"D came out of the house wearing the exact same colour as B was, even though she wore it at the previous dance" Did D wear the same top she wore the previous week, or a different top that was the same color as the top she'd worn the previous week?

I can understand not wanting a friend to wear the exact same top, but I don't understand the issue with not wanting the friend to wear a particular color. I mean, there are only so many colors from which to choose.

What kind of a dance was it?

I'm guessing that it was a square dance with C&W music.

Someone needs a sense of humor.

I do think it's pretty petty and middle schoolish, but when yourfriend asked the other not to wear the same top it seems that might have been the time to say something or question it ... not showing up wearing it. As suggested above, did one not hear it properly?

Not my usual circus so to speak so I'm curious.

It's quite junior high schoolish. These women don't act like adults. Both are being petty.

It seems that it might have been done for spite. She was asked specifically not to wear the same top, as B wanted to wear hers that colour. She did wear it, on purpose.

The next day I was talking to B and she said how much it bothered her how mad she was. She asked me outright if it would bother me. I said No. I might have asked her Why she wore it, when she has plenty of other clothes to choose from, and she wore it the previous week at the dance. But to let it bother me that much and to stew about it for weeks. Not at all.

She wouldn’t last a day being a penguin!

" Someone said 5th grade or junior high behavior, I'll go kindergarten." Kids LOVE to match clothes with their friends!

I am stunned that this would be an issue for anyone!

I'm guessing that it was a square dance with C&W music.

Okay, I’ll bite. Why?

'Would it bother me?' Yes. It would bother me that some of my friend turned out to be such pathetic characters. Although it would make a good story to laugh over when I got home.

I couldn't give a toss if someone wore the same thing as me. It would just show their good taste 😉.

Sorry to burst your bubble, Lars but NO it's not a Square Dance. Have never seen one.

A live band with a mix of music, rock, blues, and yes some country. We're not red-neck country, if that's what you're thinking.

That is so silly and childish. It might be different if it was the same exact top and the friend asked the other friend not to wear it but the same colour? Just about everyone I know wears black everywhere, do they expect their friends not to wear black? I wear colourful tops, I don't like wearing black but it would not bother me in the least if I see someone wearing the same colour to the same event.

I would never tell someone what colours they could or couldn't wear in the first place, so it's kind of moot. If someone told me not to wear a particular colour because they were going to wear it, I'd ignore the request as being petty and inappropriate (then I'd wear whatever I damn felt like).

I, too, thought it might be some type of activity that people had special clothing for, like a square dance. Who ever tells another adult what they can or can not wear?

Well, I would be upset if someone did something I specifically asked them not to do. Thats not nice for someone to do something they KNOW would bother you. People like that are the same type of people who do things JUST to annoy someone and then say things like "i was JUST a joke, you're overreacting", and other things to try to turn it back around on the person they deliberately offended for fun. In THIS case where she just wore the same color, I mean, I would never try to dictate to others what not to wear to go out with friends, so I am not sure I can relate enough to say if I would be upset or not. But in general, yeah, if someone did something to spite me I would be upset. And I would not want to continue a friendship with a person like that. But just wearing the same color? i mean, I think everyone looks great in pink so no.

Would this spiteful friend be the type to wear a white dress to someone elses wedding? She sounds like it.....

It wouldn't bother me at all. I would venture to guess that there must be some history between these two ladies. Underlying issues? The fact that one asked the other not to wear a certain color top and it was disregarded reeks of tug-a-war. It's got to be more than the same color top.

It would never occur to me to tell others what colour to wear or anything in that line. At my high school Mass, a classmate and I were earing the exact same dress. We coudn’t have cared less.

The one time I was asked (by an ex boyfriend) to wear a particular colour (his favourite) to an event, I wore the opposite.

jasdip, you need to flush this crowd and find yourself some folks with a bit more substance.

Oh, and

" How 5th grade little girl's click.

For next time, the word is clique. You can say it as kleek or klik.

