Our kids still live in the same city in which they grew up and we're still here as well so it's a little different. We have always worked at keeping the lines of communication open something which I strongly suspect you have done as well. That's how you handle it and get through it. By keeping them open. Call her on a regular basis (and I don't mean every Sunday at 7:00) I mean different days and different times. Good things, fun things, bad things, sad things, exciting things don't always happen on Sunday.

ETA - I should clarify that when I say "Call" I mean any form of communication - email, texting, facetiming, snail mail, transporter.....

I have 3 kids 24, 26 and 28. We end up texting and facetiming more than calling. My oldest lives in Georgia and two that live in Kansas. My youngest lives about 1.5 hours away and my middle lives about 15 minutes away. I definetly talk to my daughters more and end up seeing them more due to living close. It's all part of us doing a good job of parenting our kids to have them ready to be adults. That is our job as parents! Her becoming a responsible person means you did a good job!!

You keep reminding yourself she is who you raised her to be. An adult, in control of her life and thriving because of all your hard work. She'll be back. Will come with a special friend, then maybe grand children. Circle of life. Be excited for HER and focus on that.

Rob, being a single parent raising an only child has it's own challenges. I feel for you.

How did things work during the college years? I would continue that.

My two DD’s preference is/was texting. I like it too.

It will be hard for you and you will just have to go through all the feelings. It's all very personal.

I always liked the saying There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

Yes its hard but your adult relationship is often better than when they were home.

Compare:

1) Finished school 2) Got a job 3) Moving away

to

1) Dropped out of school (or even finished school but) 2) unemployed and unmotivated 3) Moved back in with parents

Celebrate, don't mope. Take credit for the guidance but it was the kid's hard work and attitudes you instilled that got them to where they are. Best possible outcome (so far), congrats to both of you.

Rob, congratulations! You’ve done a great job as her parent. She’s launched! I remember when my first child was born, I read a quote that went something like this: “For the first ten years, your job as a parent is to give your child a safe place to live; for the second ten years, it’s to give them a safe place to leave.”

I’m a single parent, too; widowed 13 years ago when my kids were 13 and 19; both were eager to go far away from our Bay Area home to attend college (one to Connecticut and the other to Vancouver BC) and I encouraged and celebrated their desire to live elsewhere, to explore other areas, and to be independent. To my surprise, I really loved my empty nest! We communicated by text and phone; it mostly felt just fine. We saw each other for Christmas and summer vacations, and I’d visit them yearly. After twelve years in New England, my son and DIL live 45 minutes away, and my daughter (now in grad school, after six years in Vancouver) is living in the ADU I built in my basement. She and I spend about 5 minutes a day together, lol, but we each know the other is there; it’s perfect! So…your daughter may be back, who knows, but if she is secure enough to leave home and be independent, she is in a good place, and you helped her get there! Take comfort and pride in the fact that she is making her own life, thanks to you.

I couldn’t wait for my kids to transition to adulthood and move out. To me, it meant that I had done what I set out to do: raise caring, confident and self-supporting adults.

I didn’t have kids to keep them. They don’t BELONG to me.

Do I understand correctly, that she has a job lined up already, before graduation? That's so great! But not in your home town.

It does feel different when your child is away at school, versus away "forever". All at sea at first, but then you get used to it. Talking/texting, planning vacations, planning holidays. And eventually your kid calls and ends with "gotta go now, mom, I've got to mow the lawn." Or some such "adult" task that they're responsible for now, all on their own. And you think, wow, I really don't have to worry about them any more! (not that you had to worry before, but you know what I mean. Some of us just worry.)

Congratulations to you both on this next phase of life :-)

First tell her you are proud of her then tell yourself how proud you are of having raised someone who has raised a child is ready to take care of herself. There will be sad times but that is normal.

Join more clubs! a music ensemble! a volunteer organization, sewing guild. Get season tickets to something. And then you have things to tell your daughter.

My mom used to send me funny cards, and tuck in a newspaper article or two. I did the same back. Even if we had email or social media back then, I think the cards and tuck-ins still would have been fun, for both of us.

Oh, you can help her decorate her new apartment from afar, with help from the GW!

How many children do you have? Is this the first time you've had to face this? Not having any children myself, I don't have any words of advice, but I do think you should be happy that you've raised a child who feels confident enough to move away. And, how far is "away"? A different town or a different state?

