>>>>I think I am just tired from all the decision making>>>>>>

That is where I am at also. I think there is nothing in our lives to compare to what you go through in a house build, especially when you are the type of person who pays attention to details and really cares about the final product. Don't be hard on yourself and know that all the hard work will pay off in a wonderful place for you and your family to live in.

It sounds like you're a perfectionist (takes one to know one). I don't have any wisdom, but I'm in the same situation. Second guessing every decision, finding every flaw. Going from elation over beautiful granite to depression over hideous bathroom. Such a roller-coaster!

And 4 people in a travel trailer would drive anyone nuts! Good luck - hopefully it will be over soon!

I can understand and relate. All I have done for two months is walk into our home and notice everything that still had to be done. Then I was at the house a week and a half ago doing our punch list for 12 hours!!! and I was truly exhausted and very down. It is difficult to look at something you have worked so hard to get, which is truly beautiful, and only look at and for the faults.

My DH and I both walk around with a critical eye right now, in case there is something we have missed. It is hard, and I hope when we move in ON THE 17th!!! that I can just enjoy my lovely home.

Everyone I've spoken to who has built a house says you will find *something* that you wish you would have done differently after you move in.

You are right about the decision overload, it's crazy. Everything is going to be just fine though. I'm sure of it.

Amy

I've been in my house almost two years and just this weekend I looked up at the balcony over the great room and realized if I'd brought the walls in a few feet on each side and dropped the ceiling a little between the great room and the balcony I would have solved all the issues with paint colors running together and crown molding issues, plus it would have made the balcony more room-like. But to do this now would involve taking down the expensive handrail and doing a bunch of drywall work.

Oh, the laundry room is WAY too small (WHAT was I thinking?!).

So, yeah, I know where you are coming from.

Completely can feel your pain. It seems like it is exactly where we are too. I was in tears (of joy) looking at the sunset the other night through our great room windows, knowing that in a few months I will be sitting at my grand piano looking out at that beautiful view and even be able to see the fire in fireplace. And then today I'm totally wondering why in the world I wanted such a big house and how in the world will I be able to keep it clean...not to mention the huge confusion concerning the paint colors, tile and stain color. Try not to be too hard on yourself...it will be wonderful when it is finished! I keep thinking that those little "quirky" things that aren't perfect, will be those unique things that I will always remember. Take a deep breath, this too will pass and in the end it will be worth it.

Thanks guys for the words of encouragement. I really need them this week!

We've been in our home since August 8th and are still working on the punch list. For us, this is the one and only time we will ever build a home. Knowing that, of course, we want it PERFECT. Which, of course, is unobtainable.

In building a dream there is so much to do, so much time to wait, so much indecision and so much over thinking.
That's why God made wine....

kats, you make me laugh out loud!!!

Amy

I've never had a glass a wine but must admit the last few months I've started to understand the appeal and have experienced the urge to go out and get trashed even though I've never been drunk in my life. LOL!

We moved in last March and I still beat myself up over things that I wish we would have done differently. The house is as close to perfect as one could realistically expect but there are still a few things that eat away at me if I allow myself to dwell on it - like I wish the elevation was a foot higher, site finished hardwood instead of pre-finished and a lighter stain, insulation on some interior walls, etc... Maybe its just human nature (at least for some of us) to take things and try to make them better - more perfect - whatever that means. I think we would have to build the same house several times before we could get it perfect and even then there is always go to be some sort of human imperfection taking place or we will see something in a magazine or some else's home that captures our interest.

Like cork2win I have to remind myself that this place is way nicer than any place I've ever lived and the build overall went much better than I expected. And everything that I would have done differently would have added to the cost without adding to the value and so I just need to relax and be appreciative of what we have.

Good luck. Unfortunately I can't tell you the feeling will go away as soon as you move in but hopefully it will calm down and soon you will be able to fall in love with your new home and enjoy it for what it is.

It's because it is such a BIG DEAL. You're spending tons of money. You're afraid you've missed some enormous thing. It's exhausting, in part because most of us haven't tried this before -- and may never want to do it again! -- yet we think we need to be perfect at the task.

There will always be something you could have changed. New products come out that you could have used. Somebody is always posting about this wonderful thing THEY did and you wish you'd thought of that.

Chill. You're doing the best you can. It will all be well worth it in the end. (And then you can try to furnish the darn place!)

And don't forget the most obvious. Building a home takes time...for some of us LOTS of time. Like in getting really really OLDER type time. So of course what started out to be the PERFECT home when you were 30 might not be so perfect when you finish it on your 40th Birthday.

kats you are so funny!

