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Having hard time naming new pup - maybe bc still mourning loss of dog

4 months ago

Back on May 20th, my little boy, Sam, passed away in my arms on the way to the Vet ER. It was very traumatic for me. Sam would have been 13 yrs old on July 30th - he had just had his senior blood draw just a few weeks earlier - and vet commented on how great everything was.

The only issue he had (besides some cataract development) was a collapsing trachea. His dad had a collapsing trachea his entire life (not bad - but started noticing it at a fairly young age). Sam had started having some episodes a few months ago - vet said that they were not bad and gave me something (don’t know why I am blanking right now) to help try to keep trachea stronger.

At around 8:30 p.m. on May 20th, he started panting - which was odd. He never really pants. I thought it was because he thought I was going to leave (I actually was, but then decided not to go). Sam did have some separation anxiety - due to health issues, I was home with him almost every day.

I started having the overhelming feeling of dread that something was going to happen. My youngest daughter was home with me - and didn’t understand why I was so worried. She told me that he was probably just a little hot - but for some reason, I just had a feeling that something was wrong (I even texted my sisters + other daughter and told them that I had this unewsy feeling that Sam was going to die - which they all thought was odd). He didn’t seem like his beathing was ”labored” - and he actually started to pant less when I held him while on sofa. He had the most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen in a dog - and would always look me in the eye - and not look away. He kept looking in my eyes that night - not with a panicked look - just staring into my eyes.

About a half hour later, I decided to check his gums - and they were not pink. I immediately yelled for my daughter to grab car keys so we coukd take him to ER.

I had Sam’s mom and dad - and was there when he was born— and I was holding him in my arms (like a baby - he liked to have me hold him that way) - while he was still looking in my eyes - when he passed away.

I was devastated - so was his ”sister” Ella (a mix maltese/bichon/yorkie).

I never thought that I would have another puppy this soon. However, my friend had an adorable yorkie that she had bought from an excellent (and responsible) professional breeder - and she called to let me know that the breeder was getting ready to retire after two final litters due in July. I told her it was too soon. However, after watching how depressed Ella was (and she’s the happiest dog I’ve ever met), I started thinking about it. I finally went and saw the pups, and one of them immediately ran up to me. He was super sweet - not the most outgoing out of the pups, but not the least.

So, I decided I wanted him.

He is ADORABLE. He was born on July 2nd - and he’s been an angel. He has picked up housebreaking much faster than any pup I’ve ever had! He whines to let me know he wants to go outside. He can sit/lay dow/shake. I actually am waiting for something to go wrong because he has been almost perfect.

He also does some things that really remind me of Sam.

I really struggled to name him. I had him for three days, and hadn’t decided on a name.

My fiance really wanted a golden retriever (if we decided to get another dog in the future). I didn’t think that I would decide to get a new pup - until I actually met him. My fiance has been great - even thought I failed to discuss it with him. He used to sometimes call Sam by his middle name - Baxter. So, we talked about it, and decided that it would be nice to name him after Sam - so, we started calling him Baxter about 1 1/2 weeks ago.

HOWEVER, now I’m not sure that was a good idea. Sometimes when my fiance calls him, Sam flashes through my mind for a second. When I call him Baxster - or when my daughter does, I’m fine. It actually warms my heart.

BUT - now I’m not sure. Sam was my very FAVORITE dog ever. I’ve had to deal w some serious health issues - and Sam was with me through all of it. I miss him a ton.

I am starting to really have feelings for this little pup - and I think I’m feeling ”guilty” because of it?

I probably sound like a whack job.

I’m not sure what to do.

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