Help my 11 year old daughter wants to have a Barbie inspired room
Amy M
6 months ago
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6 months agoAmy M
6 months agoRelated Discussions
Oh, dear. Is my 6 year-old daughter over-sexed?
Comments (11)Well, I'm the mother of a 6 yo girl and I am sometimes surprised by the things she says and does that seem very adult-like. Mine has been talking about getting married for 2+ years now (roll eyes). I think kids (especially at this age) tend to mirror other kids, and that can include a lot of older sibling behavior for 6 year olds (and not just your older DD, but perhaps behaviors taught to the 6 yo by her classmates who subsequently got it from their older siblings). Mine is an only and I see this pattern strongly-- like when she came home and announced, very matter of factly, that her friend doesn't associate with people of a certain color. Five year olds don't come up with that on their own, they get it from parents and older siblings. Of course, this was one of those situations where I asked her a few questions as to how she felt about it, and made sure she understood our values and that the other girl might be misguided (but she already had that figured out thankfully). 6 is also an age of narcissism, so I would not put too much bearing on her being caught up in her appearance and what other people think of her based on it. ALTHOUGH, I would definitely spend the next few years correcting her beliefs and continuing to communicate with her the values of "pretty is as pretty does" and that boys who are only interested in her for her appearance aren't much of anything themselves. It's a process, but that is the only way for your beliefs to make an impression is if she hears them consistently. It's especially important to keep on with it since we live in a society that is so caught up in outward appearance over inward virtue. Keep with your beliefs and give it time, and hopefully it will stick and she will outgrow this. You say she has a good relationship with her dad, which is very important, since how he treats her should eventually be reflected in the boys she chooses to associate with. I'd examine that relationship to make sure that her dad is encouraging her on a psychological and social level, and that he isn't inadvertently encouraging her need to be accepted by appearance. It is something he might do without even realizing it- if he consistently compliments her on how nice she looks after she gets herself dressed, but then fails to compliment her on her kind treatment of others, it could cause her to unconsciously value appearance over other things. It's easy to do this sort of thing with your kids and not realize it too. But again, 6 is an age of being strongly self-absorbed, and with some firm guidelines, boundaries, and positive encouragement on your part, I would hope she would naturally grow out of this and into a more rounded individual....See MoreHelp, I need some serious advice about my 11 year old SD
Comments (5)Well slept on the couch last night ( what a joy) after yet another arguement about S.D. with my wife. This last week has been filled with the same crap different day. So heres the scenerio. My wife and I work differing shifts most of the time, so I end up spending most of the time with my S.d. After school and evenings, my wife works mainly 4 - midnight shifts. Last week was more of just the same, my s.d talking to me anyway she feels like it ( totally no respect ) and a week of mainly all out battles between us. Yesterday, i argued with her for 4 hours trying to get her to clean her room, when i can't see the floor and there are dirty dishes in there, its time for her to clean it, finally i just gave up told her to do whatever she wants, live like a pig, i'm beyond caring, and i stopped talking to her for the day. Now over the week she had lost her computer time, phone time and tv time for lying to us about her school homework ( telling us it was all done, after parent teacher confrence we found out she had not been doing any of it ) she ended up grounded. Anyways, wife comes home, s.d comes out of room, talking as sweet as ever, Oh hi daddy blah blah blah, i just said uh huh. after an hour, i went in the computer room, there my wife on her computer and my s.d on my computer. I said um excuse me your not allowed on the computer and after a day like we had, dont' expect to be on there for a long time. Well that was a mistake, wife turns around says she's doing her homework, and I just laughed, shook my head and walked out. next thing i know my wife is yelling at me cause i'm not allowing s.d. to do her homework, and i told her what kind of day we had and it didn't matter. I told her once again that she has NO idea wht i put up with on a daily basis, my son 16 years old pipes up, ummm ( wifes name ) she talks to dad with totally no respect when your not here, wife tells son to shut up that he treats s.d with no respect either, to which i replied, well when she learns to talk to people with respect, maybe she'd get some back. Suddenly wife yells she has had enough and her and the s.d are leaving ( moving out ) So i decided to sleep on the couch. So now what??? Been thinking about it most of the night, personally i think it might be a relief to all concerend it it happened. Much as I love my wife, and I know she loves me, we can't continue like this. I know i will never accept anyone talking to me like my s.d does, and if my son was talking to my wife that way, well lets just say son would be very bored for the next two months. My wife says, well your the adult, my s.d says you can't do anything to me cause mom will just move out. HELPPPPPPPPPPPP. I'm so tired of being stressed, i think everyone is, is there any solutuiont o this, or am I just wasting my time in something that is never going to change....See More5 year old *step daughter* doesn't like me....
