A WWYD rant about my veterinarian
2 years ago
last modified: 2 years ago
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11 Year football coach with profanity WWYD?
Comments (80)i don't think I would switch him from the team. I think that would give the wrong message to him and the other boys would find fault with him. Thoughts about this -- First, if you didn't try to fix the problem and just removed him from the team, I agree that would send the wrong message. That you run away from a problem and don't address it. However, if you attempt to address it and it does not get resolved, then you leave the team. IMO, this sends the message that you tried to fix the problem but you cannot control others, and you will not let your son be abused in this manner. I am not sure how this can be the wrong message. If you worked for a company where you boss was abusive, and the company wouldn't change it, would you stay? Or would you find a new job? About going to the coach instead of the board -- I would bet that this coach has heard this before. If this is how he coaches, I doubt it just suddenly appeared this season. There were probably parents in the past that said something to him. In my experience, they do not think they are doing anything wrong. In fact, they think they are toughening up the kids and teaching them how to win. You talking to him (or writing letter) will do nothing to change his behavior, IMO. I could be wrong, of course. Everyone is different. But, in my experience, they think they know better and you're just babying your son. Believe me I've heard it all from the coach, the coach's wife and other parents. On the other hand, I had parents tell us they were impressed with what we did. I think the only thing that will change his behavior is the threat of losing his team by his bosses (the board). I don't know if your board will do that. It won't change what the coach thinks is the right way to coach, but it might make him temper his words to avoid losing the team. Having our son leave the team he'd play with for 3 years was hard. He was playing with all his friends in town. But, we knew we couldn't leave him in that situation. And he had finally had enough of the abuse and without prompting from us, he said he wouldn't play for him anymore. My son is now 13, so we've been gone from that team for 3 full seasons. Best thing we ever did. He's played for some really wonderful coaches. And some bad coaches too. But, he's learned that not everyone is like that. And he's met some great kids from outside town. I'm not trying to minimize how hard it was. I was sick over it for a long time. It made me so angry that we were forced to leave a team where his friends played because the coach was a jerk, and the town wouldn't do anything about it. It still makes me angry! But, in the end it was a good thing. My son learned baseball from other coaches and organizations we've played for and is a better player for it. It has also taught him to deal with situations of being the new kid on the team. For some kids, this is easy. My son is not outgoing and that is not an easy thing for him. But, on every team he has made friends and I think he's learned that even though he's uncomfortable in that situation, he can handle it. Another good life lesson. I apologize for my long rants on this. I am so passionate about this. Youth sports is a strange place. We've had some awful coaches and some wonderful coaches. And the parents! Don't get me started on the parents. Some are as bad or worse than the bad coaches. But, I've also made some wonderful life-long friends through my son playing. My DH and I and another family (that also left town at the same time), are always saying we should create a reality TV show - "Travel Ball". You would not believe the things we've heard, mostly from parents, on the sidelines of games....See Morewwyd ?
Comments (11)Thanks for the responses. There is something in everyone of them that hits on the "truth" of the situation. Golddust is right in part that there is surely more to it. FM has never ever been fired though so that is good. marie also hit the nail on the head. No one else ever takes the breaks...they are afraid to for the very reason . shannon: "It amazes me how people spend so much productive time watching every move hard workers make. But when the hardworkers get fired then the unproductive ones won't have anything to do..... except maybe their job and the job of the hardworker that got fired" Exactly...there are several other workers who literally spend the whole day trying to catch folks supposedly not doing their job. They have been reprimanded over and over and are very unpopular. It is a testament to the very poor mngt. that they are listened to and allowed to cont. this reprehensible behavior. graywings: that is exactly what we have advised. cya is very important until another position is found. The reason the breaks are SO important is because this is a very mentally stressful intense job. It requires extreme accuracy and a 30 min lunch just isn't enough. There needs to be small breaks to get your head clear so you can continue and do a good job. camlan is right that a new job is in order but since this one has only been for 4 months FM was trying to really make it work. And yes they are trying to get FM to quit...this is a tried and true method for sure. jakabedy: it would be great if they could have a team approach to this. My FM actually sat down with the boss a couple weeks ago and proposed a really efficient means of getting things done and allowing less stress....they said they would " think" about it and that was the last heard on that. You are correct about mandatory times for lunch...if you take even one mintute over or under you get written up as the company gets in trouble...this is CA....I wouldn't live there now after spending 4 weeks there for anything in the world. I never saw so many posted rules and reg. in my life. So thanks . I have forwarded the suggestions you have made. They had a meeting yesterday. They said that the policy in CA is if anyone complains about anyone an " action" must take place...in this case written up ...again...this is the last time. The FM has refused to bend even a little...this is a stubborn person....we have advised that bending would be a very good idea as this will lead to firing the next time it happens...the " watchers" are NOT going to stop and the mngt is NOT going to change...so you either give in or get out. Thank you for putting up with my rant....others have ranted here so I knew it was a safe place to do so ....I appreciate it. Now back to much more interesting and fun topics. c...See MoreWWYD - Vacation Home Hosting Request
Comments (54)"Running I’m wondering as well, if they hit it off with everyone at Christmas, they may genuinely also want to see you and spend some time and may be under the impression you had just as much fun." No the texts stated that they are coming to the Keys with their friend and asked if the friend could stay with them after I invited them based on the broad hint that they wanted to stay over Saturday night etc. As I've commented before it is clear they are NOT coming for a visit to us. To be fair however I will try to reserve judgment till we see how things go. The lesson in this situation is the familiar one: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. From now on with this relative and with everyone else we won't be caught off guard. We will use our polite spine which is a great phrase I picked up on the internet somewhere. If we feel ok about hosting we will. If we don't we won't. We definitely need to get our minds right about how we will manage access to our place. It's pretty amazing for visitors: deep water (ocean) access in the Florida Keys very close to some of the best dive/snorkel reefs and a house that was fully remodeled by the previous owner. So not only is everything nice looking and fresh but we have stocked it with canoes and kayaks and we even have a pool for lounging and sunbathing. My son leaves his flats boat there (small skiff type that can poke into lots of shallow fishing areas). We sometimes take the boat out for dinner at local waterfront restaurants. As is normal down there the house is two levels. The apartment is a full 1/1 on the first level that is completely separate from our living area upstairs. We've already hosted almost every holiday since we bought it for our extended family and love having them and good friends visit. I just need to be clear about how much family and friends can expect to decide when they come rather than US deciding when they come LOL....See MoreWWYD - Vacation Home Hosting Request
Comments (3)So all three would stay in the downstairs apartment? If it were me, I guess I would probably let them, including the best man. The guy is obviously very close with them, and it sounds like you enjoy spending time with this couple, so I would imagine he is a decent guy - otherwise they probably wouldn’t be vacationing with him. If they prove to be awful guests I wouldn’t allow them back again. if you really aren’t comfortable with him being there, I would CALL her to explain that you simply aren’t comfortable hosting people you don’t know well. I think if you try to do it via text, it could go south on you....See More- 2 years ago
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