Reading all your messages has been like hearing the latest updates on my three sisters. That's a compliment and sincere thank you. Crohn's disease, Graves disease, fibromyalgia and arthritis (Rheumatoid/Osteo)have reared their ugly heads among my 3 sisters but left me inexplicably unscathed. The family is an autoimmune minefield...LOL. After the ONE night I went home to get some sleep I came back to my father's house to find 2 cars and no father. When your 82 year old father is MIA without explanation you naturally worry. Turns out he had a second serious bout of Atrial Fibrillation and went to the hospital without telling me. Ask me if I wasn't feeling guilty for leaving him and upset with him for not calling me. He didn't want to interfere with me taking my best friend to a colonoscopy appointment Monday AM. I didn't sleep again Monday or Tuesday nights but got a couple hours sleep earlier tonight when I landed back at my father's with Pop in tow from hospital/cardiology office. No Coumadin yet until results of 3 week montoring device show if he's having small episodes of A-Fib when he gets chest tightness on treadmill at gym. Coumadin and exercised induced symptoms are the worst for him. He's extrememly active physically (so he doesn't fall asleep!) although we're having memory issues. Well, I've whined again but it feels better to get it out. I went outside yesterday at first light to rake and do a little garden clean up. It was glorious and relaxing. If all stays well for next week or so I'll have cooked my 5th Thanksgiving dinner and actually gotten somewhat used to it. Part of family will be here and Dad can have his turkey dinner without dietary restrictions of blood thinner. He's all about his food but luckily for me not picky...LOL. All in all, I'm a pretty lucky chickadee tonight. :) Good wishes for all of your health challenges as well. I think I'm going to get some Lavender heat wraps to relax me when I'm exhausted but can't sleep.

ilene-84, Happy Birthday to your Dad! Is he a WW II vet? I hope all the medical issues are behind you and your family now. Spring is around the corner and it's such a great time of year. And, I'm sure when your kitchen is all done, it will be great simply because it has been a labor of love. It's good to know I am not the only one sleeping terribly. I wake up every day with a terrible headache and neck pain. I also wake up in the middle of the night repeatedly adding up cabinet sizes, trying to make a list of events of what should come next, what goes and doesn't go, if I do this then I have to do that and the infamous DID I MAKE A MISTAKE and what are my options now if I decide to change the layout. I started keeping a pen and paper on the night table to be able to jot down the ideas and make notes. However, one kitty is a pen thief, the other is a paper tearer. So when I get up to find the pen, big doggie has to come over and inquire as to what I am doing but more so to make sure he is not missing out on a food tidbit. Then DH starts in, what's wrong, is everything okay . . . it's so pitiful I have to laugh because I would cry. Now I try to get back into bed and find out that another kitty has stolen my warm spot and I just can't bear to move them so to the couch for me where I wonder, I just left that bed with all of them so how did we fit on there before! At least I'm off the kitchen biz. So much for the couch idea. There is usually the shy rescue cat there who so prefers DH to me. Then if I manage to lay down, it's impossible to get my back comfortable but then I finally fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion and then there is DH waking me, come back to bed, you know the couch is no good for your back. Argh . . just leave me be! This is a daily routine for us. I almost want to quit my day job and get a night job just so I don't have to go to sleep. I am sure also that the massive amounts of junk food I am eating is not helping the situation either. I am actually craving veggies so I don't know what that says about the diet. But in the end I will have a nice enough kitchen that I have built out of a labor of love. I am so looking forward to cooking again for us so hang in there! Christine, thanks for sharing your perspective on things. I must say you must be one strong resilient woman! You go girl.

