first time. I was very excited. We had a visit then spent a day out shopping and going to my uncles for dinner. Then all of us went up to my family cottage for a week with my half brother and sister that I had never met, they lived with their Mom. Had things remained that way it would have been okay. Needless to say after (2 years later and only saw him 2 times over that period) that he treated me as if I didnt exist and became an alcoholic who was in and out of jail, treatment only lasted a week. I gave him his last chance to see me (now I am 30)and instead of showing up he left town and decided to drink again and back to jail. I hate him and he has embarrassed me terribly in my home town, even burnt down a house with people inside, luckily noone was hurt. I will never speak to him again. He ignored my birthday and then sent me a Christmas card as if nothing ever happened. I guess you have to go from the start of the story that if you do some things together to make meeting more comfortable it will be easier for both of you to talk, maybe fishing if it interests you and once you get aquainted dont dissappoint him ever by forgetting to call because that means so much and the loss and disappointment of something you have waited your life for hurts terribly. So once you get the relationship started keep it up as much as you can. Dont worry about him liking you just be natural and it will all go okay. I cant wait until the day we meet my step-daughter. I havent seen her since age 4 and her dad hasnt since she was 7.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
heather_on

Hi Everett,
I have been involved with many adoption reunions which aren't quite the same but I imagine that the same principles will apply. Be honest and open with your son. If you want a long relationship with him only promise this if you and his mom can work it out to allow this. Be prepared, he will be excited with the reunion and then he will tend to back away for awhile, so he can adjust to his new identiy. This is the time when you will have to be extra kind to him and show him that you really care. This will be a normal part of the reunion process and it will take patience on your part. Your son is young and will be going through all sorts of normal teenage stuff. Is there a man in his life now? Be prepared for all sorts of emotions and don't be afraid to get some counselling if you need it. Often it is just good to be able to bounce feelings and ideas off of another person. BTW, the best reunions are those that start off slow and easy. Plan some quiet time for just the two of you, write him notes, give him some pictures of yourself when you were younger, tell him some family stories of his grandparents etc, show him where you lived when you grew up. Do this over time, or in writing as I would bet that he will be so excited that he will forget half of what you tell him at your first meeting. I wish you well with your reunion.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Everett_OR

Thank you for all your suport and encuagment.the meeting with Mike went good I was very nervis and he was so nervis his hands wer shaking and his voise was braking. I just kept smileing and didn't ask any serios questions we just hung out and had pizza went to a movie and a arcade the hole thing was a littel akward over all I think it went well . Running horse you were rite we have similer intrest He playes football and playes the drumes and is showing interest in fishing,my faverite sport of all.Sheiljoyce thank you for your motherly wisdom. Bugs sorry about your painful reunion I will remember that so I dont disapoin him by not staying in touch.Heather your advice helpt tremedesly his his mom has maried and her huband is fine with us meeting. I told Mike that I will like him to come visit over a weekend some time but I dident set any date I told him to talk to his mom about it. heather how long should I let him adjust to all this should I just rite him some letters for a month or two and just play it by ear and let him ask to come visit.what do you do? do you renite adults looking for there parents.just curios Thanks

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Bugs

So glad to hear your meeting went well, I would make sure even if you dont hear from him that you keep in touch anyways, dont forget he is nervous too and may feel awkward calling or setting the next date even though he wants too. I hope you guys can get fishing together, we go as a family all the time. That is was what brought me and my step-son so close since when his dad and I got together (we had know each other for 10 years already) the main thing we did was fish since his Dad and I loved it so much and he was 5 and just learing. Its fun and great talking time. Good wishes for the future, I hope it all works out wonderfully for the two of you.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
heather_on

Hi Everett,

I'd call him or write to him in a week or two and then call him or write to him every couple of months and definitely on occasions such as birthdays. Try and see him at least once more in the next few months. Finding out from his mom how he is doing emotionally may give you some clues as to how to proceed. Your son is still going through a lot of teenage stuff so hang in there and by the time he is an adult you should have built up a good relationship. Recognize though, that the person he considers his father, may be the person who married his mom. A birth parent usually ends up as being a good friend but not a parent in the eyes of an adoptee.

