My Daughter has Such a Cool Job!
Bestyears
13 days ago
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ilikefriday
13 days ago
mtnrdredux_gw
13 days agoRelated Discussions
My daughter's emotionally blackmailing me, with my grandbabies.
Comments (11)This is not about Santa .... this is about something much deeper. I agree it is the daughter's decision to make, however, how the daughter has chosen to manage this situation is inappropriate. If there were not underlying motives on the part of the daughter such a topic of disagreement would not have caused this breach. The Santa scenario is a mere vehicle for the daughter to use against her mother to punish her for a historical 'perceived crime' against her. Such situations are inexpressibly complex. One thing is for sure .. if the grandmother was disproportionally better off financially than her daughter and was socially connected, had a large circle of friends and a significant other with whom she was happy .... I can guarantee the daughter would be behaving very differently. Unfortunately the daughter is taking advantage of her mother's loneliness as well as her emotions. The daughter may have a deep-seated grievance but whether it is legitimate is another matter. Without doubt the daughter cruelly lacks judgment and has the classic attributes of the Narcissist....See Moremy bf has a 13 year old daughter who is really upsetting me
Comments (21)Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to....See MoreMy daughter does not respect my choice
Comments (5)I think no matter how young or old, kids don't really have a 'say' in who you choose to date, marry, etc. I'm an adult stepdaughter to both a stepfather (whom I get along with) and a stepmother (whom I don't get along with), and never would I have expected to have a say in who my parents chose to be with. So, while one's child doesn't have the right to choose or veto one's partner ---and maybe BECAUSE of that fact--- the parents/stepparents don't have a right to choose or veto the child's FEELINGS about that person. (They also don't have the right to choose or veto the stepparents' feelings about the stepchild, which may very well be just as negative if not more so.) If you're thinking about recoupling & blending families, it's a very, very weighty decision for EVERYONE involved. Except that the children, who are highly affected by the decision, are not involved in the decision-making process. The people who actually have the freedom and power to choose (the parents and stepparents) should choose wisely and after careful consideration and after as broad and open communication as possible. Precisely BECAUSE the aspect parents and stepparents don't have control over is anyone's feelings about it. A child DOES have the right to discuss concerns about the stepparent with the parent and/or that stepparent, but the child does not really ---as we all know--- get 'veto power' over the choice of the partner. The child can hope that the parent considers their needs, feeelings and input, but the child knows s/he is not the one in charge of the decision. A child has the right to disapprove of or dislike the stepparent (just as, is often said, the stepparent does not have to like the child or approve of everything the child does or is), but again, the child does not get say in if the stepparent stays or goes. Once the choice of partner has been made, stepparent and stepchild basically just have to deal with one another as- is. If they don't like each other, they each have many options as to how to cope (including making the decision *for themselves* to pull back from their relationship with one another), but there is a limited amount of control anyone can have over either of them in terms of the coping strategies THEY choose. If either/both the stepparent and stepchild dislike one another, basically that is their right. No one can force liking. No one can force the genuine, internal FEELINGS of admiration or respect. But every individual has the right to determine what kinds of outward BEHAVIORS they will and will not tolerate *for themselves*. A baseline level of OUTWARD RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR is required of everyone, even if INTERNAL RESPECTFUL FEELINGS are not there. So basically, yeah, no one can force anyone else to like them, and everyone knows kids don't REALLY get to choose their parents' partners, no matter what the parent may say to the kids to make them THINK it's something they have any control over. So I think it's better to NOT even create the illusion that they actually do have a say. Instead choose wisely and take co-responsibility for your choice, and accept that others will not always like your choices, and that is acceptable for both them and you. As with so many things in life, there are things we an actually control and things we can't, and things tend to work out best for everybody when people have a clear grasp of what those things are....See Morehusband has new found 21 year old daughter
Comments (3)Firstly, about that episode where your bio father suggested sex: you had no way to know to anticipate it, & you had no way to control or stop it. Although it *is* obnoxious, offensive, & disgusting to you & to me, it sometimes happens when bio family members meet for the first time as adults, so much so that counsellors now warn adult children who are meeting their birth parent(s) for the first time to be prepared. & your bio father's family troubles belong to him & to them, not to you. If anything, it sounds like your father brought you into the family to be used as leverage. Dispicable, but the responsibility & the shame belong to your bio father & not to you. Cut yourself free from that particular chain & don't look back. Today is what matters, & you & your children are living under unbearable stress, in a hostile environment, & you're all paying a terrible price. "He thinks I'm evil" is *not* the description of someone you can afford to turn your back on, let alone trust, let alone spend your life with. (note: He doesn't think you're "evil"; he knows that saying that will shatter you, & that's why he does it.) He's been lying to you & manipulating you since before you were married, his family sounds like a co-dependent, disfunctional mess, & sending copies of the facebook pages to all of them sounds like that you've been caught in the same web, going to everybody else for vindication or action instead of dealing with the one person who's actually accountable. If your husband doesn't have any consequences for continuing to behave as he always has behaved, *nothing will change*. He's entirely comfortable, even happy, with his life, he doesn't care that you're unhappy, & he controls you by striking at your most vulnerable points; why would he change anything? It's like raising a child; if you say, "do that one more time & you're losing computer priveleges for a week", & the child does it again, you *have* to take away computer priveleges for a week, or you're just teaching the child that (s)he doesn't have to pay attention to anything you say/threaten, that you're powerless, that (s)he can do *anything* & the worst that will happen is that you'll yell. If you tell your husband that he has to treat you with the respect to which anyone is entitled or you & the children are leaving, & then he says something obnoxious or betrays you by talking to his family about you or does any single obnoxious thing, you *have* to take those kids & leave. (In fact, at this point, I think you have to take the kids & leave anyway; your life & their lives are being corroded every day that you spend in the environment controlled by your husband & his family.) Although it isn't your fault, although you've been manipulated to think you "can't" do anything because you somehow bear the responsibility for his behavior, so far, you've been like the parent who threatens but does not act. Even if your husband never hits you, he's abusing you: A person who controls another person by manipulation, who calls her "evil", who blames her for his own behavior...is an abuser. Get some professional legal help, get some psychological help (abusers *never* go to counselling; they don't want any interference), investigate what kind of help is available for abused wives, & get your kids & get out of there. I wish you the very best....See More
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