For some the "sport" whatever it is, is their only thing....their worth aas a human depends on that sport...or dance...or music...or whatever. What a shame...
Well I remember once when my 10 year old son came home on cloud 9 because he had made first chair trombone.
I did the milk and cookies thing and went out in the yard to weed, and a neighbor who is a teacher came across the yard and asked was my son pleased about today! I told her he was floating! She said I was so pleased at him getting a 90 on his math test! LOL! for her....everything was about math....but not so for thes tudents.
Someone needs to tell that coach to get a life outside of little kids hockey!
Linda C

I agree, Jo, and the coaches at high school level are exactly the reason my girls quit playing high school sports in their junior year. Every year the athletic director would give a speech saying that good sportsmanship was as important as winning. For several years now, parents have stood up at that meeting and remarked "Tell the coaches that".

Now, our little school is much better at quiz bowl, having gone national for the past 15 years or so, but the football team has lost every game for the last two years, so I can't see that the coach's intense behavior has helped the win record, it's only made perfectly good athletes stop playing on those teams.

any poor sportsmanship I've seen displayed at any of our games was displayed by coaches, most of whom are "parent volunteers".

The boys football coach is the worst, but the girl's track coach is pretty close. The difference is that the boys have lost pretty consistently and the girl's track team has gone to state several times. I can't see that either result is the result of coaching or the coach's "expert" direction...

Annie

Anyone here remember Woody Hayes? Bobby Knight? 2 of the most driven and abusive and ...seccessful coaches ever...
Disgusting, both of them!
I have seen both of them throw one of their famous temper tantrums.
BUT...one of the differences is, those guys are playing with and for big bucks....and with players who are more "adult" than your little hocky players. Thos players can, if they choose see what an "act" it all is...and go someplace where their talents will be appreciated.
Your little guys are learning bad things about ego abd bullying and winning at all costs and adults who act like children....and badly behaved children at that!
Linda C

Oh, I hear you Jo.

We had a coach a few years ago in our Tier I league(coaching a team a year older than my son's), who after losing a game to a team he though was "lesser" than his team, made his kids crawl off the ice. Crawl. They were 8 years old. Not only did his team feel humilated, it took a lot of the joy out of the win for the other team. We left that league.

We also had a coach there that would routinely disparage the kids, calling them names, cursing at them, and what I considered to be particularly offensive, would call them by girls names when he thought they weren't working hard enough. According to one kid who just recently quit this coach's team mid season, he would berrate them in the locker room after a game and tell them not to tell their parents what he said. Awful! My kid should never feel like he can't tell me something.

I've seen coaches (and some parents) do awful things. Throw things on the ice, tell the kids they're stupid. Some of the worst are the coaches who have a kid on the team. Way too invested in The Win... We had a parent/coach pull the goalie when we were winning 8-2 because he had a personal issue with the coach on the other team and wanted to run up the score. Same coach would never give the third line any ice time, even when we were winning big.

My son's team now doesn't win many games, and there's a big talent gap on the team, which can get frustrating for my son. His coach, however, is a good man and to me, that's the most important thing. He's a yeller, but it's more of an intensity thing, not a degrading thing. We may not win state's this year, but my son is having fun and finally has a coach that is also a proper role model. And on this team there are no delusional parents who think their kid is a superstar at 9.

Very few of these kids are playing in college. And I'll take bets that none of them are playing pro. Lighten up coaches and parents!

AM

PS On a happy note, little Radish had a hat trick in his game this morning! In a 4-1 game, he had 3 goals and an assist. Must have been the wholesome breakfast his mom gave him!

Jo - Let me start with a disclaimer: I have less than zero interest in sports so obviously you have infinite more insight than I do on this. With that in mind, and with my own kids approaching soccer age, I'd be interested in your reaction to my first reaction to your post.

"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game." We've all heard that cliche ad nauseum. IMO it's a questionable life lesson at best, but that aside, does it only apply when they lose? Seems to me that if you put your kid in "a travel team [which] is generally more competitive," should just playing good enough to win be acceptable? Or should the coaches of an elite league expect more from the kids than to have a good time?

I wasn't there, you were. I know that. And I'm sure there are coaches that go overboard with their expectations, but on the other hand as you've noted, there are options for kids who are just looking to play for fun.

I'll run with Linda C's music analogy. I was a far above average musician growing up. Why? Largely because I had parents and teachers who were on top of me and pushed me as hard as they could, and largely because as good as I was, I was placed in competetive programs where I never made first chair. By contrast, for me school music programs were a joke and I was up front whether I tried or not. But they were fun.

