We are building our house (all our selves). People are constantly asking when's your move in date. We just tell them - 'We just lack finishing up'. We were saying this when we were putting the floor joists on. Now at least we are getting ready for plumbing and electrical. But we are still answering with the same statement. When you're building the house just on the weekends and sometimes it's snowing all weekend, how the world are you suppose to know your move-in date! I agree people that aren't building or haven't gone thru it, just don't understand.

I just have to say that if some of my friends behaved like some of the above examples I would boot them out of my life in a heartbeat. Why would anyone subject themselves to such emotional turmoil? Having such toxic people in your life isn't healthy.

Now family is another matter. It does suck when family members are petty and spiteful and bitter. I go with the shrug-it-off method of mental serenity when dealing with such family members. But it does still suck.

Stumpy

PS- I do value friendships very much, but I refuse to keep "friends" that make me feel bad about things that I have no control over (i.e. their inability to own a house).

This is my last post on the gardenweb. I can't take it anymore. When I first started reading this three years ago, reasonable people with interesting stories and/or helpful advice wrote in. Over the course of the last year, postings changed. People became defensive if you disagreed with them. You started to see sarcastics diacritics like @@; I was taught this was bad manners online. Then one fairly innocent, if somewhat vulgar post, led to accusations of racism. Now this thread has led one touchy poster to claim that she was insulted. Any reasonable reading of the post that provoked this accusation shows that the latter was referring to a hypothetical situation rather than to the insulted poster. Now, with Carolineb's post, we have descended to the level of the sand box. Goodbye.

This is the only thread I'm still following for now, after this expires so do I for now. Anyway, I agree with you Kaleberg, I started here some time ago, all began at the tractor forum, Gardenweb in general was different then. I too believe that the build-a-home forum has gone downhill, a lot of the people who made it so great have since moved on it seems. I used to learn something here every night, now I hardly look anymore and when I do it's for amusement. Hopefully it will once again cycle back to where it was, cause it was once a fantastic place, still is to some degree but different for sure. This is not the reason I'm running off for a while, but I do agree.

Awe come on! Its this thread and not the forum. This kind of thread initially brings out the best in people but eventually brings out the worst. As people share experiences, others see them differently or even see themselves being that person in some cases and don't believe that what was described was so bad. I know I have. Its easy to be viscious when you can maintain anonimity sitting behind a computer screen in the privacy of your home. Take a deep breath and just move on to a happier thread.

back on topic please.

I think the problem is not true friends but co-worker type friends.

Everybody knows a true friend will not get weird but just like how I can not stand it when somebody is having a baby and it is ALL they talk about.

I'm probebly the same way. Builders are obsessed over their house. WE care about so many little stupid things that everyone else takes for granted.

I can see why people get turned off to others that are building. Our lives are consumed with building just like people expecting babies or with newborns are obsessed with the kid!

Here is a link that might be useful: Rod and DJ's House Building Adventure

I have the opposite problem. We have been building for a little over a year. Small town. Every day at lunch, at church, on the street, in Wal-Mart, everyone keeps asking -You're not in your house YET? What's the problem? When are you finally going to get in? The "problem" is that I'm not going to be rushed into making decisions on the spur of the moment, rural crews of two when a crew of ten is needed, a custom cabinet maker that works by himself, and lots of other things I really don't want to talk to people about. I'm sick of building and depressed about delays, and don't really want to talk about my house to someone that really wants to just get a good laugh because my house is taking a long time to build. But in the words of Dennis Miller - that's just me--I could be wrong.

Beachgirlok,

The "when are you" questions never end. You go from "when are you getting married" to "when are you having kids", and then when you are pregnant, "when are you ever having that baby?" (usually asked when you are pretty sure the whole thing is a cruel joke and you will never see your feet again). You are at that point in your housebuild. Mostly people are just making conversation and don't expect an exact answer but in small towns it can be worse because 'everybody knows everybody'. We are building our house ourselves, small town, so I know where you are coming from. I just say "we're working on it" or "we're getting there" and leave it at that, unless it is someone who genuinely wants to know.

Jill

Beachgirlok -

Wow, I think my builder is also building your house! I'm in the land of houses taking no longer than 6 months max. We are going on 9 months on the 25th and I can't see we will possibly be done for another 3 months.

