Oh...Susiesunshine...thank you so much! You are so kind. I love doing creative and funny things for my grandkids. My brother and I were raised by our paternal grandparents. Our mother died when I was 3 1/2 and my brother was 2. My dad had some serious health problems and could not care for us himself. Our grandmother was a crack!! She was so much fun. She was also very religious...closer to God than any person I've ever known. She was a very strong woman...overcoming her own health issues and other problems. We could not have been raised by a better person! I remember my grandmother for so many things. She was a fantastic cook and taught me how. (One of her many sisters was the chef for President Grover Cleveland's son and taught Nana lots of things that she went on to teach me.) I love to cook and bake and am my happiest in the kitchen. Strangely enough...I have four daughters who have no interest in cooking...beyond providing their families with enough healthy food to keep them alive! LOL When they do need a recipe...they call Mom. I have extensive recipe files on CDs and over 90 cookbooks. Anyway...getting back to the subject at hand...I would love for my grandkids to remember me as being creative and fun. When my youngest granddaughter looks at me with her impish look and says, "Nana, you're silly!", it thrills me to death! And when I tell one of my grandkids I love them and they tell me they love me too...it just doesn't get any better than that! Lately, because of an Oprah Show subject, I asked each one of my daughters...if they could spend another day with someone, who would it be? They all said Grandpa...my Dad. He was the best...and also very funny! When they chose Dad...it made me so happy! Maybe someday one of my grandchildren will chose me. ~Sandy~

Oh, do I ever feel for you! Gabby's got a great amount of good advice. ALso try to think ahead, as in, what happens next.... You and your sister and anyone else you can bring into this, all need to be on the same page. I moved my (then) 92 yr old Mother from Arizona to CA a few years ago, and into one of the those dreaded senior complexes just a few miles from my home. She just passed away in December, but I had the priveledge of being with her often in her last years. What I learned is that things start going down hill. Every time an elder faces an illness or any set-back, the recovery is never 100%, they always seem to be a little less than they were before. I found that I had to become the "parent" in our relationship, and really make some hard decisions. It might be like an intervention, but you and your sister, and your grandmother's pastor or friends might need to confront her (gently of course) about making this change in her life. I was driving down to Scottsdale (725 miles) every month before i moved Mother close to me. In the last 3-1/2 years, we were able to enjoy lunches out or at the dining room of her complex. I could take her to the doctor, or shopping, and I was able to be there in 20 minutes when there was an emergency. Which there was, more and more often. You also need to consider legal matters, from her property. will, a trust, powers of attorney, and medical matters. So she takes a fall at home. Does she have a "Do Not Resusitate" order inplace? Does she want to be kept alive by any and all means? Who signs the papers when she's taken to the hospital if she cannot? Who talks to the doctor if she has a stroke and cannot talk? Did you know that you need to have her permission on file with her doctor for the doctor to talk to you? Who is prepared to make all those decisions? Can you or your sister write and sign a check to pay her bills if she cannot do so? All matters to be considered. Bless you for being there for her. She'll need you more and more as time goes by. Ad know that there are many of us here who have shoulders for you to lean on! Hugs, Helene

