Glad you made it with minimal damage. I was looking forward to the funereal food though. I was hoping we'd make it a pot luck. Since I'm in Northern South Jersey I figured I'd be able to attend. I'd be glad to sit by the coffin and feed you some of each offering. I'm making a big pot of chili this afternoon and I'm almost at the point where I add the corn.........I think I need to look again in the freezer and see if I have some frozen. Opening that can of corn is going to be kind of hard... shudder.

That happens here too, LindaC. Not only when family members die, but if someone is ill or injured, or needs to leave for a couple of days, everyone pitches in. So, the farmer who has his appendix removed right in the middle of hay season? Covered. Barn burned? We all rebuild. Child in the military, wounded and in the hospital? Go, go, GO. GO NOW. The cows will be fed and the hay will be baled and the fences will be checked. the garden will be hoed and the eggs will be gathered and your refrigerator will be stocked when you return. It's all taken care of, always has been and I hope it always will be. Annie

Nnanatricia, the idea of sending stamps is wonderful! I'm keeping that one in mind for the future. Death is a personal thing and each person's family likes certain things and dislikes certain things. To me it should be based on the decedent's wishes. For instance, my mother loved flowers. Any gift of flowers made her week, or month. To not have an overkill (excuse the phrase) on flowers at her funeral would have been a shame. We ordered 2 large pots plus the casket spray and knew that there'd be a lot of flowers coming, which they did. Turns out the funeral director also owned the flower shop he could "get a discount through" and not only charged us more, but gave us about 1/3 the size it was supposed to be. Needless to say we weren't happy. Then shortly after my aunt died, (my mother's only sister) and I immediately ordered a large arrangement for her. At the last second my sister and I decided to fly down for the funeral. No flowers from us. My uncle was going, oh you didn't have to, you're not expected to, and all that, but I said, no, I PAID for this and they were supposed to be here! That's the point. I was very embarrassed. This was a big flower outfit and surprised me they did this. They claimed they tried to get a hold of me, no message, hmmm. Then said they'd send something to the house afterward. But I'm getting off the point. If you're in a financial bind, you should NOT stress yourself more. Send a card with a note about a memory or something your mother said about the departed. That'll have far more value than the flowers in most cases. I'm also a little sensitive about sending flowers since some churches are now requiring people to leave the flowers for them! I was shocked when I first heard this! But it's happened a few times. That did it for me. No more flowers. Another thing you could do if you wanted, and when financial times are better is send something to the grave for Memorial Day or her birthday or something. That could be thoughtful. I don't think expectations are appropriate for memorials at funerals. It's up to the giver what, if anything they wish to do and more importantly, can afford. Don't try to keep up with the Jones'. I say go with a card and a kind word. And FWIW, if you are thinking of a plant for later, or a tree that the recipient is expected to plant and maintain, make sure it's wanted before you give it. Not everyone likes plants and the trouble to maintain them. Some, especially if they are alone, might leave for a while and who will care for them? Think before you give something just because *you* like it. I don't know many people who don't like or can't use cash! And make it cash (or a check to them) not a gift card! And for donations, I think the person donating should make the donation and tell the family. It was a lot of time, effort and stress for my father to deal with the number of checks and stuff sent to him, one is to be given to Ladies' Auxiliary (who handled the funeral food), another to Diabetes Research, another to Cancer Society, another to the in-town church, another to the church where she was buried etc. Sheesh! He insisted it be done right away. I said put it in a box and we'll do it in a couple weeks after things settled down but of course his feeling was it had to be done immediately.

Sounds like a funeral lunch at the church...;-0 The estimate you get from a place like "Cooking for a crowd" will be waaaay too much. and the estimates you get from meals on wheels will also be too much, because that is also their evening meal....and perhaps breakfast too. I would do a 3 bean salad instead of the pinto beans....unless there are a lot of ladies of Mexican heritage, they won't eat it. Figure 1/2 cup serving of each item and you will have more than enough. Make sure you use cider vinegar and some balsamic and a little extra sugar. Traditional 3 bean salad usually calls for 1 can green beans, 1 can wax beans, 2 cans kidney beans...a little onion and a dressing of1 /2 cup oil, 1/2 cup sugar and half cup of vinegar. make that vinegar cider vinegar and sub 2 tablespoons of that vinegar for 2 Tablespoons of balsamic. My vinaigrette would do well on the salad....I know, I have done it many times. it's 2 T Dijon mustard 3 T honey generous pinch of garlic powder 1/4 cup vinegar....make that either all balsamic or half balsamic and half cider....whisk together and then whisk in 1/2 cup good green olive oil. You will have some left over. The salad I make to put this on is half iceberg lettuce, and half de stemmed baby spinach a couple of carrots shredding in the food processor and some red cabbage also shredded. For 35 you will need 4 good heads or ice berg, a 10 oz and a 7 oz bag of baby spinach, 3 or 4 carrots and about 1/4 a small head of red cabbage. I do the funeral lunches at my church....and serve a lot of old people.....but don't discount people in their 80's I know more than a few who toss down a couple of martinis before digging into a good steak! Oh and my lunches are always less than $1.50 per person, mostly because we avoid cans and cook everything from scratch.