Does Anyone Have to Deal with a Bully and/or Humilating Event?

14 years ago

Without going into too much detail, awhile back a man I work with launched into an angry, humiliating tirade directed at me because I dared to confront him on a matter that he took personally (I believed then and still believe that I was correct in doing so.) While I had confronted him privately about the matter, he chose a public moment (several others present) to chew me out. The others were cowed by him and said nothing in my defense. I'm 52 and have never in my adult life been so humiliated--although perhaps I am lucky in this regard. Anyway, nearly 1 1/2 years later I am still rehearsing the matter in my mind and even get physically ill when I need to work with him (which, thank God, is not often). I don't wish him harm (he's clearly a bully) but I also don't know how to get over the hurt. I guess my pride was just killed at that moment--and I know I do have pride. Just wondering if others have had a similar humilitating moment and how (besides time) they managed to get over it while still having to deal on occasion with the humiliator. Thank you, wise people.

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Comments (6)

firemanswife
14 years ago
Marita,
I am so sorry this happened to you. The only thing I can say is this man is a bully and the only reason he chose to make a public scene is so he could feel better about himself and that's the only reason. I am sure you're not the only person he has done this with and sadly enough probably won't be the last. Since no one else said anything to defend you I would be willing to bet it wasn't because they felt you were wrong in the situation they were afraid of his wrath and so kept quiet.
Keep your chin up and know that at the end of the day he's probably a miserable person who chooses to live a miserable life.
polargrammy
14 years ago
Yep, been there. Being bullied by older(oldest) siblings(s) when my mother's estate was being taken care of in front of my other siblings and in-laws. Won't elaborate as I like to forgive and forget(unfortunately it is not that easy).
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cynic
14 years ago
First, keep in mind that he can't humiliate you, only you set your standards as to what will humiliate you. Obviously this crossed it. But I'm not sure that's the big factor here anyway. You keep going over it and it makes you feel worse. Remember the old joke: Doc it hurts when I do this. Then don't do that! I can't tell you how many times I've gone "wish I had said (or done) ______ when that happened...". But we don't have time machines so we can't go back in time.

It sounds like it's been a while so there's really nothing much you can do about it now with one exception. Face him. He may not always be the ogre you think. If you catch him in a good mood and tell him that the event bothers you to this day he might apologize. But would that make a difference? It doesn't change history.

So many people want to blame someone when something happens. Sometimes things happen and should be left at that. Keep bringing it up and it'll still exist. Kind of like picking at a scab on a wound. Sometimes you have to let it heal.

Sometimes it's best to be a little strict with yourself. Tell yourself that even though you wish you had done differently, you didn't. Life goes on. You weren't physically harmed and to keep rehearsing anand replaying the same the same event over and over does no good. Would you do something different if it happened today? Probably. So now you're a stronger person.

Every now and then my cat does something stupid. The other day she rolled over and fell onto the floor. Obviously her pride was very hurt and she was embarrassed. She ran off and disappeared for a few minutes but then came back into the room like nothing happened. It was something that she knew she needed to forget about and move on, which she did. I think you can do the same thing. Get something to eat, wash your face, stretch out in the sun and take a nap. The world looks different with lower blood pressure.

Don't harp on the past. It's in the past.
yayagal
14 years ago
Here's a bit of advice my Mom gave me if I were to find myself in such a situation. Stay calm and when the fool finishes speaking you say "Did you enjoy saying that because I didn't enjoy hearing it." Then walk away.
I've used that line several times in my life and each time the person came running after me saying "I didn't mean to upset you" It puts the burden on the person who is foolish enough to do that. Good ole Mom, she had good common sense.
Deb_from_Pa
14 years ago
marita,
I am sorry this has to happen, but surprisingly it does happen often...for some reason, it makes people feel better to belittle others! I agree with cyic....tho it is hard to get things out of your mind, you need to try for your own piece of mind
This is something I posted on my Facebook.am hoping it gives ya a little smile....LOL
Please put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who is an idiot. Idiots affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for stupidity, but we can raise awareness. 93% wont copy and paste this, many because they're too stupid to know how to copy and paste. Will YOU make this your status for at least one hour.I did!

Oh, and here is another funny...which has nothing to do with your issues at this time, but maybe another little smile........
got a phone call asking to donate clothes for the starving people of the world..I laughed so hard I cried..if they can fit in my clothes they aren't starvin'!!
Jodi_SoCal
14 years ago
Marita, I would feel exactly the same way. I've always worked in a professional corporate environment and the thought of someone in that setting launching into public humiliation is just crazy to me. But I guess it happens.

Not to make light of your situation, but I am always amazed how often you see rudeness, bullying, and other types of intimidation in an office environment on TV shows. There's always tension and people using that tone of voice usually reserved for a parent scolding an errant child. It seldom seems to offend or bother the one at the receiving end. Wish I could be more like a TV character. :-)

Jodi-

Does Anyone Have to Deal with a Bully and/or Humilating Event?

Comments (6)

firemanswife

polargrammy

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cynic

yayagal

Deb_from_Pa

Jodi_SoCal

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