I always get, "Are you still building that house?" I say, "Yep" then I'm asked what's wrong. I want to say, "Well, I have a GC that works 4 hours a day and he's doing most of the work himself, his crew's names are Larry, Curly and Moe, subs show up with their kids in tow and small crews that take forever." But instead I just smile and shrug.

Sick and depressed describes me to a "T." I so want to be done.

I'm so sick of it too. We're over year with many many delays for various reasons. House is coming out great but I feel like I'm going to go absolutely crazy if it doesn't end soon...

My dear stepdad, who is one of the kindest, nicest people I know, really surprised me with a comment he made to my mom, who repeated it to me. He said that he didn't think anyone would be comfortable visiting our home because it's too big.

I asked my mom to never repeat anything else he told her in private. I cannot say anything to him because he is a kind man and I'm sure he never intended for us to know what he said. Plus, he has terminal cancer and is undergoing chemo regularly and I cannot stress him out by trying to talk about something this touchy.

However, his comment has really hurt my feelings because to us, this home is not big, it's only 3,600 sq. ft. and we're making it a cozy, country home. But I guess my mom has bragged about it to him when we're not around and talked so much about it that he feels a little jealous because his kids can't build houses like ours. He does frequently make comments to us that we're spending too much such as saying that we must have a money tree with all that we're spending on the house. He laughs when he says those things, but I really dislike anyone commenting on my financial situation.

My mom raised me to never talk about money or finances or salary to anyone other than your spouse. (I do talk about the cost of things for the house on this board, but only here with fellow builders, not in real life.) So it's surprising to me how obsessed my stepdad is with our finances. He doesn't know anything about them, he just thinks he does.

Oh, he also told me at Christmas that he would never buy a house for more than $250,000 because "he just wasn't raised that way." My husband and I told him that just because you were raised in a small house doesn't mean you always have to live in that same style home. My husband said, for example, that his parents lived in homes with dirt floors when they were kids because their families were so poor. But that they don't feel that they must still live with dirt floors because that's how they were raised. His parents now live in a very nice home.

So...that's what I've been told about my house that hurts my feelings. It has to come from someone that you're close to for it to hurt.

As for friends, we moved to a new state to build, so we only have one set of close friends here (my best friend from growing up and her husband.) All of our other friends are back in California. So we don't annoy them with house comments. And our friends here get it because they build a similarly-sized house as ours four years ago. They enjoy watching our house go up and they go over to tour it themselves all the time, even if we're not around.

I do think most, if not all, negative comments are based in jealously, whether for themselves or their children, such as with my stepdad.

kygirl, I'm sorry that comment got back to you! I feel the same way, though. For it to hurt, it has to come from someone I love. We have suffered no rude comments due to our house, but we have yet to dig. I will go out on a limb and say the real friends we have will be very happy for us.

I would bet your stepdad had no intention for that comment to reach your ears. Not meaning to criticize your mom with that, but he would probably feel badly.

I had to smile when I read your first line, though. This doesn't seem to apply to your relationship with your mom, but whenever my mother doesn't like what I'm doing (anything from the names of my unborn children, to where we were living, to dish patterns and raising my children, oh I could go on......:-)) she will call me and attribute any nasty comment coming from her, to my father. Such as, "your father doesn't like the name xyz. He thinks it's old fashioned and ugly (!!). I just laugh, because my dad is kind and gentle and only wants me to be happy. I can stop her silliness with one comment. "Oh, I'll call him and talk to him about that". She drops it like a hot potatoe. I'm sure this isn't the case, just my own experience. FWIW, I named my daughter the xyz name my father, I mean my mother, didn't like:-) That's the great thing about being an adult. When we have children, when we build houses or anything else, we can make our own decisions.

By the way, your house is looking so great!

Back to the previously scheduled thread....

Amy

Kats suggested a thread like this, and the suggestion gave me the desire to post about our new friends! They used to be our neighbors! Since we began our major remodel they have had to endure dirt, noise, trucks blocking our little street - it's a dead end street with only about 10 houses - and sadly, nails and screws in their tires! They have ALL stopped by at regular intervals during the last year to compliment us on the house and to offer encouragement. They have offered us hot drinks, cold drinks, running water and showering facilities. Our next door neighbors came over at the end of one day last week with a very good bottle of wine and disposable glasses for us all! One of our closest neighbors moved here 2 years before us, 14 years ago, but for some reason we have never exchanged more than a few words. Now we regularly have long conversations, and they have asked us to help ourselves from their citrus trees.
All of our neighbors have been absolutely fantastic, by their patience and kindness they have shown us that they are indeed friends!
I apologise for 'borrowing' the thread!

