Turnin' the tables here...what do you like your MEN to sleep in?!
Faron79
12 years ago
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leel
12 years agoles917
12 years agoRelated Discussions
How do you have an in-law live with you and keep your sanity?
Comments (46)This is the first time in a while I've had a chance to read through the more recent posts. I have to say my heart goes out to Melissa Stewart, who never did post again, sadly. My first impulse was to suggest putting a lock on the bedroom door! BTW, maifleur01's post of August 28, 2016 wasn't very clear to me. I think what she was saying was that AL facilities might be helpful to early/moderate dementia patients, but not all of them are willing to be moved there. This is very true. My MIL did not want to move. However, we did not give her a choice. She had lived with us for 7 yrs and it was stressing my DH's (her only child) health. The facility we found for her is a world away from the "just sitting in chairs" places. It is a 5-acre secure campus, complete with its own senior center and as mentioned before, a full schedule of activities every day. The regular routines and voluntary activities helped very much in slowing down the progression of her dementia. Her anxiety lessened, and she no longer needed the anti-depressants or BP bills either. She was the ideal candidate for a facility because she was very social but personally awkward at making friends (she felt it was being "pushy" and unladylike to be the instigator). The casual, regular social interactions enabled her to finally make new friends. This non-profit facility is the third-ranked of its type in the state. It has the lowest staff turnover percentage and one of the highest staff-to-resident ratios. The downside is, you need $$$ for this. Without exception we found the better quality full-care facilities did not take Medicaid patients. IF you passed the interview, had a signed evaluation of your mental/physical health from your doctor, and could claim sufficient financial assets for at least 5 yrs of rental expense, you could be accepted as a resident. In such case, as a current resident if you needed care in the future and ran out of funds, the facility can CHOOSE to apply for Medicaid on your behalf so you may continue to be a resident. Most non-profits will do this. Many for-profits, which unfortunately comprise the bulk of the industry and who are rapidly buying up existing non-profits when possible, do NOT do this. No funds = no residency. Always be sure, if you are looking for a facility for an elderly family member, that you make several visits, research their rankings (both federal and state inspections), and ask as many questions about "what if?" as you can. Just FYI, an article last week in the WS Journal on "We're running out of caregivers" said the average cost of a home health aide, full time (8 hr day) is now $49,000/yr. Remember if the aide is hired directly, you are also responsible for Social Security and other taxes, as an employer....See MoreHow do you fit the guest room into your household scheme?
Comments (16)I have two guest rooms that are pretty much left to be only that. One has a full bed, a night stand and an armoire. The shelves in the armoire serve as my linen closet for quilts since I don't have a linen closet. One of the drawers I use for "that may fit me again some day and when it does I MiGHT want to wear it" stuff. It's actually fairly empty. The other drawer I leave empty for guest use. No one ever uses it. The drawer, I mean. The closet is small. I keep half of it filled with boxes containing the Christmas decorations. I live in Texas and it's too hot to keep that stuff in the attic. The other half of that closet I leave free for guests to hang things. There are plenty of hangars in there for that. The other guest room has a queen bed plus a bench that can be sat on plus a nightstand. It also has a tv plus a laptop so guests can check their email or whatever. That closet is slightly bigger. About half of it is full of scrapbooking supplies I can't bring myself to get rid of yet although I seldom scrapbook. The clothes rods are about 3/4 full of overflow clothes. The rest provide hanging space for guests. The great, great value to me in using those guest rooms almost exclusively as guest rooms is that there are always two rooms in my house that are spotlessly clean and uncluttered. I find them calming to look at. Okay, here's a nutty thing. When I'm away from home I have to guard against anxiety. Mostly that's accomplished by making sure I get enough sleep. (I type at 3:33a because I can't sleep because I have strep throat and I feel like my throat is being shredded by glass. But typing this response has helped get my mind off this incredibly horrific pain.) But another thing that truly helps me is to have pictures (on my phone) of rooms in my house that are clean and clutter free. It makes me feel at home and soothed. I try very hard to guard against clutter in all rooms but sometimes things start to pile up. Then I have to get back after it. De-cluttering is an ongoing process. BTW, when given a choice, my company almost always chooses the guest room with the queen bed. I think it's because it has the tv and the computer. Not that you asked, but let me add what bothers me about other people's guest rooms. No offense is intended. Just something to think about if you haven't. I'm perfectly happy to stay in a hotel if I visit someone. But I have one friend in particular who is very offended if I won't stay with them. Last time I went, I stayed for 4 days or so. Too long for me but not long enough for them. They love having me stay with them. When they come visit me, they stay at least 8 nights. WAY too long for me but they don't know that. Anyway, back to my last visit. They put me in their son's room. I slept in a futon. It was very uncomfortable. The room was very, very cluttered with toys and junk. There was no hanging space in the closet. I didn't have any drawer space. I had to live out of my suitcase. At least it was an improvement on the time I stayed a week to help them through a family difficulty. Then I was given the sofa bed in the main family room. They stayed up sitting on that sofa bed until midnight so I couldn't go to bed until then. The kids woke up at 6a ready for me to play with them. I wasn't given any closet space anywhere or drawer space. I had not one shred of privacy. In a 4000 square foot house, mind you. My advice for guests you like and want is to give them some PRIVACY! Give them a good bed and good pillows and blankets. Give them a fan. A lot of people sleep with a fan. Give them a nightlight. Give them closet space and drawer space. Give them an alarm clock. If they're more tech aware, give them an alarm clock with an ipod dock. Give them a water carafe. Give them fresh flowers. Give them current magazines. Give them snacks - cookies or m&ms plus some fruit. I just remembered someone put a link to a checklist above so a lot of this may be redundant but I'll leave it here for those who don't like to click over to links. Give your guests access to a computer for checking email. Give them a tv with a remote and a sleep timer and a channel guide. A lot of people are unsettled in unfamiliar beds and they like having a tv to watch when they're trying to settle down. Okay, that's all. My throat is still killing me but I need to go try to get some more sleep....See MoreYou Know You're Remodeling When.... - A Classic
Comments (18)This is a great thread. We're not remodeling but building a new house, and man, can I relate to a lot of these. ...you know every lighting fixture, faucet, sink, appliance by memory because you have endlessly researched each one. you freak out your own GC because you can discuss minute details about your house/kitchen from memory down to the 1/8". you have more e-mails from your GC/subs than you do from your friends. you wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat about some critical detail and then go downstairs to e-mail your GC about it right at the moment before you forget....See MoreDo men get left out?
