My husband doesn't like my adult son.
jewel5903
17 years ago
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brass_tacks
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
My husband neglects my son He doesn't know how to be a step paren
Comments (1)Assuming that Nick was tired, or that he thought you were interfering with something that he should have chosen, or something, & that he really doesn't feel like Chad is someone to swear about, in other words, assuming there's something to work with here... One thing I've noticed that men *are* good at is detailed directions/instructions. 1. When alarm goes off, push button. 2. Throw back covers. 3. Put feet into slippers. 4. etc Send Chad to a friend's house for the evening, & take Nick for a walk or a bike ride & tire him out, since people are more open-minded & less likely to erupt when they're a little tired ("physically tired", not "stress-tired", do *not* try this when he's just spent 10 hours on an excruciating project at work!). When you get home (be sure this isn't on a football night, or whatever night he has something else on his mind), sit down with him & tell him that you want everyone to be happy in the family & that you want him & Chad to have a good, strong, enjoyable relationship, & that you want to try an experiment. & have an outline of your "project" in front of you, with one goal & a few basic or simple steps to achieve it. Tell him you haven't thought past this first small goal, you want to start small, & ask him for his ideas for more steps toward the goal. Agree to get together in a week to talk about how successful it's been & what can be done to fine-tune the steps or refine the goal. At that get-together, agree to have another meeting the following week. Praise every tiny improvement as it happens during the week. (We know to praise dogs, & yet we forget to do it with our nearest & dearest!) When the first goal has been attained, or is within reach, ask him for thoughts on another goal. That first get-together may give you a yes/no answer: if Nick is willing to give it a try, even if he's wary (& people are often wary of something new), hang in there, but if he blows up & tells you to mind your own business & stalks off *& doesn't come back to make up & explore the idea further after he's cooled down*... then I'd say you need to take your son & get outta Dodge. I wish all of you the best....See MoreI think he really doesn't like my sons
Comments (5)I cringe as I type this. I haven't left because I keep holding out hope he will wake up and start really loving them. This doesn't happen every single night and like I said, He is better- cringe- it just feels forced to me. Reading what I am typing sounds so crazy. I see why some women are so confused. Thank you, guys. I am going to an attorney tomorrow. I already saw one last week. this is the push I need. So I am not crazy. This is not normal "strict" behavior. Having said this,...See MoreMy fiance doesn't like my son, wanna go, but we have 2 together
Comments (8)You are in a difficult situation indeed. I understand what you are going through. My husband and I have a son together. He also has a daughter from a previous marriage and I have a son from a previous marriage. The situation you describe sounds like mine in that my husband shows his biological son an enormous amount of love and my other son nothing. There is basically no interaction at this point between the two. He use to discipline my son, but I felt it was done unfairly so that has stopped. Now we are at the point where he nit picks about every little thing my son does, but not to him...to me. It is sooo annoying. It has weakened our relationship as husband and wife, but at least my son is not constantly hearing the complaints. I must say though that my husband's nit picking has made me more critical of my sons behavior. I feel like I am riding him harder over insignificant stuff so I don't have to listen to my husbands complaints...I keep telling myself I need to stop this. My husband, for the most part, is good to me and our son. My other son is 12 and very into school, friends, and basketball. I try to do extra stuff for him when I can to make up for the fact that he doesn't have a dad and his step-dad wants nothing to do with him. My dad (his grandpa) is also a wonderful role model and strong male figure in his life. He spends a lot of time with him. Is it possible for you to find your other son another strong male role model? Like a grandfather, a friend, or join a big brother big sister group? Maybe that would help him and allow you to stay with your husband. You also must consider your other children too. What effect will it have on them if you take them away from their father?...See MoreMy husband doesn't like my children or grandchildren
Comments (2)Mercy, have you got a lot on your plate! I admire your cheerfulness & perseverence. I think people have a wrong impression about "mental illness"; they think someone who has a brain disorder acts crazy, when really they usually act like anyone else, & their symptoms often do not include "acting crazy". As you say, bi-polar people can be fractious, argumentative, & unreasonable....& that sounds like a lot of other people as well. I think I might work on that part of the problem first. If he can realize that your daughter really does have a disorder, that she's not just being difficult or using her problems as a crutch, he can calm down & develop more reasonable expectations of her. & I think you're going to *have* to inhale, exhale, take a step backwards, & look after yourself. No one person can solve everyone else's problems, & if you kill yourself from the stress of trying, those grandchildren never *will* get to know & enjoy their grandmother. As far as your hubs's mother rejecting him... That would hurt anyone. but if he can look at the situation from the perspective of his adult self, he'll realize that she couldn't have been a good mother to him then (that's the reason he was adopted), & she still can't be a mother to him. She just doesn't have it. I'd say if he was brought up to be a good person & a responsible adult, & if he's found some uncles who adore him, he's a lucky person indeed. Take care....See Morestretch46
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