Xmas present for adult son who doesn't return the favor????
peg_in_oregon
16 years ago
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Jonesy
16 years agocarla35
16 years agoRelated Discussions
Relationship with Adult Stepchildren
Comments (43)I encourage my DH to spend times alone with his kids. I've been brought up to realize that not everyone should be included. Like my own son. I love him but i dont want him stuck to my hip! I like my alone time and i like time with my husband. Other times i just want time with the gals. So i think on that end i would agree with some posters that your Dh should spend time with his girls. What i do also understand is why your Dh wont cause it makes him uncomfortable with her physically touching him like that. This is not normal and rubbing and flopping in her daddy's lap at her age is cause for concern. So your DH refuses the ' date' because he sees it as an encouragement for thsi odd behaviour and i agree with him to refuse. But he should refuse explaining exactly why because of his discomfort not because you are excluded. ANd i do not like the way your SD blunted said you are exclude. Because she obviously has issues with you and she could have used different words such as ' Dad ,i'ld like some time alone just the two of us ifyou dont mind. And maybe another time we can all go out but i need some one on one advice and time from you as my father. ' And yes, my husband is exactly like yours most of the time. He is aloof with his own brothers and sisters. Which i'm not used because i'm close with my family and do not mind if they drop by. He does. He likes his alone time with me only.WHich drives me nuts cause i do not like anyone stuck to my hip. I think balance in everything is healthy. Too much of anything is not. Whether it be a person, a computer, a drink, food tect..etc... In the end. If your husband is not comfortable in going out with his daughters whether you have been invited or not, its his perogative to say no. Its just too bad that you are the scapegoat when he does decline. Or words it in such a way the way he did. Your DH defines himself with you. and there is nothing wrong with that. Just like my husband. If i'mnot invited, he tells people to take a hike. I'm proud of him for it but sad at the same time because he should define himself alone not just with me. I guess its to each their own. And how they want to live. You cannot force anyone to phone people whetther its their own family or friends. I used to remind my husband, phone your kids, but now i dont....i should not be his mother. I'm his wife and itshis responsibility to phone his kids. If he doesn't , then its not my fault. Its his and his kids know it. ANyways..we're on vacation! And we're off to the mall to putts around on a rainy icky day! Chin up, dont worry about yoru SD. Let your husband handle it. Even if he doesn't handle it perfectly, its stillhis call in the end....See MoreAdult Step Son controls with anger
Comments (7)I have been struggling, - in the dark at first, but now I have seen the light - with my step son since he was 9 years old. He lost his mother to breast cancer when he was a baby and then I came into his life when he was a preschooler. He was a darling boy who loved his father's attention and knew how to get it. As he became older, he was spoiled by his father and treated fairly by myself, just as I did his brother 9 years older and my own two daughters. He is now 26 years old and I am still struggling. His father is still spoiling him - giving him money even though he has not worked full time since his 6 years in college. He is a full blown narcissist. He bullies everyone including his father. I just can't be around it, so I travel alot to see friends, and family. When I return home there is always something. This last time I figured out his Passive Agressiveness. He always entertains at our home when we are gone, even though he doesn't live here. This time it was taking the couch pillows from the living room - three pillows that match the sofa and the chair. I didn't notice at first, but the next day I checked myself first, "Self, did you take those pillows to the basement for laundering? No they are not down there." I find it very very difficult to stay quiet about the small things he does. In the past, I have confronted him, but then he makes up falsehoods to his father about me - his dramas - to cause trouble and make me look bad. Most of the time, his father and I can't even speak for about a week - the freezer. Well, I am out of the freezer because I haven't spoken a word about this episode. Hope I can keep my mouth shut. The sad part of this is I just don't live at home very much. I will not knowingly choose to be anywhere around this boy - Golden Boy - narcissist. I go to therapy but the therapist wants me to come to see her with Golden Boy. I just haven't been able to get myself to do that. His loft apartment is full of things he has lifted from my home and expensive toys he should not be able to afford. I won't go there anymore. I get angry when I see the things he has taken from me. His father doesn't care. If anyone has any solutions I would love to hear them....See MoreSister doesn't respect anyone's time...
Comments (54)Wow -- I'm glad you are getting a handle on things, Junebug. I suspect your sister has many unresolved issues with her/your mother -- maybe she doesn't even know exactly what they are (certainly not how to articulate them). I assume she's not treating her own children like this. I do have a niggling wonder about how she can continue to treat her mother like this AND consider herself capable of teaching Bible class. (I'm not even Christian.) It seems like a disconnect. (At this point, it's not a disconnect you ever need to bring up with your sister. Not worth the energy...) Carry on -- I feel badly that your mother is going through the longing for the daughter who won't be there -- that's not going to change, and suspect this is what is driving a good portion of your angst. You care about how this affects your mother. The friends who are helping you with your mother -- in ways sometimes volitional "family" can be stronger than the biological. Ultimately, they'll be what counts, and are the bonds to strengthen....See MoreAdult Son Driving Me Crazy
Comments (9)Full disclosure: My husband and I have no children, but we know many people who struggle with situations similar to yours. It's unfortunate and he may or may not be a "good person", but the bottom line here is he's a loser! Toss him out on his arse, change the locks on your house - be sure your car(s) is/are locked and ignore any pleas for help. There's an excellent blog called LIVING STINGY and it addresses many issues and "basement living children" is one of them. It's ridiculous to constantly bail this kid out - he's got to learn that in real life there ARE no safety nets. I'm sure it'll be the toughest battle of your life, but you really have no choice - otherwise he'll nickel and dime you until you have NO money left and that is not acceptable, right? Good luck....See Moreplasticgarden
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