According the the rules I was brought up with, a shower is hosted by friends (never immediate relatives) of the bride/mother of bride and paid for by the person(s) hosting.

...for which they are thanked profusely by the bride with a lovely handwritten note and hostess gift.

What sweeby said. :-)

If you were to consult any etiquette book written by an Emily Post-type, I think you will find that a bridal shower should not be hosted or paid for by the MOB.

Traditionally, bridal showers are hosted and paid for by the bridesmaids. However, there aren't always bridesmaids as some couples have small weddings or elope.

I have received many bridal shower invitations that have been hosted by the MOB. Never asked why the MOB was hosting. Just attended and wished the bride-to-be well.

Back in the day, my bridal shower was hosted and paid for by my bridesmaids.

Some MOB's want to host and pay for the shower. Perhaps a control thing, who knows? I don't get all hung up on the "proper" etiquette with regard to bridal showers. As far as I am concerned, it really doesn't matter if the MOB wants to host a bridal shower for her DD. I think it would be nice if the bridesmaids are consulted.

My DSIL's (DH sister) bridal shower was hosted by an aunt. I was a bridesmaid, and I was simply told that Aunt "so and so" was hosting the shower. I think DMIL wanted the aunt to host. The bridesmaids weren't consulted or given an opportunity to have any input whatsoever.

My DM and I hosted a bridal shower for DSIL's (DB's wife). Sadly, DSIL has a really dysfunctional family situation. DB & DSIL did not have the huge traditional wedding, but rather used that money for a downpayment on the home they bought.

I currently have invitations to 2 baby showers and 1 wedding shower within the next month. I'm not sure who is hosting the wedding shower as the invitation is worded "Before the Miss becomes a Mrs, let's shower her with love and good wishes". The invitation doesn't indicate who is hosting. The baby showers are both being hosted by family members.

Ditto sweeby and aj, but lots of luck re. etiquette rules being followed anymore. Some do *not get* that hosting a shower for your sister or daughter, etc., is asking for gifts for family. Not cool. Aunts and cousins are far enough removed to host.
A pet peeve for me is how showers were once lovely, intimate affairs for friends and family, with not more than about 25. Today the norm seems to be monster bashes of 40 or more. I hate it. I've hosted many showers, and often shared duties and expenses with 1-3 friends. Fun and cost saving.
*not get* or perhaps just don't accept this rule. IMO, it's an appropriate rule of etiquette.

sweeby said it all, wip hit more of the nuances and I echo leahcate's thoughts. And will add that not only are the showers blown all out of proportion, there will often be 2, 3 or more and some people will receive invitations to some or all - totally incorrect.

My great aunt hosted my shower (one and only) - my MOH was my sister and I had no other attendants. But when it came time for my baby shower my sister refused to step aside and hosted that against the loud protests from my mother. Mom survived the social gaffe but she never let my sister forget it!

OTOH, I think sometimes shower "rules" can be successfully bent a bit. When my brother and SIL were expecting their first child, I hosted a big blow-out party for them that doubled as a baby shower, and invited all their friends, male and female. We had a big crowd. I lived in a large house then and decorated it inside and out in a jungle theme, had a table laden with food and drinks, both alcoholic and non, played reggae music, opened the doors to the large flagstone patio (it was a beautiful summer evening), people flowed in and out all evening long mingling, and we all had the best time. I think because it felt so much more like a summer party than an honest-to-goodness baby shower, I was able to "get away with it." At any rate, whether or not it was improper etiquette for me to act as hostess (being sister to one who was on the receiving end of the gifts), I'm not at all sorry that I did so. It was a total blast.

It may be "proper" for friends to host, but I don't think it's a cardinal sin for a sister to do it ... especially if she and the bride have always been best friends. That was the scenario for a couple of my great-nieces.

The wonderful 'neighborhood moms' hosted my bridal shower, which was delightful. Mom played bridge with the ladies and the kids all grew up together, so it was almost like family.

When the first neighborhood mom was becoming a grandmother, the ladies all got together and threw a 'Grandma Shower' and got her fully supplied with all the gear she'd need to babysit overnight. A few more were done later on as more and more grandbabies came and the gear was rotated among the neighbors depending on who had grandkids coming and the age and gender of the grandkids. What a lovely group of ladies, and I miss them all.

My shower was hosted by my Maid of Honor or probably more correctly her mother as it was the mother's house.

When I got married, my friends lived in tiny apts. and had no extra money to host a party. It was tough enough for them to afford the bridal party garb.

Personally, I don't think it's a big deal who hosts the shower. It's not like their an uncommon item - just about every bride has a shower. Sometimes there's one for the groom's family and one for the bride's family and one from friends - just so there's not a huge group.

