Why am I the guilty one?

11 years ago

We finished (finally!!) moving a couple of months ago. We moved 1000 miles, over a 6 month period. We began the process one year ago this week.

As soon as we started thinking about selling and moving, I started purging. I donated clothes, etc, almost every time I went to town. We had A LOT of stuff. DH and MIL keep everyting, even used toothpicks. They cannot part with anything, rationalizing that it was expensive, or old, or will be a antique someday.

DH would not let me clean out the junk drawer in his presence, afraid I may throw away a screw that was important, but had been in that drawer for 8 years! So, I did not touch it. Garage, did not touch it.

The new house has very few closets, and precious little storage, which was probably an unconcious choice on my part... Or passive-aggresive.

Now, it is all my fault that they did not take the time to sort through and give it away. It is my fault that MIL does not have a closet full of cartoon video tapes, boxes around every wall full of broken glassware and silverfish, and furniture with drawers that did not have handles.

Really, I get snide remarks about this stuff, i overhear her telling relatives how horrilbe I am, I had ALL this time to move, and I could not even have garage sale, and I am a bit tired of it. DH is starting to understand a little bit, that to take care of myself and my family, I can no longer be surrounded by STUFF. Somebody has to take care of the STUFF, and I can't do it anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent........

Nancy

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

graywings123
11 years ago
Maybe the caffeine in my coffee hasn't kicked in yet, but I keep re-reading your post and can't figure out the story. Did you get rid of their stuff or did you bring it with you? Are they complaining because the stuff is there or because the stuff is gone?

All that said, I know how exhausting it is to move. How old is your MIL? Frequently what people complain about is not really what they are upset about.
jannie
11 years ago
Are they angry because you threw something away and now they miss it? Just watch some of those Hoarding/Buried Alive type shows. Compare the "before" and "after" shots. The "After" always looks so good and even the worst hoarders say "I'll never let it get bad again." So they should be grateful to you, not angry. If anything important was thrown out, think of the used toothpicks. Everyone deserves a new fresh toothpick...By the way, I know what I'm talking about. My Hoarder Mother had an entire kitchen drawer filled with used bread wrappers and such...
Related Discussions
Why am I the only one in town w/ a baffle?!?
Q
Comments (5)
Cathy, YES! They call me for advice also but they don't take it. However, my neighbor and I went to Wild Birds Unlimited yesterday and she bought baffles for both her houses - great news! But I cannot believe the Audubon Society is letting HOSP'S nest in their boxes. That would really upset me also, and I have to say, I would probably end up going off on someone who lets HOSP's nest in the boxes - just shocking it's the Audubon Society, causing more damage to the bluebirds than helping them. Kendra, conservation, huh?!? Wow. I AM glad to hear that at least some people in your area have proper baffles, but can't believe the conservation people don't. Linda, I understand you having a harsh opinion, I can relate! Ignorance, I can (somewhat) understand - I just try and educate in that case, not that they will listen - but I have to at least try. However, once they are aware of what WILL happen and still do nothing, I have no patience for the stupid and lazy. I tend to take it personally also, knowing that it may be the blues I worked so hard to fledge that may be "murdered" because the landlords just don't care, like you said. Thanks ladies for your input.
...See More
Why Only One Option - Am I Missing Others?
Q
Comments (47)
@luv2putt Viking has extremely uniform pricing within any single distributer region; I am in SF, and recently bought an induction range (FWIW, through BSC Culinary - Charmen there is very helpful). I found absolutely no variation in price from any authorized retailer. All were exactly the same, to the dollar. I also quickly confirmed that Viking dealers outside the area will NOT sell and ship to you - there may be some exceptions willing to bend the rules, but I didn't find any. When comparing prices, note that colors cost significantly more than stainless, black or white, and sometimes it isn't clear which they are referring to. Also, I have noticed that some online dealers take the current "instant savings" promotion off their advertised cost, and some do not, so verify whether any price is before or after that promotion. If you are looking for stainless or white, you might be able to find a deal on a floor model, or on ebay, but if you go that route make sure you confirm that the warranty isn't affected (and be aware the promotion might not apply). I'd also make sure, in the case of any floor model, that it wasn't produced too long ago - they made some improvements and changed producers for their induction elements not all that long ago (I think about a year and a half now? might be slightly longer).
...See More
One step closer---feel so terribly guilty!
Q
Comments (34)
Thanks for all the support. He is still with us, the appointment is for this coming Thursday evening. Tim and I both have Thursday off so we'll spend the day with him. I am going to make him an ice cream cone, his favorite treat. I will post a photo of him later, I am at work now. It will be the hardest thing ever, but I am hoping/assumimg that the vet will have a discussion with us and offer some insight before administering the injection. If it is not the right time, we can cancel/postpone and pay her for her time. (Deep breath) One day at a time. Linda
...See More
WHY am I the only one who can't see a site?
Q
Comments (12)
I tried the Crap Cleaner on my XP machine since I'm getting ready to give it to my mom anyway. :) It didn't work - as in, it didn't make me able to see the site. The problem I have with the Crap Cleaner theory is that I'm having the same issue on an XP and on my Vista. I have a brand new Vista laptop, so I tried accessing the site from that last night just in case my desktop is just "junked up." Wouldn't work on the laptop either. I have the latest version of Java. FWIW, I am able to ping the site, which tells me the site is not being blocked (like by my ISP). Correct? I did add the site to my Trusted Sites, too. Now instead of the Page error, I just get a blank white page like Randy.
...See More
springroz
Original Author
11 years ago
Thanks for reading.....graywings is correct, the problem is not the stuff, it is me. But if she does not want to live with us, we will arrange for her to live where ever she wants. When DH mentions this, then she starts apologizing, and wanting to stay here "if we can just put up with her a little longer". She is 83, and fairly weak, so she has no daily activities. Meals, TV, and crochet are about it for her.

