Rant away! It sounds as if you have every right to. It is so hard to say no but sometimes it is necessary. Cheer up! (I am sorry that they treat you this way)

I guess because it is family it is a little hard to just say no but really seems that they are taking advantage of you. I would be tempted to be "unavailable" next time they asked.

Thank you. At the moment I am actually really mad. I’ve send my sister in law an email asking about the Saturday/ Sunday situation. Just got an answer. Turns out they didn’t ask my mother in law and think once a day is enough. Feeding the cat that looks like a skeleton just once a day now? And just the dry food? I usually gave her wet food in addition and stayed so the other one doesn’t eat it. I am always overly worried watching other people’s pets in the first place, but three with medical issues and their casual attitude is stressing me out. Since I am mad I will wait to reply to her until tomorrow.

Feel free to rant and I honestly hope it makes you feel a little better about the situation. It's definitely seems like they are taking advantage of you and that just makes it worse. Would you like to change anything about this arrangement? Have you thought about discussing this with your brother? Maybe I'm reading between the lines but it sounds like you're unhappy with the status quo.

Yes, by all means RANT RANT RANT. They seem very dense. I cannot imagine imposing on ANYONE like that, especially family.

I felt horrible when we went on our trip this past summer and my sister took care of our dogs. We got them feeders that held 25 pounds of food so she would not have to feed them. I just asked her to go up there on her way home to make sure they were okay and had enough water. When we were on the cruise ship i got a text saying that one of the dogs had torn down her feeder (Muffin, no surprise) and had manipulated it in such a way that she could not get the food out. And when she went to free the feeder, it had fallen apart, so it was useless anyway. (stupid dog) No worries, she said, she would feed her daily. I also discovered when we got back that she had come up 3 times a day,sometime with one or more of her kids to play with them(she lives about 7 miles away), brought them treats AND huge ice blocks. ( I usually freeze water in GIANT tupperware containers for them in the summer. In my absence, she did it)

And to top it all off, she wouldn't let me pay her. :( Its okay though, I have LOADS of little repairs that need to be done. Her husband is a contractor, I will tell him to overcharge me, ;Op

Those cats REALLY need to either be boarded in a vet office where the staff can administer the medicine or you need to be paid handsomely for what you do for them. When they come back perhaps suggest that to them. Or suggest that they pay a professional pet sitter. Firmly. It sounds like they are somewhat negligent in their cats medical needs. (referring to the now absent thyroid meds/ chronic open sore thing) Poor things. And poor you.

This is my husband’s brother. But yes, I am currently very unhappy. When they said (by email) that I just have to do the mornings, I assumed my mother in law would go there in the evening. These cats are allowed to be out during the day. If I wouldn’t have asked about this weekend, they might have been out all night. There are coyotes. If I know they are my responsibility alone, I go there more. Like if one of them went outside in the morning and it is getting too hot, it’s starting to rain, a thunderstorm or whatever. I am always happy to help somebody out, and as I said, my neighbors make it a breeze. Two cats and 4 bowls so the dried in food can soak between feedings. Water hoses hooked up in convenient places. They also ask at least a week in advance. Just one hiccup in 15 years when one of the cats got sick. I didn’t have their cell phone number. Stuck him in one of my carriers and luckily it turned out my vet was theirs.

Ranting is good, but as Ann Landers use to say, "Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission"............just saying.

Not to go off topic, but that reminded me of my own motto:(one of them)

"You cannot offend me without my consent. Consent denied sucker."

Very inconsiderate of them. Seems like your "family" is very much taking advantage of you.

But YOU hold the power. Just say you're unavailable.

Something similar happened to me. I always had checked in on the neighbors' cats when they went away. It was very easy - just bring their paper and mail in and see if the cats had food and water. Occasionally I would clean up any messes the one problem cat made. They would go for a weekend but not more than a week. It got so that they would call me with a list of dates in advance when they would be gone, weekends and three day trips - and just expect me to write them down and be available.

Then when the husband retired they talked about two week trips and how and when to clean the litter boxes. Well, I didn't want to do that, and I said so but nicely. They ended up getting another pet sitter who could stay in their home over night and hoped I "wasn't mad". I told them of course not. Actually I was relieved.

I wonder if they leave their not so healthy pets so often sort of in the hope that those pets might die while they are gone.....

Georgysmom, I took the first step last year. Seems it didn’t stick. They did help me out a couple of years ago when it rained so much the pondliner in my goldfish pond came up and my husband was out of the country.

On the subject of our pets has anyone heard about this? Horrible. Be careful about dog walkers.

https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/heights-news/article/Winnie-the-Wheaton-dies-on-walk-from-popular-dog-13550156.php

Iris, I think you've more than fulfilled any "family obligation."

