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girlsingardens

Oy vey MIL to give away (Vent, big vent)

girlsingardens
12 years ago

First of all I know that there are worse things than what happened with my mil but I just can not believe the audcity of this women. While we were gone last Monday for me to get my head on straight and then in the hospital all week with the boys, while I was still recuperating from surgery and knowing that Peyton would have surgery this week. So we were out of town, my DH came home and MIL was in our house, not invited nor let into our house "cleaning". She did the same thing the next 3 days. If it was cleaning that would be fine but anything that she saw that wasn't in a place that she felt it should she threw away. She told me that they were not in their right places so she got rid of all of them. Here is a small list Herloom one of kind ornament that I was putting in my shadow box, A book that my grandpa always read me that I have only the original copy and it is out of print, all the cards and pictures from my grandparents that are gone and close friends, the baby bracelets from the boys and me when they were born, close to 50 dollars worth or craft supplies, kids social security cards. I keep finding more and more things missing everyday and then DH gets upset when I go looking.

My head aches at all times, I know that they are things and try not to affect my life with my kids and DH did tell her that she had no right to throw my things away. I can't let it go each time that I find or realize another thing is nice. She sent me 2 nasty emails and 8 to my DH and is making up things like how many times I called (2 times and she said 12 times). That my sil called her and told her all that I said (sil was in the shower when her dh talked to his mom). She is nuts and Dr. has recomended meds but she won't follow them. She just came into our house when we weren't here and did these things. I dug through my trash and found a couple of things but the majority are gone as she took the trash home to burn. She lies and says she didn't take things or throw them away and I have caught her in many lies about this subject. And note that this isn't the first time and she has been told at least 6 times that she isn't to come into our house without us here and not to ever throw anything away.

As of last night we couldn't call her anymore and as of today we can't visit. I have told the kids that we can't see grandma and grandpa. I don't care this women is nuts, if you want more examples I could write a book. She says the hardest thing she has ever done was be a mother in law and that all her daughter in laws do terrible things to her and are ungrateful b(*&*((. Well DUHHHH if all 5 of her daughter in laws don't get along with her maybe she might be the problem. I understand that I can't reason with her but each day as I go look for something or the kids look for something and it is gone. I then spend hours looking for it not to mention the 55 dollar plumber charge for fixing the things that she broke like dishwasher and garbage disposal.

I can't get over my anger, I can not imagine anyone in the world just going into someone elses house and throwing their things away without their knowledge or permission. Am I out of bounds for being upset. Help I keep going through things over and over again and am about to loose it. You all know the stress in my life and our current illness, her exact words are get over it,

I just found the following email from this morning that I haven't had time to reply to. Here is part of it. And no it isn't true and I have someone come in once a week to help me with the house, and I have 4 kids and lots of things going on.

"In the past, I had sent things along with you and when coming to see us sometime later, they were still in the back of the pickup along with a lot of garbage. Dan has brought pickup loads of stuff here to be dumped or burned and we couldnt believe what was in that.

Sometime ago, I said something to you about "less is more". The last three times when we came to see you, we literally had to shovel our way into the house. And if one thinks about it long enough, itÂs never been any different in any house you have ever lived in. I will "live and let live". And if thatÂs the way you want to live, thatÂs perfectly all right with us. All we want for you and yours is to be happy and we canÂt do that for you.

Stuff? The only important thing is that someday we will have the right stuff to get into Heaven. Then the rest of all this stuff wonÂt make any difference.

We have always loved you and we will always love you but for now, I have chosen to no longer be a part of your lives  then, hopefully, you wonÂt have any more problems, stress, etc. Then you will have to blame something/someone else."

All of the above is not true, as to our pickup, it isn't my job to unload heavy things, DH decided to put the phone in the garage because our plaster and lathe walls wouldn't support it because it weighs 40 pounds at least.

