DD is in Sète (Just For A While)
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
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Just a 'Mom Thing' . . . Teenage DD Epiphany
Comments (15)Last night around 11:30PM my time, I accidentally posted this thread on the wrong side of our forum. I'm a morning person and usually up at 5:30AM. I've now come to the conclusion that I should NOT be allowed to post online after 9PM, as this is the second time I've done that in the past month(LOL)! Anyhoo, I immediately emailed the the GardenWeb staff and they were kind enough to move my original post and will soon be deleting it so that we're not plagued with 2 of the same posts here. I'm so sorry! In the meantime, I've copied and pasted the two responses that are on my original post here below. Lynn Posted by desertsteph (My Page) on Fri, Jul 20, 12 at 1:50 be very grateful! lol! it'll probably ebb and flow in the next few yrs but hopefully will settle down then. that was certainly a good starter on the upswing tho. Posted by yayagal (My Page) on Fri, Jul 20, 12 at 9:01 hahahahhaha Lynn, what your daughter said to you brought a tear to my eyes. Underneath all the drama was a girl who loves, admires, respects and adores you. You're so lucky she could say those things out loud. I only get them in cards. I have one daughter and she's never been an affectionate type but she shows her love in other ways. BUT she had one daughter who is the love of my life and always shows affection, she's 27 now and we chat at least 4 times a week. They all turn out great in the end but as my Mom used to say "Bury them at 14 and dig them up at 21" lol. She had six daughters and one son....See MoreDD thinks college funds will just appear!
Comments (8)A great place to look for college information is the College Confidential forums. There is a wealth of information on almost every topic you could ask for when it comes to college admissions. They have one section on financial aid. Not too long ago there was a thread started by a student who didn't think that $80,000 worth of debt was a big deal. Lots of people informed him otherwise. There are many parents who post on the site. College is getting harder to get into than in years past. There are more students attending than in past years, and it seems that there are more international students applying for admissions. While a few years ago it was fine to apply to 3 or 4 schools, it is not uncommon for students to apply to more than 10. The first thing you and your husband need to sit down with her and discuss (calmly) what, if anything, you can help her pay for. It will help to go to the FAFSA estimator to see what your estimated contributions will be. (EFC) There are many parents who can't or won't pay for their child's college. Getting an estimate of your EFC will be a good place to start. Next your daughter needs to decide on what she might be interested in studying. It doesn't help to fall in love with a school that doesn't have what you want to major in. You might invest in one of the big college guides -- the ones that are bigger than a phone book, that lists all of the 4 year colleges. Then, your daughter can also start to think about whether she wants a large or small school, one in an urban, suburban, small town or rural area. Are big time college sports important? There are even some all girl schools still left -- is that an option? How far does she want to go from home, or how far do you want her to go? This summer is a good time to get a list together. The general thought is 2 or 3 reaches, 2 or 3 matches, and 2 or 3 safeties including at least one financial safety. If finances are going to be a large issue, then she might want to look at lower tier schools where she would be at the top of the application pool. She could be in line for some merit scholarships at a lower tier school. She is in the top 15%. That is very good, but it probably won't get her merit money at the top tier schools. If she hasn't signed up for the SAT, have her do that. The ACT is also a good substitute. The book the 10 Real SAT's is a good prep book. She needs to take the practice tests under test conditions -- quiet and timed. There is a SAT web site that has a practice question everyday. I understand the frustrations of the financial aspects of college. My youngest daughter was accepted to some top tier schools, but with no money. However, she had a choice of 3 schools with full tuition scholarships. She went to one, had a great time, and is now working for a large financial corporation in New York. She is looking to work on her Master's degree part time with the company paying for most of it. She feels so blessed that she has no undergraduate debt. We paid for her room, board and misc. She paid for spending money and books. Oh, she had an internship at the school senior year that covered her room and board and some spending money. We paid less than $650 a semester for her during her senior year. Good luck with this year. It is a busy, exciting time. I hope that your daughter can see the light about financing college. Oh, and if you take out parent loans for your daughter, she probably won't pay you back for them. You have to assume that she won't, so if you can't afford to pay them back, don't sign or co-sign for them. Remember, educational loans can not be charged off in a bankruptcy. Oh, and college loans are getting harder to come by. Again, good luck....See Morehave not posted in a while
Comments (6)I think you're doing the right thing, hwt, the only thing you as a mother *can* do in good conscience. You *& your daughter* are just too convenient as scapegoats for this disfunctional family. As for that crying & begging & "things'll be different if you'll just move back in, put the money back in the joint account" stuff, I'll tell you a story: My first marriage, all 5.5 loong years of it, was miserable; I was isolated, lonely, & subjected to every kind of criticism & surprise attack you can think of, including the final straw- one spring my husband said he just didn't love me any more & he moved in with a girl he worked with. (This was our fourth spring together, & the third time that he'd moved out on me!) I cried, I begged, I did everything (which is a mistake, it's too ego-satisfying to have someone begging you, you never give them what they want because then they'd stop begging!). Finally I blew my nose & moved & got 2 roommates & went on. Then he came over & was contrite & said he missed me, loved me, didn't know what had gotten into him, wasn't happy with "her", she was too much like him, all they ever did was sit around the apartment, & he was bored bored bored. Puhleeeze take me back sylvia! Since this was the 3rd time he'd moved out, I was scared, but I was lonely, too, & at the time I thought it would be infinitely better to be married than to be living with roommates forever & ever. so I told him we'd talk it over *if* we went to counselling, something he'd scoffed at before. He agreed. eagerly. so we started "seeing" each other. Then he started coming by the house, & he was so miserable & so uncomfortable (which I now realize was theatrics & manipulation), & he said he felt so unhappy & so inadequate seeing those girls living with me when he wasn't, like he didn't belong any more. I talked it over with "those girls", & they reluctantly agreed to take on a new "roommate". Great news, hubs! You can stay! "Well, no, actually, that won't work; I'd feel uncomfortable, like I was just another roommate, not like you really cared about me." told the girls...& they moved out. & he moved in. After a week, when I figured he'd had plenty of time to settle down & get over his emotional upset, I brought up the subject of counselling again. "Oh. Well. *I* don't need it, sylvia. But if you feel like *you* need it, I'll pay for it." & there I was. It took me 2 more years to get emotionally depleted enough to decide that I'd live in a tent rather than stay in an isolated, critical, loveless environment. & I've been so glad ever since that I made that decision & didn't melt when he tried the same "I need you, I love you, I don't know what made me act that way, it'll never happen again" nonsense for the umpteenth time. Years later, I heard that his 2nd wife gave up on him, too, for the same reasons. so when (not if, *when*) you feel tempted to "give him (or give the marriage, which is a good ploy manipulators love; it puts some of the responsibility on your shoulders) another chance", just breathe in, breathe out, & say to yourself, silently or out loud, "but if *you* need counselling, hwt, I, big man that I am, I'll *pay* for it."...See MoreUpdate on DD’s Stalker Problem
Comments (18)Thank you all, and thank you Dyhgarden. Yes, I agree. My heart hurts for him and his dibilitating head injury. But, he was former military, big, stocky, mid-thirties, and able to own and drive a car. So, in my mind (and others) it was possible that he could have harmed her. He didn’t. He abided the police order and I’m so thankful for that. I’ll keep him in my prayers for his recovery and a happy life, though....See More- 3 years ago
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