I do wonder if this is something that's happened before - or something similar? I agree with orchidrain that it's possibly more than just this one incident that tipped the scales.

B, how appropriate. She finds herself a Queen Bee.

No one gets to dictate how anybody else dresses. If she wants to upset the status quo she wants to upset the status quo. Doesn't mean anybody has to hang out with her.

I love that you kept on having fun, regardless of their stupidity. And knowing you, you will not take sides. Because you're good people.

Sometimes you have to choose between dealing with someone's idiosyncrasies or write the person off. Sounds like D made her choice and result shouldn't have been unexpected.

I was recently invited to a wedding where the Godzilla-to-be dictated what colors could not be worn. If she'd just said white I would have understood, but she also listed red and pink. Oh, and acceptable suit colors for the men were black or dark brown only.

So, apparently it's a thing now, where grown-ups think it is ok to tell other grown-ups what colors are ok. 😆🙄

Oh my. Are they still in high school...or middle school? No, it would not bother me. I think the whole thing is ridiculous.

Ally, I have heard of such bridezillas telling their guests what to wear. I suppose it is for the picture-perfect pictures. But gee, one of my favorite things in looking at pictures is looking at the people in their outfits, not ”oh, that fuchsia dress should not be next to the olive green.”

Sounds like high school. They should just grow up already.

No wonder I prefer the company of my cat. Lol.

Nope! We just say we’re twins!

Wouldn't bother me at all. But I do hope your friend doesn't try to involve you in her disagreement.

Personally I think the crowd here is being a little harsh on B. She made a simple request, to avoid something that makes her uncomfortable. No different than asking someone not to bring up such and such topic in the group setting. It would cost D absolutely nothing to honor that request. Instead, she chose to wear the shirt. That's intentional and she wasn't being a good friend, if a friend at all.

I also think that some are being a little harsh on Jasdip's friends. It's wonderful that she has a group of ladies that she goes out dancing with regularly. If new friends were so easy to find, everyone would have friends. If everyone dropped their friends over minor annoyances, none of us would have friends.

Exactly FOAS! What a boring life it would be if our friends didn’t have goofy quirks and annoyances.

I think I would have honoured her request, rolled my eyes, smiled, enjoyed the evening and danced up a storm.

If I was concerned about wearing a similar outfit as my friend, I would approach it differently. I would ask the friend what they were planning to wear because I was going to wear the blue top, but if they are wearing their similar blue top, I would wear something different. Then hope friend would say, go ahead and wear the blue and I will wear something else. But if they didn't, I would just wear something different.

A friend and I wore the exact same dress to a wedding (no, either of us were the bride) and when we saw each other we just burst out laughing. We have pictures of the two of us together, our other GF's commented on how they didn't get the memo and the bride thought it was hilarious.

My friend died a few years ago of ALS and I'm so glad that I have that memory of her and of us.

Your friends need to figure out what is important.

I've never gone out with friends and ever wondered if one of them was going to wear the same color as me. So, I can't imagine the whole scenario of even asking someone not to wear the same color. I think the whole thing is silly and life is way too short.

Blfentonl yours is a perfect example. You and your friend clearly like each other.

I suspect there are deeper issues between these two than wearing similar blouses.

"B told her that she was wearing the top, and for D not to wear one like it"

That doesn't read like a 'simple request' to me, but more like a rude command.

It would not bother me one iota if someone else wore the same color I was wearing, or even the exact same outfit to a public function. (I would take it as a compliment.) But unless it is the host or hostess of a private function, demanding someone not wear a particular outfit or color is just plain rude. If I were "D" in this situation I would have gone ahead and worn the blue top, not out of spite, but because B really was way out of line.

B probably has many redeeming qualities, but based on the one incident discussed here, if I were D, I would be happy to be 'unfriended' by B.

Rusty

You're making assumptions based on the verb Jasdip used when she told the story. If it was in fact rudely commanded, then maybe she did wear it in retaliation. But even then, it was NOT a friendly gesture, and like I said in my first post here it deserves the reaction. Bottom line, D did something she knew would annoy B. B has every reason to be upset about the intended slight.