Comments (23)I am not being used as a chauffer or babysitter. I offered... it was my decision. I saw it as helping the two of them see each other more often. But I guess then I didn't realize the harm that it could be doing. As for mom, she is kind of a strange parent. It seems as though a lot of you women have a strong maternal instinct and wouldn't even let your DD SM pick your daughters up. However, BM has asked if I could pick up her daughter (we meet in the middle of our houses) because it was more convenient for her to drop her off at that time. If we don't accommodate her schedule she often tells us then she won't be able to drop her off at all. She's never around to receive her daughter either. Most of the time dad brings her with her grandparents because mom isn't around. This weekend was a perfect example. Mom told us she would receive her daugther at 6pm on Sunday. She called and told my BF that she left town and wouldn't be able to pick her up until Monday sometime, and that either she would pick her up with dad at his work or mine. HAH. So dad didn't go to work in the morning because mom decided she had better things to do than pick up her daughter, and he ended up bringing his daughter to her grandparents because mom wasn't answering her phone. Sometimes she leaves to the beach for the weekend and decides not to come back until Wednesday, leaving her daughter with her parents, and no one to bring her to school. Not very motherly if you ask me. As for our relationship, it's fine. I am not getting involved in baby momma drama... we see each other, say hello, everything's cordial, then we talk about the girl, say goodbye no name calling as far as I know etc. I never say a bad word about her mother to anyone.. ever. As for my bf we met 11 years ago in the US. I came here to Mexico to be with him a year ago. Maybe I use the term soulmate in a way you don't understand. I know I could find someone else if I wanted to. I don't. I'm here to stay with this man and this girl. We may not be married but we are committed to each other as if we were. We are talking marriage... and it will happen some day. What else... oh to answer a question dad and mom divorced when daughter was 2.5. Sooo... 1 year and half before I showed up into the picture. Their relationship sounds like it was verbally and emotionally abusive, probably from both parts but she also sounds like she was physically abusive towards him... but never to their daughter. Dad never had a serious girlfriend after that before me. I don't think dad ever introduced any women to his daughter before me either. But I don't know that for sure. As for the bed thing, I know. Dad and daughter used to sleep in the same bed before I arrived. I think it's weird. So when I came into the picture and she was over on the weekends, dad had daughter sleep in the same bed as us. I put a quick stop to that. NOT OK. I expressed to him that it's uncomfortable and he talked with her, though I don't think he really understands why it's a problem. He sometimes asks if she can sleep with us still... I don't understand why. As for this weekend little girl was throwing up and had a bad temperature in the middle of the night so she came into the bed in the early morning so dad could keep an eye on her. I didn't think it was inappropriate in that case. I don't want to be an in your face sm. I honestly feel like dad is trying to force the situation and really I was over doing the favors just to try and get to know the girl and make it easier for them to see each other... to be nice. I know that I need to back off now. Anyways I left and did my own thing on Saturday and part of Sunday and when I came back things were much nicer. I think the girl does like me when she wants to see me, but I was around too often and intruding on daddy daughter time. Today she was very talkative to me, sweet... gave me a little kiss goodbye and they left. I think I found my answer. I agree with the playing house thing being a rush, I'm not moving out now... so I have to find other ways to fix this. To answer someone's question it is not the house of his previous relationship... and when I say house I mean apartment.. a small one. I think it's kind of hard to stay out of each others business when we are all there... leaving is probably necessary to give them proper alone time....See MoreMy 21 year old daughter
Comments (10)Heck, yeah, the fiance/husband will move in! I've seen & heard parents who maintain rigid, total control over their children. They'll moan & groan & complain (loudly) about how they're being disrespected & used & run over & how they have to take whatever the happy couple dishes out... but they always "allow" the child's spouse to move in. If the couple sets out to actually find an apartment, the parents undermine their confidance & *offer* their "help". which involves remaining at home dependent on the parents, & being subject to curfews & having to ask permission to take trips. People *can* refrain from micro-managing their child's life while still being helpful, supportive, & reasonable, & part of that is being realistic about expectations; if your 21-year-old daughter never has had a "real" job, & never has managed her own schedule, demanding that she get a real job & move out within a shortish time frame is spiteful & destructive. You might as well demand that she become an astronaut by Easter. Try it & see what happens to the anger quotient in the relationship....See Morejustcallmepool
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