OMG. I think ten days as an introduction period will be way too long. I would ease in little by little- not jumping in for such an overwhelmingly long time. This child may be expecting to spend 10 days with Dad ALONE. No one can be on their best behavior for 10 days straight (neither you nor the child). You might just get to see each other's very worst sides!!! Slow and easy does it!!

I agree with Rosie -- but it could be worse. I met my mother in law, my older SS and my SD when they came to visit us in the UK. For a month. At the same time we were moving. And buying a car. And my brother, aunt and uncle were visiting -- also for a month.

So it could be worse.

During the move, I broke my toe.

Don't underestimate the power of 1st impressions, both for his son and for you. Can you visit the son a couple of times beforehand?

cdngirl- got your email- can't email you back without your email address, know exactly how you feel - but there is hope it's just getting use to all the activity of children, email me privatly, be happy to share my latest escapade ( birthday party (mine) done by BF son, it was a riot )would love to email with you. sounds like we have a lot in common canine46@yahoo.com

cdngirl:

I just read back through canine's post "BF has child, I have none-help with nerves" and saw your message:

> My BF is amazing, and I told him thatI didn't want to meet his son unless he was "ring-on-the-finger" serious. That was only 6 weeks ago, but then we are in our late 30's and both about to finalize divorces, so if he's sure..I know I am...

Er...please don't be offended, but this sounds rather ill-advised. Both the not-meeting-the-kid, and the deciding-to-get-married-after-6-weeks. The thing is, this may sound kind of old fashioned but when you marry somebody, you're marrying their situation and you're marrying their whole family. Including the problems. Especially the problems.

> this could be the big "test" though...what do you think?

I think that's a contender for understatement of the year.

The younger the kid is when a step parent waltzes on to the scene, the easier it is for the step. At 3 or 4, the kid's still young enough to be easily disciplined, and I've read that even up to age 5 or so children often bond very well with the step. At 1 or 2, the kid will probably see no diff between the step and the real parent -- depending on the specifics of the situation of course.

My 3 year old SS was a cakewalk -- my 9 year old SD and 13 year old SS on the other hand were not cakewalks. My advice to you:

* do background research on the web about the sorts of behaviors that you can expect from kids post-divorce, and entering into a step situation.
* ask your SO what sorts of things his kid is interested in, and do research into that -- not necessarily to cram fun down his throat, but to have points of reference -- and to find out if his personality is drastically different than yours. If you think it doesn't matter, check out mom-2-4's posts.
* Ask your SO ALL about his SS, particularly if he has any wacky kinds of personality traits -- gird your loins. Before somebody jumps down my throat, either my partner failed to mention it, or she did and I just plain forgot when I met her, but my SD tends to lie. Quite a lot. I can understand it, knowing the family situation she's in with her BD, but I wasn't aware of it when we met, which lead to...situations.
* even with the 3 above points, try to give the kid the benefit of the doubt, because kids are perceptive and kids are smart. They just lack vocab, and social embarrasment/guilt.
* DON'T GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY. Kids in a step or divorce situation are on a slow timescale. I would personally give it 2 years of constant contact, before you really know where you stand, but don't do anything for at least 6 months. My advice, anyway.

As far as what do 10 year olds like to do -- try Warhammer, D&D, playing catch (baseball & frisbee), amusement parks, miniature golf, having books recommended to them (Henry Reed, My Side of the Mountain, House with the Clock in its Walls, 3 Investigators), watching cartoons, watching shoot-em-up sci fi (best of all -- Aliens 2), playing video games, riding bikes, going hiking.

Or at least, that's what *I* liked at 10.

Thanks so much everyone! If nothing else it is nice to have a forum where I can vent a bit.

I think that everyone has a valid point about meeting my SO's son a few times before heading out for a 10 holiday in the sun! To whit, I have managed to convince my SO that "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" is a great way to start off, first of all as JoeTypist suggests, it is something we have in common (that and working for a video game development company,I have more PS2 games than I know what to do with...), and won't require much effort on anyone's part. If things go well, maybe a burger afterwards. Maybe next level up snowboarding in Tahoe for a weekend...something I am good at, and something his son is dying to try.

For those of you concerned that I am going to marry my SO immediately, let me assure you, I have no intention of doing so! I am enjoying being single (married since I was 21, this is new to me), and have just recently moved in to my own place (my very first on my own!) and am having a great deal of fun at this time, so no rush for me. What I meant by "Ring-on-the-finger serious", is that I am a product of multiple "Aunts and Uncles" some of whom I hated, some became very close, and it had a very detrimental affect on my life. I don't want to do that toa child. My thinking was, better be sure that I going to be around rather than waltzing through his son's life and leaving behind potential emotional scarring, that's all.

Incidentally, my SO told his son about me this weekend and his response was "That's good Dad, you need someone to play with too". Hilarious! I think I like him already. Actually, how can I not? He's part of his father...

I'll let you know how it goes on Friday...in the meantime, any more advice is appreciated!