Okay long enough I know, but what do I do. I am still missing things, Do I go over to her house and look in the trash for them. I don't know what to do, I am at my wits end and it isn't a far jump. Peyton is scheduled for surgery Wednesday and I will be there alone that night and next day. I need to focus my energy on that not the crazy women who stole my things.

Stacie

Comments (46)

  • sue_va
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    She must have a key to your house, right?

    Change the locks.

    Sue

  • girlsingardens
    Original Author
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    We don't lock our house or even have keys. My brother is a contractor and next time he is up he is going to put locks on all our doors so that she can't come in, it is sad when you can trust your neighbors more than your family.

    Stacie

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  • Lindsey_CA
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    "We don't lock our house or even have keys."

    I don't care who you are or where you live, in this day and age it is NOT a good idea to not lock your house.

  • dilly_dally
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    You went out of town and left your house unlocked?!? You are lucky that your MIL was the worst thing that happened. Good thing you are now getting locks for your doors. Make sure you get window locks too. I can't imagine sleeping at night in a house with no locks on the doors and windows.

  • girlsingardens
    Original Author
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    You know what just forget about this post, we live in mayberry just about with a population of under 500 so don't worry about it. If everyone wants to focus on my doors being unlocked fine, but it is the crap my mil pulled that is what I am Pi&&ed about

  • Lindsey_CA
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    But if your doors had been locked your mother-in-law wouldn't have been able to get into your house when you weren't there. (And I won't even get into a discussion about how if your home is broken into and ransacked and everything stolen, your homeowner's insurance [or renter's insurance if you're not a homeowner] won't cover it if your home was left unlocked.)

    What your mother-in-law did was wrong -- no two ways about it. But, playing Devil's Advocate, she apparently didn't think she was doing anything wrong since you've never done anything to keep her out of your house when you weren't there. You seem to know that she's a bit "unbalanced," so you should never, ever, give her any opportunity to take advantage of that.

    Hubs and I went through something a bit similar, although not nearly as disastrous... We were on a two-week vacation in Hawaii, and my younger sis was supposed to come over every couple of days to bring in the mail, water the plants, and change which lights were left on at night. Well, this was in the heyday of Trading Spaces and my older sis was a huge fan of the show. So, she convinced my younger sis to go along with the plan... When hubs and I arrived home, we came home to a nearly totally redone downstairs. Sis hadn't done any painting, but she rearranged all the furniture, changed accessories, etc., etc. One of the things she did was move a bookcase from downstairs to the second landing in the stairway to the upstairs, and then decided it would be an excellent spot for all of my cookbooks. She rearranged where nearly everything was kept in the kitchen (it's been YEARS and there's still stuff I haven't found). She took a bunch of my Pampered Chef stoneware out of the boxes and just stacked the stuff inside/on top of each other which is NOT how I like to store my stoneware. I don't care if it takes up more room having the stuff in individual boxes -- I have a ton of storage space in the kitchen and the stoneware is better protected when it's boxed. Besides, it's my kitchen and my stuff.

    I didn't speak to my older sis for more than a year after that.

  • kathy_
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    If your doors had been locked, she wouldn't have come in.
    I guarantee if anyone comes in my house and throws things away, I'd better be dead.
    Is there more to this story than we are seeing though? I have a brother and wife who can't throw anything away and their house is a pig sty - oh wait - they filled up the house and are living in the back of their pig sty pet store.
    Once when they were on vacation (before the house filled), her mother went in to care for some animals. She called my mom and was crying. Mom went down there and they did 16 loads of clothes - that they took off the floor.
    Yeah they were pissed, but for a week they could see the floor.
    I know you will think I am being "mean", but maybe it is a good time to look at the way you live. I'd bet the stuff that went was jumbled up with lots of other stuff.
    This is a time to organize and file away so it never happens again.

  • wildchild
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Girlsingardens,

    What your MIL pulled IS something to be pissed about. Apparently Dan doesn't seem to have much of an issue with it or HE would be dealing with this. Why the heck isn't he over at their "unlocked" house retrieving this stuff? Why did he let her stay and continue cleaning after he found her there. For three days!!! Kids Social Security cards! Why would they be out where she could get to them? Sounds like there is more than one side to this story.