And if you decide to get sucked in again, I don't think I'd clean up after the cats. Feed & medicate-- yes -- but I'd leave the "dirty work" behind.

And I'd look for my bowls. ;-)

Raven, that's horrible!

I would not do it. Period. Not available.

Iris, consider a firm NO, I can't.

Moni

My blood is boiling.

First, the way you are being treated and second the health of those cats.

Your brother and SIL are bullies. They assume you are okay with taking care of the cats without asking what your schedule is first. Then, not to show any kind of appreciation.

You need a good sit down discussion about how YOU are being treated, and the health of the cats.

Side story: It's a well known fact in my neighborhood that we are dog lovers. When I had my Golden, a few of us swapped dog sitting while on vacations. When Casey passed, another neighbor, one that wasn't in the rotation, started asking me to watch her dog! I did it twice, as she lives across the street and I know her for years, but I finally had to say that without a dog myself, I didn't want to be tied down.

Your brother might think that you are a great cat lover and it is your pleasure to help them. But, the idea that they don't reciprocate is off putting as well.

What georgysmom and amylou said. Of course the cats have all kinds of problem since they run loose outside. They are irresponsible pet owners. I'd love to have you say to them 'I just can not do this anymore, you'll have to find someone else'.

I am still really mad about the latest email. For years it was either going there twice a day (most of the time, since they often go to the father in laws vacation home for a weekend with them) or it was divided. So telling me I just have to go once a day without saying this is the only time a day the cats will be looked after is just wrong.

And not to mention the money they are saving by "using" you! I am getting ready to leave for 5 days and it will cost me $200 to feed and tend to 2 dogs. I bet you wouldn't turn down $200 dollars!

Taking care of someone's healthy animals, is one thing, but these cats don't sound like they are healthy, and I agree with Amy, they should be boarded at the vet. I wouldn't do it.

Iris, I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm in a similar situation. My neighbor and I take turns watching one another's pets when on vacation. For many years, it was about equal and I didn't mind. My pets have always been easy maintenance (electric fence, just let them out, etc.). But she now has two small dogs who must be walked in order to potty. And even then sometimes, they don't go so they have to wear doggie diapers in the house and have pee pads on the floor. So 3x a day, I go over, change diapers, walk the dogs, replace the pads, etc. It's cold and icy and miserable here. It's taking so much time and planning to do this... and I wouldn't mind if it were once in a while, but this is the 3rd time she's been on vacation since the holidays.

Yes, I agree that we cannot be taken advantage of without our permission. I'm just trying to determine how to handle this, since they have always been such good neighbors otherwise. And good neighbors are invaluable.

Just curious how far away do they live from you? At the very LEAST they should give you money for gas!

We have to hire a pet sitter when we go on vacation. We want someone to spend the night and spend as much time as possible with our dogs and cat. Our current sitter charges $30/night which we gladly pay.

I had a dog a while back who was on thyroid meds and I gave them to her up until the day she died. I can't imagine NOT giving the meds to the cat any more unless they are just hoping she dies. : (

It’s just 5 minutes, so gas money is not the issue. She said the thyroid medication didn’t do anything, so that’s why they stopped. Don’t know what the vet said about this. This cat really lost the weight very quickly. One vacation of theirs I had her on a diet because she was overweight. 3 month later I had to give wet food because she was supposed to gain weight. Feathers, let me know if you find a solution for your problem! Might help me out, too. It’s not that I don’t like them and I sure don’t want to start a family feud.

I sure don’t want to start a family feud.

When people get used to having a doormat, (and especially when they call around and find out what commercial pet sitters charge) there's bound to be some flak, just rehearse ahead of time how you will handle it and what you will say.

Iris, feel free to rant away. But could I ask a favor? Please divide your rant into some paragraphs so it isn't so hard to read. I get dizzy looking at a big block of text.

That's awful! We love our pet sitter and pay her $40 a day to take care of our cats and stay the night with them. If they had medical issues, it would be more. They are taking terrible advantage of you.

I am sorry, graywings. I will try to do better. I usually don’t even write such a long thing, because I know my grammar, punctuation and spelling aren’t good either. But I was really mad.

You have every right to be mad. They are taking advantage of you. Just say no.

Iris, you are being taken advantage of. I am an animal lover and everyone knows it. Fortunately, while we are down to one dog at this point, the family lives in another city. This will be our last dog due to our ages but no one believes me, least of all me.

