Dad has GOT to take a more active stance. Bio-Mom doesn't get to dictate all of the terms just because she has primary custody. The problems you describe are serious, and heading down a nasty, difficult road. If Bio-Mom doesn't change her ways, this child will be one of those 'never grow up, live at home' adults who can't hold down a job or maintain an adult relationship. I know Momma loves her 'baby', but it's going too far, waaay too far. Is there any indication that the child isn't capable of doing for himself? Any signs of a developmental disability? Since he's old enough to be in school, I'd schedule a conference with his teacher. Or rather, I'd make sure your husband does it, then show up there yourself "to be a supportive wife and stepmother." It'll be walking a tightrope, but it's necessary. See what types of difficulties he's having in school, of if he's able to cope there, but just not at home. Whether or not to include Bio-Mom is a tricky issue -- Maybe talk to the teacher first on the phone so you get an idea of whether or not she has the same concerns you do? If she does, let her be the one to take the lead with Bio-Mom on ways to encourage independence and self-reliance. If the teacher isn't concerned, it could be that stepson's behavior is specific to your household -- which would be a whole 'nother can of worms. (If you have the same last name as the child, odds are good the teacher won't even know you're the step-mom until you tell her -- Which of course, you'll do at the 'appropriate' time.) There are ways to encourage a child's independence without saying "You have to do it yourself." Try showing him once, then asking him if he can do the next one. (Make sure it's something small and simple where his chances of success are near 100%.) If he's slow to comply, be 'unavailable' to help for a few minutes -- maybe "as soon as I get back from the bathroom" or "take the clothes out of the dryer" or "stir the pot for dinner." He'll probably rather do it himself than wait. Or tell him how much the 2 year old looks up to him since he's so much bigger, and ask him if he can show the little guy how to do something. (Never mind that it could be the reverse...) Letting him know what to do, then walking away and leaving him to fend for himself can be a very effective strategy. Praising small advances, looking for good behaviors to reward, and admiring 'big boy' things may also encourage the types of behaviors you want to see. Good luck - and hang in there. Above all, try to remember that the little boy's self-crippling behaviors are a result of his mother's actions, not (yet) a character trait.

Art, excellent! That's the best choice! Your Yucca desperately needs to have the old soil exported and new soil imported, and probably a bigger pot. I don't know if those cracks in the trunk are normal or not. This thing about letting the soil dry out leaves so much room for interpretation, but if it really is drying 100%, that is extreme, and at some point, any/all plants can die from desiccation. If the soil is causing issues with root rot (overwatering) without going to such degrees of dryness, that's a horrible situation for the plant, constantly fluctuating between extremes. If the pot is unglazed clay, the roots are able to access oxygen all around the inside of the pot, even if the soil is quite dense and airless. If the soil is more chunky/porous/airy, so that it has oxygen in it while moist and does not cause roots to rot, the only care needed is to water often enough so that it does not dry to the point of damage to the roots. This is a much easier care regime over trying to intuit some magic moment when soil has dried to just the right point where adding more water won't kill the plant because of the airless soil. Nobody should have to be psychic to keep a potted plant alive. Best luck! These concepts are explored in much more detail in the 2 posts linked below: http://forums2.gardenweb.com/discussions/1490818/good-growing-practices-an-overview-for-beginners?n=189 http://forums2.gardenweb.com/discussions/1497307/ukeeping-u-them-looking-good?n=38

Agree with Matt, leaves look rotting but are also sunburned. Rot wasn't visible in other photos. Many of the leaves are sunburned toward the tips... I wouldn't worry much about looking for turface and/or bark unless they are easily found. I went thru all of that (as many others did); found turface but not too lucky with bark (lots available, but is too large - 2" and bigger). So I settled for mix I use, with ingredients I mentioned in previous post (including photo I posted). BTW, I have read all posts by Al. I am very strong 'believer' ...but if you understand principle, you can make excellent mix using materials easily available, without going crazy looking for exactly the same...For example: Al's recipe doesn't call for perlite. But knowing perlites water holding capacity, one can figure out what it is good for and use it as a substitute for substrate not so easily found. There are many other substrates that are excellent if used in making well draining mix.

So was it moved to your home from the friend's place? If so that's a problem for a start. Ficus can lose their leaves if conditions - light, temperature, draught, etc. - change. Also if the instructions said water once a month why water every few days? If it's been moved try to find it a place as near as possible in conditions to where it came from and follow the instructions. If you do that you can't be blamed if there's a problem. Even if it completely defoliates don't throw it out. It may well recover once it's back home in its normal habitat.