    You seem to be someone who has a lot of work to do on yourself so you will stop letting others treat you like a doormat.

    Your posts are frequently about being taken for granted by Dan. After the truck registration hoopla you caved and took care of it for him in the end. Why??? Now he doesn't have your back regarding his mother. Why?

    You have 4 kids under the age of six. That's hard. Family is important in circumstances like that but not to the point of allowing them to abuse and walk over you.

    You don't want to hear "lock your doors", well fine. But then you can't complain when you're robbed blind because you trusted.

    I think you are a good person and a good mom but very very naive. You have an open link to your webpage. Anyone in the whole world, not just your little town of 500 can see your your town,your house, your full name,your DH's full name, your DH's bike, your kids,their full names and birth dates.

    Honey you have to grow up and realize that their are bad people in this world and they live in small towns just like yours. There is no Mayberry. Mayberry may be your block but it ain't the surrounding areas. I'm willing to bet your town has druggies,thieves and maybe even a predator or 2 just like anywhere else.

    Stay in counseling ,work on yourself and stand up for yourself. Either DH and family will grow to respect you or there's nothing there. When you have nothing you have nothing to lose. Take care.

  • pranjal
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Yes, stand up for yourself, Stacie. I know it's been a crazy and overwhelming time for you and the kids, and your MIL has contributed a lot to making it worse. If what she wrote in her email is not true, just brush it off, don't let it get to you (my MIL is a liar, and I just ignore her - unless she lies to my parents about something, and she has been caught a couple of times, but she seems incapable of learning a lesson).

    Please don't get mad about what I'm going to write now - We live in the UAE and it's a very safe country; we could keep our house unlocked at all times, but we choose not to (better safe than sorry). Your house should be secure when you are away and when you are at home.

    Nobody can walk all over you unless you let them; your MIL has chosen not to be a part of your life, this should be a breather for you. Take a deep breath, put your things in order,get your life together and enjoy it (easier said than done, but believe me, when you don't let others affect you, it shows them that they can't control you - that's a big blow to them). All the very best to you.

    Hugs,
    Pranjal

  • gemini40
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    pranjal, can you tell me what would happen to somebody who broke into your home in the UAE, are the laws there lenient or are they more harsh, I am curious?

    june

  • susan_on
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie, I agree with Wildchild, and also Kathy. If your MIL has already done this before, why would you make it possible for her to do it again? That's why everybody is asking why you don't put locks on the doors and keep the keys away from her. That's a simple solution.

    I also agree about Dan. He seems to be unreasonable, and also not very helpful. I'm glad you're in counselling to deal with all this.

    But Kathy made a point about hoarding. Now, this is something I wondered about before, actually. If you don't have this problem, then you're right to be annoyed with your MIL (even though you can prevent her entry to your home). But if you do have this problem, that would be the reason why she's getting in there to clean. Don't be embarrassed to get help if this is the case.

    I was hoping you had seen my post on your other thread about contacting your local Children's Services for help. They have a lot of support services in place that could really benefit you. They can hook you up with Mother's Helper's, classes (examples-cooking, cleaning, organizing, various activities around children), and other services. Of course they have counselling, but you already do that. Please consider calling them, as you are overwhelmed and could use support.

  • Tally
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie, I know you don't want to hear about locking your doors, but are you aware that there are 3 registered sex offenders in Ansley, Nebraska?

    All are designated Level 3 (High Risk to Reoffend). One of them is convicted of sexual assault of a child. 2 live on Gage Street, one lives on Main Street.

    You definitely don't live in Mayberry. In fact, your exact address is listed on your website satellite photo.

    Click on the link below for Nebraska's Sexual Offender Registry. If the link is too long then go to:

    http://www.nsp.state.ne.us/sor/find.cfm

    and put your town in the search box.