Hi, wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond to it. I came here for advice and other opinions on my situation and I sure got what I came for. One thing that keeps being asked is why she moved out. Everyone wants a clear cut explanation but teenagers are never that simple. The most obvious and probably the main reason is not hard to figure out. Tell me truthfully why do you think an 18 year girl old would want to live in her boyfriends house, hmmm... can't figure it out, could it be SEX. No couldn't be, she must've left because the evil stepdad makes her live under his awesome CONTROL. Please people, some of you have really hurt my feelings, do you really think I would be at a site like this, asking for help, if I was like that. Is that how you were taught to treat people who come to you for help and open their hearts for all to see? But what does that matter I'm just the evil stepdad, I deserve to be treated like dirt, right? But I do realize that none of you could possibly know all the details of my situation and you might fill in the gaps with things from your own experiences. Another reason she left is probably the same reason many young adults leave, they want their independance and freedom to do as they please whenever they please. No surprises there, just a typical teen. The last reason is probably me, I do take responsability for being part of the reason she left, however this takes some explaining and sets some of the blame back in hers and my wifes laps. But this also leads me to something else many have wondered about and that's why we don't get along so good. To explain this requires some background and explaining and a little bit of speculating. My wife was in an abusive relationship with her ex husband, he was a part of their lives until about 6 months before I came into the picture (kids were 14 (yes there's a brother, they are twins and I get along just fine with him)). The ex husband attacked her one time in front of the daughter, the daughter attacked the father and soon after my now wife obtained a restraining order against the father. That should not be taken lightly, I will say again, the kids have seen their real father abuse their mother. I should also explain that both my wife and stepdaughter suffer from depression and they both take antidepressants, nothing wrong with that just that they are known to have some extreme moods. My stepdaughter was also known for her temper tantrums, one example is, at a birthday party she spread her body over the candy that spilled out of a pinyatta (I don't know how to spell) so that none of the other kids could get HER candy. Picture this, a single mom raising two kids that she does not want to have a good relationship with their abusive father. He would give them anything they wanted to keep them in his life and then mom would do the same. To a teenager this must have seemed like she could run them both, anything she wanted she would get it from one or the other, she learned this early. Then comes the attack and the restraining order, she is cut off from her father. She started slipping away, I don't know why, I am no psychologist, she refused to go to school, withdrew from activities and friends, and worst she became aggresive towards her mother. Then I appeared, about 6 months after the attack, I met my wife on the internet in a chat room, we chatted, then phone calls till all hours of the night, we didn't know where the time went, until finally we met face to face and we knew we were in love. The daughter was not too happy about this, now she had to share the only parent she had left. The first words I ever heard from the girl was a very long email about how terrible her mother was and the awful things her mother had done to her (all lies or greatly exaggerated truths) and what a terrible person I was for even thinking about having a relationship with her mother. Her mother tried family counseling with no affect, until finally the daughter became violent with her mother and brother. I remember my wife telling me that she had to put a lock on her bedroom door because she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Soon she had her daughter enrolled and staying at, a school for troubled teens, all this done with the guidance and advice of trained professional counselors. She was not sent away and forgotten, my wife was a big part of her life, there several times a week and to take her out almost every week. While she was there she seemed to mature a little, but she also learned some wonderful things from the other girls, like self mutilation (yeah cutting herself to feel she was in control of something). My wife and I continued to date, long distance, two states away, for about two years. Then we got married and they moved to my state where we bought a house big enough for the four of us. (I should also mention that my wife is not so good with finances, we could not get a loan if her name was anywhere on the documents). I brought the family back together and made it clear from the start that violence would not be tolerated. Well, the daughter started right in trying to do whatever she wanted without regard for anyone else, she was not easy to be around. I really did try to have a good relationship with her but she would ocassionally express her disrespect (aggressively) and it would all fall apart. I know I am partly to blame here I am sure I could have reacted differently, any parent knows children can try you patience and being an inexperienced parent I guess I let her get me riled up. She had been used to telling her mother what to do and she would do it, now her mother would stop and say she needs to see if thats ok with her husband (some of you will try to twist that into controlling, give me a break, some decisions husbands and wives need to check with each other on). This new stepdad was getting in her way, now she really needed to get rid of me. My stepdaughter was in our house for about two years and that brings us to when she moved out. Not very eventful, she started dating this guy he was 25 years old and had his own house, she was 18 so she would stay with him most nights for about two months until she moved in with him. She knew exactly what she was doing and decided to give up living with us so she could be with him, she knew she was welcome to stay and she knows she is welcome to come back. But she also knows if she comes back she will have to follow a few rules and help out around the house. The way she has it now, she can come over and do whatever she wants when we are not home, not contribute anything to the household, then leave the mess and go sleep with her boyfriend. She gets the best of everything and none of the work or responsabilities. As for helping her with college, she does her homework at school, they have wireless at the library, and I should mention that my parents (her step grandparents) are helping to pay for her tuition. We do not provide her with food she works in a restaurant and her boyfriend is so cheap they don't have a full kitchen yet. Where all their money goes is a mystery, they both work, they heat with wood (in other words free) his mother bought the house they live in (no mortgage), no tv, no phone, I am surprised they have electricity. And guess what, drum roll please, she's pregnant. All the more reason I will not try to get in the way of her and her mother having a relationship, I guess I really don't mind her coming over when we are not home as long as she is respectful, the problem is that she is not. We do not even know she is coming and the only way we know she has been there is that things have been moved around, messes have been made and food is missing (yes she eats alot, she weighs about 250lbs). The time my wife told her not to come over when we were not there was when we both came home late from food shopping or something and we wanted to relax a few minutes and watch tv but the remote had disappeared. I know that I am welcome to go to my parents house anytime but I wouldn't dream of being disrespectful about it because I know they would tell me to not come over anymore. That's what my post is all about, my stepdaughter does not seem to understand that she has made choices and with every choice there are consequences. I was taught that parents are supposed to teach their children how to get through this world and be responsable, respectable adults. That's my real question is it better to let her do as she pleases or help her learn an important life lesson. It is not a matter of control it is a matter of an adult trying to help a child understand this world. Listening to some of your posts, I think it is way too late, and I need to let it go, so my wife can get to know her grandchild and try to be happy. Thanks again for all your posts, take care and god bless you all.

LOL. My first reaction was just like Joyful's! Nothing, I'm sleeping! I'm like a couple of others here, the noise in my ears is plenty. But my noise is mostly like the Cicadas sound in the summer. But it doesn't keep me awake. I prefer quiet to sleep, no TV or radio, that would bother me more than the Tinnitus does. There is very little outside noise in this neighborhood to bother anyone. Very few cars passing. The Tinnitus doesn't usually bother me much. I guess I've gotten used to it over the years, my very own 'built in' white noise. Occasionally it will be loud enough, or annoying enough, to give me a headache, and even more occasionally, it will go away, or be so low it is almost unnoticeable. Rusty