Sorry to hear your problem. My story is too long to post here but I will try to put it as best as I can. Eight years ago Maddie,first grandchild was born. Daughter was a nurse..he was a fireman. I started keeping Maddie throughout the week without pay..I did the laundry,cleaned the house,cooked and cared for her..worked part time at JC Penneys nights and weekends. I would stay all day and then leave for work about 4 pm and worked until 9 at night. Years progressed...they moved not far from my house..I kept eventually all 3 children and worked retail. This involved nearly 100 miles of travel daily to take oldest to preschool and pick her up as it was in town near where I live and farther from my daughter's home. I had to quit at Penneys...my daughter and son-in-law(who is a jerk) said they would pay me whatever Penneys was paying me and never leave me hanging without a job. I don't want to even go in to how this all turned out. This was a year ago and they of course got hard up for money..he's now working a good job though that his union daddy got him because he ended up being a lousy school teacher and quit his job doing that before his 2nd child was born and was out of work for over a year. Anyway..months went by and they didnt pay me a cent..never even mentioned it. Because I love those children like my own I went everyday and never said a word..neither did my husband who has been more than generous over the years to allow me to do this. It finally was brought up by me..just before school began last year...my daughter just said."Yeah..you'll have to find another job." I left her house with that said and my life has been miserable ever since. At 57 and even having a college degree and experience and knowing people in this town..I cannot find a full time job. I cannot tell you what life is like now...I stay depressed but move on as well as I can. I even kept a little baby whose mom is a teacher and lives nearly right next door to my daughter so the smaller 2 kids could visit me there daily if they wanted to. This young woman treated me like a queen. I drove there every day and she paid me $120 a week for the one child. I did a little laundry and cleaning but mostly she was just so sweet and kind to me. One day she even sent me flowers with an expression of her love and appreciation for my caring for her child. It was indeed new to me. I didn't do it this year...it became complicated and she began to depend on me all the time as far as calling me with her problems and such..I felt I'd become her mother and it was just tough. She begged me to keep her child this year and even upped the pay. She even offered to pay me all summer when she wouldn't need me so I would come back in the Fall. I needed to escape..sadly..I do love her too but I need full time work.She is hurt now and it is a sorry situation. I've seen a lot of the grandkids this summer. When I quit keeping them it was horrible. The 2nd youngest cried and cried..the oldest wouldn't come here to my house in hopes that if she didn't I would come back. My daughter and son-in-law are lazy...they don't want to work days when they can. They could have kept me if his mother hadn't been so busy paying their bills. Anyway...I feel deeply for what you are going through. I cherish each moment with those children and they are most precious to us. Last Christmas for the first time we got a credit care(as I was out of work) and put Christmas on it. My daughter just a week before the holiday was taking stuff back she'd bought the oldest child. I went out and re-purchased the stuff as I felt so bad for the child. I took it out there and gave it to them to give her from Santa and got a tongue lashing that I'd out done them..it was horrible. She told me to get out of her house and showed me the door. She then said I could come Christmas or not she didn't care she would never apologize. I went of course as the kids would never have understood. I've been abused more than I can say..but what we do for love is most important in the end. I still can't find a job...our checking account bounced this week because they couldn't pay their water bill so we paid it...the kid's had no water. I can tell you that my health has suffered through these years. I know as they grow older I won't see them as much...I have my memories however and they are the sweetest children. My son has a new baby and they have great jobs and are sending her to daycare. She was premature and they are worried about her but they don't seem to want me. It's heartbreaking but I guess I understand. Keeping the grandkids can be tricky..you are a intricate part of everything that goes on. Let them know daily you love them..call them every day and tell them. Plan some outings on weekends that won't wear you out...mine love museums and parks and things like that. I always cook a meal and let them help out..they love that. The main thing is...tell them daily you love them....keep that contact and the doors open no matter how you feel...they won't ever forget it..believe me. I'm up against other grandparents who are wealthy..have campers and huge homes on the river...all I can give them is my time and my love. We did buy a set-up pool and it was a great buy..they love it. It's a lot of fun and they can stay in it all day..not too much trouble to watch either. If you can afford it it's great to take them to concerts...symphonies...ballets around your area..culture is something everyone can enjoy. Even if it's building a bird house..planting a small garden they can enjoy. You don't have to do strenuous things...kids love being listened to...telling you about their day...walking in the sunshine. Never believe that you will lose them...love is what kids need. Today they need their grandparents more than ever. Their parents are so busy...they need you in ways you can't imagine. Mine love the latest Hannah Montana videos...get some hip music for your car that they like...dress-up clothes are a favorite too. I bought them a butterfly set-up online where they could watch them hatch and then let them go...they loved it!!! Check out what is new with their age groups and then get involved with it. Another thing..if you have a soup kitchen nearby..take them and let them help others...it's a lesson they carry for life! I hope this helps friend...I will pray for you. There is no pain like this...I know...I just try to focus on what is best for the kids. It is, as I say, risky business when grandparents immerse themselves in their children's lives..some go great...others get hurt..in the end..the love returned and hugs and appreciation the little ones give us is after all...the joy of life.God bless!! :)))

I would do one of two things. I might call her mother and ask if there is anything special your granddaughter would particularly love that is in your budget. My brother used to give me money to buy my daughter's gift from him, and I always picked something special I knew she'd love, that he could give her. Or I'd give my gift separately from the big birthday shindig. Maybe she'd be more appreciative and expressive if you gave your gift at a different time and place? You could give her a card at her birthday telling her that your gift is a day or afternoon together at a later time and you'll have something planned to do together. You can go to the zoo or museum, or bake a cake together, or go shopping together for fabric and make her a blanket or tote if you sew. My daughter's boyfriend's mom makes her the cutest blankets and things out of fabric my daughter loves. I'm so sorry you have this situation. My mom doesn't have nearly as much money to spend on my kids as my in-laws, but there are lots of things my kids like to do with my mom. Some of the things my kids like to do with their MawMaw: she bakes them their own cakes and they love it, takes them out to breakfast at the doughnut shop, my daughter likes to shop at flea markets and antique shops with my mom, my son likes movie nights with my mom at her house. Good luck with whatever you decide!