  • monica_pa Grieves
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Not only should you have locks put on the doors...make sure Dan doesn't give her or any other member of his family a key to it.

    What is HIS explanation for letting his mother do all this...over a span of three days???

    I thought my MIL was bad, but even she didn't have the guts to enter my home without me being there.

  • girlsingardens
    Original Author
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    The problem is it is an older house and we really don't have keys. We are solving that problem. My problem is that I trusted that my mil wouldn't throw things away that is my fault. I do have lots of "stuff" but have worked and orgnized it such that I have a crafting area downstairs and a basket where I keep important things. It was only small random thing that are gone so nothing really monitarily. I keep things in baskets and in the phone cabinet and she is one that can't stand that everything is out of sight. She honestly thinks she is helping and is hurt when I get upset. She doesn't understand that with kids there will be toys around and everything won't be perfect.

    As to Dan, He told her that she had no right to throw things away, has been helping make dinner and helping with the kids at night.

    Thanks for the comments, my family and what is going on is more important to me, it was the thought of her coming in. You are right, I have tried to establish boundries but there is no talking to her. It started when I asked where some things were at. It wasn't necessarily cleaning but like one person said, a trading spaces experience. She moved and remove things and if she found somthing stuck in a book she threw them away.

    I am done dealing with her when she acts crazy like that there is no reasoning with her at all.

    Stacie

  • gardenspice
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie,
    Are you aware that anyone reading this can locate you via your website? I strongly urge you to take the map off of your website today.

    The MIL thing stinks, but don't give her the opportunity to make you angry. I'd definitely suggest a cooling off period, followed by clear boundaries.

  • Marigene
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie, sounds like you need to put on your big girl pants and take your life back and not depend on everyone else. You are not the only person in the world to have 4 babies bing, bing, bing and have no help. I know plenty of women who have had that many little ones and coped very well.

  • stephmc72
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm sorry this happened to you and there isn't much advice I can add aside from what everyone else has written. I'm glad you're getting locks and keys. It doesn't matter where you live, there's always someone that you can't trust. Keep your family safe!!!!!!!

    As for the stuff that's gone missing, you indicated "it was only small random things that are gone..." - your children's SS cards, an heirloom ornament, your grandfathers book that cannot be replaced.....those aren't small random things. Those are items of personal value.

  • waddles
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Maybe you can make her a deal and tell her she must let you know when she is coming over and then you can spruce up a bit before she gets there.

  • eandhl
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    What she did was wrong. If you mend the relationship & accept her help, have a box ready and tell to put anything in that she would "throw out" but NOT to throw out the box. Then you and your DH can go through it. I would think with the 4 babies and sickness, surgery you would need all the help you can get right now. I am sorry this happened and I know it must be upsetting to loose things of personal value.

  • Pieonear
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I don't blame you for being upset with your MIL, but I don't think this is really the problem. I think you are totally overwhelmed at this point in your life. A house full of little sick kids, an immature husband and yourself being sick would overwhelm anyone.

    I know you are seeking help, but when you are depressed, every problem seems HUGE. If your meds aren't working, maybe you should consult another doctor.

  • petaloid
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    You want to give your MIL away? Don't give her to me, honey! That lady has a heck of a nerve. I'm sorry to hear about the problems and hope your situation improves very soon.

  • jannie
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Sunds like she has sme mental problems (Alzheimers/dementia). My MIL was that way. I never kept a very tidy house. When she came over, she'd "straighten up" an area, and thrw out everything that she deemed "did not belong". She threw out mail, bills, plants, cards, little things my kids had made me as gifts, etc. I was hospitalized a month in 2001, so she moved in and ckeaned up the whole house, even threw out all my Christmas decorations, even though they were neatly boxed and marked in the garage. I cried over those. Your best ally is your husband. He must speak with his mother and tell her she is not to enter your home uninvited, and not allowed to move anything. Speak with your DH. If he doesn't agree, you have real problems. My sympathy and good luck to you!

