Dyinginside, Your husband stated that it will end in divorce because of you and his daughter. one thing: HE SHOULD NOT DEFINE HIS MARRIAGE TO YOU ON THE BASIS OF HIS DAUGHTER . PERIOD. BIg red flag here. and to top it off he's not interested in going to counciling now????? I agree with sweeby, you have leverage, use it. You are in your parents home. If your husband thinks that is where its heading and he has made the decision to not change this direction, because he's the one who can change this or at least put his foot down and say to his daughter, she is my wife i love her , stop treating her like Sh*t, then there is only two things you can do. 1. Tellhim counciling now and work it out while being at the parents house. Cause counciling does cost and financially you'ld be in better position to do this... 2. If he insists on no counciling and stays.....tell him to leave with his daughter. My feelings on this: If i were under my parents roof, in this situation and my husband said, well i've spoken to my daughter and she still doesn't like ..and i guess if that is the way its going to be between you then i guess i'll have to divorce you....I would tell him, pack your bags now and leave with your daugther please. I would tell him , i know you love me and you love your daughter but if this is the way you think then its obvious you have chosen your path and you want your daughter and there is no sharing of you between me and her. Please have a wondering life and take care of yourself and yoru daughter...Give him time to pack up and go to a relative until he cna find an apartment. WHy muddle through a situation when your husband has obviously made a decision not to act and to pick his daughter? I know you are in love with him but maybe he needs to be alone with his daughter to form a relationship with her and he can't handle the both of you.ITs sad. unless you all go to counciling i dont think this will work. You will be left alone and resent not acting faster.

You know, the more research and blogs I go on regarding the topic of being a step-parent (to children of divorce), the more I think Dr. Laura was right. Dr. Laura said that divorced parents should not remarry (nor even really date) until their children are out of the home. Just seems to me that whomever the divorced parent remarries or gets involved with, winds up paying a high price for someone else’s divorce. When you marry someone, you are to be connected at the hip, so to speak. Sometimes this works where the step-children (adult or not) recognize dad or mom’s new spouse. But, usually the step-mom, for example, winds up a) having much responsibility for these children with no recognized authority, and b) becoming the scapegoat simply because it is much easier to go after step-mom, a non-relative than going after a relative, blood. AND, I’ve come to understand that there are some with children who even think that when they remarry, their spouse somehow magically agreed to be put in that position! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read something like, “Oh, well you knew so and so had children, so now that they are breaking your heart and trashing your home and making your life a hell, you have to put up with it.” Sorry! If anyone expected that when they married someone with children, then there would be no remarriages period. Which brings me back to my original thought. Maybe Dr. Laura was right. Divorced parents should not remarry (nor even really date) until their children are out of the home. (Sure, there can be problems with adult step-children too, but if one thing, disengagement is easier with adults.} Seems like two people can’t stand each other, get divorced, and the ones to pay the heaviest prices are their children and the people they go on to remarry. Very selfish of these divorced parents, in some ways I think.

The weekend wasn't as horrible as I thought it would have been... To reply first to the comment about a mental disorder for the child... I do not claim to have any psychological degree however I am too leaning more towards that as a possibility... I think she has ADHD, many people have actually asked me that when they meet her and spend time with her which it also runs in the family... But as the story goes, she is not mine and I have zero say so that is left for Dad and Mom to figure out. This past weekend went less hectic than I thought it would be. Dad took her out for the majority of sunday, and saturday we had an engagement party while she went to her cousins birthday.... She still has trouble listening to me and having dad around disciplining her has been working oddly enough. He actually listened to my wishes and was enforcing rules all weekend and she responded very well... But I will be taking more time for myself and for my family and friends in the future when he has her. After all she is there to see him. To answer your question ...which sounds bad but .. I believe that he sometimes is at a loss for what to do as the parent. He lived at home with his mother for some time and conveniently Nana did most of the work regarding his daughter or he took her out places etc which takes the pressure and focus off of him having to think and have full responsibility for keeping her in line. Not to be mistaken with it being bad he has her out, i think its great. I am just saying it's a change to have to actually teach her life skills and make a schedule that is healthy for her. And men of course will try to give you all the work they would rather not do... Also his mother (my mother in law to be) texted me saying that when she was dropping his daughter off she told her Nana how much she loves me because I take such good care of her, and always give her a lot of love, and cook for her. She says she told her Bio mom this as well.. That made me feel good for the sacrificing I do (as we all know we always sacrifice for the kids sake)... I'm glad at 7 she actually notices the things I do, and I hope our relationship turns out to be one that works for us... whether conventional and traditional or not... I do want what is best for her, its SO hard to watch her life unfold because I can see all the things she has to go through and I know what it is like for a young girl. Dad will be keeping the guidelines or the rules of the house in order. And as much as we can keep her on a good schedule because she seems to actually like that. Her life at moms is very 'all over the place' for lack of a better saying.... Dad asked bio mom if he paid for an extra-curricular activity if she would take the daughter to it and bio mom flat out said nope... This made me very sad for the little one especially for her future. Anyway I am staying positive and continuing my 'step mom' position of overlooking everything and having absolutely no say over it lol! feels like we are ghosts sometimes although we wish we could help right? And I do agree sometimes they need discipline... Moreso structure and guidelines I think thats a parent's huge job to getting the child ready for their life in the big world =)...Of course we also has lots of fun.. I bought all the stuff to make cupcakes and she helped me make them sunday to send to dads work for all the guys.. Good turn out! She had a lot of fun and even wore an apron haha! good pictures we took...

If he has to work when she's there, ask him to find child care. Forcing you to spend time with her will only make it get worse. I would recommend getting a therapist to talk to about the issues and your husband needs to be aware of your feelings. I was in the same situation and yes, 6 year old's can be very manipulative and of course, any child that has experienced a broken family at a young age is going to seek attention and can have attachment & trust issues. If you didn't have a child with him, I'd say get out. But you do and that is your child's sibling so you cannot shut her out, even if your marriage doesn't work, she will still always be connected to your child. The most important thing right now is communication with your husband and hopefully you have some willingness to establish a relationship with the child. Since you feel the way you do, it doesn't have to be a close relationship but it has to be one that works for your family. That may mean being cordial when you have to be around her but letting her spend time with her dad and sibling so they can have their relationship. I agree with the others that you knew she existed and that she was like her mom when you married him so you really have an obligation to accept her being a part of your husband's life. It's not very realistic to wish for her to go away or not be like her mom. That's her role model and girls model after their mom. Talk to your husband about what qualities she had that attracted him to her. He knows her and made a child with her so she had to have some good qualities and knowing them might help you find a common ground to establish at least a friendship with the child that is just like her. Or you can let it slowly kill your family. I married my husband when his daughter was 7. She was extremely manipulative, lied about me, pitted her mom and grandma against me, etc. I finally divorced her father when she turned 13 (we didn't have kids together) because he refused to acknowledge or deal with the problem. We've been divorced for 3 years & she is now a 16 year old that he can't control. His new girlfriend now gets to deal with it. (but that is because my ex husband didn't take the problem seriously and it's now affecting his current relationship too). The bottom line is to communicate & be a team. If he doesn't have your back (and his daughter's back), then it will only get worse. Good luck.