I suspect that should you have a dog/cat and asked that your relatives care for your pets in your absence, the answer would be "not available" or worse - they wouldn't come (this happened to someone I know - don't worry the dog is alive, a neighbour had the Dad's holiday phone number and called him) - and he was paying major Cdn. city rates - $90 a day for the person to stay in the condo.

Re the thryoid meds. Our dog is hypothyroid and is on meds for life. I just called to renew his prescription this morning - he gets them morning and night (people are once a day - dogs twice a day). He gets tested every 6 months to determine if he needs more or less of the med.

I think that the cats should be left with the vet considering the health issues and the fact that so much can go wrong when pets are left alone. Dogs in particular really want someone at night. Hopefully, someone they like! Boarding at the vets would be expensive.

I had to laugh at amylou's story about the dog food holder. Our dog would easily find a way to open the food holder and eat all of the food in one sitting. He is brilliant, extremely food motivated, and has very human like paws.

Coyotes are a problem in our area as well. Once you are in our house, that is it, you never go out again - except for dogs of course and then they are on a leash.

We pay $60 a night for in-home boarding at her home with a lovely woman that our dog loves. Some places charge $75 and up (without meds) and are kennels. Our dog would not do well in a kennel environment. He is now 15 so it is getting hard - eye drops twice a day (although he is so good about getting them) and his thyroid meds - good thing in a way that he thinks unflavoured meds are treats - go figure that one out, arthritis etc.

Our weather is terrible with another ice storm on the way and we have a ton of snow that is not melting due to the cold temperatures. Not a good time to have to take out a dog.

Rant away. But I expect that this will continue until the poor cats die. If they get a new kitten or a cat, please put your foot down. This will require your husband speaking up to support you.

Just got back from 10 day vacation and paid to have my 2 dogs taken care of for $35 a day. She just upped her prices from $30 a day. If they stayed in separate kennels it would've been more. Other places, including my vet charges double that or more. I think they are taking advantage of you...but you probably already know that.

You're in S. Carolina. I would make it easy on myself & move the cats to the garage. Litter boxes, big bowl of dry kibble, ice cream pails of water, beds/ blankets...and check in once every 3-4 days.

You need a good sit down discussion about how YOU are being treated, and the health of the cats.

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I sure don’t want to start a family feud.

When people get used to having a doormat, (and especially when they call around and find out what commercial pet sitters charge) there's bound to be some flak, just rehearse ahead of time how you will handle it and what you will say.

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It's long past time for a serious discussion with all involved and that includes your husband. He should be advocating for you, not allowing his brother and SIL to treat you like their personal slave.

Feathers, your situation is a lot easier to fix than Iris'. Find a good pet sitter and share the phone # with your friend. It is a little more difficult with family but Iris it might be time to tell BIL that as much as you've enjoyed helping them out over the years, it's just becoming too much for you.......you might want to ask around about good pet sitter recommendations, too, so you can offer the information at the same time

They do know about the cost of a pet sitter. Even though they usually take their dog, they do board him when they go overseas. I guess it’s good for me that one of my dogs doesn’t like theirs. So there is no way I would keep the dog at my house.

In addition to all the suggestions to have a sit-down with them about the pet sitting, I would also strongly voice my concern about the 2 unhealthy cats. No pet should have an ongoing open wound and the other probably needs its thyroid checked. Obviously they aren't worried about the health of their pets. Just like they make no offer to pay you, they apparently don't want to pay a vet either.

My guess is the 2 unhealthy cats are under a lot of stress and are probably being bullied by the other cats.

Tip for pet owners: for those that have friends & family that won't accept payment, buy a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants or stores. If they refuse, place it on the counter as you leave.

I feel for the cats. I am fairly willing to be imposed upon when pets are involved because such uncaring people could do anything if you don't help out. Maybe being forceful about why once a day is not enough for sick pets? Use leverage, tell them you will not be so accommodating if they are so cavalier with details.

My DD used to do this to me. Actually, it was SIL - he was supposed to call and ask me if I could watch/feed the cats, but he would forget and email from the plane. It was twice daily, and they wanted the cats let outside in the AM if the weather was okay. Fine...but not fine as invariably one of the three cats was mad he'd been left and would refuse to even let me see him, let alone come inside. So repeat trips that night to finally get the naughty cat inside. SIL never got the two cat boxes cleaned before they left, so I had to do that as well - kitty litter in basement garage so up and down the steps multiple times.

I finally just told them both (via an email) that this was just too much for me and to not expect me to do this anymore. I did this before another trip was planned so they had plenty of warning. But twice more, SIL "forgot" to get a sitter and would call on me from the airport. I simply said "NO" and told him to call someone else. That took care of the problem.