  • Terri_PacNW
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    My biggest concern is the SS cards...Were they inside something else? Were they in plain sight? I don't think anyone throws out SS cards on purpose.
    Did you directly ask her where the cards are?

  • flowerpotmama
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    If my MIL came into my house and threw away my things, not only would I never speak to her again but I would have her arrested. But I am very territorial about my house and my things. Very. Kind of unreasonable actually. LOL

    Oh Stacy all I can offer are hugs. I hope things go better for you. (((Stacy)))

    Danielle

  • nodakgal
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Terri said exactly what I was thinking...what woman would throw her grandchildrens SS cards away!? My gosh.
    I try NOT to stick my nose in DD and my new DSIL's business.
    Whether the doors lock or not a reasonable person doesn't do something like that. I do agree you need to lock your doors in this day and age, I dont care where you live or how much or little you own. Get locks and MIL of course doesn't get a key. LOL
    I've had house cleaners come that will pick up assorted things thru the house here and there and put them in a basket or a pile and left for me to go through it. To just throw someone else stuff in the garbage without their ok is unreal.
    (((Stacie)))

  • jeaninwa
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Your MIL is being VERY passive/aggressive. I'm glad you confronted her on this, and I hope she understands it is NOT acceptable. Yes, give that woman AWAY! (or, you may have to pay someone to take her...even that would be a bargain)

    The locks.....a side issue that is being resolved and not the point here.

    The point is, someone came into YOUR home, threw YOUR things away and is now upset with YOU because you're mad at her. There is no excuse for her. None.

  • lisa_fla
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I would get the locks immediately. Otherwise eventually when things cool off, she will be back. What she did was unforgivable. I would like to think she was just misguided in tossing items, but it seems deliberate-baby bracelets,SS cards, other things that meant a lot to you. I'm speechless, but I'd get the locks ASAP.

  • lydia1959
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Although I don't understand why anyone would throw SS cards, bracelets from the hospital and old family photos away - I also do not understand why these things were left out. If someone came into my home.. they would have to dig deep to find these things.

    I also wouldn't be living in a house with little children and no locks on the doors.

    I'm sorry your MIL did this, but you have to take some responsibility too. Get those locks on your doors today!

  • suzieque
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    What's in my home, left out, put away, or otherwise, is my business and my business only. Perhaps MIL was trying to help - perhaps your house is cluttered - perhaps she thought you'd appreciate it. Doesn't matter! It was not up to her to decide what should be tossed and what shouldn't. At least put things in a box, as someone suggested above. But my stuff is my stuff and I don't want anyone messing with it.

  • gbsim1
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie,
    You talked last week about being stoned out due to problems with interactions between 4 drugs you were taking. Anti depressants plus painkillers. You were very open about having done things that were hard to believe and that your family had to intervene to help you get your head together.
    Is it possible that you simply don't remember where you had your children's SS cards, baby bracelets etc? Or that you yourself did something with them last week when you were out of it? Have you NICELY asked your MIL if she saw the SS cards when she was helping you by cleaning the house? Perhaps she placed them in a secure location.
    Yes, you need to set some boundaries. You are depending on family members for their help with your children and you have said that you are inundated with the kids, the house and "life". It seems logical to me that she would feel that since she was helping care for the kids already and since you were going through an admitedly rough patch that she could help out by bringing a little organization into your home. She may have been wrong, but you were the one that figuratively (and literally by not having locks) opened the door to having her in your personal affairs.

  • redcurls
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Would LOVE to see this go before Judge Judy. I think she'd rip that woman a new one.....

    Have you ever thought about a lawsuit?

  • wifetojoeiii
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie -

    I feel so bad for you - I understand "no locks" - we live in a similar area.

    You have EVERY RIGHT to be angry. I agree with a previous poster that your MIL may have some type of disorder - perhaps depression/mania? Alzheimers? Adult ADHD? For her to come into your home & throw away all of your things is RIDICULOUS. I would not allow her to come to my home again unless I got a complete & total apology.

