Living with adult kids...
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6 years ago
last modified: 6 years ago
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irma
6 years agosushipup1
6 years agoRelated Discussions
Adult kids and Problems
Comments (3)Boy does your story sound familiar. You could be my MIL, your daughter could be my SisIL. I don't think you're really asking for help--if you were truly interested in helping the children, you'd stop enabling the parents to abuse their children. You'd stop handing out money like Halloween treats, especially since your husband doesn't know about it (yep that's my MIL to a T). You'd open your eyes and ask yourself WHY the problems. My MIL NEVER saw the evidence of drugs that the rest of us did, she made excuses constantly for why her dd was as she was. You'd be documenting the situation--and you'd have taken the children out of this situation years ago. Here's the thing, and you can check this out--I think it probably fits in your situation. According to family experts, parents, especially mothers, will ALWAYS defend and 'help' the most deadbeat of their children, even to the detriment of their other, responsible family members. Just in case you're curious how this kind of situation can end up? SIL somehow coerced her parents to name her POA and executrix. Within a few months of that, my FIL--a VERY healthy man was dead under very questionable circumstances. MIL was already disabled by Alzheimer's by that time. SIL stole, and couldn't account for, over a quarter of a million $$$$ of the money left for MIL's end care--there was almost nothing left by the time we realized what was happening. SIL was also medical POA--we were limited in how much we could do about the situation (and believe me, we tried, spent $20,000 of our OWN money in legal, court, forensic accounting fees, etc over about 7 years of legal wrangling). MIL got minimal care--rarely saw a dr. the last few years of her life, they stopped giving her her meds, was being taken care of by non-caring family members who were only doing it because SIL was giving them free rent. But honestly? The whole mess could have been prevented if only my in-laws had refused to let their daughter blackmail them into doing something they KNEW at the time was wrong--they had a strong, responsible, frugal, caring son who would have been glad to be their caregiver and his wife (me) was caregiver for 2 of my older relatives, without ever taking a penny, or denying my mom and aunt what they needed for both physical and mental health as well as their comfort and happiness. I do hope you listen to good advice--You need to make some changes. YOU need to see a lawyer. You need to understand that this woman is not ever going to repay those 'loans', nor to be someone YOU can rely on when the time comes. You need to understand the requests for $$$ WILL NOT STOP--even when you're a senior citizen on a limited income--and they may come with threats you cannot ignore. Protect yourself legally, put the children's welfare ahead of your distaste for getting into an argument with your dd. Realize that money problems like that don't come without underlying issues (usually an addiction of some sort)--which is buttrussed by the constant anger you describe. And the very first thing you need to? Within 10 minutes of reading this post? GO TO YOUR HUSBAND AND TELL HIM WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING. He doesn't deserve to have you lying and stealing from him (and money used from your family's budget that he doesn't approve of IS stealing, no matter how you've sugar-coated it to yourself). That's the first step in sorting this out. Letting him know the extent of the problem, and then the two of you and your lawyer need to work together to help resolve as much as you can of the issues, BEFORE you find yourselves in the positions my in-laws ended up in. Look, I kinow how harsh I sound here--but it's only because I truly hate to see another family go through the hell we did. If my voice can make you realize how bad the situation is/can get? then every word I've typed is worth it....See MoreKids At Adult Parties? Long
Comments (32)Kids at adult parties is an oxymoron. It's very simple really. An adult party is for ADULTS ONLY. No kids unless the hosts say to bring them during the invite. The host's kids are the only exception and the proper thing would be to have a sitter for them if they are young or pack them off somewhere for the night. Period. Weddings are are for the persons named on the invitations. NO one else is invited...not kids, not your sister, not grandma. If the name is not there then the person isn't invited. Period. Stores are business facilities. They are not playgrounds nor daycare centers. If your child must come with you then you must be in control of said child. When a child is in an adult environment for any reason it is up to the adult in charge of that child to be in charge. Period. I get really tired of all the posts trying to twist and turn things to suit their personal desires regarding their children. It's not about you or your kids...grow up. I had kids and I raised them to have respect for the environment they were in. Out in public or at someone's home they were to behave. If they didn't....we left. Yeah, I missed out on things but that's what parents do. My first had really bad colic and would start screaming at some of the most inopportune times. I've had to walk that mile. I never stayed where others had to be exposed to that. Even in a restaurants the food was packed to go while I waited outside. With the exception of a sick child waiting in line at the pharmacy their is no excuse what so ever to force other's to cope with your children being children. If you want them to be able to run around and be kids take them to the playground, a kid's pizza place or a playmate's home. When they are in a public or private space not specifically set up for the needs of children YOU deal with it or don't bring them in the first place....See MoreBAD Condo Rule -- No kids in pool during adult hour
Comments (112)Just one data point here. Most of the rules Livvysmom listed are at my neighborhood pool as well. 2. No Food, Glass, or Pets in pool area We have the same. People break the No Food part but the No Glass and No Pets are pretty strictly enforced for obvious reasons. 3. Persons having open cuts, sores, rashes or communicable disease are not permitted in pool. I don't think we have quite this rule because the kids always get cuts and the life guards put bandaids on them and send them back into the pool. 4. Children must be toilet trained, and if under 12 must be supervised by a responsible adult. Usually this has to be with health regulations for toilet training and insurance for the under 12. Our pool just changed the age to 12 (from 10) due to insurance. Swim diapers don't contain fecal matter so I'd rather children wearing swim diapers be banned than allowed. This is the first year my four year old son is allowed in the "big" pool because he did not toilet train until after he was three. 5. Adult (age 18 or over) hour is 3 pm-4 pm. 9. Only Coast Guard Approved personal flotation devices allowed, No swim fins, tanks, coins, floats or toys in pool area. The pool allows coins and toys (e.g., pool balls to toss around) but no fins, tanks (!), or flotation devices (waterwings and such). If a child needs a flotation device then the parent has to be with that child at all times. This is actually a safety issue so that parents don't get "lazy" about supervising a child who can't swim. People used to gripe about the flotation device rule until a 6yo child at another nearby pool drowned. He was wearing a flotation device of some sort, went to the restroom, took off the device and did not put it back on. Jumped into the pool. Drowned. The parent or adult in charge was not with the child at any point during this time. It's easy to blame the parent but I think putting a child in a flotation device gives a false sense of security for lots of people. 10. No horseplay, running, jumping or screaming. The extent of horseplay and screaming and jumping is usually up to the discretion of the life guards. Some are strict and some let the children (teens) play if they are the only ones in the pool area. 13. No Diving Obvious safety issues and insurance. We have a diving well. One member brought up the point that if the diving boards (low and high) were removed, the pool insurance would be alot less. The dive team parents objected to this notion....See Morestep adult kids
Comments (2)>> How do I. 1. Get my wife to see this. 2. How do I get out.You are unlikely to get your wife to see this. If your moving out twice didn't jolt the status quo nothing will IMO. How do you get out? The divorce courts can help you there. As I see it, it's really an "either/or' situation. Either you put up with it until one of you dies (if it's her, you can kick the kids out; if it's you, problem over), or you finish the relationship permanently and move on....See MoreElmer J Fudd
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