sis3,

I'm really glad to hear that your new neighborhood is so close already. I know you can hardly wait for your home to be done but knowing what kind of neighborhood you'll be moving to has got to make it even more special. I know because our's so far seems the same. In fact, when we were having such a hard time getting permits our neighbors rallied around us and even offered to go to county to say (as one neighbor put it) "If we don't mind them building here then why the hell should you mind???" They watch out for our place too. We've been called when it snowed and there were "tons" of people on the lot playing in the snow and tramping all over the site.
Everyone has been extremely helpful and fun to talk to.
Pretty cool huh?

Yes, we lost "friends." When we built a home about five years ago, we had some friends in the area who offered to let us rent out their basement during the building process. These friends were buying a model home in a subdivision and were sooo proud of themselves.

Then one day we were sitting at the kitchen table looking at our blueprints and the wife took one look at them...and the friendship divorce began. From that time forward, she would make snarky comments that were clearly intended to communicate that her home was superior to ours (double ovens are such a waste of space, a busy mom just can't keep a big home clean, etc.). I found it to be comical at first, mainly because I was surprised and didn't know what else to think. Just 2 weeks before we moved into our new home we attended a social gathering upstairs in their home where we didn't know many of the guests. Our "friends" introduced us as the "people who rent the basement." (!!!) Apparently they'd forgotten about the years we'd known one another.

It's amazing how pure jealousy can kill a friendship. Fortunately, we have other "real friends" who stuck by us through it all.

If we lose friends through building a new home, they were never true friends in the first place.

This sounds too simple but it is so true.

I've been surprised like the rest of you at times over the actions of friends and family members when the rubber meets the road.

It shocks and hurts us but in the end, if we let it, it will help us to grow.

I have to share something.. I have one particular friend who when she found out we were building a new home was SO excited for us. She remains excited - every time she calls she asks me what we've got done, she comes over to see the progress when she's put in a full day of work and I know she's beat. It's funny because she seems at times more excited than me :)

Just as learn as i go said above: "jealousy can kill a friendship" but thank God for true friends who stick by us :)

INteresting thread. I just read the whole thing.

We are just into the framing stage right now, and I've been sending "update photos" to about a dozen people, family and friends. After reading this thread I realized that 8 or 9 of the dozen people have never expressed that they enjoyed getting the photots. I think I am guilty of sharing my joy with too many people.

I will cut my "update" emails down to the two or three people that seem interested. I've got to share it with someone. Not to brag, but just to share with the people in my life. If you can't share things like this then what's it all good for?

I think if you want to be offended, you will be.

tragusa3

It's ok...lucky for all of us, we like to share here! :)

I am a new poster to this site, but I found this post so interesting. We built our first house at 2100 square feet and three years later decided to sell it after a few more children and build 4800 square feet in the same town. My husbands commute began to be too much,he got a promotion and wanted to be much closer to home so as not to sacrifice a lot of family time. So we sold last year, found land and a GC and moved into a closer absolutely gorgeous community. We are renting now while we wait for our 8000 sq. ft not including the basement home to be finished. We completely designed it with the architect and with our family will utilize every ounce of it. However the so called friends have fallen off. Every house move has caused more and more friends to fall off.
What I have realized is that our real friends have NEVER left our side. They have rode by us through the thick and the thin of our lives. During these phases, my husband lost his grandmother and his brother. We have dealt with a ton of circumstances emotionally and the real friends were and continue to be right there. What I have come to realize is that people do not always understand why you want what you want, or why you are in a position to do that and they are not. As long as you are not a bragger and remain a person with integrity and character, you have done nothing wrong. You are enjoying life for you and your family. Anytime you want to share shoot me or anyone else on here an email. From what I have read in various postings the people here are amazing...Good Luck and God Bless

Oh boy. Is this ever hitting home for me...

My husband and I have been in the same 1850's house for almost 20 years - ever since we first got married with me right out of college.

No new furniture in I don't know when, and things are "shabby" but not "chic" unintentionally. Tiny dark bathrooms with dated fixtures and PINK and BLUE tile, and ALL my husband's clothes are literally in the bathroom closet.

We are building our dream house (breaking ground in 3 weeks) on acreage.

