How to handle a very rude mother in law?
ilovepink
16 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (22)
suzieque
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Where's this rudeness coming from from new mommy daughter in law?
Comments (40)Well I have read all your comments about the rude DIL. The mother that said "have patience"....I've been patient for 10 months now. My grandson was born last October. I welcomed my son's girlfriend in my home 2 years before she became pregnant (living with me). I think I have a great relationship with her personally. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to come to the hospital for the birth. I respected their wishes because they wanted it done this way. No one to be there so they could relax and bond with no company. Her mom did not respect this and showed up anyway and stressed her and my son so bad by being there (constantly talking, laughing, etc) all day that her labor became stressful. My son was so upset. Finally they booted her mom out. Again I'm saying, I respected the wishes. My DIL breastfeeds and she claims he won't take a bottle. I say she's wrong. A little bottle manipulation will take care of that. Mfg. companies do not make the nipples wide enough so not enough milk comes out. (I breastfed my son but pumped so my parents could feed and bond with their grandson--I had to have the nipples opened a little more so he would take it). I feel she doesn't want me and my husband to feed him, which is a bonding experience to grandparents. When I told her about this trick, my son was excited to try it because he too wants to feed his son. If I'm giving to her (money, gifts, going out to eat, etc.) she comes over and stays for a good while so I can play with him. If I don't have anything to offer, I never see her and she's always busy if I want to go over to her house. Her mother and family dont help them out or see the baby but once a month, but when there is holidays, her family gets first dibs on the visit. Me and my husband are always last and the baby is tired because they get to my house so late. His first birthday party is being planned around her mothers schedule, not the grandparents that have literally spent out thousands of dollars to help with their bills and baby items. (they have asked and I have offered). Yes, I am expected to help her out with buying decorations, food, and the rental space at the park but me and my husbands schedule didnt matter. I, too, have taken care of many babies and know what I'm doing. She won't let the baby out of her sight. She's always "right there" and seems she wants him to always want her or cry for her when he sees her so she can take him. I feel I haven't got a grandchild or bonded the way my parents bonded with my son. I've respected their wishes since she gave birth to him. I've only babysat 20 minutes a couple times. Although one time she and my son was doing some delivery work to make some extra cash and left him with us for 3 hours when he was 5 months. I insisted on them not to ride around that long with the baby in the carseat. They agreed reluctantly.....Believe me, by the time they got back, my grandson was not happy. He wanted food that I couldn't give. Did not have a bottle because i was not allowed to feed him. So needless to say, I dont watch him long periods like that anymore (with no bottle). She pumps but claims she doesn't pump enough. He feeds and within an hour he's hungry again and she feeds him again. Seems like she's breastfeeding constantly. Like I said, I feel I'm being used and I have to "pay" to see my grandson. When hes out of the baby stage, boy, people will be getting some good deals at my yard sale because everything is new since I see him maybe once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I've tried everything. In my opinion she's too too too overprotective. I'd like for my grandson to grow to be a tough playing little boy not the opposite. I need that bonding experience. Yes, i have tried to talk to both of them and theres always excuses that doesnt make sense. I do want you to know I love my DIL very much. I just want to feel I've got a grandson and feel the baby stage experience... not blink and he's a grown boy. Any advise, please help. I've done everything I know of and now just being unemployed, I'm short on money. Makes me feel I'm being used. My husband is upset, too. HELP!!!!...See MoreHow would handle this? Very long - sorry.
Comments (33)Ok, portrait aside...I think there is a bigger problem. Why are you calling all the shots? Have you asked your siblings if they even want to be in the picture and what they think about who should be in it and what you are doing? Get on the phone and ask them... I would never just arrange to have a pic with me and my siblings without going over with them who would be in it, etc. I think it's the fact that you appear to be controlling everything and everyone that may be the real problem. "Your plan" really doesn't matter if it brings heartache to any one family, marriage or wife. It really doesn't matter how many photos you've gone through or how much better or easier the pic would look with just you six. If you are hurting someone, you need to rethink your options. And I gotta tell you from a traditional etiquette standpoint, not including spouses can be kind of harsh... they are either considered part of the family or they are not. I think it's naive to think you're not gonna ruffle some feathers. Although your idea may be best...you didn't allow others who should have had a say in it, vote, so now not only is it not the best idea but hardly anyone will be happy with it. Back to the drawing board......See MoreMother in laws disparaging remarks
Comments (35)I'm laughing reading these! It's amazing how rude people can be, isn't it? We get comments all the time from people. "When are you going to finish this, you should just bulldoze it and build new, yadda yadda!" I get so annoyed! I truly think that some of it is jealousy. Alot of people would be too intimidated to take on a historic home, and when they see what hard work can do, it gets them a little jealous. What makes me mad is the fact that if I were to make a comment about their ugly, lifeless, no character new home, I'd be a witch, but they can say whatever they want about an old home in the process of restoration! WTH?? That always makes me so mad! I don't have a MIL, she passed away years ago. My FIL is married, and she's a witch. She hates us and can be really jealous about our house. My FIL has a really old house, but there isn't a speck of character in it. The old woodwork is all gone, the outside is vinyl and has none of the original moldings, and the porches he put in are all concrete and he had aluminum columns which didn't at all go with the house. When new wife came in, she had the house resided and porch posts replaced the columns, but it still has no character, so she's really jealous of our place. Our local newspaper did an article on our home, and she NEVER has mentioned it to us, and we know she has seen it. We live in a small town, and she works in the village hall, and countless people have commented to us about it, and we know they have commented to her as well. I'm sure that made her blood boil! lol She gets the paper and so does the village hall, so she read it. She also won't come to our house for our children's birhtday parties. She conveniently needs a vacation every 4 months, just when our kids have their birthdays. She avoids our place like the plague! I find the silence and ignoring almost more annoying than mean comments that I could say a witty comeback to. My BIL also has made countless comments about our house, he's such a little jerk! I do give him comebacks. He's the one who is a childless bachelor that loves to give out child rearing advice as well! *roll eyes* He's an incredibly jealous person though. Anyway, I loved reading all of these! It's nice to have a thread to vent on! lol...See MoreNew to this - how to handle BF's son's mother
