It's your son. While how invested you become your grown children's lives is always an ongoing conversation in every family, you need to make up your own mind on this issue.

Even in a household where wives choose to put themselves under the care of their husband's decisions, unless you were in danger from the relationship with your son and this was an attempt by your husband to protect you, it would seem to me that your husband over-stepped. Perhaps he reached his 'last straw' and spoke out of frustration and anger?

In any case, this seems an issue that requires a lot of communication and a serious discussion between your husband and yourself.

He needs to know your feelings. If he will not relent, you may need to choose to continue the relationship with your son on your own. Remember though, depending on how your husband reacts to your decision, you may need to leave him out of it entirely. Hopefully he will be there for you if you need to talk about your son and grandchildren, but he may choose to not be included in any considerations - in which case, problems will certainly arise if your son comes looking for help.

You may also keep in mind that maybe your husband's was a good decision. I'm not saying it is, or isn't, but you should keep it in mind.

I thought the same as Sylvia that it seemed u were thinking about YOU and YOUR loss of GC contact. Also, maybe SD was mean out of frustration that SS is not moving ahead and will calm down, but not w/o you saying son deserves kindness and respect. But we are not hearing SD grievances, there are various sides to this story and were reading only about one side. A temp separation might not be bad for all parties involved.

My son has at this point cut communications with me. He and his new wife make decisions that are much different than what I would hope for them and this cutting communication is one of them. Since he has been with his wife of 2 yrs. he has had very little communication with his 2 small children out of state, which blocks us from being a grandparent because my son and his ex-wife (mother of the 2 out of state) cannot communicate if their life depended on it.

I feel his new wife has caused him to follow her lead in making decisions that don't fall in line with the values we taught both of our sons to live by.

My husband has just had enough, he feels my son is holding the grandchildren hostage from us. I am stressed to the point of this weighing on mind at all times.

From what you posted above, it sounds to me more like this is your son's decision--to limit communication, and you are blaming your husband for going along with that (although certainly not in an ideal way) and even your son's current wife, because maybe that is easier for you? This happens a lot in step-situations, where steps get blamed for divorce issues (that they had no part in) simply because it is easier to blame non-blood. Your son is an adult now, and he needs to take consequences for his own actions, regardless of what may have gone on in the past.

However, my heart goes out to you regarding your pain involving limited contact with your son and grand-children. That has to be very hard to let go. I always think in these type of situations where it seems like relatives are throwing you under the bus, so to speak, it is good to see a counselor for an objective opinion and to get things sorted through more. If anything, a counselor can help you be more at peace with your son's decisions, and more ready to have accepting arms if he ever decides to come back into your lives.

Is there a reason that you first said it was your husband who cut off contact, then you now say it was your son?

Seems you are experiencing a lot of emotion over this issue. However, emotions that are not formed through reasons are irrational. Those irrational emotions can cause real emotional (and physical) pain and damage. Try to sort out the real emotions from those that arise from our anger, worries, pain and imagination. In the best case it will be your spouse, but even if not, a trusted confidant is certainly a treasure.

My husband had gotten caught up in that my son had been losing jobs and coming to us for money to pay his bills. Also, my husband is very concerned that the grandchildren are getting child support from my son.

Yeah, of course in cases like this, the problems are multi-faceted. From what we've learned so far, it seems the pain you are experiencing comes not only from being unable to enjoy a relationship with these family members, but more so from not having the power to do anything about it. That's the dynamic which would have to change. It could take years and a lot of patience, but if that is in fact the case, worrying about it will only make your life, and the lives of those around you, worse. In fact, you may never be able to fully resolve this issue.

As for your son... he is a grown adult, and it sounds like he and his new wife need to be responsible for their own choices and actions.

In regards to your grandchildren from the first marriage, you might want to try writing your ex-daughter-in-law and, for the sake of your grandchildren, express an interest in maintaining a relationship. However, keep in mind that as their mother, she may not feel that is the proper course of action. But writing letters, and sending cards, will let them know you care. Since much of this involves people's choices outside of your ability to influence outcomes, sadly perhaps, being concerned about resolving your own choices and feelings might be the best for which you can hope.

Hang in there. First, try to get your own feelings under control and you'll be able to make clear decisions that the others involved can respect. That is from where your power to influence the others will emanate.

thank you much you have been very helpful.

O my.....as a parent we never stop parenting.....we just reach a different level of parenting...and yes that means financially too. My step sons are 26 and 28. I know its frustrating to your hubby that he still needs financial help. Remind him that its better to help him out than for him to move back home.

As for you and your relationship with your son. Please do not turn your back on him. He needs you now and forever. Maybe now more than ever. Think of how he must feel. He's trying to work and support himself and babies. Thats important. It's tough out there for struggling young folks with babies. Most importantly talk with your hubby. Express to him that you loved your son before your hubby. A mothers love should never fail. Stand up for your son. Work extra hours or whatever it takes to be there for him.

Best of luck to ya dear