Well first, I am so sorry you are going through this. Our parents age and even though their minds still feel like their young and able to conquer the world, their bodies just aren't up to the task. Understand, for someone who has taken care of him/herself (as well as others) for as long as they can remember it's hard for them to hear their own child try to tell them what to do. So don't tell dad to stay off the ladder, instead find a way to keep him off by suggesting alternatives. Safer ways to do things, hiring help because he deserves to take a break (not because he's too old to do it). That's what I do with my Mom when we have talks like that and the results have been much more positive. So he may respond better as well.

That said, I really don't want to scare you further, and even hesitate writing this but I unfortunately lost my father because of a fall off a ladder so I completely understand your angst. Have you spoken with his doctors? Is anyone there with him? Have they told you his prognosis?

I don't have any advice about what to do NOW, but I agree with Lukkiirish, find alternative solutions without telling him that he is too old to do something. I am 61 and already our oldest DD is starting to treat me that way. It is hard to take, especially when I have always been the one to take care of everyone and everything. I feel dismissed.

I will add your father to my prayer list, I know you didn't ask for prayers but that is all I can offer... and I hope that does not offend you.

Are you not nearby so that you can go to the hospital? Is there anyone you can call, maybe his minister or friends, that will check on him in person?

My hub fell from the top deck of his car carrier in 2007 & is fine. He had a bunch of facial fractures too. A friend of his had the same fall 6 months later & did not make it.

My hub was also not making sense on the phone. I spoke to the Dr; he said they'll give him morphine & watch him over night. When I got there the next morning he was doing better.

My daughter dad had a motorcycle accident in July with extreme brain swelling & broken neck. He was admitted about a week; then sent to a rehab for 3 weeks. He's doing ok now.

Everyone is different. Just keep on the Dr's to see how he's doing

thanks lukkiirish and jenna for the replies. My brother was with him when it happened and he followed the ambulance to the first hospital but after about 3 hours they told him to go home. The hospitals here have a strict policy that no one is allowed into the treatment area of the emergency dept except the patients so even though my brother was there all afternoon, he didnt get to see dad. After about 3 1/2 hrs he was put into another ambulance and was sent to the emergency dept at the larger hospital.

I got to speak to the doctor at the first hospital who told me about the bleeding, but that was all he would say. When I rang the next hospital I only got to speak to the nurse and she wouldn't tell me anymore than what i already knew :(
They didn't know which ward he would end up going to and visiting hours were almost over and he hadn't left the emergency dept yet. it's been really frustrating that all I could do was keep phoning to see if I could get any updates.

Lukkiirish, I appreciate your honesty and I'm sorry to hear about your father. I would rather know how bad this can get so I can be prepared for it if it comes to that.

Jenna, I appreciate your prayers, It doesnt offend me at all and it's really kind of you. :)

Hopefully I can find out more in the morning and get to see him. I know doctors are a bit wary of giving out too much information in case it turns out wrong but I just have no idea how serious he is right now

My father, who was a tuck-pointer/bricklayer, worked on scaffolding his entire life on the tallest buildings in the city. When he was in his 60s, he fell off a ladder and broke his wrist and hip. A few days later, he developed a blood clot in his leg. Luckily, he was still in the hospital, and he healed quickly.

That being said, he is now nearly 93, still changes the oil in his car himself, takes care of all lawn care, takes care of my 86 year old mother with Alzheimer's, and is convinced the activity is what keeps him alive. I think he's right.

The only concession he's agreed to is to remove area rugs from the top of their stairs. He finally believed me that to keep a 35 year old WTW carpet clean was outweighed by the risk of him or my mother falling down the stairs.

I hope everything is fine with your father. 74 really isn't that old anymore. It sounds younger every year to me.
Dee

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's fall. Any chance he had been given pain meds? That may have caused his confusion.

I try to get my mom to keep her cell phone in her pocket, even when she goes out to get her paper from the driveway. That way if there is a fall, she can call for help, presuming she is conscious. I'm so glad your brother was nearby.

I guess you're right roslvr, everyone is different so I'll try not to worry too much until I can get hold of his doctor.

The frustrating thing about getting him to slow down, is that it's all really about him working for other people. After he retired he started doing handyman work and painting etc for people. I guess I thought at some point he would give it away and take better care of himself but here he is at 74 falling off a ladder while doing a job for someone.