    I know we do not "know" each other well, but I hope you know that I agree with you completely. Let your DH step in & try & talk to HIS mother - let her know that she trespassed & violated your home.

    You could probably consider criminal charges. I could go on - I feel terribly for you - not only are precious possessions gone, but you have to deal with the emotional wrath of those who do not understand where you are coming from. There are those who will say that you should understand, give her some room, keep the peace, talk to her, etc - but she blew all of that away once she entered YOUR home & destroyed your possessions.

    Again - the only EXCUSE would be some type of diagnosis - but she cannot hide behind that.

    I am sooooo sorry.

  • jemdandy
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Its time to change the locks and serve MIL with a restraining order. That way, you have grounds for the police to haul her away the next time she invades your house uninvited and/or unsupervised.

    If you can document the missing items and place a fair value on them, present her with a bill for these. You'll probably not get anywhere with this action, but this can be used for future disputes. This is not about making a friend of her - she's alrady is your enemy so there is no loss here - Its time to get tough.

  • greencanopy
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie,

    I feel bad for you and it sounds like you've calmed down since her intrusion into your home.

    She apparently has issues and may have gotten the jist of what's expected of her (judging by her last e-mail). Like not coming into your house and rearranging, cleaning, throwing things out without your consent. It is your house, not hers. Let her do with her house what she wants. Some MIL's just can't get it straight in their heads, that their sons are married, they are no longer the woman in their lives. People like her just can't let go. They (I think) are lost, they don't know where they stand, what their role is now that their sons are gone.

    It does sound like she has a control issue. She doesn't realize that she needs to let go. It is not her place.

    At this point, concentrate on what's important and what needs your attention. You can deal with her (if you still have to) later.

    And just for the record. Even if your door is unlocked does not constitute an invitation.

  • susan_on
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I don't think any of us can diagnose the MIL with any disorder any more than we can diagnose Stacie (as a hoarder for instance). We can wonder, but we can't diagnose. We know one side of the story only. I really don't think it was good at all, what her MIL did, but it would be interesting to hear the other side. Having said that, I do agree that she needs to change her locks so this cannot happen again.

  • grinch_gut
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    We too live as you do on the door locking issue....I know it is not right but that is how we do it...yes we have al the bad people here too..but we just don't lock them we do when we leave town though and most the time at night when we go to bed.....
    On the MIL issue.....I wouldn't care if she was a part of my life or not.....this is your home....not hers if it is spotless, cluttered or filthy it is not her place to do anything about it...it is not hers she can keep her place the way she wants....
    Crazy is what I say....
    You need to focus on you your hubby and the kids.....
    And totally forget about her....I would be appalled if my MIL did that and we have had her stay at our home a few times to take care of the dogs when we took short trips....
    Never did she do anything like that...I just can't believe it.....totally amazed here...sTacy

  • susan_on
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I CAN think of one instance where I would do the same as the MIL if I was a grandmother. And I'm NOT saying this is the case in Stacie's situation...just to be clear.

    If I had grandchildren, who were living in a home that was filthy (again, I have no reason to believe Stacie is filthy), and where there were hoarding issues...I would be aware that it was a health and safety concern that should involve the local public health department and social services. But I would hate to involve other agencies, and would try to do something myself. I would try to "help" with her there, and possibly when she wasn't there. I know it's technically not right, and I would understand that I was in the wrong, but I would do it to try to help the grandchildren as a desperate act if nothing else worked. And I would also know in the back of my mind that it would probably backfire on me.

    My post is PHILOSOPHICAL only please. It was prompted by replies that the MIL should NEVER have done that, and I think a lot of people would actually try to intervene in extreme circumstances, of which my example is one. Health and safety should always come first.

  • girlsingardens
    Original Author
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Thanks for all the thoughts.

    Jannie what happened to you happened to me.

    I went through the trash (nasty under the food in a broken bag) I found the SS cards, the ornament, the bracelets and a few other things.

