Neighbourhood Adult Bully
intimidated
14 years ago
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yborgal
14 years agoRelated Discussions
Does Anyone Have to Deal with a Bully and/or Humilating Event?
Comments (6)First, keep in mind that he can't humiliate you, only you set your standards as to what will humiliate you. Obviously this crossed it. But I'm not sure that's the big factor here anyway. You keep going over it and it makes you feel worse. Remember the old joke: Doc it hurts when I do this. Then don't do that! I can't tell you how many times I've gone "wish I had said (or done) ______ when that happened...". But we don't have time machines so we can't go back in time. It sounds like it's been a while so there's really nothing much you can do about it now with one exception. Face him. He may not always be the ogre you think. If you catch him in a good mood and tell him that the event bothers you to this day he might apologize. But would that make a difference? It doesn't change history. So many people want to blame someone when something happens. Sometimes things happen and should be left at that. Keep bringing it up and it'll still exist. Kind of like picking at a scab on a wound. Sometimes you have to let it heal. Sometimes it's best to be a little strict with yourself. Tell yourself that even though you wish you had done differently, you didn't. Life goes on. You weren't physically harmed and to keep rehearsing anand replaying the same the same event over and over does no good. Would you do something different if it happened today? Probably. So now you're a stronger person. Every now and then my cat does something stupid. The other day she rolled over and fell onto the floor. Obviously her pride was very hurt and she was embarrassed. She ran off and disappeared for a few minutes but then came back into the room like nothing happened. It was something that she knew she needed to forget about and move on, which she did. I think you can do the same thing. Get something to eat, wash your face, stretch out in the sun and take a nap. The world looks different with lower blood pressure. Don't harp on the past. It's in the past....See MoreBrown Tabby is a bully
Comments (15)Figgy is still here and Im actually starting to like him again. In case anyoneâÂÂs interested - I started by keeping the 2 cats strictly separate unless I was there to monitor everything going on. When I went to work, went to bed, or was gone from the house more than a few minutes, one cat went into the hallway/basement and the other stayed in the apartment. Some days, I was gone pretty much all day then went straight to bed, so total time they were together and in my presence was a.m. and p.m. feedings, and thatâÂÂs it. I thought theyâÂÂd both be bothered by not having the run of the house and lonely by being kept separate, but I couldnâÂÂt have been more wrong. Within days, both cats seemed more relaxed as if it had been stressing them out to be together in close proximity 24/7. I was under the impression that if they were tired of each other, they could just go to opposite corners of the house and have all the alone time they wanted. But I guess like small children they are not capable of regulating themselves. Lately, IâÂÂve been experimenting with letting them be in the bedroom at night which they both love, the idea being that they could be together at night and I would wake up if one was being murdered again by the other. I donâÂÂt want to risk not hearing anything, which is what happened the night Orange got attacked and injured by Figgy. At first there was all kinds of shenanigans with Figgy trying to assert dominance over the whole bed. He could be purring nicely next to me and then get all bent out of shape because Orange dared to jump up and sit on the foot of the bed, way down at the other end. And the thing with guy cats is theyâÂÂre always wrassling and fussing even if theyâÂÂre getting along. Once I woke up with Orange a large 15 lb cat running lengthwise down my body running away from Figgy. Try to sleep with that going on. Orange snores like an old man - really loud. Any thrashing or fussing whatsoever and Figgy gets the boot out into the living room and the door closed. I operate from the assumption if thereâÂÂs a ruckus going on, its Figgy that caused it. I think he is actually coming around and coming to decide that he loves being in the bed too much to risk being evicted Last night they both actually slept quietly all night which is a first. Long term, I donâÂÂt know if IâÂÂll ever risk leaving them together for long periods of time such as when IâÂÂm gone on vacation or if thereâÂÂs the risk of Figgy getting hungry and wanting to be fed and no oneâÂÂs there to serve him. Sounds like a spouse abuser - get my dinner on the table woman or there will be h*ll to pay. Sheesh! Maybe put up some kind of screen door for these times so they can see each other and play through the door but not have actual contact. It was so awful to find all that blood on the floor - it just canâÂÂt happen again....See MoreNew trend-fighting the bullies
Comments (60)You know, I was a shy, picked on kid. And during college, I made a very concerted effort to come out of my shell. I became skilled at choosing friends who were as sensitive as I was, and at negotiating social interactions with more prickly types, to prevent getting offended. And I learned how to "be" in group situations, without so much self-consciousness. As an adult, with kids whose temperaments and sensitivities are very similar to my own, I see now a clear path toward, not protecting them exactly, but giving them tools to "deal" with all kinds of kids, and how not to be bullied. I have been, if I do say so, very successful in this. I have used some of the strategies mentioned here: get to know the bullies a bit, have a playdate, have them become very good at SOMETHING, to build confidence. And have a few effective things to say to the "bully". I do agree that the word bully is overused. Insensitive is a better word, or actually, unskilled-at-helping-behaviors is even better. What I have observed at school recess is a kid getting made fun of by an insensitive kid (or a nice kid having an insensitive moment), but the kids who stand by and laugh, are not skilled at a more grown up behavior, which is stepping in to ease the discomfort of the laughed-at kid. Many adults can't do this. Some teachers can't do this. It should be modeled and role-played, and taught. And the bullied kid needs to defuse the discomfort somehow. To that end, I see Snidelys point of view, in that, (sadly) there IS something the bullied can learn to do, and it does NOT have to be losing the weight or changing their orientation or identity, but it sure would be helpful to learn some fresh coping strategies. I knew an obese girl in high school who bullied me horribly. It's not always the "differences" that are the problem, tho sometimes it obviously is. And, let the insults fly, I guess, but I find Snidely entertaining, and I don't have to agree with him to respect his point of view, as it helps me tap into what I think. Piling on anyone for their point of view, even if it is despised, isn't giving the helping behaviors that indicate maturity. And I point it out to kiddos all the time in my duties as playground mom....See MoreBarbecue for approx 24 adults
Comments (5)Sorry...I can't think in metric! and I am too old to learn....so I translate. 10 kilos is about 22 pounds...which translates to a little less than a pound of ribs per person....that's more than enough! As for lasagna, I would make 3 9 by 12 pans....which will surely be more than enough. you may have someone who says they don't eat pork, so I would make the lasagna with all beef....See Morejoed
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