It's not that he needs the extra money, but I think he just wants to prove that he's still as capable as he's always been. I don't know what the answer is but I don't want him to kill himself because someone wants a repair job done and it's frustrated me for a long time that he doesn't understand that.

dedtired I hadn't thought of that but it could be possible. I think I was just a bit taken back by how confused he was that I didn't think to ask if he was given something.

thanks for help everyone. I think I feel better just getting it off my chest and getting some feedback about it

Trance! I have been in your shoes too. My dear Uncle (read: second father) fell off a ladder while picking fruit in my families orchard. He didn't go to the Dr. and my Mom just mentioned it to me on the phone.

A couple weeks later, he came to my house, walking with a cane! He was not right. His speech was off and his balance was terrible. He said, "I need some help." Well, I guess so! Like your father, my Uncle was a vital and strong man.

Seems his Dr had dismissed his fall; dismissed his condition. "You are getting older. Balance can be a problem."

I took him to his Dr without an appointment. Insisted on him being seen again. I explained that this man had tilled my garden and repaired my road just a couple months prior and this was different. his was not just aging. The Dr listened.

Long story short. He had a brain bleed and surgery to repair it. He fully recovered. Brain bleeds can kill or they can work out OK, even if ignored for awhile.

Do not allow someone with a brain bleed to advocate for themselves because they can't. Do not leave the hospital room. I've never heard of hospitals doing that! Maybe I have the 'Don't even consider asking me to leave' look but they would have to arrest me to get me to wait in the waiting room.

(((hugs))) Keep us posted!

About eight years ago I told my husband no more ladders. He wasn't 60 yet, but a friend's husband had lost his balance and slid down a ladder, losing part of a finger. It just worries me to have either of us climbing at our age. Other work is fine, but not that.

I hope your father comes through this fine. It might be worse if he had broken a hip. That seems to be the catalyst for someone going downhill quickly. It is so frustrating dealing with hospitals long distance. I hope your brother can go in person. Sometimes it helps to be there and not take "no" or silence as an answer. I had to get a little pushy once when they were going to discharge my father the day before he died. I said I wouldn't take him until I talked to the doctor. It was not my father's doctor, but some other doctor who was discharging him. Turns out, my dad was refusing to go to rehab, so I took him home. Glad now that I did, but at the time I was furious. I know nurses and all hospital personnel work long difficult hours, but I do wish they would work on their social skills with family members and appear more willing to answer questions.

Oops, sorry for the rant-can you tell this is a sore subject for me? ;)

Please keep us posted on your dad's recovery. I am sending good energy his and your way.

You are welcome. Yes, thank goodness everyone (and every fall for that matter) is different. I understandably still freak a little when I hear someone fell from a ladder.

My husband works in a hospital and unfortunately the reason you are most likely having a problem getting more information is because of the HEPA laws. They are in place to protect the privacy of the patient but are so strict and anal that sometimes they work against us. You may need to get some kind of a written authorization from your dad to allow the medical staff to disclose to you.

If your dad is doing handyman's work I can guarantee you it isn't so he can prove he still can. I used to work a lot with the elderly and the biggest reasons a retired senior will go back to work is because the accomplishment makes them happy, they are used to staying busy and being productive or as someone else said they believe that keeping busy keeps them young. My mother will be 80 next month and still works part time doing accounting work. When someone asks why she doesn't just stop and enjoy life, she says, that's why I only work part time. I am doing something that matters and yet I still have my play time.

So sorry to hear. I hope you get news soon. I will keep him and your family in my thoughts.

I agree about the medication; forgot to mention that when I posted before. My hub was in another state; all I had was the Dr's word that it would be ok for me to not go that night. I'm disabled & don't drive much; plus it was dark & I didn't find out where he was until late & would have needed a ride there. They did give my hub morphine when he 1st arrived & it's one reason the Dr told me not to drive because he wouldn't even be awake. I left 1st thing in the morning though; once I made arrangements for someone to drive our truck home & for another person to pick up the trailer.

My neighbor climbed trees until almost 80; at one point he fell in his lady friends garage & it's been downhill since then. Your dad needs to slow down after this & he'll do so kicking & screaming. My neighbor is kicking himself for not getting rid of his house when I sold mine. At 87 it's too much for him. He fell last year walking in the house; 3 or 4 broken ribs & a punctured lung.