I have a cousin who is almost as excited as I am about it, and has wanted to see plans, give input, and asks after our progress all the time. She is genuinely thrilled for us.

The responses from some other family members has ranged from total disinterest to nasty remarks to open jealousy.

What is the most puzzling to me is that in EVERY case, it's the people who live or have lived in homes MUCH nicer and more expensive than the one we live in now that say these things. You would think these people would be happy to see us FINALLY getting a nice home.

From my Dad's wife - who lived alone in a 5,000+sf house before they got married 7 years ago: "Why do two people need such a big house? What a waste of space and money." (Our house will be 1,000sf LESS than the house she lived in alone.)

From my brother - who built a HUGE custom home 7 or 8 years ago and then had to sell it when he got divorced. "How much is it going to cost? THAT much??? That's ridiculous! How are you going to pay for that? Will your husband EVER get to retire?"

From my sister - who has been in a very nice and expensive house for 10 years. "Who do you think you are? Scarlett O'Hara building Tara?" Sigh.

I do NOT ever mention any details about the house unless asked, and I have not shown the plans to more than 3 or 4 people, and only when they've asked to see them. It's so sad to me that people feel compelled to make comments and rain on my parade when we have more than paid our dues to get where we are.

It makes me sad also to see so many others experiencing the same thing during a time that should be filled with joy and people who care rallying around you with excitement and interest. :(

Feelings are feelings and I don't begrudge anyone her feelings. However, I tell my 6 yr old that everyone has mean/jealous/hateful feelings in his heart/mind sometimes--but we need to learn not to say those things--because it's not polite, it makes others feel badly, because we are not the center of the universe--all sorts of reasons. I'll tell you what--he's pretty good at keeping his mouth shut when he has evil thoughts and he is SIX--I can still see them in his eyes--and sometimes he tells me PROUDLY he avoided saying something mean--he caught himself. Good for him!--changing behavior is all I ask--he is entitled to his feelings. I think he's already more sophisticated than these friends of yours.

Everyone is jealous sometimes--but shut-up already! Doesn't anyone know to just keep it to himself? No one stays married, for instance, saying every thought that goes though his or her head.

I have limited patience for this stuff. I'm going to go back and see what others have said. --Lisa ( :

I think the subject of Home is highly emotional and symbolic. A house provides shelter, one of man's basic needs. Feelings can tip over the edge no matter if the house in question is a replica of the Biltmore, or if it's an elegant craftsman under 2000 sq feet. Folks in older houses might imagine all of the technology that will be going into these new homes--the latest in plumbing, energy efficiency, media room, steam shower, wireless internet, "smart" house, etc.

During this last build, we didn't lose friends. However, comments were made by people my husband worked with, and by people we barely knew. I never defended the house;
it wasn't the house's fault. It was how the house was perceived by others.

I can tell you that Humor helps. Time will help temper snide remarks, even if it won't entirely eliminate them. Someone else will build a house that's beautiful or odd or filled with techie things...and maybe lose a few wobbly aquaintences in the process. But there's no telling how many friends you will make right here.
And so it goes....

wow... i honestly didn't expect this thread to get so long. i was just a little bugged by a comment from someone so decided to post. it's great to come here and be able to share things that others might not be interested in. so while i was never volunteering info on our build, i now know to just answer with a vague response, thank them for asking and move on! sounds like a plan. good luck with all of your builds. we are all very fortunate.

Wow, I also came across this thread because I was bugged by a comment made to my youngest daughter (age 8)about our family. For most of last year, our lives were consumed with construction of a bathroom addition and a new pool. We had to overcome a bad contractor who while doing our small addition completely destroyed our recently landscaped backyard. Rather than spend money re-landscaping, we decided to go ahead and put in a pool. (It was something we had planned to do later rather than sooner.) We didn't bore our neighbors with details because we were too busy with the construction. Now, we are finally where we want to be. With the weather warming up, we have had a flurry of neighborhood kids knocking on our door to to go swimming. Our food bill has grown, but we don't mind entertaining (or babysitting) our neighbors' kids.

Yesterday, we hosted a backyard bbq for five neighborhood families (whom we consider our friends). In the past year the bbq's have been hosted at their homes. We have had great times together.

