Three of the statements above apply to me. I'll have to look for the whole article. Interesting.

Three of them apply to me as well. Unfortunately the article (like most articles) doesn't really offer solutions. At least now I can say I suffer from ennui rather than just burnout and inertia.

It makes me feel better that this is a such a common problem that an article was written about it. That doesn't solve my problems, but it makes me feel less alone.

Didn't read the article but the timing of your post is interesting. I've had the sense of being *stuck* for a long time. Drifting is an interesting way to put it.

There is a woman in one of my fitness classes who is a healer and we've had some interesting conversations about what she does, how she went from Cornell undergrad to MS Biology, to endocrinology research at Northwestern Medical School and at ChildrenâÂÂs Memorial Hospital in Chicago. And now is a Reiki Master, does Kabbalistic energy healing and other forms of energy work. IOW, she's not just a new age woo woo. I'm seriously looking at meeting with her for one session. I've told her enough about my life that she thinks one session will push me off the fence I'm on. If not, I haven't spent years in analysis!

Though I don't feel as though I'm living someone else's life I do however feel as though mine isn't my own as I'm at the beck and call of my family. Yes I love them like crazy and took being a Mom and Wife seriously, but gosh, don't I get a life?
I can understand being at my hubby's beck and call for the most part as we're a team, he being the sole bread winner, but we raised our children and sometimes I just want to shout "You're all grown up now. Don't I get my own life?"
Because of the above statements the last comment in the original post somewhat fits me too. Only I still feel the passion, just that every time I get near my goal so I feel as though I can take time to do the things I love, someone needs me and I'm back to doing for others.
Gosh I feel like such a terrible person for even posting the above, but I'm not deleting it this time, even if I personally feel uncomfortable venting online. The sad thing is I usually vent to my dear hubby because he truly cares and tries hard to give me everything I desire. He's an amazing man and really shouldn't have to put up with my wining.
Deb, you make a good point about feeling "stuck". That's more like how I feel.

One applies to me very strongly.

"I used to feel passionate about certain things or activities, but now I don't do them, and I avoid thinking about them".

I feel very out of sync since I sold my home, canâÂÂt find another and am living with my sons. I âÂÂm remodeling sonâÂÂs patio but the people behind have a balcony that can see in, sometimes they wave. I canâÂÂt block it off completely without eliminating the breeze. I hate not having privacy. IâÂÂm starting at a local gym tomorrow and have hired a trainer to jump start me. I miss walking in my old country neighborhood, nowhere to walk here except in traffic. I feel like a blob. Going to the gym will help hopefully even though I prefer outdoor exercise. I will get it togetherâ¦I will I will I will!

I think we all think all of these things at one time or another....part of life.

For me right now, it's fantasizing about a different life. DH and I have turned a corner just recently and now plan to retire in 2-3 years instead of 5-6 (hopefully 2!). He's reached job burnout as a consultant and I work at a job I no longer like or care about, with a boss who treats the incompetent brown noser like the 8th wonder of the world...dont have the patience for the nonsense anymore. We will both be 62 next year so eligible for SS. Next two years will be spent getting the house ready to sell, figuring out where we want to go and spending our vacations visiting potential places. I really can't wait!

Justgotabme....your kids are grown, are you close to retirement and have you considered moving away so as not to be at everyone's beck and call and finally have time for yourself?

I have to say that none of those apply to me now and I don't feel adrift at all. I did go through several significant lifestyle changes, some through no choice of my own, but most of it due to me taking back control of my life. (Jack Welch said, "Control your own destiny or someone else will.") I chose to retire. I moved back home (into our new house on the old family property) and I rediscovered my pre-work self. I have gone back to creating things with my hands, decorating, entertaining, helping friends, and have been going through a mental revamp that has included meditation and a new found spirituality.

You might want to read Brene Brown, "Daring Greatly" where she discusses vulnerability and passion....the link between the two and how our attempts to avoid the former deprives us of the latter. There are also a couple of videos of her on Ted.com.

Here is a link that might be useful: Brene Brown on Vulnerability

justgotabeme, reading your post brought a phrase to mind...don't know if it resonates with you or not....learn to say no out of love rather than yes out of fear.