    If you can believe it she threw away more than I knew, She sent me an email saying that she threw away my candles because I shouldn't have them in my house, my plug ins (glade) because they start fires, she admitted to being mad so just started throwing things away even though she shouldn't. I am missing 8 candles I had in the cupboard ( I change them around)

    My DH told her to not email me and she still is. I just emailed asking where the craft supplies and toys stored in the closet were at. These were things on the top shelf of a closed orgnized closet. She needed the room for all the decorations and collections that she removed so she took all the extra toys I rotate and my craft supplies and disposed of them. I did email her asking where they were at let see if she gets upset and lashes out at us or explains where to find them. She even told her son, my DH that he and his whole family are out of her life forever including me and the grandkids, never to call or visit ever again.

    Just my side of it.

    Stacie

  • firemanswife
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie,
    I too live in a very small farming community. Heck everyone is related to everyone else and we too never lock our doors.
    I also have a MIL that's a little nuts. I would take stuff out for dinner in the morning before I left for work and when I got home it would be gone. I thought I was losing my mind. Then one night we stopped by their house and what do you know they are having the same thing I put out that morning!
    She comes in and helps herself to my pantry all the time!
    I just had surgery in August and she came in one day and helped herself to my pain medication. She has done so many crazy things over the years it's would take me forever not to mention just tick me off to start mentioning them all. I sat down with her and we had a little "meeting" and from then on she calls first if she needs anything. I also have my DH support though. I made it very clear it's easier if his mom's angry then if I'm angry. :0)
    Good luck...set some ground rules and stick with them.

  • girlsingardens
    Original Author
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Thank you firemanswife so very much;)

    Your post just put the biggest smile on my face despite the fact that I am sitting here waiting for my daughter to recover from surgery that left stitches from ear to ear on her neck.

    I too started thinking I was crazy after I couldn't find things until my friend brought Hayden over and caught her going nuts over my sippy cups and saying "Dam& sippy cups, she has too many and I am going to get rid of some of them put them some where" When I mentioned a couple weeks after Hudson was born to my friend that I couldn't find any sippy cups she mentioned the previous exchange with mil and I then called mil and she said she hadn't seen any extra sippy cups and hadn't touched them, she just lied to me. Same thing this time with the tupperware kids cups, she took 10 of them and left me 4 because that is all the kids I have and all that I need. But when asked about it she denies taking them.

    I sent her a note today after DH told her not to contact me and she had emailed me and I thought if she can email me I can email her. So I emailed her asking where my things that she took out of a closed closet were, the crafting supplies missing from my crafting area. She even went through my storage boxes in the basement to see what I had in them. She also called at least 5 family members bad mouthing me and discussing how I am an ungratefull such and such.

    Stacie

  • frazoo
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Well, she's backed herself into a corner and can do nothing but lash out. Has she ever said "I'm sorry" to anyone for any reason?

    You say she's called some other family members. I wonder if they were shocked at her doings. When and if this comes up with others, be sure to calmly hold your ground. She was in the wrong.

    I think you seem like a very organized person. If your house gets messy because of having 4 little ones, so be it. There is such a thing as an organized mess, too. At least you know where your stuff is, and you even rotate toys so the kids have something different to play with every now and then, and you rotate your decorations, too. Plus, you had stuff on shelves in closed closets, in totes and boxes that were put away....even in the basement!!???

    As far as leaving you 4 cups for 4 kids....that's poor planning on her part. It's so outrageous, it's almost funny!!

    Well, if she's calling other family members, she's probably emailing others, too. You and your DH need to stay calm and strong. If others confront you, tell them what she did and that all she needs to do is apologize and tell you where your stuff is. And, promise not to ever do that again, or enter your house without permission. If I got a call like that, I would ask the other person what happened, just out of curiosity. Surely, no one will think you and DH are out of line. I sure don't!!