I was on the Board of Directors of an organization called Parent Finders. I searched and reunited many adoptees with siblings and birth parents. It's been a few years since I have done searches as I found it too time consuming as I have a full time job as well. I still enjoy meeting people and helping whenever I can.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
Michael Faught

Just wanting yall to know reading this has gave me courage. I recently met my 18 year old son for the first time. Also, in tears because he described how his Mother and her boyfriend had abused him. All started off great. He called me asking for help, he was going to be homeless. Not being financialy stable myself....didnt matter. I went and took out a loan so i could buy him, his girlfriend, and my new grandbaby across America with minutes notice. My son is a little taller, and bigger around then me, but otherwise, we look like twins. I arranged for him to have a home, since my apt isnt very big, and arranged for him to get a job. Like I said all started perfect. Soon I begin to notice that other family members trying to help him are calling me complaining that he was rude to them. So, i took it upon myself to readvise him in the ways this side of his family treats each other. He blew up at me completely saying many hurtful things. Which spurred me to say a few things myself that I will forever regret. I havent given up on him. I never will. I just need to find a different way to build his confidence. While doing so I need to protect my new family. My parents are in their 80s, and my new Son is 4, so it is tough. Seems everyone has a set plan as to how we should progress this relationship, but no one has the patience. So before any more feelings are hurt I gave him some space to think. Ultimately, I think I figured out that things will be great, even if scary at first. I plan to take him fishing in 2 days. Just me and him if i can convince him to leave his family behind for a few hours. I have told him how proud I was of him for knowing better then to follow in his moms footsteps. Since his brother is only 4, we share alot of the same fears. I tell him everyday I love him, and I`ll always be there for him when he needs emotional support. To be completely honest though. I have never been so terrified in all my life, scared I`ll say something stupid. Anyways. It always feels better knowing then spend even more years wondering. Going on day 6 of no sleep over this though. It`s tough because I was adopted. I met my Bio Dad, he hated my life, and got arrested driving home, because he stopped at a bar down the street. I may never talk to my dad again, but at least I know now why. Atleast I felt better knowing I had the choice, but decided to protect my family from him.

1 Like Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
gcloud32

Hello everyone.

I am meeting my son for the first time next week.

In 2002,

I had kind of a secret relationship with his mother while i was already committed to someone else and we have 4 kids, 3 boys and a six month old daughter. At the time.Long story short, she got pregnant and wanted me to leave the family i was building. I flat out told her i will not do that but I'd be a father to the child. She got angry and she wrote a letter to my then fiance's mother telling her that she was carrying my child. She was so furious with me, she convinced my fiance to take the kids and move to Tennessee with her and her husband. We lived in Michigan. She did. She left me and took my children from me. I cried everyday. To weeks later i got a phone call from my brother. He was crying himself. He asked if ive heard from my girl, i said no. I immediately knew something was terribly wrong. My oldest son Josh was killed in a car accident down there. As you may or may not image, i fell to my knees completely devastated. They flew my son back up to Michigan and we had to go through the funeral arrangements. Im am in tears as i write right now. Joshua was 8 years old.

My wife and i put our son to rest next to my grandparents. The dear people that raised me. She was blaming herself by leaving me and said that she would never take them from me again. At the time i was overwhelmed with sadness and anger and i did blame for. And i blamed this girl for writing that letter to my now mother in law. Time has passed and ive let go and accepted that i was the one to blame for this horrific tragedy.

The girl who i had the relationship with kept him from me for all this time and now she says that my child needs a role model and father figure and that he wants to meet me. I am going to try of course. To do the right THING but i have a whirlwind of EMOTIONS right now and theirs no handbook or manual to prepare for either of us. But im am going to try. My kids that i raised are all fine with it and even my wife said to me she knew this day would come and shes encouraging me and telling me that its not going to be as awkward as you my think which is reassuring.

I know that this boy is at the fragile age of 16 and he is the innocent one in all this.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share and welcome all thoughts.

Thank you. God Bless.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
lindseyray

@ gcloud32 how are you doing?

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
HU-884592296

Gm, I will be meeting my 28yr old son for the first time in Aug. I am a disabled veteran with PTSD. I am so afraid, being alone the last few years. I am praying for strength. I hope for the best.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
colleenoz

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Just remember that despite the blood link between you. You are essentially strangers to each other. You may like each other, you may not. Don’t expect an instant rapport. Your son has lived 28 years in a different setting to you, you will have totally different outlooks and opinions. Accept that he is not the person you have in your mind when you think of him.

Good luck!

Save    
Browse Gardening and Landscaping Stories on Houzz See all Stories
Your First House World of Design: Discoveries of 10 First-Time Homeowners
By Houzz
See how people around the globe have shaped their starter houses and made them their own
Full Story
Features Houzz Tour: Meet the Schoolhouse Saved By ‘The Birds’
Once featured in Hitchcock’s feathery film, this schoolhouse has stood the test of time
Full Story