I feel the same way. I went out to the house tonight...in the dark ready to see trim and doors. NOTHING. No doors, (even though they were suppose to be out there Thursday) not a single thing done in week. I was sick to my stomach I have to say. When I saw the porta potty knocked over I knew. I didn't even go in the house. I saw the doors sitting in the garage, some could be up I don't know, but when I saw them I turned around, got back in my car and dialed the builder and hit send. Left a not so happy message and drove off.

All the excitement I had last week is gone. It could be that DH is gone, I HATE my new job and I am just tired.

Gosh, I brought this thread down! LOL!

WHERE IS THE WINE?!?!?!?!?!??!

The wine is in the fridge, chilling for when the plans are done... :) DH bought me a nice bottle for my birthday and we have been saving it. He wanted to open it tonight and I told him I didn't feel like tonight merited the special bottle. We have been hashing over design issues for the last several days. Has had me stressed...so we agreed to sit and work on the plans until we figured it out together, and you know what? We did! Suddenly everything looks brighter again. It is such a roller coaster and we havn't even really started yet! LOL! I am with cork2win and alymarie, even though it won't be perfect and we will undoubtedly figure out what we should have done differently after we live in it, it will still be the most beautiful home we have ever lived in...hopefully we can move in by next year's birthday-maybe that's when we should open that bottle!

"A rollercoaster ride" is exactly the way I describe this entire process to my friends who have never done it, luckymom! I think it is a very accurate description. You are up one moment, and down the next. You get excited about the trim and doors, and then realize your builder doesn't plan on trimming out the interior windows in your home (all 68 of them!!!) Yes, that was one of my lowest days this past summer. Of course I forked out another couple of thousand and he "split" it with me and it's done, but finding that out was a real surprise. There are so many of them, you lose count after awhile and do what my DH encourages: keep your eye on the prize. And it is a prize! I cannot wait to live in my home.

Amy

Same here Amy - I just found out our windows are not getting trimmed out. I think we will wait on it and maybe that will be a project next year for Christmas! LOL!

We've been in our new home a little over a year now. I can so relate to all of you that are worrying about details and finding flaws. We did the same thing. When you are building a home from plans that you've never lived in or walked in before, it's hard to get every detail right. We also did the "wish we would have done this and that differently." However, after you move in and get your furniture in (remember you are looking at a bare house now), the small flaws will disappear and hopefully you will be like my DH and I are now. We look around and simply cannot believe that this is our home and we can't wait to get home when we're away. It's nice to actually love your home and look forward to just being there.

Hang in there. As my mom used to say ... this too shall pass.

Is trimming out the windows a regional thing? I really don't think I've ever seen a home without window trim.

I knew that building a house was going to be stressful, but, honestly, I had no idea what I was in for during this time! It is far-and-away the most stressful event I've experienced. However, I have learned so much about so many things...not just about building. I think the biggest lessons are the life's lessons-not to stress out over every single detail, anything can be fixed/changed, don't put things off, that if being nice doesn't accomplish goals...that sometimes crying and yelling will, and that managing expectations is the key to a successful build (don't tell me something will be done on Tuesday if it will obviously not be finished until Friday!!!).

Oh, and one of the best things that I've learned...I can now draw! I couldn't do stick figures before this, but b/c of all of the non-English speakers, I have become very adept with a pencil. Seriously...this has changed my life!!! :)

Kelly, make sure your window stool is wide enough to accomodate your choice of window trim if you will do it later. That was one of my biggest irritations to date, and I felt like a two year old having a temper tantrum, but I dug in my heels and they did it. I cannot imagine what they were thinking....There are houses whose style lends itself to trimless windows, though. You might decide you like it.

Amy

kats -- DH and I agree we are now too old to ever do this again. Building this house MADE me old! I'm convinced that hauling around tile samples and a bag full of fixture catalogues, plus all that walking on concrete floors (Home Depot, etc.) wrecked me. I had hip replacement surgery two years after we moved in. (Well, OK, maybe that's not the whole reason, but it contributed!) And I was not physically building the place -- just 'making decisions' and writing checks.

Chisue
Getting older during a build is not the only reason. It's the weight of all those checks we continue write when we're building. Breaks not only the bank account but also spirit and the back.

Hey guys,

Thanks again for sharing. It really helps to know that someone does understand!

I knew this was going to be stressful, and I think that *I* am the one making it stressful. However, the perfetionist in me continues to win out. And it doesn't help that I'm not the best at making decisions! And it also doesn't help that my dh is a typical male and could care less about what decisions I make!