    Leslie/KS

  • pkramer60
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Frankly, I think your MIL cleaning is the least of your troubles. I would be worrying about the safety of my children if I had no locks on my doors, offenders in the neighborhood, full information on my family complete with photos of my children on a website and improtant paperwork laying around the house. Prime fodder for a thief or pedophile.

    As others have done, I urge you to remove the link to your website and to ask GW to pull your posts. You have posted far to much personal information. As a parent of 4 small children you are responsible for their safety.

  • perdita
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm glad you're getting locks on the house. That is very wise.

    Several people have suggested you remove the very personal information on your website.
    This would be prudent. In this day and time, it's always better to be overly cautious. You have too much personal info posted -- and there are TOO many quacks out there that are more than willing to take advantage. You are a smart person with a beautiful family. Protect yourself and them.

    As for your MIL, hopefully she will remain true to her word and "be out of your lives" but don't hold your breath. I think YOU and your DH should take the steps to make this happen. Don't acknowledge her, don't email her, and block her emails from coming to you. IGNORE her.

    Being angry will only make you miserable.
    As hard as it is, let go of the hurt. Accept the fact that you cannot undo what she has done.
    Accept the fact that she isn't going to apologize or change. She's a bitter, poisonous, lonely, petty and insecure woman who is trying to manipulate you and your DH.
    Cut her out of your life.

    I sincerely hope you're on your way to a speedy recovery after your surgery. As well as your DD.
    Good luck!

  • Tally
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Stacie, you posted about the sippy cup episode on the Cooking forum back in November, so your MIL's recent behavior shouldn't come as a shocking new development. It's unfortunate you lost so many precious things, but I'm glad to see you recovered the social security cards.

    You and your husband know the issue, so you either figure out how to control it, or you adopt preventative measures to live with it. You've gotten a lot of good suggestions here and I hope you find some of them helpful.

    Either way, the real concern is the safety of your children. I'm glad to see you removed the satellite photo with your exact street address from your website. However your accuweather.com link still shows your town and of course your last name is posted on your website. Along with all those adorable photos of your kids and their names.

    I know how much fun it can be to have your kids and family photos on a public website, but consider the possibilities, particularily with 3 known sex offenders living in your small town. Even in a population of 473, you just can't be too careful. And if I remember correctly, you recently posted a lengthy post about your brother being an alcoholic and your concerns about your daughter and his possible sexual abuse.

    I'm very glad to see you are getting locks on your doors to protect your home and children. Please take another look at your website and consider any other personal information that might not be in the best interests of your family to publish on the world wide net.

    Best of luck to you and here's hoping the mother in law issue will not continue to be problematic once you can lock her out of the house.

  • pfllh
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm going to take a different stance.
    You're young and have 4 children. Who has helped you when you have a new baby? You've not said anything about your family so does MIL help you.
    Does she keep things neat in her house? Do you leave things laying around, children don't pick up toys and dishes in the sink, lots of wash to be done? That thought came from statements of things involved and sippy cups. Having things in baskets can also be messy if just throwing things in the basket and piling baskets where she feels she needs to clean. Does your husband ever mention that the house is dirty or messy to family? Could the children get injured on anything left laying around or within reach including your craft items?
    I was born and raised in Nebraska in a small town and it's been years that it was safe to leave your doors unlocked just due to theft. This information of sex offenders would have my hiney on the phone yesterday to have someone put in locks. With 4 small children, how can you protect them all at the same time?
    I may sound harsh but there are some things in life we need to take a step back and take a hard look at. From posts, you have been complaining about MIL for some time. Do something about it.
    Get the locks. Have hubby go to his parents house and ask for the items you are still missing or where are they? Take a hard look at hubby and yourself and what needs to change. Do it and it may take a while.
    I do wish you the best as it's not easy to have children and get everything done.
    Lynn

  • Lindsey_CA
    12 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Even if you're not concerned at all about strangers and sex offenders coming into your house through unlocked doors... Do you have no concern at all that a child, once able to walk on his/her own, could get up in the night and wander outside?