Hi Everyone! Thanks all for your concern. I'm not sure what to post, except, I'm quite certain it's MUCH better. He hasn't shown any aggression towards my son in several weeks. He didn't show any aggression towards my daughter either for about 3 weeks but then just recently, he snapped at her. We do take him running. He runs several miles a few times a day. We all run at different times during the day, so he goes on 2-3 runs per day. I take him at around 6a.m., at least one of my kids takes him after school and/or plays fetch with him and then my husband takes him in the evening. He gets PLENTY of exercise. I run the least, which is about 3-4 miles in the morning and on occasion 5 or more miles. I also took him to the vet. The vet is concerned, so he has a dog trainer that is planning to come by. I also contacted the local dog training school, who has not yet returned my phone call or email. BUT, my dog is doing better. I just don't have the heart to take him back to the shelter. He came from a shelter near by, which I believe is VERY good and everyone cares about the animals. They told me he won't get along with other dogs but were sure he would get along well with people. And by all accounts, he did until we brought him home. Remember, we visited him a few times at the shelter and he as great. I am sure that if we take him back,he will be euthanized and that idea is just too heartbreaking. My dog has some very loving qualities and such great charm.

When my SD was 3-5 she lived with her mom and mom's BF who started 'nice' and turned angry and abusive. Mom is a screamer/thrower and apparently he's a screamer/hitter so you can imagine how much fun that was for SD. After the police had to intervene a few times DH was able to get custody, but that's a story for another day. Anywho, SD was witness to most of these fights and the police visits, and then dealt with her mom afterward as mom talked to her about it all like a girlfriend rather than her toddler daughter. For YEARS afterward if DH and I even seemed to disagree (and I don't exaggerate when I say we don't fight and rarely ever raise our voice) she would start to shake and run to her room. We used 'pick' on each other and play argue for fun, but we had to stop as SD thought we were serious. Mom and her new husband fight often and it still deeply effects her. When she was younger she blamed the fighting only on the BF/step as mom did no wrong, but once she hit about 11 she started to see that the pattern followed mom. Point being, if SM is loud, angry and hostile it could truly affect your son. I don't advocate jumping to conclusions or assumptions about their household, but some investigation is in order. Having your son talk to someone else to get a better idea of what goes on there and why your son dislikes SM so much is definitely in order. Perhaps dad should be involved as well? Hearing from a 3rd party might give it a little more weight... Good luck to you. Keep us posted.

Honey, please look very strongly at this man. I too was in the same boat several years ago. Re married, step children both sides. I had a son, he a son. It was rocky from the get go but I stayed stong. I knew he loved me, but both children were artists at stirring things up. Mine was no angel as I found out later. That was where I believe he started drifting away. I went to others for advice and got the same thing. He's no good, he's having an affair. Bottom line, get rid of him. Well, I never had that chance. He died several months later. He never complained about illnesses. He did get dizzy and sometimes would pass out. In those days doctors dismissed it as he was drinking and smoking too much. Problem was he hardly drank but every now and then he would tie one on and never smoked. at the funeral his very close (single)friends paid their respects. One that I was also very close to I pulled aside and had to ask if he knew of my husband having an affair. In no uncertain terms he stated no way. He did like to look and flirt as you put it but while they were out all he talked about was me and the kids. But he also felt that he was not part of the family that I brought into the marriage. He said that I spent alot of my time treating my son like an adult while brushing my husband off to the side, My parents were domineering and like to controll things. My son ran to them if he looked sideways at him. Of course, I had to hear about it. He also stated that he thought my husband had been sick and in alot of pain for some time because he did see him go through changes. He would tell them about his pain but did not want to worry me. His joking around came less and less. His mind was always racing thouugh all kinds of things going on. They joked that it was my nagging causing this and wrote it off as such. While cleaning out his things i came upon some things. He was always trying to make things better for me and the kids. He was working more hours, taking odd jobs around town, he was pawning and selling some of his things that i knew at least he held dear at one time. This was all found through receipts and notes. He had planned a getaway with the family. It was all there in black and white. All this through what I found even later what must have been excruciating pain. I;m not going to bore you with more. I found notes and cards to me that he never gave me. They would go on and on about how much he loved me, his hapiness with me, his fears of the future. He had always had a hard time saying his thoughts. These letters were poetry. I do want you to get one thing out of my mistake. You know this man more than any of us do. At least I would hope. Take a good look into his soul. I knew what was in my husbands soul because that was why I married him faults and all. He loved God, his family, and his friends. Yes he drank every now and then and would overdo it the same as yours. He was a flirt and I knew it. He flirted with everyone young and old, pretty and not so pretty. That was part of his charm. Again, that was a reason why i married him. Everyone loved him. That church was packed. Now all I have are the lovely memories of him and the one nightmare that wakes me up often. I listened to others that did not know him the way I did. You get a second chance to look through your eyes and heart and not through others.

Yeah, of course in cases like this, the problems are multi-faceted. From what we've learned so far, it seems the pain you are experiencing comes not only from being unable to enjoy a relationship with these family members, but more so from not having the power to do anything about it. That's the dynamic which would have to change. It could take years and a lot of patience, but if that is in fact the case, worrying about it will only make your life, and the lives of those around you, worse. In fact, you may never be able to fully resolve this issue. As for your son... he is a grown adult, and it sounds like he and his new wife need to be responsible for their own choices and actions. In regards to your grandchildren from the first marriage, you might want to try writing your ex-daughter-in-law and, for the sake of your grandchildren, express an interest in maintaining a relationship. However, keep in mind that as their mother, she may not feel that is the proper course of action. But writing letters, and sending cards, will let them know you care. Since much of this involves people's choices outside of your ability to influence outcomes, sadly perhaps, being concerned about resolving your own choices and feelings might be the best for which you can hope. Hang in there. First, try to get your own feelings under control and you'll be able to make clear decisions that the others involved can respect. That is from where your power to influence the others will emanate.