One thing that helped me was planning what she would need in the new job location. Work wardrobe, bed linens and towels. Maps of the area. Cooking supplies, etc And always remember, if she is moving out on her own, this is what you have always prepared her to do. This is success.

I say leave the kid alone to set up a household if parental help isn’t solicited. Adult kids don’t welcome unrequested advice or help. As it should be.

Help your daughter pack and wave as the car leaves the driveway. It's the normal circle of life. I have two dear friends who will never experience that "transition" . One has a child with Down Syndrome and the other has a child with intellectual disabilities.

I think this isn’t about the DD, but about Mom!

Correct. I'm cogitating on how life might look in six months, a year...

I love what everyone has written. Digesting it. 😉 It's an exceptionally emotional day for other reasons. Tangential. A whole shift is going on. We'll get there!

Love yourself for being the parent you have been.

Your child has been an exceptional child and you have been amazing. By negotiating this complex transition well you are the parent we all hope to be. Celebrate. We are proud of you. I am proud of you. It is a wow situation. I did not have kids but if I were you I would be happy.

You may be going through more than just your daughter, and I wish you well as you deal with life.

whatsapp

Be happy she is independent.

Years ago my two children, young adults, called to tell me they were moving.

The oldest was moving to Japan in two weeks.

My daughter was moving to Maui, HI

.....in three weeks.

After the initial shock I decided it would be great to go visit.

Now they are in their mid '50s and doing well.

Here is what I know about emotions.

1. It is a sign of maturity to be able to hold two emotions at the same time. You can feel happy and proud that she is doing well and starting her own life. You can also feel sad for the loss (you worked hard at the role for many years, your daughter was probably support for you in a way, just as you were support for her. It is a loss).

2. All emotions are okay. Don't let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is "wrong".

3. Feelings come and feelings go. You aren't always going to feel bad. This last one is what helps me deal with harder emotions.

Take care, rob333.

I am very happy she feels she can do anything anywhere. I am glad for her. I worry for her in this economy for example.

No job lined up. She loves where her friends live and has been several times. She just wants to be there and can do her job anywhere. She's into computer programming stuff. Wanted to do (and has done an internship) in Biomedical Informatics, but has a found that ecology is more meaningful to her. It's a state away. An hour and half flight. Costs $100 if you time it right. It's not even the distance bothering me. I know recession is coming and it's hard to get moving, especially just out of the gate. We'll see if she flies high or has to run really hard to get up and into the wind.

The big problem the last couple of days has been the girlfriend. We both LOVE this gal. I love her because she's grounded kiddo and supported them in healthy ways. Kiddo has always thought she'd come to the new state. And this speaks to how healthy she is... girlfriend said no. She will graduate in three-five more semesters and stay in east TN. It was so hard for all of us during the packup and move out phase. Lots of tears for all of us. Lots of hugging. Me saying, you never know what will happen in the coming years. When gf and I were alone, I'd say maybe kiddo will end up in Nashville after job searching. When kiddo and I were alone, I'd say maybe gf will visit you in new state and love it so much she'll want to move. And that is how it is when you start out aint it? You think you'll be living one place, doing one thing, and then you aren't. It's life.

And I think that's been my heartache. There will be the much bigger heartaches. What if she wants kids and that can't happen? What if she can't get a job? What if she loses her job? You know, the bigger, all on your own stuff. I've let go, and will be supportive, but dang it's been breaking my heart to lose the best, most mature gf kiddo has had. As a for instance.

I still really agree and love everything written above. Y'all are great!

One of my sons was divorced when he was young. There was a two year old child, which the ex took with her when she left.

I thought my heart was literally broken. I laid awake nights, worrying and fretting and crying. I could not function.

Finally, I realized I had made son’s problems mine. My misery was self-induced, which was obvious when he moved on and started dating again. I had to grab myself by the ears, so to speak, and make myself STOP. He is an adult. They are HIS problems. I have MY own life to live. And then I was able to walk out of that shadowy valley.

Aw, littlebug! She also took your grandchild away. You can mourn that. That's allowed.

Kids are a joy and hard too.

Rob....no advice...but aren't you just so proud! I'm proud of you all too! What a mature young lady you've raised and been a bestie-mom support-system to. Huge success going on here.