Foodona~very valid questions/points
"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game." We've all heard that cliche ad nauseum. IMO it's a questionable life lesson at best, but that aside, does it only apply when they lose? Seems to me that if you put your kid in "a travel team [which] is generally more competitive," should just playing good enough to win be acceptable? Or should the coaches of an elite league expect more from the kids than to have a good time?
..as a mom of three boys that at one time ALL played three sports a year...I can tell you that if you pay alot of money and put in alot of travel time...on select teams..I expect a better playing field and yes more wins...Sports are competitions..and eventually winning is why you are there...If you wanted your kid to "just have fun and learn" you'd not have them in select sports...
But to humilate children that's wrong...

My husband is a tough coach...he wants the kids to desire to be their best...he doesn't humilate...he sets the bar to where the kids should reach it..he tries to take each child to their highest..realizing that all children aren't the same.
He's a damn good coach..However, there are parents that request him and some that don't want their kids with him..

My son also participated in competitive sports starting at nine. His sport was track/field. He went on to become a 3 time Gold Medal Junior Olympian (plus one bronze). He attended a small, private high school & the principal & track coach convinced him to run high school track "for the sake of his school". He became team captain in his sophmore year & a couple of his indoor records still stand. He also coached Special Olympic track kids while still in high school.

Coaches...OMG! On the competitive team they pushed so hard our son went down on the track & ended up in a cast from stress fractures when he was eleven.

At age twelve, on the way to a meet in CA from CO, the coach stopped & had him run in Death Valley in July. He had to run behind the car for 3 miles. We'd taken the route from Las Vegas to LA because the kids all wanted to see Death Valley & Scotty's Castle. If I'd have known the coach would have DS run in that heat never would we have agreed to that route!

DS ran the 4x800 relay for several years. Once, Dustin (3rd runner) dropped the baton trying to hand off to DS. The coach had Dustin carry the baton with him including the shower, school, in bed, everywhere for an entire week. He was ridiculed at school. They were 10 when that happened & preparing for the national Hershey's Track & Field event in Hershey, PA. That was the relay teams' first national qualification & they took a bronze.

The coach also had the kids on a diet that was troublesome. It was just too much food even for growing boys running 20 miles +/week. We had frequent tummy issues & upchucking of meals.

I honestly don't know if the competitive team or the high school team was the worst. There was lots of pressure from both. Punitive punishments were common & public.

Overall though, DS hit the deck running after college graduation knowing & understanding rough competition. Now, he's a volunteer/parent soccer coach for my granddaughter. I haven't watched him coach but am told that he's like a pied piper for the kids. So, I'm guessing he learned a thing or three from his own days of having fiercely competitive coaches. I'll ask him about it over Christmas. It's also about time I took the boxes of medals so he can store them instead of us!

/tricia

Just to follow up, my email returned a solid, responsible response from the president of the organization. She apologized on behalf of the organization and promised that it would not happen again. Evidently, my email was only the start of the complaints.

To answer the awesome question that foodonastump posed, my expectations are the same regardless of the level my son plays. We do pay more for travel ($100 more/season to cover the additional ice time), so yes, I do expect my son to improve more rapidly than on a regular team. But that is just simple math: more ice time, more practice, more results. You could substitute piano playing in that equation. But I hope our coaches remember that our kids, at 7 and8 yrs old, really do what we ask them to. Sure, my son wanted to play travel, but he would have been fine playing house too. At the end of the day, he is happy to win, but happier to buy a slushy. A good coach will teach him how to win. A great coach will teach him how to lose..
Jo

Jojoco, My son is now grown, in the Army, and through the high school age. He was very active in
AAU baskeball... It's been many years but we sure did have fun traveling around the country and getting in to whatever great game we could find to play.

If they won.....great, and if they lost it was OK too...NO PRSSURE! We sure did have alot of fun in the day.

BTW, Our team took #1 place in the nation in soccer when they where Juniors in high school. I had so much fun that year! We regularly won each year but that year was very special.

Go Saints!

Remember, to enjoy your children...that is really is all that has ever amtered to us.

I read this post to my DH who is an athletic director and former coach and he agreed that this practice is rediculus for this age group. That is why my husband who does athletics for a living and is involved in our state athletic association believes coaches at all levels be in college, high school and little leauge or junior league, or what ever you call it need to be trained and certified in some manner. Because many of these coaches without the training cause more problems and harm to the students than good. Good for you to stand up and write the association, unless someone makes a stand. BTW DH loves football and played at the college level until one coach continually degraded and harassed players resulting in the coach getting a helmet to the side of his head.

Cheers to you,
Stacie Sich

Stacie,
Thanks for asking your dh to weigh in on this. Just an fyi, as a hockey coach, you have to be certified by usa hockey. I am level three. The course for each level involves both on and off ice hours. I stopped short of level 4 because it meant a 2 day committment hours away from home. All these coaches on my son's team have at least a level 2 certification. The certification is not worth the paper it is written on.
Jo