I have a friend with 4 adult children, some of whom are married with their own children, and as a result of her trying to be the perfect mother and grandmother and an inability to say no, she had a nervous breakdown. I believe, it was literally her mind and body forcing her to say no...giving her a way to say no without guilt...well, not without as she felt guilty about being ill, but perhaps less guilt. It took her over a year to recover. I still worry about her that she sometimes slips back into old patterns, but so far, she seems to be keeping it together, and her children seem to be more aware that Mom can't and won't do it all for them, and she seems to be better at saying no...at balancing her needs with theirs.

Wow, the talk from Brene Brown was profound. Thank you so much for sharing that Annie. I need to listen to it a few more times to absorb it all, but the overall feel was absolutely amazing. Anyone can do research, but to come out of it with such great insight and knowledge is rare in this day and age. As she mentioned so many feel their way is right and everyone else it wrong which only causes more discord and hatred where we need love and understanding.
I was most definitely a "no out of love" parent, but with one child living over seas and the other and their child living with us I'm often asked to do things they can't do or in the case of the one living with us needs some free time therefore needs a baby sitter. It's really hard to say no when you don't work outside the home and you don't already have plans outside the home. I am learning, as I do have the child living at home understanding that I need advanced notice when they'd like me to watch their child. It's really hard to say no, just for the sake of having that power to do so when I more often than not will be home and available. And the fact that I love being with our grandchild.

Well, it is not for the sake of having the power to say no, it is for the sake of having the right to have balance in your life. You raised your kids already. The fact that you are sharing your home and everything else with these 2 generations is plenty, let alone all the childcare you give too. At the very least, you have the right not to be presumed upon more than you're willing and able to give. You have as much right, if not more, to enjoy flexibility in your schedule and pursue the activities that you wish and not be strapped by childcare responsibilities...certainly not less than they who are responsible for the child. And it doesn't mean that you love the child and grandchild less...it does mean that you get the space and time you need to keep yourself grounded and happy so you can love them even more.

Think about saying no out of love for yourself.

Maybe because I have been on my own financially since I was 14, when one is too young to know it is impossible odds to survive, I have always believed in blooming where you are planted. Life is an adventure. I have been happy living in an old stage coach stop where the resident horses that came with the property would be regular visitors inside my kitchen. Bats were also regular visitors, birds hid acorns in my siding and fishing field mice out of my toilet. Still, I was happy there.

I think I was blessed with a contented personality and an appreciation for the small things in life. Being raised dirt poor was a big help toward that end. I have few expectations. I don't think I have ever felt adrift.

I have told my kids, run your own life or it will run you. Most of them listened.

Thank you Annie. Though I do love being our oldest (age 5) grandchild's caregiver, I feel more like a parent most of the time and that's not always fun. Spending time with one's grandchildren should be all about fun, not discipline. With my hubby working out of state most of the week we don't always get the alone time we'd like. But again we do love spending time with our grandchild.
I do know to love myself and am insisting on having "me time" when "I really need it" and not when it's convenient for my family. There is a need for my "services" until our oldest child graduates college and though I get a little grumpy about it now and then it's certainly not all bad. This thread just brought out the selfish side of me. Both child and grandchild know to clean up after themselves throughout the house. They keep their own rooms and bathroom somewhat tidy. I can live with towels hanging out the hamper and clothes not always put away immediately for our child works full time and is taking three college courses. I rarely cook for them and they do cook now and then. We share the laundry room without interrupting each other. When I need our child's help with something around the house I get it. So really it's working. It's just not perfect. But is life ever completely perfect?

I was brought up to always help others if at all possible and sometimes I just don't like that "need" to serve part of me. Especially when it seems others take advantage of my availability.

This post was edited by justgotabme on Fri, Sep 20, 13 at 13:39

Thankfully, I can't relate to any of the above. I wake up excited about each day (not that anything I do is particularly exciting to anyone but me). As Golddust said, appreciating the little things goes a long way toward contentment. Being married to a wonderful partner who doesn't place demands on me, is a "can-do" guy, and always pulls more than his weight is also huge. We have our health which we also appreciate each and every day, and do all we can to maintain it.

I also think we are responsible, in large part, for our level of contentment.

It makes me sad that not everyone is as content as I am, and also reinforces the saying I think of often..."Be kind to everyone you meet because you never know what burdens they carry".

Today my drift has drifted and I touched ground in a good way. Had my first training this morning and feel I picked a wonderful exercise trainer. She would have been perfect if she had Pilates knowledge but thatâÂÂs ok. I feel great! Going to do some more work on the patio remodel but with renewed energy and motivation. Boy was I getting stagnant.