Comments (38)Wow, this thread has taken off. Just a few days and I'm about 30 posts behind. As mkroopy observed, it's difficult to take this as a 'black-and-white' issue simply because there are so many variables to be considered. Roles within the blended family unit can change dramatically depending on the amount of time the child is in your home, the involvement of the other bio-parent, the amicability or animosity the bio-parents feel toward one-another, the age and personality of the kids involved, and the makeup in general of the stepparent in question to name only a few. As I mentioned in my post WELL above now, my own personal saga involves a situation where my stepson has been physically in our home about 95% of the time, and since high school probably closer to 98%-99%. We also have two younger children of our own, and I feel that all parties consider us to be a full-on family unit. Certainly things would be totally different if my stepson were with us less than half of the time or only on certain holidays, so my comments only apply to my own current makeup. With that in mind, I really like silversword's comment above: ""I think if you trust someone enough to marry them, combine finances, have them drive your kids around in the car, have them sleep in the same house at night with your kids, have them dispense medicine and go to doctor visits, etc. etc. etc. that they should be able to put the kid in time out, take away privileges, etc. That's what I mean by discipline."" That's what I'm talking about. If you marry someone who you feel is a good person, then why would you not allow that person to make calls on basic discipline/privilege revocation? Especially if you have children with that person and thereby consider him in a good enough light to be a father to these other children of yours. Moms and dads have had different opinions on child rearing from time immemorial, but I think that's a good thing. I would submit that the fusion of stereotypical mom nurturing and stereotypical dad toughening is a great mixture that should be applied liberally to any growing child. I speak from my own experience when I say that the effects of neglecting one side can be long-lasting. My stepson, while in high school and beyond, got into some pretty major problems: arrested for drinking underage, for causing mischief with a knife the night before Halloween, and even later being caught with pot in his car. Right from the start I wanted to be able to step in - WITH my wife - and try to correct his course. I spoke with him quite frankly about these issues, and even suggested that his mother and I would have to discuss sanctions. Problem was, he totally knew the situation. For years I was not allowed to take a full role in the parenting and he basically blew me off. Knowing he only had his mom to contend with, he'd make a full-court press to her and get what he wanted. I recall one situation where he was caught at 15 with booze and arrested. I went and got him from the police station that night and told him that I'd be speaking with his mom and was sure there would be sanctions. He actually laughed. The NEXT night, his mother allowed him to go out to a party, and the kid basically sneered at me. When I asked my wife about it, she just said that he was being so annoying about going out that she just couldn't hear it anymore and let him go. When I expressed to her my feelings about my lack of authority and my stepson's reaction she again stated the mantra: "I am his mother, you are the stepfather, and so you are not allowed to discipline". Look, mine is an extreme case, I know. And hopefully my stepson is more of the exception and not the rule in the way he has acted. But if your spouse is going to be a step to your child and if they are going to be in the home together a good majority of the time, I feel it must be incumbent on both adults to share the authoritative role. Yes, the step should be allowed to give the timeouts, impose extra chores, remove a privilege when the kids are younger. When older, they should then be part of the team that works with the child/young adult if more intense situations arise as well as positive aspects like choosing a school, relationships, etc. My experience tells me that without the parenting involvement at the beginning, the latter involvement is all but impossible. Sadly, I feel it has affected my and my stepson's relationship in other areas as well. I'm less inclined to seek him out to go play golf or to a movie or something like that because I feel disrespected many times by him - and have been outright disrespected at others. Again, just a case-in-point and probably a more extreme one at that, but hopefully some food for thought....See Moregsciencechick
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