Are you living in your parents' house,or are they living with you? I don't remember. Sorry things aren't going your way right now Kathy. The one sure thing in life is that nothing stays the same for long so hopefully it will get better for you.

Kathy, I understand your wanting a place to call your own. while the average price for a home in that neighborhood may be wa-a-a-yy out of your range, there may be some little starter cottages in another area that you could handle when your job gets more settled. I think you need to bite the bullet and move out on your own. Even if you have to rent a room temporarily somewhere.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with being in debt until you are sixty if that's what it takes to get what you need. My husband was 64 when we signed the note for this third house. Quite a few people stay in debt even longer. Being in debt for a house is part of life these days. Having your own place is the first step of becoming your own person. If you find a place that is in your range, try for the lowest monthly payment that will get it paid off the quickest. Do not fall for these varible rate deals, they sound good, but they seldom work out well for the life of the loan.

Renting is usually better for a short while until you are very sure where you wish to live.

I'm not trying to encourage you to do something you may not be ready for, but America is a large country. There are many places where a modest but perfectly comfortable home of your own can be had for less than 100K. These are places with small community colleges who would give an arm and a leg for instructors with their doctorates.

In the days before inet, connecting to something like this would be difficult. But, it shouldn't be now. You are used to the city and life around it, but there is something to be said for small town life. Have you considered it?

Calliope has a very good idea. Some colleges and universities may even have faculty housing on the campus. There are usually homes in a nearby neighborhood that are used to renting rooms and even providing board for young faculty members. Once you found a school and area that you really liked, buying your own home would be the next wonderful step.
Think about it. You can do it!!

Kathy, im more than sure if you dedided on making a move to another area there isnt a person here who wouldnt support and help you in any manner possible.

I will say the serenity pr@yer for you. It has kept me going over the past several months. Hang in there, there is hope. Thank goodness for the people who are passing through our lives and help us and give us encouragement without even realizing it.

Kathy,

Just hang on a wee bit longer. If the job settles and it seems that you will want to stay I think you might be able to find a little apartment with a patio where you could have peace and grow your own plants. With step ladder planters you could have your own hanging garden. If the job does not come through you might move to a place where housing is more afforable.

I hope tomorrow is brighter for you.

Kathy, I admire your courage and stamina to stay is such a tough situation. When I was there I got out as soom as possible, anxiety problem and all. That was 35 years ago. If *I* can do it so can you.

Hugs to you.

Jan

(((Kathy)))
Baby steps. Break it down into small, manageable pieces. You can be overwhelmed by the immenseness of it all, or you can break it down into small manageable steps.

Please, please, please once you defend your job, dedicate yourself full time to finding a different one. The environment sounds toxic. Even if you "win," you'll lose if you stay. Being right is not nearly as important as being happy.

Don't think you need to move out and into a giant house all your own. I remember what it's like to be under ridiculously huge student loan obligations... (at one time mine were almost half of my take home pay per month) I had great luck with renting rooms in other people's houses. I've had several friends rent basement apartments. Rent is significantly less than in a "traditional" apartment and WAY less than home ownership. I was even able to negotiate a small section of the yard as my own. Sometimes strangers are easier to live with than family. We love family so much that boundaries get trampled.

Deep breaths. Hugs. Baby steps. Concentrate on the small things you can do to set yourself in the right direction. And remember, having a job is nowhere near as important as following a calling... and having a house is nowhere near as important as making a peaceful home.

Hang in there Mathemagician. These things take time to sort out, but they will sort out.

Michael

Michele's advice is very good and well thought out. My ex husband said to me not so long ago.......you are fearless. LOL. IOW, I'll tackle anything and sometimes go for it and let the dust fall where it may. It works for me, but maybe not for you.

I meant to say, and forgot to when I posted the last time, that I think you were meant to be in just the career you are in. You have a lot to give.

Jaz is right, baby steps will get you where you want to be - eventually, which is far better than not getting anywhere at all.

It's just like gardening: you have to figure out what you want 5 years from now, and then spend an awful lot of effort preparing. You have begun, with getting your credentials, and now you have real-life experience teaching. Don't limit yourself to what you have now and don't feel that you are obligated to be your parents' caretakers. They are adults and each is responsible for his/her own actions. You are responsible for yourself.

I am inclined to think that you are at the stage of a rooted cutting, where serious thought must be taken for the best place to continue growth. The proper surroundings are of the utmost importance: too much shade from uncongenial companions, and you will wear yourself out straining to improve your site; too much sun too soon and you will likely get scalded. Like a gardener raising a special plant, you need to make a list of requirements for optimum growth, and then provide those necessities the best you can. You've outgrown your seedling pot, it's time to find a place that's more suitable.

Good advice from all, especially Suzy's. It sounds like you may really need a change. Hang in there.