Like I said before, I am just tired from it all. It's *all* that's on my mind lately, and I'm just so ready to to get the rest of these decisions made, but seem paralyzed to be able to do so!

I think part of it too is that when you buy a house that is already built, a "used" house, you don't have an opportunity to make things perfect. You have to compromise on something, the size of the rooms, the type of windows, etc. When you are building, you know you can make it perfect; if only you had more time or more money or more something.

minnt: I think you got it exactly right.

I'll chime in, too, esp. since it was a frustrating day. On days like this I feel so beaten up that I just think, "I don't even care what's in it. Just pick something and let's get this over with. For that matter, I don't care if it ever gets built."

We haven't even broken ground yet! But we're starting our third year on the whole process. I'm never excited. Ever. We're both too overwhelmed by--well, all of it. As I have said before, I want the house built the way I want it. I never wanted to go through the process of figuring out how to get it done--overseeing, researching, and generally managing the process and players.

I don't expect to be excited at the end. I hope to be relieved that it's over. And happy to be living in it and very ready to get back to having a real life. And vowing to never do it again. Which, at my age, is a good bet anyway!

I understand. Just the other day I'm standing in the great room and eye balling it's proximity to the island/bar to the kitchen and realize the bar for seating is in the great room and not in the kitchen. I'm thinking to myself, why the heck didn't I notice that before? I mention it to DH and he says "oh no it's fine like this." He's so tired the poor man thinks everything is fine like it is. LOL Now we have to rehash the kitchen design again.

I had windows put in, then taken out, then moved. That is one of the reasons I'm struggling with the kitchen layout. The architect who helped us with the plans had no window, but a stove where that window is. Me, I thought I needed a window and now the stove has to go in the island and my goodness, just another thing to aggravate my ulcers.

Stay cool, "this too shall pass."

So, if there's no window trim, is it what I've seen called 'drywalled wrapped'? Drywall on the sill, the return, the . . . well, everything. Sorry, I don't have the window 'language'. If that's the case, it can look quite nice if that's a style you like and works with your house. I personally like it.

Or does it mean something else altogether?

In any case, I've already paid a bunch for interior and exterior window trim . . . was it a wise use of funds? who can say. Not me; I'm waaaay too  emotional!

And, Kelly, did I miss a post? why was your port-a-potty turned over? There must be a story here; dish, girl!

This is house #8 and believe me, no matter what you do or how much $$$$$$$ you spend "IT WILL NEVER BE PERFECT"
Dealing with the DH acting as the GC is another story.
We are bearly speaking. This after 35 years of marriage.
Move in date has changed 4 times, and all I asked for was Thanksgiving at our new home so all our adult children, spouses and grandchild could be with us. Our move in date of August gave me the confidence of thinking Thanksgiving was a GIVEN. Ha, we are still not in. And as the above posts have suggested some days it is the attitude of just do it, I don"t care!!!! Then the next day it is like YUCK why did I do that. And the best is DH asks me how I want something and then just proceeds to do it his way with the answer of "this was the best choice, or My favorite one, cause it was cheaper at HOME DEPOT, and it is close enough to what you wanted.
16 months and counting since we broke ground. DH took a leave of absence from his job and has worked 70 hrs a week on this house so I guess I can understand his attitude.
By now you all realize I married a workaholic. Has been this way since we married his jr yr of college. So ladies as we are in our mid- upper 50's it just never gets easier when or how many times you build.
I want everything perfect and he wants to work 70 hrs a week. Gee, What will we do when this house is finished???? Hang in there, when all is said and done, we will all have a wonderful HOMES. I said Home and not House because a home is what you make it with Love and families around you.

I hope this thread is helping everybody as much as it is helping me. I always think I'm the oddball, or crazy, or really dumb. And now I find out that maybe I am, but you all are, too! Seriously, it's nice to know I'm not alone and it's all just part of the process.

This morning I looked around this pitiful Builder's starter home in a gang-infested neighborhood, and wondered how we've ever lived in so imperfect a house for 18 years. Well, we've made it a HOME, as sanborn5 said. And we were in our early forties when we bought it--mature enough to have some sense and yet we liked it despite its now-apparent defects (the neighborhood was peaceful back then). So, why are we so absolutely picky now when designing a house that's a million times better in every way?