After everyone left, my youngest was very quiet. (Usually, she's hyper from having all her friends over.) After talking for a while, I found out that one of her neighborhood friends said that a few of the parents got together and had commented privately that we were only having the barbecue to show off our pool, our dog was annoying, and that our oldest daughter (age 10) was strange (she's perfectly normal). It sounds so immature, but nevertheless it hurt both our girls. They thought their neighbors liked them. To my girls, I just chalked to off to neighborhood gossip and jealousy and to just ignore it. But deep inside, I am surprised and hurt. I don't want to believe that some of our friends could be so mean, while at the same time I can't confirm what was really said and who really said it. Though I do have some suspicions. It's nice to have a forum to see that you are not alone.

A well planted dig of sorts...its just a shame some adults resort to using their kids as the conduit. Similar experience with us as well.

That's really hard on an 8 year old. I'm sorry it happened to her. You obviously can't control what other people are saying, but you do have a wonderful opportunity to teach your girls how to take the high road in a tough spot.

At those ages what people say goes right to little hearts. But...as you said, "it sounded so immature" especially the comment about your 10 year old. It's true, adults might have made these comments or, made comments that were completely misunderstood. More likely it's the sayings of another child who felt slighted for some infantile reason and wanted to lash out at your daughters during your BBQ.

Kat, you do have a point. It does sound like a another child speaking who felt slighted in some way. Everyone, thanks for your perspective. I appreciate the feedback.

I was a participant on the "Depressed" thread. Some of the attitudes were unsavory over there. While I still know first-hand because of selling real estate that lots of people build/buy homes with the aid of family (what's even wrong with that, anyway???) and also alot of people build/buy with TONS of debt, I can tell you my perspective has changed a bit since then.

I've been envious and curious about how young couples seem to be doing so much better than me and DH. But recently, we've been on the receiving end of some of the same jealousies, and it surprised me.

We bought another house to remodel. We didn't sell our first house yet. We're paying cash for all of it (except the house). At this time, my car decided it would die. So we bought a new car. Again, cash. This is not because we're so great, it's because we had car payments 10 years ago, and decided that they just didn't work for us. Since then, we've paid cash for cars.

I've been shocked at some of the comments by casual acquaintances who know that we're remodeling. (We bought a house that had been vacant for 2 years; it seems that EVERYONE in this neighborhood knows our house because of this.) Some of the parents from my kids' school, and a few from our church have made some snarky comments, and have also asked us a few pointed questions concerning the costs we're incurring.

This has really shocked me, because I know what DH and struggled through in our early years. We had kids very young, I stayed home for 10 years, etc. We drove *horrid* cars (one had NO reverse!) and have done without a long time. We've been flat on our backs in the past, and now we've worked long and hard to provide a comfortable living for our kids. It angers me that people would think:

-we don't deserve it
-we're too young
-we're up to our eyeballs in debt (okay, they may have us there if you consider that we're carrying 2 mortgages until our old house closes this month!)
-we're showing off
-we're not being wise with our money

Having never had an "enviable" life, this has caught me off guard. I feel badly now that I may have made assumptions about how someone afforded this or that. I now have a better understanding of how people perceive your life based upon your home or cars, but they can often be too shortsighted to see what brought you to that level.

DH and I know we'll only be in this next house a few years, and then we're going to build too. I'm sure we'll have lots of fun, and have lots of comments then as well.

Reno,

It's something when you finally get that other guy's shoes on and walk that first mile. I try to remember that philosophy when I hear things said about our build. But more often than not.... I just go for the bull whip! LOL

I have a suggestion for you, instead of emailing, post your pics on Photobucket. make it open to the public and give them the site. If they want to keep up on progress they will go there and see the pictures. Thats what I Do.

Hubby and I are doing ALL the work ourselves. We started the actual building 3 years ago. Hubby works full time and building this house after work and weekends.
I get the question "hows that house comming"? and all the other inconsiderate questions and comments. Our house isnt big, its actually under 2000 sq ft, so I dont think it has anything to do with jealousy. I dont talk about the house. if they ask, I just say, slow or its comming. But the stupid comments like you will be in a nursing home before its done are annoying. If people really want to know what our house is about they will come and see it, or go to my photobucket account, otherwise I dont bring it up.
What I want to say to them is,
Did you ever build a dog house let alone your own house?

Before we decided to build for certain we considered buying in our community. We called about a house that was for sale privately and the owner had just listed with an agent and gave us her number. We didn't think we were interested but one day we were looking at a bunch of homes we decided to check it out. The home owner was there and made a cranky comment about how long it took us to look and he thought we weren't interested. We just blew it off.