As for the funny anecdotes about showing up wearing similar outfits, yeah we've all got them. That's an entirely different story from purposely doing it when she knew it would upset B.

FOAS summed it up perfectly. It's not easy for me to make friends. I speak to everyone, that's a fact, but I don't go places alone (restaurants, dances, social outings), so I don't meet people that way.

I've been going to these dances for the past year and have been having a blast. I'm also hoping that perhaps I might meet "someone" that way as well. There was one fellow, but he came on waaaaayyy to strong, and I discouraged him after a few messages. Not my type anyway. Another fellow asked me to dance then asked me several more times. I told him to ask some of my friends too, and he said he only wanted to dance with me. He wanted my number, but nope not my type at all.

Anyway, overall B is a great person, everyone seems to like and gravitate towards her. We go out on our own as well sometimes.

I'm not ending my friendship with her or any of the others. It's a great way to get out with a group of ladies and have fun.

I've got 2 other friends that want to do things with me.....my exercise classes, the dances, etc. but I like to keep my social groups separate. I don't want everyone doing everything I'm doing. I need a break from some of them.

IMO, Zoe stated what I think I would do too - and what I consider best, etiquette-wise. Rather than delivering an order and expecting my 'friend' to obey, I would simply ask what they planned and choose something different, if the idea of matching bothered me that much.

I should make an amendment to my most recent comment. One of my long-time friends has stopped talking to me for no reason. I took her into the big city a few months ago, she was talking/rambling of something that didn't interest me. I interrupted her to ask which way we were turning as the major street was coming up and a bunch of traffic behind me.

Nothing else was said to upset her, but it had to have been that. I was a little short, yes, because I wanted her to shut up and pay attention. She knew where we were going, not me.

Anyway, dead silence from that day forward. The other friend (who's a friend of both of us) said I should ask her what's wrong, but after 3 phone calls, some with v/m and a text. Nope. I'm not begging anyone. She lives on my street, and she even goes as far as going inside if she's out on the patio when I walk by. Ridiculous, but I'm not sweating over it, or letting it consume me.

Another reason to keep my social life in separate groups. LOL

Wow!

Sorry you have to deal with such petty behavior, Jasdip.

As is often repeated, that says more about them than you.

On a lighter note, in case anyone missed this one...

It's why I prefer the company of my cats. Relationships sometimes revert back to junior high drama.

i sincerely hope B never has a real catastrophe. 🙄

Jasdip, people are weird, right? I have a friend who rambles on and on about people I don't know...often it's catastrophic health things or similar, which I have no interest in. Pretty soon she's talking about her brother's ex-wife's cousin or someone who I have NO interest in hearing about. I love her other than this, but omg! I finally had to say to her one time, "I really don't want to spend any time talking about these people I don't know. Tell me about what's going on with ____" fill in the blank...her or her daughter or son or her grandson, all of whom I have a relationship with and am interested in their lives.

It could have gone south when I did that, but luckily she cares about our friendship enough that she understood and it's not been such a problem since.

Sounds like there is more than enough immaturity in your town to go around! I just cannot imagine trying to navigate that. I agree with you about keeping social circles separate. I do that, too.

The reason why we have social rules is so we dont have to socially reinvent the wheel.

This is the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. Who tells other people what to wear? And who even cares what other people wear? Ignore the whole circus.

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. No..things like that do not bother me.

I have a friend who rambles on and on about people I don't know

my dogsitter is this way! we are decades apart in age and we aren't what i'd call close friends. she is invaluable to me but that being said, the drama i have to listen to is enough to make me a passenger on the crazy train. i have learned to time it so that when she arrives, i have 5 minutes before i must leave. she is literally still talking to me as i'm getting in my car to leave!

Good grief! With all the really important things to be concerned about in life, to be so trivial is beyond ridiculous. That sounds like some real immature stuff. Are they teens?

Seriously???????