I have let stuff slide off my back with her for years, but cannot accept that I was wrong to move out of a house that was unhealthy, and needed to be torn down, into a nice ,light filled home with few obstacles.

Nancy
housefairy
11 years ago
Your MIL probably doesn't even realize just how much she complains. Sometimes, because it is the only thing happening in their life, they just seem to repeat the same old things.

Hopefully it helps just to get to voice your problems. Have you tried journaling? It might help to just be able to write it down.

And as Jannie mentioned, watching a hoarding show will definitely give a person incentive to clean and pitch stuff.
tripletmom83
11 years ago
Still not sure if they are complaining because you got rid of their stuff, or because you didn't. But you have my sympathy. Moving is stressful enough without dealing with the other things. Also very frustrating when you would like to simplify your life and family members put up roadblocks. I watch "Hoarders" all the time and the one consistent thing is the aggravation of the family members. I wish I could offer you something other than a sympathetic ear.
graywings123
11 years ago
but cannot accept that I was wrong to move out of a house that was unhealthy, and needed to be torn down, into a nice, light filled home with few obstacles.

It sounds like the OP cleaned out and got rid of their stuff before moving.

Good for you!
bspofford
11 years ago
springroz,

Help us out here. Is your MIL complaining that you got rid of the tapes and boxes of her stuff, or that you didn't sort their (MIL/DH) stuff before the move? I'm a little confused.

Barbara
CEFreeman
11 years ago
Nancy, I get it.
You cleaned out yours, but they wouldn't let you clean theirs. They moved everything >>DH and MIL keep everyting, even used toothpicks. They cannot part with anything, rationalizing that it was expensive, or old, or will be a antique someday. I can only picture the garage sale MIL claims you "wouldn't even have". It'd really be like that show. She'd run out, grab some broken cardboard box, clutch it to her chest, scurry into the house, screaming, "It's MINE, MINE, ALL MINE YOU CAN'T THROW IT OUT!!! IT's VALUABLE!"

Hang in there, my friend. I'm sure the change of moving is freaking her, and she doesn't know how to verbalize it. You being an easy target all your married life just continues on. At least DH is finally getting a clue.

Give up the guilt. That is self-induced. Go into your Ah-MAZE-ing kitchen, make some coffee/tea/espresso/margarita and enjoy the peace of a beautiful, light, clean space.

Why am I the guilty one?

Comments (8)

graywings123

jannie

Related Discussions

springroz
Original Author

housefairy

tripletmom83

graywings123

bspofford

CEFreeman

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Why am I the guilty one?

Comments (8)

graywings123

jannie

Related Discussions

springrozOriginal Author

housefairy

tripletmom83

graywings123

bspofford

CEFreeman

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

springroz
Original Author