I bet your spouse/SO isn't as stubborn as mine
Oakley
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How much does your SO or spouse help out
Comments (24)My husband and I have a good working division/combination of labor where outdoor matters are concerned. I am in charge of the flower beds and he is in charge of the vegetable garden and berries. He helps me when I need help in the flower gardens and I help him when he needs help in the vegetable gardens. He does mow the lawn but I didn't have a fit when he bought a big, bright red riding mower to do it (like a very expensive toy and not justified by our limited lawn area). I used to mow the lawn with an electric push mower, which he hated, so he got the job along with the choice of mower. That's a pretty good example of how we work it out - we both have our opinions and know that it's better if we mark out our territories rather than battle over each point. This way I am proud of his garden and all the wonderful produce (we work together on canning, preserving, and freezing) and he is proud of my flower gardens and enjoys the views from the porch and the deck. He also prepares my containers for wintersowing (using a power saw and a propane torch - more toys!) but then I did teach him the method, which he uses to get his veggies started early. And he likes to encourage my seed starting because he is convinced it saves tons of money at the garden center. Win/win....See MoreYour Spouse: Are they involved in your hostaholism?
Comments (48)Steps onto soapbox. I guess I'll jump in. I'm the gardener. My boyfriend is a Muscle-Head. He loves muscle cars and playing/working on his toys. Plants and gardening he cares not. The only thing he does in the yard is mow the grass, and at times I have to get on him to do it. He doesn't ask much anymore how much I spend on plants, but he rolls his eyes or sighs when I bring home more of them. He's told me not to make more beds, because he hates to mow around them. He prefers our lawn of weeds with a few strands of grass here and there over my flower beds. But...when someone comes over, in particular someone who has never been to our house, he likes to have me (not him) show them around the beds I made. I have no gardening friends (in Michigan, yes, in Ohio, no), nobody I know is into gardening like me, with the exception of my boyfriend's best friend. He'll talk plants and landscaping with me, but then my boyfriend will quickly change the subject onto cars to break our conversation. Sigh. I love my plants even though he doesn't, and I'll work on them by myself if he won't help (which I don't trust him to trample or pull out plants he'll mistake for weeds), and I'll continue to buy more plants and make more beds, whether he likes it or not. And usually, he'll just let me do my own thing, anymore. Steps off soapbox. Karen...See MoreIs your spouse/significant other a garden nut?
Comments (17)Paige, Don't give up on your hopes of finding a new partner who'll appreciate what you enjoy. You have something special about yourself that you can share! Look at it this way.... you can learn from someone else just as they can learn from you. This mutual respect that other posters mentioned is the key. When I met my 2nd husband he wasn't much of a gardener; he and his first wife had sporatically kept vegetable gardens over the years. After we married and bought a house, we we began to make it "ours" inside and outside. He started out just helping me to build walls, move rocks, shop for plants and dig the holds & plant. He'd go with me to garden centers and began to form his own opinions of what he liked to see in our yard, so we'd buy those plants/flowers and put them in. Because he's not fond of the daylily plants that I can never get enough of, I've slowed down that urge. Because he really loved the idea of a Heritage River Birch in our backyard, we planted one. He feels that the gardens are "his" too. Now I find him watering and weeding. He loves seeing the gardens change over time, I guess because they contain both of us. He tells me that he was influenced by my love of gardening and how excited I got over growing things. I kind of shared my hobby with him. But he also shared his hobbies with me. I appreciate his need to hear music played most of the time and his love of painting, so I support him with both his hobbies. I hang up his paintings all over our home... the other day he came home with a new orchid plant for our front room. Molie...See MoreIs it normal for your spouse to want to keep earnings a secret?
Comments (68)I agree this is a red flag. I'm recently divorced and my exH was abusive & controlling when it came to money (among other things). It was a slow progression, so by the time it got bad and I had to ask friends & family about marital money & what other couples did, I was already being taken advantage of. It had gone far enough that our money dysfunction seemed "normal" to me, and getting back on-track was not possible. If you would go seek advice from an attorney (in my state-IL), 50% of his marital money is yours, and vice versa. At minimum, you should have knowledge of it. Best-case scenario, you should have access to it. I'm of the opinion that if he says it's not your business...he is hiding something from you. To what level of terror or embarrassment???...who knows...and that's relative to each person. What I'm ashamed of may not be a big deal to the next person. You need to see the taxes. You need to see the bank accounts & statements. In a marriage, his windfalls and losses are yours too. Don't turn a blind eye in HOPES it's all okay. Verify for yourself it's okay....See Moremsmeow
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