More recently now that we are building he's been commenting around the community about us. He told some people that we were building "up on the hill" because we thought we were too good for his house and that he can't work on his new house he's building because those people up on the hill are taking all the workers.

Besides the fact that we are doing most of the work ourselves and only have 2 guys working with us a few times a week, he just sounds mean to me.

This is an interesting thread.

For many people such as my wife and I the very idea of just owning a home seemed foreign to us.

My wife grew up in a third world nation in poverty. She tells me that I don't really understand poverty until I've lived in it. She describes crying because she can't afford to buy the books to study even though she was a top student. How she would go to the library and all the school books would be off the shelves because none of the other students could afford the textbooks either. She told me how she would wear the same shoes the entire year day in and day out because she couldn't afford to buy shoes. Simple things even to this day like a candy bar brings a smile to her face. She often would look at me and say do you know how much I yearned to taste chocolate like this when I was in college? I always wanted to try this while in school, but I could only eat the fish and rice I packed from home. She told me she cried a lot when the other "well to do" kids got to eat treats at lunch.

Myself, I was brought up in an upper middle class family of eight in NY. I went to the best schools in NY and eventually to an expensive school in Boston where I earned a BA and MS degree. I grew up fiercely independent and almost ashamed that I grew up with well to do parents. I was determined to make it on my own and took out huge loans to pay for my education and always held a full time job while in college. I was a believer in the ivory tower and worked for 9 dollars and hour after getting my BA degree doing medical research for 4-5 years. Eventually I made the hard decision to do something with my life and earned an MS degree in health profession. Still for all those years well into my early 30's I lived the life as a struggling grad student with tons of debt. As my financial advisor told me, maybe you should live with your parents- there's no shame in that.

No way no how. I lived in attics, small decrepit studio apts, always found the cheapest deals I could find in Boston. 2 years later I was living with my parents in NY compeletely dejected.

Then while performing contract work in Bronx NY I met my beautiful wife. She had been in the states for 12 years in the same profession as I and her beaming caring personality and beautiful face easily won me over. Her genuine care for her patients and her compassion for them is evident even to this day. She takes nothing for granted.

We got married and lived in the Bronx for 5 years. Our apartment I guarantee you was probably no bigger than most people who post on this forum's garages. It was the best apartment we could afford in NY. One 10 by 18 foot living room, one 6 by 10 kitchenette and one 14 by 14 bedroom. Three very crowded rooms and only 1 small closet in the entire apartment. It was a very clean and recently renovated apartment however. We were conditioned never to go outside at night and to keep all windows and doors locked at all times. You did not want to be outside alone after sunset as it was too dangerous. Muggings and killings were common. One night I remember hearing a mother screaming, the next day 1/2 a block away I saw the RIP flowers and writings for a young teenager shot by a gang after a mistaken identity.

Both my wife and I worked in the projects in the Bronx providing home care. People use the elevators in these high rise buildings as urinals, they always smelled bad. Most of the time they didn't work. The inside of these apartments looked nothing more than extra large cell rooms with furniture. Wild dogs roamed the neighborhoods. Young and older teenagers with nothing to do hung out. Gangs were everywhere and everyone had to watch their backs. You had to walk tough or at least look as though you knew where you were going to survive in this neighborhood.

Although I grew up in a nice neighborhood and went to nice school eventually the Bronx became my reality. At first I couldn't believe I was actually living there but as with most people your sense of reality changes and you just get used to your surroundings the longer you stay.

A few years earlier both my wife and I when we were first dating experienced 9/11 first hand. I was on the 59th street bridge when the first plane hit and I remember seeing a large crack on the side of the tower but no smoke. By the time I reached 96th street and rounded 2nd avenue looking south I saw the inferno from 5 miles away. Again life changed and both my wife and I began making plans to leave NY to find a better place to live and raise our son.

After 4 years we finally made the move to Florida as we couldn't afford a starter home anywhere in NY. At that time a beginner home went for around 375,000 in places neither of us wanted to be. We moved to Florida and we are starting our first home. It will be the first home we both will live in that has more than 2 bedrooms (other than the homes we grew up in).

