They were together.

They were together, and she was carrying on in a public place?

That's so sad for him.

Thank you for being a bright moment in his day.

Be content that you were a bright spot in someone’s miserable day. His partner sounds like a real piece of work, and he likely has to put up with her behavior constantly.

I wish I could wave a magic wand.

He deserves so much better than her. There're so many people that deserve so much better. Thank you for listening.

My comment was accidently deleted. Knowing now, that they were together I will smugly write that she seems overwhelmed with the constant care and some type of help would be good. However in the real world you did what you could and are a good person.

I totally agree with what you said. I thought she was overwhelmed. That's why I ignored so much

You're okay in my book RhoDo

it's sad to think that if she was that blatant out in public, what must his home life be like (assuming they live in the same house).

it was so nice of you to lend him a hand.

rob333: "They were together."

I'm wondering why this crucial bit of info, which substantially changes the dynamics of the situation, wasn't included in the OP? It otherwise is a random woman berating a random man.

Because it didn't occur to me it needed to be said they were together???

I didn't assume that they were together either. There is a lot of stranger cruelty out there. I would have done what you did however. Helped him and not engage with her and thought that maybe she's just having a bad day.

It was never my intent for anyone to assume anything. As you see, I supplied the info, as soon as requested.

Guess I was still focused on her atrocious behavior!

It does change the dynamic completely. And I'm more disappointed in myself. Because if it had been perpetrated on a stranger, I think I would have acted differently. 😞

I think you did the right thing. Being nice to someone is always good and you shouldn't have any regrets. I just assumed they were together since it sounded like she was staying with him wherever he went. I guess I don't need to have everything explained to me in detail.

We're all different and react differently. Starting with the title of the thread, you seem to think that offering the kind gesture gave you a key to a door to enter into their private lives. It didn't concern you.

Maybe he did something outrageously wrong to her and she was still steaming about it, who knows? But also, that's something between them that doesn't concern strangers.

It sounds like the woman's behavior was inappropriate for a public setting - inappropriate or odd conduct can be seen in any public place every day. Other than kindness to help the old guy and feeling sorry for him, it wasn't your concern as I see it. But mine is not the only possible view.

Well put.

I didn't realize they were together. Either way, it was disturbing behavior on a spouse or a stranger and you were right to comfort the abused man.

Lets not beat up Rob.

I think since you were kind to him and not unkind to her it was a good thing to do regardless. I could wish the store people would take responsibility to do something.

Best to hope for is that your reaction brought her some self-awareness of her behavior. Doubtful, but one can hope.

Amen to that FOAS. I wish she would realize. Alas, it's unlikely to be.

I assume I put the cashier on notice (since I knew her, she knows I'm eternally kind in person, and she seemed completely surprised at my comment)? We'll see what she has to say next go around.

I meant to say, and you're right elmer. It is another point of view. One I teetered on honoring, so I must agree with it somewhat. It's why I did nothing more than give her one signal that she was behaving badly. I guarantee you would've done something. Even if it was merely a glare in her direction. It was truly heartbreaking.

I'm glad you saw what I was trying to say.

What anyone does when something unexpected happens nearby is a reaction, not something there's time to ponder about. We rarely encounter life or death circumstances in daily life and in the absence of that, my default to something someone says or does is to ignore it, keep my distance and mind my own business. Others react differently, there's no right answer.

Without the clarification that the two people were together, I initially took the situation to be that they were strangers to each other and the fellow had crossed her path and interfered with her access to store goods or something of that ilk.

"When I turned around to pay, the cashier said she's trying to say something to you (I have no idea, but I could guess that she was not happy that I helped him and didn't help her, or she didn't like that I told her to shush, or who knows if she was going to lay into me), when I only replied but I have nothing to say to her. I paid and walked off."

Look, you witnessed an infinitesimal fragment from a couple's life. You had no context that would have shed some light on that fragment and enabled you to place that fragment in perspective and understand its significance. On the basis of that fragment, you refused to even listen to the woman. You decided she just didn't deserve to be heard.

"I wish I could fix every thing for everybody"

So do I, but I've learned the hard way that my good intentions might sometimes do more harm than good, and that there's no predicting the consequences of my intervention. So when the fix-things temptation rears its head I firmly remind myself that fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

" Without the clarification that the two people were together, I initially took the situation to be that they were strangers to each other "

I did too, as did many others as the comments above suggest.

Yep. I can't know. But there is nothing that can possibly justify the toxicity she was spewing everywhere. First, I was just bothered because she was making so much noise in the store in general. I came to realize that she was directing it at someone.

Nothing he did could possibly have justified it. This wasn't just a moment, this went on for some time. I don't need to see anymore or hear anymore from her to know she's toxic. I can't fix her, but what I wanted to fix, I did. I wanted to help him.

When I used the (unisex) toilet at the hospital yesterday I noticed a new sign on the wall for A Safe Place. Domestic abuse goes many different ways. Few people are truly independent.

From your description of the ruckus this woman was making as they were routing through the store, I’m wondering how at least one store staffer didn’t note the disturbance & at least alert a manager type of the issue. Other customers had to have been aware & one would think they might’ve alerted manager type too. I feel pretty sure if this woman had been loudly berating a child that several would’ve stepped in or called for help so why not when seeing one adult being verbally aggressive to another adult & especially one who seemed dependent for assistance from the aggressor. It sounds like you observed a situation of domestic abuse.

ETA: Still thinking about this disturbing situation. Wonder if there’s a chance the woman is suffering from cognitive decline / issues causing her to have no control or to be aggressive? Maybe that’s why the man in scooter was not responding? Or, I assume he wasn’t responding by your event description.

I think I observed a situation of domestic abuse. I'm sure other people heard. I don't know if management stepped in or not, because I haven't been back. They might have.

ETA: I too just now was wondering if she may be suffering from the type of dementia that makes you turn abnormally hostile? And no he was not responding.

You did what you could, and it was just the right thing, too.

I try to remember: Don't be 'nice'. Be KIND.

Thank you for taking the time to be kind.

In the ED we ask, "Do you feel safe at home? Would you like us to get help for you?"

If extreme, I'd have considered calling 911 so the person could have been taken to the ED for a situational evaluation by a social worker.

Abuse and neglect, physical and psychological, against children, disabled, elderly, mentally ill, and women is too common.

It’s nice to see you again, mdln—its been quite some time and you always have good advice.