In my experience, family and friends love to come to a shower to honor the bride & groom, it's just when the invite list starts to filter down to work acquaintances, neighbors and casual friends that people start to feel put out having to attend and buy a gift.

In my family, generally who ever has the nicest and biggest house hosts the shower! Who makes what or who buys what hasn't ever been an issue.

I was just curious as to how it's done in other areas. Here it's typical for the maid of honor to take care of it or the Mom.

I just typed a big long thing but I'll attempt to shorten.

BIL is getting married this summer. Future SIL I'll call *Maggie* has three bridesmaids (me being one of them) and the maid of honor. MOH is her (only) friend, of course I'm the future SIL and the other two are actually the wives of BIL's friends. None of us know each other well. They had a gathering shortly after we were all asked so we could meet. We've been emailing details back and forth about the bridal shower.

I (we - DH too) can only be around Maggie in small doses. She has a I'm better than you attitude, etc. and sucks so far up MIL's rump when she's around it makes me want to gag.

We've paid for all the normal stuff but this shower is costing lots of money. I guess the MOH shouldn't have to pay for it herself. My best friend and Mom paid for mine. My MOH (sister) was living across the country at the time. IMO, Maggie's Mom wants to be so involved (another long story)how about she participate somehow in this shower.

MOH wants to do a "special bridesmaid gift". So now I get to pay for a bridal shower gift, special gift, wedding $$$ gift.

Oh, don't forget the bachelorette party! MOH suggested we pack it up and head to the beach. Um, no thank you. I would feel different if we were all great friends. If I'm going to pay to go on vacation I'll go with DH. Money doesn't grow on trees in my backyard.

Games? Oh can't wait. Maggie picked them out too. Nothing like a good surprise.
In the end we'll all keep our mouths shut, smile, and it will turn out fine. :)

Well -- my sister (MOB) and my mum (GMOB) paid for the bridal shower -- my sister decided (after much discussion amongst family and friends) that it was easier for her to do it -- and hold it in a lovely place just down the road from her place (at the time my mum lived with her and BIL)

I drove up from Texas -- and helped out too! (in charge of Cosmo martinis LOL!) Turned out really fantastic for all concerned!

Jan

I'm sure Sweeby is right on the shower rules, but I've seen it done many ways, and honestly it doesn't bother me who gives a shower as you expect one is going to be given. I am embarrassed to admit we had several showers. Each side of the family held a shower (an aunt from each side I believe), which was good as one shower for all famly would have been too many people. My boss's wife gave a lovely luncheon/shower for people I worked with. A family friend gave a *tea* which was mainly for older ladies such as friends of my grandmother, etc. A couple of my bridesmaids hosted a lingerie shower. AND a couple of my mom's friends hosted a church shower! I had spent all my life (up till that time) in one location and had gone to that church all my life. Hubby and I both had large extended families (many aunts/uncles/cousins) and then there were family friends, and friends our age. It worked well and no one shower was too huge. No one was invited to more than one shower other than the mothers and grandmother. Things were different 28 years ago, I guess. Showers were definitely different back then!!

You have a good attitude Shee and you are right - it will all work out.

tina

My sister was my MOH so she hosted my shower. It was a lingere party because we already had a household full of stuff and thought this would be best. I had a different nighty for each night. It was really special. My other sis came from out of town but mom did not bother.

When my sis married her bridesmaid hosted because MOH lived way far away. It was a lovely luncheon at her house. My mom was beyond crazy about my sister getting married, it really hurt all the rest of our feelings to see her like this. She video taped the entire thing, every present being opened, every moment. She has cripling arthritis but managed to hold that camera the entire time. She also made us all come to my sis' house two weeks after the wedding so we could watch sis open her wedding gifts. It was a mandatory family event. Again, really hard to see our mom go all out like this with only one of her children.

My sis gave me a baby shower at my house. My coworker gave me a shower, during work lunchtime, at a local restaurant, for my second child. My mom went to the first shower but not the second. And no, she did not video tape it either.

It does not bother me who hosts but I would be bothered by being invited to multiple showers.

It normally doesn't bother me who gives the shower but since it's directly involving me and quite a bit more money than I had expected... But again, I guess if I were the MOH I wouldn't to pay for the entire thing myself either. - trying to think of it that way.

Shannon - I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad your sister threw showers for you. I have a few people in my family who can't seem to see how they act too.

That special gift idea was shot down, btw. The one bridesmaid sent a VERY WELL worded, pleasant email about it. Every time I tried to type out a response that I wasn't all for it, I sounded mean so I just left it go!