We're both health professionals now making decent money. We could afford a slightly better home than the majority in Florida. We saved A LOT all those years in Bronx for our first home. We don't care about "Dream Homes", both of us just want a nice home. Size is no concern for us- so long as it has what we need we'll be more than happy, because anything we can get will ultimately be better from where we (especially she) came. My wife always pleaded to me that she wanted a SIMPLE home where we could be happy.

For the first time in my life I'm actually understanding why people spend time watching HGTV. It just seemed so silly and stupid to me. No jealousy there- just bewilderment. Why do people waste their time with these programs with all thats going on in the world I used to ask myself. I understand it now. A home has a lot of meaning to me now as well and both my wife and I can appreciate it all the moreso.

I don't know why I typed this message but maybe some of you will get it. I think its best if we all just appreciate what we have big or small, luxurious or not who cares? What's most important is that we can all say we have a place we can all call home. Not everyone in this world is fortunate enough to say that.

BTW

This is our new home weeks ago. My camera broke so no recent pictures. We appreciate every cinder block that's going into building our home. To think where we had been living a year and a half ago, this home would have been unthinkable, just not something that entered our minds as a reality- the SLUMS were our reality!

We're excited and we will finally close in the end of July.

Here is a link that might be useful: our new home

I have been in the same boat. My cleaning lady saw our plans on the table one day and told everyone at church we were building a mansion! It is about 3400 not including the basement, but we have 5 children! That is considered big for our area as well. Everyone at the local lumber yard has been gossiping about it and we've even gotten letters in the mail from subs asking for our business!
It's amazing to me that people still worry so much about what others are doing. We, like most of you I am sure, worked hard to be able to do this. In this great country of ours, we all have equal opportunity to make a success of ourselves, in many different capacities. It makes me cringe that people find it ok to criticize those who have taken steps to make their lives better. Sorry for the vent but as you can tell it makes me crazy, and you could bet I have heard the comments, "Must be nice!" or "Gee I wish I could afford to build a house like that!"
We have not lost friends or relatives, but I think we might have gained a few "new" ones. Ha!

Welcome to my part of Florida, andyk. In fact welcome to my little town! I think you and your wife will love it here, especially if you continue to appreciate how lucky we are in so many, many ways!

andyk -- thank you for sharing your story. I loved it! Your home looks just wonderful and the surrounding area is gorgeous. Enjoy! Good luck to you and your family. I also believe we are lucky to be living in this country and count my blessings often.

If this has been an on-going topic of conversation over the last several years, to be frank, the friends are 'over' the topic. If they're finally seeing results, that may or may not generate a re-newed interest~good friends will be happy for you and hang in there.

I would equate this with the friend whose aches and pains you have to constantly hear about. After awhile, you lose sympathy as well as your friend. ;o)

patty_cakes

Just another comment after reading thru every, single, post!
We all need to keep things in perspective~no one is ever going to be as excited as you about ANYTHING that is going on in your life as YOURSELF. At age 64, life has given me insight and wisdom of things we like to take for granted, such as family/friends being happy for us, which at some point, isn't *always* the case, so don't expect it.

Do what YOU must in life, don't have expectations, and you will always be happy. You have only one person to please, and that is yourself, life is short. ;o)

patty_cakes

Whew - I read all the threads on this post! We are building our first home and I am very excited about it I have to say! I have not had any negative feedback from friends so I am lucky there. One of my good friends is building her house at the same time so that helps a lot. She is not as excited as I am as she has done all this before but we love to talk to each other about the houses. I have gotten some negative feedback from family though. It has not been to bad, just little comments here and there. "Do you like the lay out of your master bath"....I just want to say if I didn't like it that why would I be building it! :-) I just smile and say yes. I do have two sister that have never once asked how the house was coming along. It hurt at first but I need to just get over it. I am sure they have other things on their minds and I know my house is not the focus of everyone's lives!

The one main thing that I have learned from this thread is that I think I will keep the 'updates' to myself. I have sent out emails with photos of the house and how it is coming along, but in my mind I am just so excited I wanted to share with everyone. It never crossed my mind that people would not care! LOL! I look at all the pictures and endless scrapbooks from friends and in all honesty I could careless about their scrapbooks but I sit for hours and say how nice they are just because I could never say anything negative knowing it would ever hurt anyone. I had one friend tell me I am the only one who sits and looks at her scrapbooks. I felt bad because deep down inside I am hating it, but it makes her happy and she puts so much work into it. They are wonderful and she does a great job but it just clicked to me that I am doing the same thing with all the pictures I send out.

