Barker_Tx, we are in Austin, Tx and if you have any suggestions, please email me at bevangel_72(at)yahoo.com. A big problem we're having is the cost of all the facilities in Austin. MIL gets about $1100/mo social security and about $900/mo investment income. All of her money is invested in CDs however and none of those mature until next March, so even though know she needs to start spending down the principal, we'd very much like to wait to cash one out to avoid the early withdrawal penalties. In the interim, DH and I are supplementing her living expenses. But, both our jobs are currently "shaky" so we really can't afford to supplement more than about $1000/mo and even that is a MAJOR stretch. If either of us actually loses our jobs, we're going to eat through our own financial cushion very very fast! In Amarillo, MIL's social security and investment income came really close to covering her expenses and she would cash out a CD about once a year to put enough in the bank to cover the rest of her expenses for the year. The only thing we were supplementing was her medication management at about $400/mo. Moving her down here and paying the $3000 non-refundable move-in fee to the Meridian ate thru pretty much all the extra cash she had on hand. So, until next March, we're going to have to supplement every penny above about $2000/mo that it costs her to live. As for the Meridian... I have talked to the administrators until I am blue in the face. They just keep shifting their stories to cover their a**es. First they claimed that they intended for another resident who attends almost all the activities in the main area to go and get MIL and befriend her... but that that resident moved out shortly after MIL moved in. When I pointed out that 1) they never TOLD us the volunteer resident had moved out and 2) THEY were the ones who made the promise and, if they couldn't find a volunteer to fulfill the promise, they should have assigned a staff member to do it, they changed their story. They NOW claim that the only activities they EVER promised to take MIL to were the ones in the Platinum Plus wing and that, if we understood anything else, it was just a misunderstanding on our part! They won't respond to the fact that we talked repeatedly about how much MIL enjoyed playing the dominoes game called Forty-two, which was shown on the MAIN schedule 3x per week and is NEVER shown on the Platinum Plus schedule, and which they very specifically stated they would make sure she got to play. They also ignore the fact that we talked very specifically about my concern that she would get lost trying to get all the way down to the main activity room by herself and discussed the need for her to have a scooter because it was too far for her to walk. The area where they hold their once daily platinum plus activity is right around the corner from MIL's apartment. She can find her own way there quite easily and doesn't need a scooter to go that far. But, "we only said we'd get her to the Platinum Plus activities" is now their story and they are sticking to it. As for the non-events on the health center calendar: According to the administrator, the "current events" activity on the health center calendar would have happened except that the volunteer that leads current events on the weekend was unexpectedly called out of town. The "worship services" on that calendar was a reference to the worship services happening in the Platinum Plus area (as if any one living in the Health Center could POSSIBLY have made it up there since it is at least a 5 minute walk by a healthy person!) The "social hour" was a reference to the fact that, about 3PM the nurse came around and gave each resident a cookie and some cranberry juice! As for the non-events on the Main Calendar: their story now is that "our independent residents lead most of the events that are scheduled and, if they decide not to hold them, we ask them to let us know so we can revise the calendar but, if they don't, that is nothing the Meridian can do." And, as for scheduled afternoon game time that didn't happen in the Platinum Plus wing: "our staff member was there at the scheduled time to lead the activity but none of the residents showed up, so after a few minutes, she left and went to take care of other duties." As I said, they're covering their a**es! As the situation now stands, MIL is back in her apartment and we have been told that they will "remind her of all activities, including those in the main building, when they go in to give her medications." They will also tell her where the activity is happening (as if she can possibly find it on her own) and that, IF a staff member "has time", one will walk her down to occasional activities in the main building. I would bet a million bucks that no staff member will ever have time!!!! Bottom line, she will be left to vegetate in her room until we can move her out. The only reason we even looked in Temple was that Austin seemed so expensive and, as one went further out from Austin the prices seemed to drop. We figured we could afford the time and gas to drive 50 miles to/from Temple once or twice a week more easily than the prices of similar places in Austin. BAD PLAN! Obviously the staff at these places need to know that family members can and will drop in at any time of the day or night! Otherwise some of them are going to take advantage of the fact that they can pretty much lie to you with impunity. I don't want to file a lawsuit or bring other legal action against the Meridian as long as MIL is still basically in their control. No telling how they might take it out on her! Further, a legal action would probably be unavailing because all the promises were made verbally --- nothing in the written contract about them. Once MIL is out though, I intend to sic the state on them for running an unlicensed assisted living facility and also to post bad reviews at every location I can find. Meantime, we're still looking for a good situation for MIL in or near Austin that is somewhere within reach of our budget.

