OH I couldn't handle it. I have a 45 min. drive to and from work and that's my time in the car. I usually pretend I'm a rock star while busting out the air guitar and singing. Haha well I'm not that bad..but I do sing.

DH carpools and has for years. Has about the same length of drive to work. There are three other guys. They all meet at a certain time and if someone isn't there at that time they don't wait.

I don't work, and I think you did the right thing. It reminds me when our kids were little, I was the only SAHM, and my friends always asked me to pick up their kids from an after school practice and take them home. It was okay except we live in a rural area where most people live in the country, so I had to go way out of my way to do it.

I really felt like I was being taken advantage of.

Besides, you shouldn't be responsible for someone getting to and from work. What if you had errands to do, or was late in the morning? Or even sick?

I think helping out every now and then is okay, but on a regular basis when you have other things to do, I can see drawing a line.

I would never carpool because I want the freedom to come and go if I need to. Plus I would hate to put someone out to come get me all the time too.

My brother and I used to carpool before he hightailed it off to Denver and went to grad school. At the time, we were both working for the same company, but I had the prime reserved parking space, and he was relegated to the nasty ol' parking garage, so he appreciated being able to utilize my spot and not having to drive around the garage looking for a space. I actually really enjoyed riding to/from work with him every day, but we have always enjoyed one another's company.

That said, I can't really think of many more people that I'd want to carpool with on a regular basis. I have had to hitch rides from and give rides to my coworkers on occasion, and just didn't like being forced to make small-talk in the car. (With my brother, if we felt like riding in silence, it was no problem.) Especially in the morning -- I hate being forced to make conversation in the morning.

My commute to work is a mere 3.9 miles, but it's my time. I prepare for work when I'm going to, and unwind from work when I'm coming home. It's so nice to be able to do so all alone.

Carpooling usually involves the participating parties sharing in the carpooling duties on a rotational basis. What you were doing wasn't carpooling, it was being a kind person who ended up being taken advantage of. I wouldn't do it.

Just declare this time 'Lucille time' and tell the person in need that you *need* this time to be alone in order not to slit your wrists. Nothing personal against him/her at all. It's just a survival thing. Say it while laughing but make your point and wish her luck finding someone more stable to ride with.

No, I would not do it, for love nor money (or political correctness).

"What you were doing wasn't carpooling, it was being a kind person who ended up being taken advantage of."

Agreed.
Carpooling has benefits to both parties AND the planet. If you can get into a genuine carpool with amiable coworkers, I think that's great. But playing chauffeur to a deadbeat isn't anyone's cup of tea.

I never carpooled to work, mostly because I didn't live near anyone who worked at the same place. I have taken public transportation (train, bus) to work and school, and I much prefer that to carpooling.

I don't particularly like to drive, especially lately, so I don't usually offer to drive others. I really like to concentrate on my driving rather than making small talk. I'm generally pretty good at multitasking, but not when I'm driving.

I usually ride with one particular woman when I go to chorus activities. (She always drives, and she refuses to be a passenger). She likes the company, she's interesting to talk with, and she's always on time. But, she won't accept gas money, because she's "going there anyway." I'm going to put some cash in her glove compartment next time I ride with her. (She once told me that she tries to keep a little money in her car for emergencies.)

I learned a long time ago that you really need to make time for yourself---set limits with people---and not beat yourself up every time you have to do this. You will be a calmer, happier person, if you don't fall into the guilt thing.

I would tell the Whoever that carpooling might work for me on some days, and not on others. And if I did work out a little plan with someone, I would tell them right upfront that either of us should just call the other if we had something else to do. Plus, on the $$ thing, just handle it lightly.....

"So, whaddya think? If I give you $5 for gas this week, you drive, and then, you just contribute $5 for me next week? Will that work ok?" You say it as a given and with a smile. If that doesn't work, then, you may not want to do it with this person anyway. People need to be responsible. And if you really don't want to carpool, just tell the Asker that you have so many unexpected errands after work that you just can't commit. Don't feel bad, just say your peace.

Red

I was involved in a somewhat similar situation recently with a guy at work. He needed a ride home one day and it turned out he lived about two blocks from me. Come to find out he was actually only working in our office temporarily and normally he commuted to an office in another state (he came home on weekends).

So I gave him rides to & from work every day for about 3 weeks or so. He offered many times to pay me but I just could not see accepting money for the two block detour. Since it only lasted a few weeks it was no biggie.

But during that time, it really did hit home how much I like riding alone every day. Although my commute generally lasts around 15 to 20 minutes, I listen to books on CD, and I really enjoy that. I also often run errands on the way home. During those weeks, I had to turn off the CD and run my errands at lunch time.

I've been in carpools before. I had a carpool to school when I was in college. We could only ride together on Fridays because that was the only day our schedules meshed. But just that one day a week saved me some gas for the ~30 mile round trip.

I also carpooled to work with my sister years ago when we lived and worked close enough to each other to make it work. Like Jen said, it's different when you're with a sibling because you sort of understand each other.

I wouldn't mind getting into a carpool again if I could, but I think doing it just a few days a week would be better than every day. And it would have to be reciprocal.

A few days a week sounds great --
You can feel good about the planet and plan your errands or work-late nights for another day.

Of course, working from home in PJs beats all ;-P