I am so sorry about the trouble between you and your daughter. That must be particularly difficult since you've been so close.

Your daughter may be emotionally blackmailing you by threatening to withhold your granddaughter if you don't do as she likes, and that is unfair of her to treat you that way. However, your daughter does have every right to choose to tell her daughter the truth about Santa Claus. There are many parents who feel that way and make that choice. I'm not one of those parents - we left out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, mailed Santa letters, and all the hoopla that goes with it. But I did consider whether or not to take the "no Santa" route, and if I had I would have expected my mother to respect that choice.

Your daughter has good, sound reasons for making the choice about Santa that she made. Sounds like she has given it some thought and wants to be a good mom. Telling your granddaughter the truth about Santa won't harm your granddaughter. You may have been right to give your daughter advice about the house, the job, the pets. But the Santa/no Santa decision is hers to make.

Sometimes we have to step back and let our grown kids make their own mistakes. It's hard to do. I know I watched my mom and my mother-in-law practically bite their tongues off trying not to override my decisions sometimes. But they both recognized that I was trying hard to be the best mom I could be, and I appreciated all the times they said nothing.

I hope you and your daughter can make amends over the holidays and you can enjoy your granddaughter at Christmas. There are so many other wonderful things about Christmas other than Santa, your granddaughter will grow up loving Christmas no matter what.

Sorry, I can see some of my Mom in you. You are a bit controlling and you need to step back and do one day at a time. If they make poor decisions, it is not your job to tell them so. My mom did that and to this day I resent it deeply. Kids need to make their own mistakes and it is hard. If they make a big error, and they come to you, be postive and suggest they go for counseling or other needed help. You will loose them. And by the way, my folks died in 1974 and you cannot believe how much I wish now that she had not been so controling and not ruin my son's life.

I think one should only offer advise if they are asked to give an opinion.

Sometimes people lose their relevance in other's lives.

It happens in families as well.

Your daughter might feel overwhelmed with her responsibilities and the last thing she can handle right now is one more problem with her mother.

Time heals.

This is not about Santa .... this is about something much deeper. I agree it is the daughter's decision to make, however, how the daughter has chosen to manage this situation is inappropriate. If there were not underlying motives on the part of the daughter such a topic of disagreement would not have caused this breach. The Santa scenario is a mere vehicle for the daughter to use against her mother to punish her for a historical 'perceived crime' against her. Such situations are inexpressibly complex. One thing is for sure .. if the grandmother was disproportionally better off financially than her daughter and was socially connected, had a large circle of friends and a significant other with whom she was happy .... I can guarantee the daughter would be behaving very differently. Unfortunately the daughter is taking advantage of her mother's loneliness as well as her emotions. The daughter may have a deep-seated grievance but whether it is legitimate is another matter. Without doubt the daughter cruelly lacks judgment and has the classic attributes of the Narcissist.

Suelloyd, although your post is well-intentioned, the most recent post on this prior to yours was over 6 years ago. I believe that the issue has been dealt with.

But it is an interesting topic. I was so disappointed when my mom, at around 7, told me there was no Santa. She wanted me to hear it from her first, before a schoolmate told me. I have no doubt, TODAY, that she put a lot of thought into the matter and did the best she could. It's what guided her thru those years.

yet, for many years after the revelation, there was a teenie, tiny bug on the back of my mind that kept wondering what else she could be lying about. Wondering if episodes like this one shape the distrustful, adversarial dynamics of teenage years. I think I relate better to the daughter choosing to be truthful on this matter than with grandma.

This is old so I hope parties reconciled and have a better understanding and respect for boundaries.

One more thing. I agreed with most of my moms views and ideas but there were a few things I was in adamant disagreement. But I was a kid, I wanted to please her above all and kept silent--until adulthood. It is almost funny that when the issues or topics came up she would express her dismay and surprise at my opposing view. I explained to her about wanting to please despite hating every second of the XYZ situation. Our relationship was healthy enough that we agreed to disagree after the air had cleared.

I agree, this is an interesting topic. My son, the father of my only grand baby, makes sure that I get to see her and both parents are doing a great job. He asks my opinion every once in a while and I tell him what I think. He is welcome to take my advice or not.

I wouldn't think that it would matter much if a child believed in Santa or not if she was secure and loved by Mom and Grandma, it is certainly not something I would have strong feelings about.

I am with your daughter on this one, its her and her dh's decision, I felt like I should have told my oldest son the truth right from the beginning, finally at age 5 I did and I know he was disappointed in me for not telling the truth. I think from the sounds of it your dd has alot on her plate and you are adding to it, they learn from their mistakes and don't need any "I told you so"... If you and your dd can make up go from there and those precious babies will love you forever... God Bless....