(((KD))) You've gotta feel like a deer in the headlights right now. I truly feel for you. It's really hard to have home AND work stink.

Meldy's right. Where you're at physically and job-wise is sucking the soul straight out of you. Wallow a little at your pity party (Absolutely NO mockery here, I am totally serious. We all need a good wallow every so often when it's the rock-bottom worst). Then you'll be ready to get yourself a Plan B. Prepare for the worst worst-case scenario you can think of at work, and you'll be ready for anything that comes down the pike. And you'll feel better that you've got your bases covered. Anyone that can conquer a bridge like you did can get herself out of this.

Hang in there!!! I'll cheer really loud for you so you can hear it from clear over here. :-)

Thank you all so much for the kind, supportive words. It has been a rough few weeks and it's good to know that there is somewhere out there to turn for support.

My current plan was to stay at this job and at my parents house for 2 more years. That would pay off the worst kind of debt that I have, the credit cards and private student loans. After that, it's the Federal loan...which is consolidated at 3.5%. After a year of on time payments, the rate goes down to 2.5%. It actually makes sense to let that loan drag out forever, it's the good type of debt and the terms are very flexible. So even though it's a lot of money, it's a lower interest rate than I'd pay on a mortgage!

The job situation would be ok for 2 years too. There are things I can do here that improve my resume, like teaching upper level classes and getting good student recs. My weenie boss and I have very little contact. (I'm finding more and more people in my dept who think the man is really shady and encourage me to not go without a fight.) And if I wait a bit, I"m more marketable. There are a lot of ads out there now that specify "three years full time teaching experience." Plus, after such a short time, my PhD advisors' recs would still be the best ones. It wouldn't be funny to use them as references instead of my current boss. Of course, I don't know if I still have this job and I won't know for sure until December. I'm looking at ads and so far, I've calmed down enough to realize that applying for jobs with a January start date would be a bad idea. It's legal but it would leave a blot on my resume since my contract runs until May.

I'm just tired and stressed. They couldn't have picked a worse time to drop that non-renewal letter on me. Last week was midterms and I'm just plain tired! Did I mention that my students are a joy lately? I know I am definitely in the right field...this is my calling in life. I ran into one of them before class and we were chatting and he said, "So, Dr. Kathy do you think you'll be here long? Because, honestly, you're so much better than the other teachers here I can imagine how they'll keep you." :o)

Kathy, I thought of the Claremont colleges out here as a possibility for you when I first read this post. I have friends that have worked there for many years and it is a good place to work. A little California sunshine is nice too.

I remember when I felt like my garden was the only happiness I had. My Dad would always complain about it too- taking up his space and asking for irrational things and destroying favorite fragile plants by being careless. And the land it was on used to be the ugliest yard in the neighborhood. It was all weeds and trash. I always had to fight for every square inch it seemed like. It's hard to go and leave your garden behind when it's your only sanity. Especially when you feel like you will never be able to buy a place of your own. But you will. Right now the best you can do is try not to fight them. That just leads to more stress anyway. I rent a house with some pals now and I wish I had my own house and yard but at least nobody messes with my plants. It's nice to come home to some calm. I feel for you so much- I still dream about the angry fights I had with them....They probably won't change like mine didn't. You just have to try and find a way to escape like I did. Love, kitty

You may feel that you need two more years, but in two years you will find it just as hard to leave. Perhaps, your parents would advance you a loan so that you can pay off your credit cards. I know how I felt when one of our ADULT children came back home to live. As much as we loved him and enjoyed his company, the house was no longer just ours, we had to share it. In our circle of friends, there are many that have helped their children get out on their own because they felt that was best. It isn't from lack of love, it's a case of what's best for everyone.

Talk to your folks. You may be suprised. (but cut up the credit cards first!!!)

No, Aileen, it's that the debt is taking about 85% of my take home pay to pay off. And that's going to happen for the next two years if I want to get those cards and private loans finished as fast as possible. After that, the Federal loan has lowered payment options and I'd have a more reasonable take home income. Living at home is all the financial help my parents can afford. They just got whacked with two major household repair bills: the oil tank and the roof of the sunporch both need to be replaced, quickly. They just don't have the money to help out in any other way.

The laundry is almost done and I have a big stack of job ads to get started on today. It's frustrating, I don't know about my current job, won't hear from new applications for a long time and have no idea where I'd move! Some of the positions are around here but in areas that I might be able to afford. One of my friends used to have a great basement apartment with yard in an area further north of here. But that would put me 2+ hours away from current job. There's also an area of the Bronx that's pretty safe and relatively affordable. My other best wish was for a job in the neighborhood of one certain "pleasant distraction" but there's nothing in his state that isn't 2-3 hours away.

Kathy, I can't give you any better advice than the others
especially Michelle (Jaz).
However, I can remind you that life is short and you don't get to do it over.
You have the wings now, honey, use them, fly.