Yep. It's the old perfectionism. And, for us, this is our last home, last chance to do it right. I've spent way too much of my precious time on Earth trying to choose and set things up to control them. (Can you say "control-freak"?) Can it really matter so much which cabinet pulls I have as long as they function and last? And can't I just be more grateful to be contemplating a comfortable, functional home rather than a hut with a dirt floor shared with 10 other people?

I need to get over myself just a little and seek a little detachment from the process. And not make DH so disgusted with it that it colors his enjoyment of our HOME. Anyone else need a serious attitude adjustment??

I've been in for 2 months and definitely find myself saying "I wish this" or "I wish that". Then I have to smack myself back to reality.

Had I had walked into my new home the way it is without ever actually being part of the building process I would have thought it was perfect and paid twice as much for it. It really is everything I wanted or else I wouldn't have built it this way. (I have to remind myself of this)

I find that I get house envy from looking at all the beautiful homes on this site. But I also got a lot of good ideas from them too. So it's give and take. :)

Overall, I still feel like I'm living in a dream 90% of the time.

At least all of you are in your home OR can see progress. We have yet to break ground, started the ball rolling one year ago. Survey was 3 months to obtain and when we got it, the house we chose didn't fit, odd shaped lot and very small. Then a long wait for an incomplete geo tech survey and new plans were 10 weeks at the architect. Blah blah blah, hurry up and wait, always something. When the ball is in our court, we run w/ it, when it is in someone elses ... who knows but it is never timely. I wishhhhhhhhhh I could look at an electrical outlet and say ... oh my what was I thinking. I don't even have a driveway, can't make one till the plans are submitted to the county and that's at least a 3 month wait for approval. Oh, did I mention the disapproved variance? Did you know that a deck is not an integral part of the structure. Well it is if you have a view IMO! Also if you have a dog, you gonna run down and up 15 stairs every time he wants to go out? I'd have great legs. So I dream, but not of colors any more, I don't even plan what things will look like, I can't afford anything fancy anyway, granite? I'll be happy if I get plywood covered w/ contact paper. Bought used appliances on Craigslist, they are in my parents garage. Been there for months. So, if you have a structure, any sticks standing, be thankful and enjoy :) ps I know this sounds negative but it really isn't, I've come to accept the patience factor, I dream a lot, it seems to get me by, but I know when the house is done, it will be the biggest thing I have ever done in my life, chip chip chip, we'll get there and it'll be GRAND!

I'm so glad I started this thread because I really enjoy hearing there are 'other's like me', LOL! It is also good for my sanity right now.

Yesterday dh and I drove 3 hours to pick out granite. Got home (to our 27' travel trailer) with 2 tired kids and dh had left the keys at our 'other' home, 1 hour away. So, he had to break into the camper. THEN we get in and the propane bottle was empty....no heat! And guess who didn't fill up the spare bottle???? Poor dh! I could've rung his neck last night! THEN once we get settled in, I start researching my granite choice on the kitchen forum and see that it is a maintence nightmare! OY!
I MUST have all my hardwood, tile, carpet, countertops, cabinet colors, paint colors picked out and coordinated by tomorrow. HA!

Thanks again for all the responses...much needed today!

jennymama: OMG! Wish you well on those fast choices. I bet you don't have any more regrets than the rest of us who have obsessed for months, perhaps, over each one.

charliedawg: You are EXACTLY right! That's what I was trying to convey. That our new houses will be so wonderful that anybody--even ourselves!--walking into them without being behind the scenes, doing the deciding and panicking, would absolutely love them. So, it is my plan to love mine and never allow my mind to dwell in the "if only" world.

Let's see now, if we all picked apart, second-guessed, and "if only'd" the rest of our lives, how could we go on? Think about our marriages, friendships, family relationships, our faith, our work....None is perfect, but each has a lot of satisfaction to offer!

I like your last paragraph pinktoes - so true and something I definitely need to remember. I am the queen of "if only we'd...)

One of my dear friends is possibly loosing both her parents to cancer (they are only in their early 60's), another friend of a friend lost their 7 year old to leukemia, another's 11 year old cousin had a stroke and is paralyzed, etc, etc... I'm sure everyone has their sad stories to tell - point is that I think of them when I start to dwell too much and say to myself "my stresses are so small" because really in the scheme of life they are. Sure there are things I'd do differently if I had a chance to choose again and sometimes I beat myself up over them but mistakes and indecision are just part of life and part of the learning process.

Thanks to the original poster for posting this topic as it has been on my mind waaaay too much this past week. I think I have too much time on my hands right now and not enough stress elsewhere and that leads to dwelling on the house once again - even though we've lived here 7 months and it is "perfect" or at least close enough.