I'm glad to have some feedback on being a 'mentor' (assuming we do take our relationship to a more serious place). I'd think/hope that being a mentor of sorts would probably be the most beneficial and less awkward route to take for his daughter, myself, and my boyfriend. Maybe serve as a...mediator/bridge between the two? I want her to respect me and see me as somewhat of an authoritative figure, but I also want her to know that she can come to me with teenage things or frustrations a girl wouldn't normal be able to tell her parents. When my boyfriend and I first discussed his daughter (a while ago), he seemed to assume that I would be a mentor for her and help calm him from being a ridiculously overprotective/clueless dad; and I agree, I think that is definitely a position I could fill if this were to work out. But we'll see, it'll take some time and serious thought & communication to see if this is where I want to go in life. @Amber, I wasn't really suggesting coupling counseling, but more of an easement/adjustment counseling. And only if the situation needed it. Counseling is not only a 'fix' for bad things, it's also a way to PREVENT bad things; and the only time I would consider counseling, is if my boyfriend and I thought there might be a potential issue with his daughter. And it wouldn't be counseling to 'fix' a bad thing, but rather to help all of us ease into a new life. I imagine (IF we do get married...way later on) his daughter would find at least a little discomfort in having a 27 year old suddenly as an 'authoritative' figure in her 14 year old life. Plus, 14 is a difficult age for girls anyway. So if the situation seemed to need it, I think counseling would be a very helpful way in easing into the transition, establishing my 'role' in their family, and helping her to see I'm not looking to be a new mom or overstep my boundaries. Counseling would allow her to tell me what she wants/looking for, what I want, and what my boyfriend wants. But again, this would only happen if we were to marry later on and foresee a potential tension. So I'm going to have to disagree with you on the pre-marriage counseling being a bad omen. @mkroopy, thank you for making me sane again! I'll admit I definitely fell into the doubt 'trap'. I am confident in my boyfriend's loyalty, but when several people suggest otherwise, I do begin to doubt slightly (also doesn't help that I'm a serial worrier about everything!) But you are correct, men (& women) can definitely be faithful and it's disheartening to see that so many people think otherwise. So, just for the sake of pacifying anyone else's concerns...there is a very low chance my boyfriend is cheating, and if he is, then I will eventually learn my lesson, but I can't go about my relationship distrusting him. He works Monday-Friday from 11am-7pm, goes to the gym/runs errands, and then gets home at 11 pm. The only time he would be able to 'cheat' would be on the weekends, which is when he has his daughter, so he wouldn't be able to. I think he's much too busy and occupied with his daughter and me, that even if he wanted to, there would rarely be a time for him to cheat.

The main issue here is what the father is teaching his child, not whether it is right or wrong to let a child ride in front or speak in a different language. Well, I personally think it is rude when people speak in another language, excluding someone they know can't speak their language, from the conversation. The ladies in my nail salon are asian & speak in their native tongue. It does make one wonder if they are saying something about me (or other customers). It is just rude. I used to work in an office where the bilingual ladies, all had lively conversations in spanish when the majority of office workers had no idea what they were saying. It's just inconsiderate and a man that speaks english, has an english speaking girlfriend/fiance, and a child that should be speaking english (I assume he is in school and attends a school where english is the primary language ~ I might change my opinion if the english only speaking person is living in another country where they are speaking their country's language) but if the child is learning english, even as a secondary language... why not speak english around OP? They can speak in their native tongue when nobody else is around... and it isn't about OP being the girlfriend, I would have the same opinion regardless of relationship. But, the father should have some consideration for his girlfriend's feelings of being left out of conversations in her presence. That is the issue that needs to be dealt with between OP and her boyfriend. Dad is the one leading his child, teaching him how to behave and what is or isn't acceptable. A child sitting in front... may not be a big deal. In some places, it's illegal but that aside, again it is the father's responsibility to parent the child. Is it good parenting to teach a child that they have priority over an adult? Is there a reason for the child to sit in front, such as motion sickness? Once again, what is the father teaching his child? Is the child being taught to be self important? Entitled? or considerate of someone else? Again, it's not necessarily about the girlfriend's feelings, though I think her feelings should be a factor... but at what point would this father expect his son to give up the front seat & sit in back? What if they were riding a city bus? Would he teach his son to give up his seat for a pregnant lady or elderly person? What is this father teaching/demonstrating to his son? Personally, I have sat in back many times when we go pick up SD from BM. BUT, it isn't EXPECTED that I sit in back. There are times when I prefer to sit up front & talk to DH but when picking up SD, sitting in back allows him to talk to her about her weekend. It would depend on the circumstances of the trip but under no circumstances would I allow him to make me sit in back every time we go somewhere, just so a child can sit in front. He has every right to let her sit in front, but I have every right to end a relationship where my feelings don't matter and where I have no say. As for meals... it is rude for the dad to leave the table to go play video games or watch tv with the child, while OP is still eating. Once again, what message is dad sending his child by allowing him to disrupt the dinner table & leave someone sitting there alone... ESPECIALLY if OP is the one that parepared the meal, which I would assume she did. It's one thing to allow a kid to leave the table to go play if you're at McDonald's or Chuck E. Cheese and there is a play area... BUT, is this dad teaching his son to be unappreciative of OP's efforts to prepare a nice meal? Whether the child liked it or not, it is rude to abandon her at the table. If OP was taking a long time to eat & they had already finished eating, it might not be such a big deal. It would be nice if the dad were to demonstrate to his son, politely sitting at the table and even (gasp!) clearing the table or maybe even washing dishes. My DGS3 loves to "help" cook, set the table, load the dishwasher... anything to help. What message is he sending his son, when he allows him to leave the table during a meal (whether he wasn't hungry or didn't like the food... doesn't make a difference IMO), to go play video games? I envision (possibly) a lazy, entitled young adult if that is the normal routine for this father's parenting of this son. I also wonder if he (the dad) has no respect for women? I would be more concerned from a relationship aspect... is he treating you the way you want to be treated? It's a factor how he parents as well, especially if you ever plan on having children with him. Even if you don't, if he is set in this dynamic with his son... it won't get better unless he wants to make changes. (and from my own experience, even if he does make some changes, it could cause reentment from the child)