Comments (12)Emotionally it could be, like FD says, that she has always wanted MORE of a relationship, so I'd ask BF if he thinks that's the case. Has she been pining away for him during the past two years? How long have you and BF been together? I have to ask: were you dating BF when he had this one-night stand with her? Was she hoping he'd dump you for her? (I highly doubt this last scenario is how it went, but if so it would shed light and wouldn't say much good for her motivations.) As for financial, she may be worried that he will stop helping with expenses when there is someone else in the picture (you), which will of course change in some ways but not entirely. In all reality, whether BF is with you or not, he is still going to be obligated to pay child support and to help out financially with SOME of his son's expenses on top of it, which BF will help with unless he is a deadbeat. He should reassure her that he will always do his part to make sure their son is adequately and FAIRLY provided for, and hopefully this will allay some of her fears. While I hope the days of buying her big-ticket items and paying her debts are over, if it is an expense that is directly relevant to the welfare of their child (and heck, a car is arguably one of those expenses if it is her only car)*** then he is likely to continue to contribute *something* in certain cases. His contributions will at least continue to be a very delicate and controversial issue between all of you, whether money is actually paid out or not, and that alone is worth considering. Remember, $ is the top reason relationships end so it's always going to SOMEHOW be an issue, especially in blended families. And depending on where you live (b/c I think it varies but someone correct me if I'm wrong), if you have additional kids with him, the CS will not necessarily reduce because of that. And every year kids are alive, they get more expensive. So I don't see the financial outlook changing that much in dollars and cents, except for getting, all around, more expensive. In a wierd way, just being aware of that should make all of you more at ease with the ievitability of the situation. It is an issue everyone has to accept regardless. As for how much control she has over how much you are around and whether or not BF marries you, she just doesn't have that control. If she did, it would be called a "relationship" they are in, which they are not. It might be rough on her emotionally, and I think it's wonderful that you have the empathy for her situation and I agree that kindness doesn't hurt anything, but at the end of the day she can't control or prevent the relationship between you and BF. I would do what you've already thought about, making sure father & son get some alone time, and I would not push myself onto the scene with her until she is ready. It is very sad and difficult, but hopefully she will ---like all of us have had to at some point in our lives--- go on to recover from the breakup and be happy with or without another guy (but of course without your BF!) [***= I am no expert on child support and how most courts/agreements view custodial parent's cars as a child-rearing expense, so somebody with more experience in this area than me should speak up about that]...See Moregellchom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agokhandi
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agochase_gw
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agogellchom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoluvstocraft
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agogellchom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoilovepink
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agotriciae
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agogellchom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agominniemom
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoilovepink
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agosayhellonow
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
16 years agolast modified: 9 years agoilovepink
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agobnicebkind
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoilovepink
15 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
Related Stories
DECORATING GUIDESCalifornia Law: License to Practice Interior Design?
A proposed bill that would require a license to practice interior design in California has Houzzers talking. Where do you stand?
Full StoryADDITIONSParents' Places: Ideas for Integrating an In-Law Suite
Get expert advice and inspiration for adding a comfy extra living space to your home
Full StoryLIFEHow to Handle Inherited Things You Don’t Really Want
Whether you’ve inherited a large collection of items or a single bulky piece of furniture, it’s OK to let it go if you don’t need or want it
Full StoryMOST POPULAR8 Ways to Get a Handle on the Junk Drawer
Don’t sweat the small stuff — give it a few drawers of its own, sorted by type or task
Full StoryLIFEThe Polite House: How to Deal With Noisy Neighbors
Before you fly off the handle, stop and think about the situation, and follow these steps to live in harmony
Full StoryMOST POPULARModern Party Etiquette for Hosts and Guests
Learn the mannerly way to handle invitations, gifts and even mishaps for a party that's memorable for the right reasons
Full StoryLIFEThe Polite House: On Dogs at House Parties and Working With Relatives
Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter gives advice on having dogs at parties and handling a family member’s offer to help with projects
Full StoryMOST POPULARMy Houzz: Hip Midcentury Style for a Mom's Backyard Cottage
This 1-bedroom suite has everything a Texas mother and grandmother needs — including the best wake-up system money can't buy
Full StoryMOST POPULARThe Not Naturally Organized Parent's Guide to the Holidays
This year get real about what you can and cannot handle, and remember the joys of spending time with the ones you love
Full StoryLIFEThe Polite House: How Can I Kindly Get Party Guests to Use Coasters?
Here’s how to handle the age-old entertaining conundrum to protect your furniture — and friendships
Full StorySponsored
ilovepinkOriginal Author