It was exhausting for me to do this, and no, they did NOT take care of my dogs when I went out of town. I'm glad I finally stood up for myself. Try it - you'll like it!

Tip for pet owners: for those that have friends & family that won't accept payment, buy a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants or stores. If they refuse, place it on the counter as you leave.

That's how I found my favorite Italian restaurant. I refused my neighbor's money offer after taking care of her cats for a few days, so she turned around and bought me a gift certificate to the restaurant.

They do take the cats to the vet. They don’t always follow the advise though. The one with the open wound probably got it from a possum or other critter. She has been on medications for this for at least two years. Even saw a specialist. They wanted it to close a bit more so they would be able to close it with surgery. This one (it was on the hip) closed, but another thing opened up on the belly.

With the skinny one, I think they just had basic tests done. Writing it up to her getting old.

Just going once a day does not work for me. The way the cats are divided inside the house (they can be in the whole house when they are at home and are being watched), the skinny female is together with the big male. If I would just put down dry food once a day, he would eat the majority of it. I can’t do that.

Hi Iris (duz the "S" stand for "sucker"?),

It seems to me that a good variety of useful and friendly advice has been offered.

Question 1. Has your husband been an active participant in carrying out these chores related to his family? Or mainly a passive participant as he listens/ed to your squawking? Or did you feel uncomfortable in asking even that participation?

Question 2. If these issues were resolved in a manner which left you feeling appreciated, vindicated and fully comfortable, would you be willing to continue to participate?

These chores, fertilized by some concern, grew to some frustration in your heart, which grew into anger with all of this unappreciated load of choring care, following the birth.

What level of awareness do the perpetrators have of your feelings regarding this unappreciated new addition to the family/ies? (Also, your husband?).

How would you relate to a suggestion that you think for a while on the history of this increasing frustration, writing the detailed history down from time to time?

Give some thought to it, regarding which issues are essential and which incidental. What parts/proportions of it do you feel comfortable with sharing with hubby ... probably from time to time - and probably orally, rather than having him aware of the treatise with all of its details on one potentially confrontational occasion.

Sort through which issues that you feel that you must deal with with the pet owners, which ones have priority, which one would appear to need to be dealt with first, etc. ... and whether better to deal with them all on one occasion, or spread out over a period.

One way or another, if you don't get them dealt with to a level with which you can feel comfortable, it would almost certainly lead to further frustration for you if you agree to continue.

Even if you don't, I think you need to get at least part of this rather serious issue at least partly dealt with, in the interest of building an ongoing good relationship among the family members, long term.

Good wishes as you work through this part of life's journey.

I hope and pray that you can get it accomplished with a good spirit on everyone's part throughout.

ole joyful

OJ - your advice is insightful and thoughtful. I'm going to save your reply because it can be applied to so many situations we deal with. You are a treasure.

OJ, you really are very valued by me, too. My husband is aware of how I am feeling about this. And no, I usually am not whining about it :). He does help me out, usually with the pool stuff, when he is around. But he travels a lot for work. I did write a very honest email to my sister in law. I had addressed the lack of preparation and short notice before, but included that, too.

I don’t even mind cleaning up poop from the floor. I guess my big issue is that I am a professional worrier, so the medical issues bother me. No way I would just go there once a day. But what if I still don’t spot a problem in a timely manner? Flo (the one with the open wound) doesn’t even let me close enough to pet her since last Summer. Probably because of me giving her all the medication. How am I to check on something on her tummy?

Well, I asked her all this. Why email? She doesn’t answer the phone very often. Plus I could put it down in a calm and collected way.

I haven’t read all the responses but I am quite sure you have received great advice. I will just say that I’m pretty sure you are almost as upset (or more) about the condition of the pets as you are about how they take advantage of you. My conscience would bother me too if I knew they weren’t being cared for properly when I wasn’t there.

So maybe you should say something in a kind way, or just do as others have suggested and find yourself unavailable to fill in every time they call you. If it starts a feud, it’s on them. I don’t think you are looking for a fight.

Chisue, very good advice. Short, sweet (nice) and to the point.

I agree with Chisue as well. Don’t give an arguable reason that could be challenged. No is a complete sentence.

Iris, you’ve been given great feedback. In the end, Chisue, gmatx and wantoretire have summed it up cogently. “No.”

If these people were the sort that could be approached by a rational and thoughtful discussion, they wouldn’t be putting you in the situation in the first place. This situation is stressful and harmful for you in many ways. Take care of yourself.

It seems that your relatives do not have the moral currency to do the right thing, and they would rather allocate dollars to entertaining themselves instead of doing what is proper and kind to their pets and to you. They shouldn’t have pets.