Jo, she's beautiful! Looking forward to hearing about the dance! Do they have it at the school? My daughter's first dance was in 6th grade, in the gym, decorated by the 6th grade parents, and catered with kid friendly food! Annie and Renee, around here they wear the open toes year round, through the snow! Mine is 13, nothing bothers her, have to yell for her to take her coat!

oh, definitely--have the son put a freeze on his credit w/ the credit unions, in case dad tries to take out a loan or credit card. (is it possible that dad doesn't realize the son will not get his refund bcs of this? Maybe dad thought the only party affected would be the U.S. govt? And so dad didn't think he was actually stealing from his own kid?) And help your son figure out what he'd need to prove that he is not his dad's dependent: -rent receipts and utility bills from the entire year, to prove that he paid for his own roof -ATM-card records to show that he bought groceries often from a grocery store near his home, to prove that he paid for his own food -pay stubs, other work documentation to prove that he was occupied full-time and therefore not a student If he doesn't have any of these things, he can substitute letters (notarized!) from the appropriate people--landlord, boss, roommate. "Junior was a full-/part-time employee who worked X hours a week, from Start Date to December 31, 2006"--especially if he doesn't have pay stubs w/ hours worked, etc. Also to prove he wasn't a student. Have him put it in a folder, and label it, etc., and find a place to keep it so that he'll find it when he needs it. (I keep all receipts, etc., from every tax return in a folder w/ the return itself--just in case) Another thing perhaps, to help w/ the immediate crisis, is for someone who could be a go-between (paternal uncle? paternal grandma? you?) to call the dad and tell him he needs to give his son some money to make up for the fact that he has stolen his kid's tax refund. I know you're using the term "adult" lightly, and in this situation, you *should* use it lightly. Things like this are hard for kids to learn while they're still "kids" and being taught by their parents. This sort of grownup-finances stuff is why parents' work isn't done just because a kid turns 18. This could be a good lesson for him in how to prepare documentation for court, in how to keep records of finances, etc. (all the best lessons hurt, unfort.) I wonder if your son could take him to small-claims court for the amount of the refund? print out the reply from the IRS, ask his brother to testify to the conversation? The ideal would be if he could get his hands on his dad's tax return; I don't think you can subpoena documentation for small-claims court.

Son had a large wedding and reception but because it was in the afternoon, no dancing. But if we did have a song it would be Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me." His small high school graduating class sang that to the parents then they gave the mom's a rose. Talk about crying! DIL knows what a close knit family we are and she loves how close I am to my son's. Now that she's a mother of a son she really understands the special bond between son and mother which is not like the old saying goes, "A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daugther is a daughter for the rest of her life." Heck, I still get onto my children! I'll always remember Barbara Bush speaking about Jr., "Just because he's the President doesn't mean he can put his feet on my coffee table!" lol

Having had 4 sons, and one still at home, I can sympathise. I don't fight it like I used to. The other 3 grew up, married and have well kept homes and fussy wives, so I figure I won't drive myself up the wall with no. 4. However...... sometimes it does just get too much, and I don't need a slum room in my home. What we are planning for him as a birthday treat is to do a surpise room make over for him when he's at work. His brothers, SIL's and DH and me.... Someone will video it like a TV show, and we'll have delegated jobs, like "cleaner", "clothing and laundry", "decorator" etc. His girlfriend will be on hand too, so she can handle anything personal like his desk and love notes etc.. we don't want to invade his privacy, but he won't mind her cleaning up his personal paperwork because most of it is from her anyway. Well, we hope to turn an awful job into a few hours of family hysteria and fun, then give him the video of the whole process as part of the gift. We even have DH on hand as the "hardware" expert to put up cork board and do repairs etc.