Someone does need to go in person & get it set up so that you can get info over the phone if you can't get there.

Trance - Please add my thoughts and prayers for your father to those already expressed here. His condition could go any of several ways. If he is still in the ER, they are probably deciding about surgery, and want him to have constant attention rather than putting him in a ward.

I am surprised, though, about the hospital's visiting policy. Our local hospital - a pretty good one - allows unlimited visiting hours for a close family member, both in the ER and in the wards. If you want to stay overnight with a loved one, they will arrange a bed in the room. When my mother had her catastrophic cerebral hemorrhage I spent day after day with her in the ICU and no one ordered me out. I agree with Golddust about this. If at all possible, don't leave someone with a brain bleed alone. They need an advocate.

Also agree with Lukkirish - many, many seniors stay active because they love it. My father traveled and did public lectures into his eighties. And I can't imagine our contractor (and friend) walking through our house 25 years from now without saying, "Here, let me fix that for you."

Wishing your father a solid recovery. Please keep us informed!

Her profile says she's in Australia; so it's possible they have different hospital policies then we do. When my hub & neighbor were in the trauma center; they both allowed one to 2 family members at any time but they did place limits on how long you could sit next to the bed if they were in ICU. You had to go back to the family waiting area. Usually when they are newly admitted due to trauma or surgery; they're good with letting family come any time.

Oh jeeez, I'm so sorry about this!!

Prayers coming to you from Fargo, ND....

Faron

Trance, I am so sorry to hear of your fathers accident. I wish him a speedy recovery. Knowing that he is in the best place at the moment getting care from professional should make it a little easier on you.

I hear so many stories like this when doing my work as a handyman. Our mothers and fathers always want to to the job themselves, they don't realise that there bodies are not the same as they used to be when doing jobs around the house. Only last week a very good customer of mine was changing a light bulb and slipped of the chair and suffered a fractured arm. It their younger days this type of fall would probably have just caused a bruise. My father is just the same, wanting to do everything himself because it is an easy job. Yes it is easy for a younger person but when you get into retirement you should leave these jobs alone and enjoy your time time doing all the things that you have wanted to do but didn't have the time to do because of work.
This year we asked a local handyman to take care of the DIY at her house. When we call her we ask if everything is ok and if she is has any odd jobs that need doing. If she tells us what need doing, we immediately contact ourhandman who goes around and gets it fixed. Peace of mind for us and a little work for the local handyman. He has done a few jobs this year for her and she feels comfortable with him in the house. Not having to call different tradesmen in to do each individual job is brilliant. Mum is comfortable knowing that the same person turns up every time.

I really do hope you dad gets well soon and you all have a fantastic Christmas together. Get your parent sorted out with a local handyman that they feel comfortable with and after a while he will start to retire and leave the hard work to them.

best Wishes...

Here is a link that might be useful: Handyman

Or she could be there and he's here in the states.

thanks so much for the replies and good wishes, I really appreciate it right now :) It's amazing how many of you have been through something like this and it just goes to show how easy it happens. golddust your uncle was so lucky you went to bat for him, OMG! and roselvr I can't imagine how worried you must have been for your husband being so far away.

sableca I think the rules have a lot to do with insurance. we seem to have lots of silly rules over here and mostly I think it's because insurance companies try to keep liability to a minimum. It might only be like this with the ERs in my area though, Im not sure. cyn47, deeinohio, faron, gscience, Alboro thanks for the well wishes. oh roselvr is correct, I am in oz :) lukkiirish, it does make a lot of sense when you say it like that. I guess it's hard to see things clearly from the other side sometimes.

I was able to get to the hospital and see dad today and he was moved to the head injury unit this morning. I was there for most of the day but he mostly slept and occasionally woke up but wasn't very lucid. I also got to talk to his doctor and he seems quite positive as long the bleeding doesn't start again and they're watching him closely over the next few days for that. He will have another scan on Tuesday or Wednesday.

He is having trouble with his speech and it hasn't improved at all so they don't know if it's temporary or some more permanent damage. But right now he is stable and he's in the best place so if everything goes well over the next couple of days then his prognosis is good :)