So, I am so thankful my cousin sent me to this forum! I have already gotten such great advice and made some great friends in the short amount of time I have been here! Now to just tone it down on my happy news.

I think I will pass on the depressed thread..... :-)

Kelly

Kelntx- your second paragraph had me laughing. I know that feeling all too well. I mean how many times can a person say "you are sooo creative" or "Oh, that is such a pretty border around that photo of your pet rat".

Please feel free to post all of your progress photos, rants on bad days and flat out bragging on good days. We love that kind of stuff in here, heck I thrive on it. :)

DH and I are mid 50's and are building for the first time.
We currently live in the house he purchased many years ago with his first wife. Recently a couple with whom we are friends asked me "Why do you want to build a house.?"

They live in one that is only 5 years old. He claims he had to build because of a divorce. Why would they question us? We didn't ask them to buy.

To Andyk: azdreamhome said EXACTLY what I was going to say in response to your original post and the pics of your house! I'm so excited for you and hope this turns out to be everything you hoped for, and more! Congratulations to you and your wife.

To everyone: Aren't we glad to have this place to share?

My mom ran away from a dismal life on a farm in North Dakota at the age of 18 -- she was the daughter designated to keep house and cook, and was forced to quit school in 8th grade to do so. She settled in Indiana, met and married my dad and NEVER EVER stopped feeling and expressing gratitude for the life she had. She and my dad were never wealthy but they had all they needed and more. I learned from her that gratitude is a very attractive and important quality.

When we built our lake house we tried to keep things in perspective and not go overboard . . . it's a warm, welcoming house with a lot of style -- but not show-offy, and our friends responded positively to it. I guess people who would have been jealous disappeared from our lives before the project! Hope we have as good luck with the new one in Tennessee.

charliedawg hillariously nails the allure of this forum. It's not just the useful info. It's the mutual backrubbing.

As to the current topic: I don't have any friends--only acquaintances. (Unless exes and current spouse count.) So there are none to lose.

But upscale homes do change people's perspectives. Mrs. worthy lost several "friends" when we connected. It's one thing to be friendly with the "little Island girl", another when she's living large. At first, a sister vainly tried to keep up, but has since given up the battle.

Sadly, my sister has aparently manuvered our mother into rewriting her will to exclude our children from a considerable estate. Dear Sis printed out MLS pics to show Mom how unworthy they are.

I should feel pleased. When I sold the first home I built 17 years ago for more than a million, Mom said "Who would buy a home from you?? I certainly wouldn't. I'd go to a real builder." Ah, family.

i sympathize worthy. how ironic that the people who are supposed to comfort and love us most of all manage to dig the deepest wounds? i've grown to hate the holidays. funny too how family always expects to gather in my home for those joyous family times. pass me a bucket...

Oh man, does building a house ever bring out the true friends! We've found that many people we thought were good friends have just sort of drifted off. Some of it may be that we are so busy building, but we have really tried not to say much about it--and they don't ask about it at all. Nor do they ask us anymore if we want to do anything together-and decline when WE propose to go out together.
OTOH, we have some wonderful friends who have ASKED to come and see the house on many occasions as it has progressed. And we continue to have a great relationship with them outside of 'house stuff'. We don't talk about 'the house' alot. They know we're building, we know it's not something they want to spend all their time talking about with us. These are who we consider to be our friends. The ones that don't care if you live in a shack or a new house. We've certainly been on both ends ourselves!
It IS nice to be able to come here and blurt out our feelings, however! We're definitely all obsessed and on the same page here at GW!

Azdreamhomes and Hostagrams, thanks for the kind words.

We've not had bad experiences with our friends and family back in the Northeast over our home build. It seems that everyone we know is pretty happy for us, in fact they're usually the ones who bring up the topic when we go to visit them. I wouldn't want to lose a good friend over a house and I wouldn't alienate myself from them over a build. I think if I were to experience that situation and sense their displeasure over the topic, I'd change it right away and ask what's going on in their lives. I think they would appreciate that.

It is unfortunate that friends can't share the excitement you feel when constructing your dream home. I've learned to not talk about it in detail or at all, especially when people do not inquire. Building a large home that you have planned and worked for should not be a subject of controversy of jealousy. I'm grateful for what I have been blessed to have. I will enjoy regardless! :)