This article reminded me of this discussion:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/16/happiness-habits-of-exuberant-human-beings_n_3909772.html?

That is a wonderful article, Funnygirl. Thanks for posting it.
Clickable link:

Here is a link that might be useful: The Habits Of Supremely Happy People

That quote is is so true funny girl. My husband and I were just talking about
that last night.

For the most part, I am content with my life. I am not drifting nor feel that the
above statements apply to my life. Helping to care for my elderly
grandmother and a couple of decisions hubby and I must make in the near future sometimes weigh on me, but overall I am very happy with life and look forward to what each new day brings.

dlm2000 - I wish your lady was near me. I think it would be very interesting (even though I'd still be a little skeptical) to see what she could do. Let us know if you meet with her and how it turns out. It has been so long ago that I can't remember all the details, but I talked to a healer on the phone years ago and she knew things about me and my son that she shouldn't have known. This was before the internet and she wasn't charging me anything, so I had no reason to think it was a scam. It was a very interesting experience.

No, no, no! Definitely not adrift and definitely not wishing something would "blow up" my situation.

The person who wants a medical upheaval must have good insurance because most people would prefer to NOT have this. Maybe she just wants attention in the form of a broken leg.

Maybe because I went to grad school and got married later in life I feel I had a chance to live my life. I do think sometimes about a different job/city, but I think everyone has the "grass is greener" moment.

msrose I will see her tomorrow in class if she's back from her conference. Plan is to go with my gut and make an app't if it feels right. I will definitely let you know how it goes. Who knows - maybe she knows someone near you.

Deb

Not adrift, exactly, but now that the kids are gone and I'm retired, I do miss having a larger purpose than working out, piddling with hobbies, & traveling with DH. I'm a little wary of getting back into volunteer work, though, as I got pretty burned out on it (took on too many big projects). I enjoy owning my time, not being at the beck and call of someone's or some organization's needs. Somewhere there's a balance, but I haven't quite worked it out yet. It still feels odd focusing on myself after years of parenting and other outer-focused activities.

I think the feeling of "adrift" is because we are led to have such high expectations of everything in our lives that it's difficult to not be dissatisfied. Readjusting our expectations to more reasonable ones is a good step.

I don't feel adrift altho have had several life-changing occurrences within a few years which have required profound shifts in my thinking of how my life will continue to unfold. I know it's very human to try to keep everything the same in our lives during such changes but that's not necessarily the best choice. Change can be good even tho the reasons for it are not.

Fall is the time to start new things and I've signed on for a new volunteer project and have started a new hobby. Also thinking about my next trip. I've been retired for almost 9 years and it took me awhile to slow down enough to enjoy life. It's not always an easy adjustment from full-time work to retirement. However happiness is a decision well worth making and it starts with very small things. Wake up and stretch and smile before you get up. Might sound hokey but it beats the alternative.

Drift? No, for me it's more like a feeling of guilt that I'm not doing more. All through my kid's school years I volunteered for just about everything. And, they are ten years apart in age, so for a very long time I was ~ happily~ room mom every year. I planned and worked at school carnivals, dinners, talent shows, school plays, concerts, fundraisers, book fairs, etc. When they were in middle school, I helped start a school newspaper and taught afterschool journalism classes. In high school I was on various parent groups and committee, including the district hiring committee for teachers and staff.

Our youngest, DD, is now a college sophomore out of state and I feel guilty that I'm content to just piddle away my time. I meet up with friends for lunch, etc. I work on projects around the house. Read, garden, work out. We entertain, travel more lately . . . but I'm not contributing anything to anyone or any cause and part of me feels very guilty about that. The other part of me, though, is just glad to finally be able to be the master of my own life and my own time. So for now, the two parts of my psyche wage daily battles in my head (LOL).
Lynn

Lynn, when I first retired I felt as you do. When we have been givers all our lives we often feel guilty when we stop doing so. However, I've come to the conclusion that there is a time for everything and it's OK at some point in ones' life to take time for self and it's not selfish. I no longer feel guilty altho do a few hours of volunteer work each week which probably prevents it. I only volunteer for organizations that are fun tho, I'm no longer trying to serve IYMWIM. I'm having a lot of fun learning new things online or from books and am becoming more philosophically contemplative.

No I'm not adrift - but I think unfortunately I'm in the opposite camp. I'm very happy and content with my life right now, but can't help but wonder when something is going to go wrong. I think I have an unhealthy fear of that unknown instead.