I'm sorry. The weather is right beside earthmoving for being an unpredictable, uncontrollable, and potentially very expensive proposition. There are some things that just can't be done in or during pouring rain, and other things that can't be done until everything dries out. What's really bad is that maybe crew A couldn't work at your place because of the rain, but *could* do something else, somewhere else... and once they started elsewhere your place was no longer first on their list. Your GC tries to balance the workloads to keep the guys working and in sequence, else he's liable to lose good folk and then you are both in a hole. Sometimes that means he has to do major re-scheduling of the crews which can really irritate the original owner. In that sort of situation you both have my sympathy, but the GC should come clear with the owner if that's the case. Yes, it's frustrating, aggravating, and depressing; and sometimes all that misery just makes you even more miserable. The hades-rental should be replaced or cured, depending on just what is wrong. And if what's wrong is a place too small for too many people, I recommend getting a bigger place even if it is more expensive. Some people don't mind being sardined, but I'm not one of them, so I do feel space is important. When I bang my head on the wall, I don't want anyone to think I'm knocking on their door. Why are you just now picking out whatever??? That should have been done before the build began because otherwise how would you know how much is a fair contract? Sorry, I'm a little lost on that although I do believe you are miserable if you are just now making selections. That's really stressful. So get rid of the stress -- make all the decisions in advance; do not wait until the GC says oh what color tile for the kitchen? Choose NOW and be done with it. We all second-guess ourselves, so the sooner you've made your choices the sooner you can join us in the second-guessers' club. Ummm... and you do know that the builder shouldn't be able to talk you into anything?? It's either in the contract or not. Okay, so maybe you don't have that sort of contract, but boyoboy, not having a good contract can cause blisters in the wallet. Sooo, sit down and let's think about what you do have: your health okay? your sweetie's health okay? food to eat and a good umbrella? your taxes paid? Hey, lots of folks don't have any of that. Your shoes fit okay? Got waterproof boots? Did your sweetie hug you this morning? That's good, those are all bonuses. Sometimes, and especially when the mud is deep and the bulldozer stuck halfway down the drive, it helps to put everything into the proper order. Nobody ever smiles at a crying woman, and darn few will pass the kleenex. Remember that and don't scream at bulldozer's operator 'cuz he might have the last box of dry kleenex. It's more important to hug your sweetie... houses may or may not get built, but a sweetie in your arms is more valuable than the best house.

raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio, Quality of health care in the U.S. depends a lot on where you live as well as what kind of health insurance you have. (There are probably not many on gardenweb who are living in a ghetto.) There are many doctors who will no longer take on new Medicare patients. And Medicaid (based on having very little income) can be terrible in some states and counties. Things have changed a lot over the years, too, so one's past experiences don't necessarily match up with current practice. I live near a teaching hospital that accepts Medicare assignment but I wonder if they still will when I reach the age of 65. My mother has seen her choices dwindle when it comes to medical care and home health equipment. She is unfortunate enough to have health issues that were not caused by her personal choices and hates to hear people's generalizations that imply that people are responsible for their own illness. ETA - I want to apologize if this sounds like I'm ranting at you, raee_gw. Your post was just a starting point for some of my own thoughts.

Hi Iris (duz the "S" stand for "sucker"?), It seems to me that a good variety of useful and friendly advice has been offered. Question 1. Has your husband been an active participant in carrying out these chores related to his family? Or mainly a passive participant as he listens/ed to your squawking? Or did you feel uncomfortable in asking even that participation? Question 2. If these issues were resolved in a manner which left you feeling appreciated, vindicated and fully comfortable, would you be willing to continue to participate? These chores, fertilized by some concern, grew to some frustration in your heart, which grew into anger with all of this unappreciated load of choring care, following the birth. What level of awareness do the perpetrators have of your feelings regarding this unappreciated new addition to the family/ies? (Also, your husband?). How would you relate to a suggestion that you think for a while on the history of this increasing frustration, writing the detailed history down from time to time? Give some thought to it, regarding which issues are essential and which incidental. What parts/proportions of it do you feel comfortable with sharing with hubby ... probably from time to time - and probably orally, rather than having him aware of the treatise with all of its details on one potentially confrontational occasion. Sort through which issues that you feel that you must deal with with the pet owners, which ones have priority, which one would appear to need to be dealt with first, etc. ... and whether better to deal with them all on one occasion, or spread out over a period. One way or another, if you don't get them dealt with to a level with which you can feel comfortable, it would almost certainly lead to further frustration for you if you agree to continue. Even if you don't, I think you need to get at least part of this rather serious issue at least partly dealt with, in the interest of building an ongoing good relationship among the family members, long term. Good wishes as you work through this part of life's journey. I hope and pray that you can get it accomplished with a good spirit on everyone's part throughout. ole joyful