Card sending after a relative's passing

last year

My cousin's husband passed away on Oct. 9th. Since I don't do Facebook and an obit wasn't in the local paper, I just found out about it on Sunday from my brother. I'm sending a sympathy card. Not sure what to do about sending a Christmas card, which I do every year. A bright cheery Merry Christmas card doesn't sound quite right at this time. Should I send one with a more thoughtful message (like?) or forego a holiday card altogether? That doesn't sound quite right either, she may wonder why I didn't send one.

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KW PNW Z8

last year

Yes - do send a holiday card when you usually would and do somehow acknowledge your cousin’s loss with a written note. This is in addition to the sympathy card you’re sending now. I think one of the most difficult phases to go through after a loss is soon after the intial hubub of attention settles down and everyone else has moved on with their llives. The bereaved person is still sitting there trying to navigate through their year of ”first time alones” and may very well feel forgotten or invisible.

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Comments (12)

foodonastump
last year
I’d find a blank-inside card and then something thoughtful but not too weepy about difficult first Christmas.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked foodonastump
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Toronto Veterinarian
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A blank Christmas card so you can write a personal message.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked Toronto Veterinarian
OutsidePlaying
last year
I am so glad you asked this question. We found out that a very dear friend of ours passed away in his sleep a little over a week ago. He was 72, had no obvious health issues, and likely died of a heart attack. No autopsy. He and his sweet wife were married 40 years, no kids. We used to ski with them every year and do other things together. I still can’t wrap my head around it. We always exchanged cards because we both were always so busy during the holidays. I always wonder what to say and do when things change dramatically.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked OutsidePlaying
nicole
last year
A card is so thoughtful of you! I'm sure she'll appreciate a hand written note....off to the side....that would be my call.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked nicole
sushipup2
last year
Send one sympathy card ASAP, with a nice note. Send a Christmas card in mid-December as you always do. Don't get them mixed together.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked sushipup2
morz8 - Washington Coast
last year
I think a heartfelt hand written note is always appreciated. When DH lost an older brother - no warning - he received an acknowledgment of some kind every day that first month. Flowers, a card, a note, a phone call....

I was almost frightened at about the 30 day mark when nothing came for him that day. He was fine. I'm a worrier 😊

I might want to find an appropriate more sedate Christmas card than the usual cheery celebrating the season type. I remember years ago when a dear friend told me she had opened every card that first Christmas after the sudden loss of her Mom wanting to find some mention of her mother. None contained one.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked morz8 - Washington Coast
Kendrah
last year
Send a sympathy card now. Send a Christmas card later. Send the same one you send everyone else, but include a handwritten note with some thoughtful words. Most people I know who are mourning don't expect everyone else's life to grind to a hault just because their world has, nor do they want to be excluded or tip toed around. Just be normal and extend yourself with some thoughtfulness considering the situation.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked Kendrah
notdancin
last year
You don't even have to write a long message. Just express your sympathy. Those cards mean so much at the time. I hope you send her a Christmas card that lets her know you're thinking of her during the holidays.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked notdancin
Ally De
last year
I agree with everyone else. Sympathy card now, Christmas card with a few thoughtful sentences then.

I lost my last parent in late November, just before Thanksgiving. I am an only child and it hit me like a freight train. That Christmas was absolutely horrible for me. However a few people put a few kind sentences in their normal holiday cards to me, and each one made me feel slightly less alone.

The first holiday season is brutal. Just having people show you they get that means so much.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked Ally De
eld6161
last year
If your tradition has always been to send a card then by all means do so. I like the idea of a blank card where you can add your own sentiment. ”Thinking of you.” If it’s at all possible for you to plan a visit you can add, ”I will be calling you to plan a visit.”

If it makes more sense for you to host her then do that.

After the first few weeks, family and friends go back to their own lives and that is the time she will need you the most.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked eld6161
chisue
last year
Another yes to sending two separate cards.

Just write what you'd say to her in person. No need to tiptoe around it.

Knowing someone *cares* is the point.
schoolhouse_gwagain thanked chisue

Card sending after a relative's passing

KW PNW Z8

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