"I forget: does your SS have any learning disabilities or behavioral disorders?" Ceph, it is hard to say. I think he's very borderline. Granted, he is only in 2nd grade and most LDs aren't diagnosed much earlier than this stage. But each school year, his teachers have all said "he exhibits some signs of ADD, etc, it might be worth getting him tested" yada yada. But they all kind of downplay it, and shrug it off like "could be a problem, could not be." So my theory is if he DOES have some behavioral issues/LDs, they are very mild. He is definitely a young 8. He's always been young for his age, from the start. It doesn't help that he is VERY small (shortest kid in his class) and has a slight build. I feel bad for him because people will meet him and say "let me guess, are you in kindergarten?" OR "are you 6?" It's hard on him. If anything, it has taught me that when guessing a child's age, ALWAYS err on the older side of what you think. Most kids are FLATTERED to have someone think they are older than they really are, but not so much if someone thinks they're younger. Anyway, he kind of acts the same way he looks. He has DEFINITELY matured over the last couple years, so I think he is on his own emotional growth curve, just not sure it's on par with his peers. For example--he sucks his thumb A LOT. Is very into stuffed animals/Littles Pet Shops, etc. I know this sounds bad, but it just seems to me these are things either a younger child or a girl would like, as opposed to an 8 year old boy. So I guess it's not surprising that his language seems delayed. And I DO think a lot of it is BM's poor influence in this area. Another thing he says a lot is "was" in place of "were." As in: "Was my dad and mom there?" (When he really means "Were my dad and mom there?") He's going to be working with a reading specialist 2x a week this summer, so I think DH will speak to her about the language/grammar concerns.

Three of my great grandparents came from Canada and spoke French in their homes. I was raised in a primarily Franco American community and attended parochial school through 6th grade where 1/2 of the school day was taught in French. Sunday Mass was said in French. My parents, aunts and uncles spoke good English but a fond memory I have of holidays are of conversations going back and forth between French & English. Relatives always sang and spoke to little babies in French because it was "softer". As a child I used to dream in French. What a rude awakening, though, when I took French in HS! My background sure was a mixed blessing. I could read and write well, roll my r's but there was such a distinct difference between Parisian French & what I grew up with that it I had a lot to unlearn. I ended up doing well in both French & Latin. But sad to say, by the time we did a student exchange when DS was in HS with a family from Brittany, I hadn't used my polished up version of French in decades and what surfaced was my Eliza Doolittle version ;) At least we could all communicate. I've always wished I'd kept up with it. When we visited Paris in 2011 I was able to read, but was too shy to try to use my French. I wish I could learn Turkish. My DIL is from Turkey and DH & I did our best to learn a few phrases before we met her family. It is a hard language to learn. My DS is fluent in 4 other languages but struggles mightily with Turkish. He & DIL have lived in Denmark for 7 yrs. With my 2 yr. old GDD they speak English at home as a family, and DIL speaks Turkish to her and she Skypes in Turkish with her other grandmother. At daycare they speak Danish. Surprisingly, GDD, seems to be grasping all 3 languages and answers in the language spoken to her. That's the time of life to learn easily, it seems. Holly-Kay, go for it! And thank you for the inspirthing post!