Angry at my husband! Remodeling problems
Swiss_Chard_Fanatic
10 years ago
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popi_gw
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
So Angry at my husband
Comments (8)I'm so sorry. I know this must hurt you so badly when you are grieving. Certainly you would want him to grieve with you. I can imagine and I know for a fact from others' experiences with step fathers and mothers that you all have a whole different dimension to deal with being that your spouse doesn't grieve the same as you since you don't share the same love for your children, even in the best of relationships. Have you tried talking to him about your feelings regarding his flippant attitude and insensitivity towards your grief? Maybe you should tell him that it's one thing for him not to have loved your son like you do, but being that he is your husband, you would appreciate and you expect him to be considerate of your feelings. I know you must feel that you are totally alone with this. I'm so sorry. It's hard enough when you have a spouse that is grieving with you. Even then, there are separate issues that each has to deal with. Does this man have children of his own? I know he still would not have a clue, but try telling him to imagine if he would lose one of his and ask him how he would expect you to behave just 3 months afterwards. I wish I could make you feel better with this, but my only thoughts are that he obviously just doesn't have a clue (which no one does unless they are dealing with it), and that you should try to talk to him about your feelings. Please keep us posted and please keep coming here. Believe me, whatever you are feeling or going through, there is someone else who can relate. Hugs to you! Lu...See MoreMy mom is -very- angry with me
Comments (24)A couple of more thoughts. Even though, without your mother's permission, her dr. cannot discuss her health with YOU, he CAN listen to you--your description of symptoms, your concerns. So don't hesitate to call him and let him know what you're seeing, so he has a head's up. Also, my husband is a utility company bill collector. I don't know what your mom's financial situation is, but there is a lot of help out there for seniors and others who need it paying their bills. Sometimes, you can even have a considerable amount in the bank, you just have to have a low income to qualify. My husband always has the contact info with him, sometimes he even has the applications for help. It wouldn't hurt to call your local utility company to see if you can get her some financial assistance. I know that's not the question you asked at all, but if at least part of the bill is being paid by a 3rd party, it would help keep her from getting so far behind she's in danger of being turned off. What happens when something gets turned off? Does your mom handle it? or--like mine used to do--does she call you and say (more or less) you handle it? If she's turning stuff like that over to you or your sister, when it reaches critical point, perhaps then, you could get her to okay the company putting you down as an alternate contact? More and more companies are understanding that our seniors are striving to be independent, but not always successful at it, and are willing to send duplicate bills to someone who is looking out for them. Best of luck to you. You will get this sorted out, and will get past it, but it feels really oppressive when you're caught in the midst of it, doesn't it?...See MoreRant - I'm so angry I can't even talk to my husband
Comments (47)Almost 31 years of marriage with his and hers ranting. I learned it from my husband. We never even had a thought about not being married to each other. My hubby just vents that way, but if he doesn't stop within a few minutes, then it is my turn. Then it stops! Some people have a dry sense of humor. Some are trying to make jokes and be funny when they post. That is their sense of humor. It doesn't mean they can't have a rational and meaningful conversation with the other person in their life. Geez, let's lighten up! I doubt the OP is seriously angry with hubby. My mom's going to kill me! I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! I'm so angry I can't talk to my husband! Back to the backsplash tile hunt..... before I pull my hair out! (Another one.)...See MoreMy 14-y/o son and his angry stepfather
Comments (6)Thank you to bnicebekind, outinthecld, and amberjul for your response and insights. I want to say that first of all, I am protective of my son. I also worry sometimes that my son takes advantage of things and can be a bit manipulative. The day that I wrote my original post, my husband had gotten into one of his moods and there were a bad scene. This past weekend, however, while my husband was gone, I asked my son to do something (move some wood behind the garage) and he refused to do so. I should tell you that my son was in the store with me shopping one evening and he went to look at the baseball cards while I was in the grocery dept. When I went to look for him, I was paged. Going to find him, thinking he paged me, I found that he had been stopped for shoplifting--which was pretty confusing since neither of us had left the store and he had over $30 in his pocket that I had given him earlier. Anyway, the store made me pay $200.00 to them as they can charge the parent 10x what the kid is allegedly stealing. My husband and I agreed that he had to work it off. Actually, I was quite humiliated and upset and couldn't even speak. My husband actually surprised me and was the calm one and talked to my son. Since that time, even though it was agreed that my son had to work off the $200 with chores, he refuses to do them (usually when it is just me around) and this weekend when my husband was not home, my son got very angry with me, called me names, threw my kitchen chairs around, hit things, slammed the doors, etc. My son is getting to be a good size guy and truthfully, I am not sure I could live with him alone any more. AS for protecting my son, I do. When my husband went after my son once like he was going to hit him, I stopped him and I told him that he or anyone would ever put a hand to my son. I stood my ground and looked him in his face and he knows that I am dead serious about that. Yes, I do feel that some sort of counseling is needed so we can set some guidelines as to what our rights and responsibilities are. Such as, I would never spank one of stepgrandchildren and I don't expect my husband to spank mine...he sees it differently. I have again talked with my husband and I have taken the advice of a counselor in that if my husband loves me, I should be able to get him to see my reasoning. I think he does love me because I did stand up to him and say to him that I do not want to "castrate" him in our home and make him feel like he is not the man of the house, however; I cannot raise my son in fear. I told him that I do not like his temper; I cannot deal with people with bad tempers and if he did not learn to control his temper and learn to think a bit differently, that I would have to let this relationship go. I told him that I did love being married to him and I love the large family that we have together and I love the grandkids, but if that was the way that he raised his kids (I suspect it was and I suspect that was how he was raised, also), that he needed to think differently. I also came up with some compromises for my son and our rules, which he agreed to and I did let him know firmly that we needed to work on this and that I did think counseling was needed. His daughter told me that he had tried counseling before and it failed. I have been to counseling quite a long time for the depression, etc. of my first divorce, the relationship, tragedies, etc., so I do have insight into what needs to be done. I was a very self-sufficient, independent woman, yet now at my husband's request have lowered my income and work at home. This is all right as now I am here for my son when he gets home and I am here when he goes to school, too. I wonder if my husband doesn't have a hormone or chemical or sugar imbalance that brings on his moods as he gets very upset with himself when he gets upset. I am working on the rules and have talked with my son and asked him to work with me. My son knows I love him and I will try to look after his best interests. So, I do appreciate your comments and I wanted to let you know that I will not stick my head in the sand, I am workikng to resolve the issues, I am looking into counseling, and yes, I do protect my son. But, I simply needed to know if I was being one-sided towards my son as a mom and a stepchild myself, was I being unfair to my husband? The thing is, when you talk to someone, it can get you thinking...sometimes my son is in the wrong and sometimes my husband does overreact to things and goes way out of proportion. These are the issues that need to be worked on...now, just to find the right counselor to help with that. Thanks again...See Moresherwoodva
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