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5 year old *step daughter* doesn't like me....

12 years ago

I need some advice today!! I have this feeling this little girl really doesn't like me and I don't know what to do.

A little background. Her father and I live together, and we have been living together 1 year. I met her about a year ago as well. She speaks Spanish.. my Spanish is good enough to communicate with her but sometimes I feel like the language is complicated to tell her everything I want to. So she lives with her mom and comes over on the weekends... I thought we had a good relationship but sometimes she treats me as if I am invisible. I do a lot for her... I pick her up with her mom when her dad is working so they can see each other on friday's as well, not only on saturday's and sunday's. I watch her saturday mornings when her father is working. I take her to the park, let her play, surprise her with gifts once and a while, I'm always happy to see her and let her know that I love her and miss her when she is away. However, in the recent past when asked if she likes me "le quieres a Sonja?" She says no. She only loves her dad, her mom and her grandma. That kind of hurt, but I took it as her being loyal to her family. Maybe she sees me as a threat. I brushed it off.

But last night, after a day of me walking around with them barely being acknowledged by either of them (this was NOT the first time this happened), I was a little upset. I started thinking about why I was upset. What I could do... maybe we rushed into this family thing. Maybe they need time alone. I confronted my boyfriend about the time alone thing and he got kind of upset. "We don't need time alone I don't know why you think that way, nothing is wrong.. I don't know why you are feeling ignored I think you are making it up and something is going on with YOU." Well, I thought of it as a possibility. Maybe something is going on with me... but that's not it. I know when I barely talk all day, and it's not because I don't want to, it's because they walk ahead of me together, leaving me behind. It's because all her questions are directed at him. She doesn't acknowledge my presence. Whatever. She misses her dad. Okay... so I decided I'd give them time alone because even if her dad doesn't see it, maybe it's what SHE needs.

Then at night when they were reading a story and her dad asked her if they should invite me to read with them because I like being there too she said no. I don't know what her excuse was but she didn't want me there. Then this morning when I woke up she was in our bed feeling kind of sick. Her dad went to the bathroom and she sat up, turned around and looked at me with an evil look and walked out of the room into her own bed without saying a word (this is not the first time she has looked at me in that way and refused to be near me).

I'm frustrated and angry because I feel like I do so much for her and she treats me like crap. She's only 5 I keep telling myself, it's hard for her to be in a seperated family.. I need to be patient. But sometimes I just can't stand it.

I've tried talking to my boyfriend about it but he never acknowledges that something is going on. He thinks I'm making it up. He thinks I'm upset because of the time he spends with her even though I keep telling him (and I honestly feel this way) that I am happy to see them together and playing... I am happy they are happy.

When we are together without her dad she doesn't do anything I ask her to do. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't eat, she yells at me sometimes and looks at me with those evil looks. Then she wants something from me. She wants me to buy her stuff, she wants me to do favors for her. When she behaves that way she knows I will not do favors for her and I will not buy anything for her... but she continues.

I honestly don't want to distance myself from her but I can't keep feeling this way for the sake of my own sanity. I feel like the only thing I can do is stop picking her up when he's away. Stop watching her on Saturday's. Stop trying to be nice to her and hoping she'll like me. It's really taking it's toll. And I now feel like I can't go to my boyfriend with any of this because he doesn't listen to me. I'm sick of being told that I'm making all this up.

Does anyone have another suggestion that could work? What should I do? Should I distance myself? Is there another way? I can't just keep putting up with this or I will end up leaving this relationship. I hate to think that this little girls attitude might wreck the best relationship I've ever had. It might drive me away from my soul mate.

I'm so lost!!!

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